The Gate

Hi Roxanne,

Paul, I thought I had submitted my response to the last exercise two days ago, but I don't see it here. Let me re-do it. Unless you prefer I do it another way.

That's fine sometimes these things happen.

I wasn't under pressure, the experiences were just happening.

These exercises that are suggested to do are pointing you to insights, and they are very effective in opening you up to these insights , but the insights are even more realized when you apply the exercises in you daily life, when you are busy you can just apply this exercise and notice , that's all we are doing, LOOKING.
So here your insight is the experiences are just happening. Apply this to life, and SEE it all day, everyday.

The body was tight and constricted in the first half. In the second, it was relaxed. Nothing to do.

Relaxed, Nothing to do, does this feel like HOME?
When we are relaxed in the body we can go to DE and just BE, No Roxanne story, no where to go, nothing to do.

I'm glad the lapse was just my technical error, and not you being unwell. Sorry just the same.

All Good thank you for your concern, I would have given you a nudge to see how you were going so, not a worry.

The next 2 exercises are for you to have that DEEP LOOKING into thought story and DE, take your time with these and repeat as often until you SEE and RELAX, a few relaxed breaths noticing the breath and Feel the heart area before you do them.

Word “I” exercise

Let’s look at thought and the content of thought a little more:

Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?

Speak the word “I” silently; be aware of any sensations or responses to this word.
Are any of these reactions in your body or mind by themselves YOU?

Now say the word “I” aloud.
Is that sound YOU?

Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”
Is the thought, "I exist" you?

Is the thought "I" you?

Please do this exercise and the next one.




Truth From Lies
Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.


We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

I'm glad the lapse was just my technical error, and not you being unwell. Sorry just the same.

Lets have a LOOK here at this.
I know it is hard to recall sometimes but if you can, what did this feel like when you realized that your post hadn't come through to the forum what was the direct experience in the body?
What was the thought story that was created from this DE, to bring you to the conclusion that, I may have been ill?
If you had to Label this what would you call it?

Hi Paul,

I know it is hard to recall sometimes but if you can, what did this feel like when you realized that your post hadn't come through to the forum what was the direct experience in the body?

Heavy in my gut.

What was the thought story that was created from this DE, to bring you to the conclusion that, I may have been ill?
If you had to Label this what would you call it?

"Something wrong has happened; we agreed to communicate daily." Tightness in the solar plexus.

Apply this to life, and SEE it all day, everyday.

Yes, definitely. Not yet all day, every day. Looking for opportunities to look.

Relaxed, Nothing to do, does this feel like HOME?

YES.

Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?

No, it doesn't look or feel like anything.

Are any of these reactions in your body or mind by themselves YOU?

No. There aren't really reactions in the body to thinking "I." It's a thought, but no real story, that I can perceive.

Now say the word “I” aloud.
Is that sound YOU?

No. It's a sound without meaning.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Lawsuit over a party.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

It is heavy in the gut, hot and tight in the throat.
I also tried the worms lie - it felt tight in the solar plexus, heavy in the belly.
While I'm looking, I tried a made-up lie. The actual sensation is extreme tightness in the solar plexus.

Do you see that?

Yes, I see the sensations in the body.

Hi Roxanne,
That tightness/heavy in solar plexus is the sensation that influences a large part of thought stories, and emotion, relax into this sensation as often as possible and become intimate with this sensation.

Heavy in my gut.

Take a few minutes and relax, just breath and notice your breath. Once you have located this sensation that the story describes as the "heavy in my gut", relax into this sensation and literally sink into it, allow it to be, become one with this sensation, and talk to it, give it your love, thank it for protecting you, then tell it that it is no longer needed, you are safe and it can go now. Acknowledge its' existence and let it go.

Now that you have a good sense of DE, use it to examine and LOOK, if something is true, a thought story or a belief or a concept.

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

You don't have to do them again, but LOOK. What do they point to?

Hi Paul,

I like the key analogy. It seems that I can clearly see the keys aren't in the pocket, but I am still checking - just in case. Because I was so sure I put them there.

Does the sense of self have a location?

It is watching from behind my eyes.

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

It's the size and consistency of a toasted marshmallow.

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

It seems to offer warnings occasionally, or give instructions by "speaking," or by thoughts.

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

It's kind of a tedious asshole. Not like two weeks ago, but the tendency is there.

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

Thought.

I think, "I have a separate self," and there is heaviness in the solar plexus. No matter how many times I thank the sensation, sink into it, allow it to go, it is still a lie the next time I think of it, but the sense of it hasn't gone away. Yes, it's a lie. Yes, I still believe it.

Hi Roxanne

Does the sense of self have a location?

It is watching from behind my eyes.

Is it? LOOK and see if this little controller is there, and where exactly behind the eyes, right behind the eyes or in the middle behind the eyes or at the back of the head behind the eyes?
What tells you that it is behind your eyes, is it the voice that keeps talking to you in the thought stories?
If it is the voice that is talking to you telling you stories where is it when there are no stories or in the GAP between thoughts, or when you are asleep, Where does it go?
Does Roxanne disappear and then come back when there is a thought about her telling the story of Roxanne??

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

It's the size and consistency of a toasted marshmallow.

Wow such a large organism to house such a small self, this is thought story, your imagination, can you SEE this?
Has there ever been a scientist or surgeon or doctor that ever found this toasted marshmallow size "self" ever?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

It seems to offer warnings occasionally, or give instructions by "speaking," or by thoughts.

If it does this Occasionally, then where is it the rest of the time?
Thoughts are made of stories, stories aren't true, the voice is a story do you SEE this?
LOOK in Direct Experience without thought stories claiming the marshmallow to be the self, in Sensation where is this SELF?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

It's kind of a tedious asshole. Not like two weeks ago, but the tendency is there.

This is more thought stories, Where is this tedious asshole in your DE find it please?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

Thought.

If this sense of self is made of thought where is it when there is no thought?
which thought is it? the one you just had or the one you are having or the one you are going to have?
and what about the GAP between thought, is the self hiding when there is no thought?

I think, "I have a separate self," and there is heaviness in the solar plexus. No matter how many times I thank the sensation, sink into it, allow it to go, it is still a lie the next time I think of it, but the sense of it hasn't gone away. Yes, it's a lie. Yes, I still believe it.

Here you say "I Think I have a separate self", It's the thinking that is thinking it exists.
Don't think and SEE where is the separate self LOOK in the Direct Experience of the Body?

It's not the sensation that is the Lie, it's the thought story that comes out of the sensation that's the Lie, the sensation is very real, and sitting with it is not to get rid of it and not to make it never come back, it is so that you are intimate with the sensation and the body, so when it does intensify, you see it for what it is a sensation. When the thought story attaches itself to the sensation then you ask is it true? where in the body is this story true, then you look for the sensation that you now know is there and you see, is this story true or is the sensation in my Solar plexus true? Over Time this acknowledgement of the solar plexus sensation becomes comfortable and just what is happening.

Lets go back to thought and redo this exercise please.

Sit quietly for about 15 minutes and notice the arising thoughts.
Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.
Where are thoughts coming from and going to?

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

Can you predict your next thought?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Can you choose not to have painful, negative, or fearful thoughts?

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

What is a thought made off?

What can a thought do?

Can a thought think?

Just notice that thoughts are arising and passing.

Please answer ALL the questions.
Look as many times as it is possible during the day even for a few seconds.


Notice - how that one which has faith and trust in thoughts or which is a
slave to the constant stream of thought the 'self'

How that one is experienced right here right now in this very moment?

As an image?

A sound?

A sensation?

Or as imagination?

Hi Paul,

Notice - how that one which has faith and trust in thoughts or which is a
slave to the constant stream of thought the 'self'
How that one is experienced right here right now in this very moment?

As an image?

A sound?

A sensation?

Or as imagination?

Could you please say that in another way for me? I don't understand.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

Can you predict your next thought?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Can you choose not to have painful, negative, or fearful thoughts?

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

No.

I will return to this in the morning. It seems like there's nothing I can see, I don't know where to look, and it's only a jumble of words I can't put together.

Hi Roxanne,
That's fine, I appreciate the feed back, I will see how to come at it from another way.
In the meantime, relax and feel into the body.
Have a good night.

Hi Paul,

Ha! I read how that sounds now. I was speaking more of a jumble in the mind; I feel like there is a very simple pattern I am not yet seeing.

And, to make things weirder, I realize that "self" does not seem like "me," it seems like "other."

Hi Roxanne,
Looking back over last couple of Posts, i have realized, that I may have overloaded you, and this may seem confusing and overwhelming.
We will take it a bit slower and see how that goes, if that is OK with you.

The two main things we want to recognize is thought and the stories within the thought, and the body with the sensations in the body. When we are familiar with both of these aspects of life. We can become intimate with THIS, what is actually happening and not what is thought to be happening.

This is why there is an emphasis on recognizing the thought which is made up of stories, and your Direct Experience, what is happening in your body.

RELAXING is what we are looking for, once we see through thought stories there is a relaxing and then once we see that the body sensations are NOT scary or bad or uncomfortable then there is a further relaxing. It is in the relaxing that things unfold and WHAT IS, IS SEEN.

SO RELAX haha.

I wont give you anything new for a few days, If you feel the impulse just pick one of the questions in my last post and sit with it and reply what ever comes up and relax, notice what is coming up, when you read the question and try to answer.
answer one a day if you like, notice what comes up when you look to see if you will answer the questions or not.
When I say what comes up, I mean anything a thought story or a sensation in the body.

It's OK we are going slow for a bit so no pressure.
:)

Hi Paul,

We will take it a bit slower and see how that goes, if that is OK with you.

Yes, please. Thanks.

SO RELAX haha.

Haha! OK!

Thank you, yes, I will RELAX and look back at your questions when I feel the impulse to do so.

Hi Paul,

If this sense of self is made of thought where is it when there is no thought?
which thought is it? the one you just had or the one you are having or the one you are going to have?
and what about the GAP between thought, is the self hiding when there is no thought?

I can't tell if this is different from when we started, or if it's even relevant. The toasted puff that I would have called "me" doesn't feel like "me." It feels like something else, other. So, when I look for the answer to these questions, it's like asking myself, "Where is Paul when there is no thought?" or "Where are the cookies when I'm asleep?" It's amusing. The marshmallow kinda still exists, but not behind my eyes. Sort of to the side.

Hi Roxanne,
Can you describe this something else that “doesn’t feel like me.”, using the body sensations?

Does the marshmallow exist inside or outside?

Hi Paul,

Can you describe this something else that “doesn’t feel like me.”, using the body sensations?

No, I can't. But, I'll keep looking for it.

Does the marshmallow exist inside or outside?

Honestly, right now it's just a nebulous thing hanging out on my right arm. I am "looking" at it, but it doesn't seem very interested in me.

Does this nebulous thing need a thought to exist?