I don't quite understand what to write here :)

[Gitte]

Hello Vince;

I have this issue with my husband. He complains a lot, like a lot. And I always get caught up in complaining about it in my thoughts. This to me is an indicator of where to look.

Now the other day Pernille advised me to re-listen to the 2 fetter, blaming, shaming and complaining. Which I obviously did. Yesterday we went on a trip by car and every time my husband complained, I said to my self: "he is complaining, I am complaining, he is not complaining, I am not complaining". "He says stupid things, I say stupid things, he does not say stupid things, I do not say stupid things"....when we came home we needed to bring back a pair rented of skies. Now I did not agree in how the shop hadn't informed us. The point is that I was observing me saying something and being 100% ok with it. It has crossed my mind to ask in an office where they rent cars where I live on how they inform clients, just to prove myself, but really I do not feel any need.
Conclusion....I was avoiding expressing my opinion, because it could be to announce to someone.

Big day

:)

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

I have this issue with my husband.

No. You have an issue with what he evokes in you.

but really I do not feel any need.

As long as this came from a genuine lack of need, and not a need suppressed or denied.

This to me is an indicator of where to look.

yes, yes. ..and when we say "look" it doesn't mean an attempt to change anything (although this might exist in the background) but rather an opinionless examination of what exists.
The blaming, shaming, complaining, explaining thing isn't an invitation to stop them but rather to recognize them when they occur and to investigate what is behind them.
If we stop ourselves from doing them, then we are doing a different version of them.
Opinion-less observation is the quickest way to see what prompts them.

love

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince

No. You have an issue with what he evokes in you.

:) Right....I have only just got to understand it now

As long as this came from a genuine lack of need

It did and I am very surprised

thing isn't an invitation to stop them but rather to recognize them when they occur and to investigate what is behind them.

This is such a relief.

I would like to look into the fact that I selfsabotage everything that I believe would be nice to do. F.ex when I look at my mother I think it would be a good idea to do mobility exercises and keep my muscles strong. I would like to keep my gut healthy. Do breath work. Go for walks. The list is long. I would be happy and feel fine with just some of it. It is as if whatever I decide, my system just does worse, like sabotaging my-self. I have the idea that doing these things would be the ultimate recognition of selflove and selfcare and this is why I bring it up with you.

All the best

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

I would like to look into the fact that I self-sabotage everything that I believe would be nice to do.

It's interesting that you give a list of lots of things that you think that you should do, and when you don't do them you call it "self-sabotage". Then you feel really bad about it..
So, yes, let's look into it.
Firstly, let's not call it a fact. We will go behind this label and look at the actual components of the behavior.
What is the actual thought that arises when you look at your mother?

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince;

When I look at my mother I get urge to have the habit of doing mobility work, because I would like to maintain my mobility. It so irritates me that I do not just do it and it is a lack of self-love not to do it.
When I write this to you I realize that I have the expectation of feeling self-love by doing exercises and at the same time I feel disappointed that do not feel self-love and self-care. And when I write this, a question arises: "Do I not want to feel self-love and self-care"?
wow, what a story that is going on.

Have a nice day to you, Vince

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good morning Gitte,

When I look at my mother I get the urge to have the habit of doing mobility work,

I hear what you are saying about your mother's mobility. i also imagine that you are saying that you don't want to turn into her as you get older. Is this accurate?
How do you feel about her level of self-love?

When I write this to you I realize that I have the expectation of feeling self-love by doing exercises and at the same time I feel disappointed that do not feel self-love and self-care.

This is a big one. My 'job' is to help you discover what is actual - HERE NOW. Expectations are always a fantasy set in the future.
That aside, self-love rests on a foundation of acceptance. Just as awakening does.
Acceptance is a bit of a trick. It doesn't mean having an acceptable judgement (about yourself) It does mean having no opinion about what you believe to be present.
Can you imagine being able to describe (to yourself) what you discern as your current physical condition without a story of good or bad?
If in doing so, it becomes apparent that your current level of mobility is decreasing (from a memory of before) then it is reasonable to imagine that some flexibility exercises would be .
You might then find yourself measuring your ability to bend and reach towards your toes and simply notice how far you get before leg sensations reveal a limit.
If you allow your body weight to stretch this limit for a few seconds - guess what? Next time you do it the limit will be different.
You have spent a couple of minutes doing this and are interested in noticing the next day if that extra flexibility is still there.
When you check, you can't help but again allow your body weight to add a little...
Over the course of a week you discover that you are now 30cm closer to the floor and decide to add some sideways bending.
Some where during that week you find yourself standing on one foot as you dry yourself after showering. It occurs to you that this is a great balancing exercise and is really helpful in maintaining mobility as you age.
Notice that not once have you had thoughts about self-love, but that you do feel more loving towards your self.
Any judgements (thoughts) about how well you can do this are seen as irrelevant. Seen as a distraction. Seen as a way to stop doing this?
You wonder if your mother might be interested in an experiment like this, but also recognize that if she is resistant that it only adds to your motivation to develop a daily habit of discovery about your body. (and mind)

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince

How do you feel about her level of self-love?

I do not notice any selflove in her.

I should separate exercises and self-love and see what comes up. It should just be like brushing my teeth, which isn't associated with self-love but something that needs to be done and is ok that way.

It is good to look into these everyday ways of being so that I can get the concepts right.

Gitte :)

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

It is good to look into these everyday ways of being so that I can get the concepts right.

Yes. The deeper that you look (notice) the closer you get to wonder.

It should just be like brushing my teeth

Have you noticed that once you accept the necessity to brush your teeth, that it ceases to be a chore to be suffered?

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince

Have you noticed that once you accept the necessity to brush your teeth, that it ceases to be a chore to be suffered?

Right away :)

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte, it's been nagging me for a couple of days now, that I would like a live, face to face meet with you. It's somewhat difficult to get as some of what I would like to on the forum.
Would you be available for an hour on your Saturday night 8:30 CET?

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince

I do not want to, so that would be a brilliant thing to do

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good morning Gitte,

I do not want to, so that would be a brilliant thing to do

Excellent.
i don't know if it is bravery or good old common sense, but it shows a level of insight that is productive. Good stuff.
Use this link, and I will see you there;
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86991485768?p ... 12Um5DQT09
Meeting ID: 869 9148 5768
Passcode: 083035

[vinceschubert]

...bugger, i went to put it in my calendar and discovered I already have a meet at that time. could you do an hour & a half earlier? 7pm CET

[Gitte]

Perfect

[vinceschubert]

Hi Gitte, it was great to meet you. i had warm feelings towards you.
Let's continue here...
Do you recognize that the self is just a bunch of stories that you believe and react to?

vince