Hello, Celina š
Suffering kept popping up and I was determined to just ābe with itā.
Is there a choice ā as in āto be or not to beā with it?
But itās hard for me to pretend/lie to myself, and it felt like just more pretending.
Pretending? What? How?
What I was struck with several days ago and was trying to share with you is that seeking in the future has been a big part of my path and I donāt want to do it any longer.
Yes, I get it.
It was all just concepts and noise and⦠looking for ghosts. I saw it to be impossible and a letting go happened. I wasnāt doing it (I canāt do anything), but thatās what I was sharing about. I canāt really choose to stop or drop anything, but the mind was certainly trying. I guess Iād say stopping can be done, but I canāt do it. I canāt choose if stopping stays or goes. Itās like everything else, not in my control.
I see.
Also, please pay attention to various mental habits, like worrying about the future, ruminating about the past, and anything else that seems to be the heavier part of Celina's personality.
Yeah, this continued somewhat. Iām not worried about it right now, I see thereās no control here, and that seeing isnāt done by me or āmineā to keep.
I see.
How are your interactions with people?
Responses to challenging situations?
Seeking coming back?
Anything else?
Yes, seeking came back last night to an extent, thought it was not a looking for something in the future. It was just looking.
Please say more about this.
Things are the same (and a bit different) š Everything appears in what I am and what I am cannot be categorized, objectified, explained, or touched. Itās not a concept, because concepts appear in it. It feels nice or natural to name it as awareness, but my favorite part about it is that it has no qualities and canāt be found or understood š¤š¤ IT JUST IS
If it has no qualities etc., what makes it ānice or natural to name it as awarenessā?
And how do you know where "concepts" appear?
Lightness is appearing here again and I donāt feel the need to grasp at it, because I donāt expect it to stay. Anything can appear, because Iām not the appearance š„³
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Celina, when I asked
So you're basically saying you're done with the seeking and the identity of Dedicated Seeker, is that it?
Let's see how this works out over the next couple of days, OK?
and all the following questions, I wasnāt asking you to try and control or change anything in the way daily life is being experienced.
I was simply asking you to share your experience, thatās all.
Meaning ā can you be particularly watchful for moments when some identity or other appears, and what happens next.
Please go through the next couple of days with the same questions in mind ā just to see what happens, out of curiosity if thatās possible?