I have arrived

[coolpillows]

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

Interesting. I have tried a few times today to sense that. Really look. There is initially some feeling of the butt before the chair. Like I don’t even feel the chair but just feel the buttocks. Then there is sensation of feeling what is beneath.

My mind started to think a bit. “What is this about? Finding the self? Or dissolving the self and letting all be one…” But I was able to let go of the analysis and thinking and just look.

Such a simple exercise, but revealing on repeat visits! I will continue to explore but recording first impressions.

[Anastacia42]

My mind started to think a bit. “What is this about? Finding the self? Or dissolving the self and letting all be one…” But I was able to let go of the analysis and thinking and just look.

There is no self to find & no self to dissolve. There's simply nothing there.

Good. Keep LOOKING.

Much love,

[coolpillows]

I have to get used to the emptiness. It’s like turning around to see if someone is following and there’s nothing there. But even more abstract, turning around and what I expect to see behind me, that sidewalk or that path I was on, is all gone. And I’m somewhere else entirely. For just a second. It comes and goes.

[Anastacia42]

Good, yes. Perfectly normal.

Watch this, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

L9ving

[coolpillows]

Ah yes, those 2 videos. I watched them again, even though you posted them before. Love Ilona’s voice … her tone and timbre is so matter of fact and peaceful. It’s about being between states, which I sort of am. But I’m also just … being. I sometimes get caught in describing this state and wishing there were other words besides “I,” “me,” “you,” “self” and so on because none of them apply to this state. “It” doesn’t work lol … I am not “it.” I am simply … “not” … really. Damned words always screwing things up. But I’m okay!

I’ll write about beliefs later. I really am not holding on to much in that way. Ilona mentioned some of that. Keeping on. Thank you. Hope you are enjoying your day….

peace…...

[Anastacia42]

Keep doing ButtChair. Also try this:


Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Loving,

[coolpillows]

How is the movement controlled?

At times it seemed like the movement was not controlled and then other times I would catch myself and consciously control it.

Does a thought control it?

Not really a thought. It did just seems to happen, except when I made a conscious decision to slow the flipping.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

Not really. At times, I felt myself telling myself something is controlling this; that “I” am controlling this.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

There wasn’t really a decision. I started to do it and only when I decided to note when it was happening and I slowed it down did I notice a real decision being made

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

My first thought it “I” made the decision. No one else did. It was somewhat conscious because I’m right handed and it felt correct to choose that hand.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

At first, it felt automatic. Like I wasn’t doing it. Then it started to feel like I was doing it … but then at times witnessing it happen.

This was just about 5 mins of flipping. I want to explore it more now that I’ve supplied some answers. It’s really wild though. Hypnotic in a way.

peace……

[Anastacia42]

Keep LOOKING.

Where Where is this "I" that can supposedly "control" anything?

Let it be a mystery.

Loving,

[coolpillows]

Some observations when doing the hand flipping exercise:

• I realized after doing this multiple times for quite a while, the words or ideas “palm up, palm down” never entered my thoughts. It was just happening. Then i did at times play with my my mind ‘saying’ that but it was still just happening and not my mind making it happen.

• It took me a while, after trying this multiple times for 5 minute stretches and longer, to just be a state of “watching,” really just my eyes looking at this hand turning back and forth.

• I have been using the term “watch like a hawk” to apply to many things my body is seeming to go about doing. And even thoughts. Just watching as things go and not, uh, thinking about it.

• I get why this exercise is chosen. It doesn’t take a lotta thought to do it over and over again. But then I realized this body/mind is doing all sorts things over and over again and I can just observe it happening. Not feel like “I” am doing anything. But it does get confusing whenever I write “I” as the operator. Who is this? Who am I?

Fascinating … it is mysterious.

peace…..

[Anastacia42]

There is no "I."

It's all just happening by itself.

Drink Exercise

The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

[coolpillows]

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

I don't remember choosing the qualities. They just appeared. I didn't really choose any preferences. They were just thoughts: "This drink would be ... x. That drink would be ... y"

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

I don't remember the preferences even coming into the picture. I was counting but I didn't choose to shut down the preferences.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

I don't really think so. I just sorta went for it. Not sure of your second question. Have I seen this function in action at other times? Or did you mean have I seen the function in action in this case? I will say, kinda like the hand flipping, there's really no thought involved. I am not aware of thinking unless I make myself aware of thinking if that makes any sense.

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Nothing announced "I am the chooser" that's for sure. I just went for it. There was no awareness of choosing.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

I'm not sure I get the question but like I said, I didn't feel like I was choosing. There wasn't really a feeling. I sorta feel like the feeling happens before the choosing but I didn't really feel choosing going on or any 'feeling' before the 'choice.' I hope that makes sense. :)

This is wild hahaha!

peace.....

[Anastacia42]

This is wild hahaha!

Yes, isn't it?

Can you say 100% there's no separate "self?"

Loving,

[coolpillows]

Can you say 100% there's no separate "self?"

I don''t think so. I'm worried about some domestic stuff that I don't want to go on about in here so that's eating at me. I feel like if I were in a better state of mind, I wouldn't be worrying. I may PM you about it. But I've come far. It comes and goes.

[Anastacia42]

Yes, you've come quite far!

You may "be there"and not realize it.

Keep practicing ButtChair.

Loving

[Anastacia42]

In addition to ButtChair, try this:

Here is an anxiety exercise that focuses a person in the present, and in a part of the brain that cannot do anxiety. Basically, go through each sense and say (or think) "I see/ hear/ feel/ taste/ touch ______________." A minute or two of each and usually anxiety is gone.

I see the couch.
I see the keyboard.
I see the glass. Etc.

I hear the train.
I hear the keys clacking.
I hear my breath. Etc.

I feel the couch under my butt.
I feel my fingers on the keys.
I feel the cold air. Etc.

I taste a metallic taste in my mouth.
I taste the coffee.
I taste the food. Etc.

I smell the humidity in the air.
I smell my husband's shampoo.
I smell the soap. Etc.

As far as I can tell, the only time this doesn't work is when someone won't do it.

Loving,