Postby Jay85 » Fri Apr 05, 2024 10:20 am
Sorry for that, I'm not the most advance forum person.
I reposted the post in the end of the text.
I also answered already yesterday, but lost the text because I was logged out during the writing. But I will get better ;)
1. Also, please say more about this experience losing it or being fake (question four). What does that consist of? Is it happening to anyone?
Answer: Especially in the morning, before waking up completely the seeking mind shows a play. A play of "this can't be it", "This idea was from a video, thats not yours". During the day its not verbally articulated in the mind, its more a gut feeling. A feeling of not having it, not getting it, the need to control something and I'm overseeing something.
In the silence everything is gone and there is not reference to something. No Self, no me only this.
2. And say more about how it feels to be with the change?
Answer: Not easy to tell. Its like a dance between: Everything is as it should be and an impatient that nothing is happening. I feel like an dryness and sometimes a indifferents, which is totally in contract to "how I'm into this process". I would call it the most important thing in my life at the moment. Interesting moves by the mind...
One of the major issues that I had before the process was, that I categorized the thoughts as good and bad. And further I tried to control them. This did significantly weakened over the process. So that gives me the feeling that i'm heading to the right direct. Whatever that means.
3. And can an I that does not exist be responsible for looking/seeing?
Answer: True. No this sounds illogical. I guess thats the difference between getting it conceptually and experiencing it. So it seems that the I-thought are not in charge at all, there is something running this whole thing and is totally overlooked.
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1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
ANSWER:No as I can't find a "self, me and I" in the now, it has never been one. Not in the presents, in the future or in the past.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
ANSWER: The Me seems to be an afterthought, that arise as thought to judge, evaluate or own a experience. i.e. My hand is typing this, the idea and movements are coming from nowhere. When attention and focus is in please, the I does not exists. An really prominent example for me are body sensations and thought... they seem to trigger this afterthought. "I don't like this", "This is dangerous for me", "This thought is bad, I'm a bad person". Further time seems to play a major role. "When is this going to end", "Nothing is happening, this is a waste of time"
In a closer investigation, this sounds really ridiculous as everything is just happening in the now. Past and future are mind constructs.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past couple of days.
ANSWER:
I have difficulties to remember things. It's all a bit fuzzy and as it doesn't really matter. But I try my best:
I was into this topic for couple of month, so I was totally excited to get this thing started. I felt progress from each posting and responds. After couple of days, the thoughts of "I'm not getting it", "I'm losing it" and "I'm faking it and do only rephrase videos" come up. These are coming and going.
There were/are periods which feel pretty "charged", to be honest I can't describe it. In the past I would call them fear, but that's not true anymore.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
ANSWER:
I can't tell.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
ANSWER:
The question of "decision, intention, free will" seems to appear afterwards to explain, judge or discuss in the mind. In the present moment these questions doesn't play any role. This text is coming from nowhere and does need someone to willingly texting this.
Choices are done before the ME thought. Also control seems to be a mind construct as the decision, choice is always coming from nowhere
6) What makes things happen? How does it work?
ANSWER:
I really have no clue!
7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
ANSWER:
Good question, it seems that the only responsibility that I have is to look. And even that is quite hard as avoidance and other funny tricks show up (bordem, body sensation, visual experiences, thought)
8) Anything to add?
From the deepest of my heart. Thank you for this! Really appreciated.
ANSWER
