Who i am

[Elad]

Can you wait one more day? I need to think this over

You are your own authority. My recommendation though would be to NOT think it over. Once you think over things you are all ready in the wrong direction. All that matters here are the moments - where you just hold the question in awareness LOOK at what can be directly experienced, simple and clear, and report that. The moment you say something not simple and clear you are off.

[Dos]

Okay, now I see that 'I' is just an image that arises from imagination when we say something, when we do something, this information is stored in the brain as 'here, this is me' but in reality, it's just a self-image. There's no one to do something, there's no one to say something, there's no one to think.

[Elad]

Okay, now I see that 'I' is just an image that arises from imagination when we say something, when we do something, this information is stored in the brain as 'here, this is me' but in reality, it's just a self-image. There's no one to do something, there's no one to say something, there's no one to think.

How does it feel to see this?

Has there ever been a separate self?

Do you have a responsibility for anything?

[Dos]

1. I know, I've heard many times that enlightenment is not some special event, that it's just a small shift, but even so, I expected more. In reality, the words "awakening" or "enlightenment" are too big to describe this experience; you can put it more simply: understanding.
2. There was a personality, but there was no "me." Thoughts, actions, and words that I used to identify as "me" were not there and never existed; they were just thoughts, words, and actions, and that's all.
3. Who should be responsible? First, find me someone who is responsible for something.

[Elad]

1. I know, I've heard many times that enlightenment is not some special event, that it's just a small shift, but even so, I expected more. In reality, the words "awakening" or "enlightenment" are too big to describe this experience; you can put it more simply: understanding.
2. There was a personality, but there was no "me." Thoughts, actions, and words that I used to identify as "me" were not there and never existed; they were just thoughts, words, and actions, and that's all.
3. Who should be responsible? First, find me someone who is responsible for something.

Right. So answer (3) directly please, all though the answer is implied.

Say more about how it feels that the seeing is less then the expectations. What expectations have been dissapointed? Lovingly ebrace the dissapointment. Just feel it with care and acceptance. Write to me and rant about how that is.

[Dos]

No, it doesn't bother me at all, I just expected something different, something brighter.

[Elad]

No, it doesn't bother me at all, I just expected something different, something brighter.

You didnt answer re (3). I wonder if this lack of precise attention or carelessness? What do you think? I have repeatedly asked you to answer all, and you repeatedly don't. Do you think its lack of capacity or lack of care/cooperativeness? In either case we can work with it, but honesty is key if this is to be really helpful.

Second thing, would you consider yourself an emotionally detached personality? Can you feel the feelings of others and yourself in normal life, share feelings?

I ask because your answers are very empty of feeling. It's been mostly like that the whole process. It might be just how you are and then it's fine. But for many people it indicates a conscious or unconscious pattern of emotional avoidance and relational distancing/non-intimacy in life. If that is the case and if the feelings are not involved in the process here, the result can be very superficial. An indicator of the above could be difficulties feeling and having relationships that are mutually satisfying.

Again I don't know what is true for you. What comes up when you read this? How does it look for you?

[Dos]

Oh, I sometimes forget to respond or think it's not a serious question, because I thought I had answered it. I apologize if it inconvenienced you 😅. Let me first answer your question about me: Of course, I want to be honest and engaged in every question. I try to respond to everything you write to me. Again, I'm sorry if I seemed detached; I can't paint a vivid picture of my experience because I don't know what to write about. I simply describe what I see as succinctly as possible, if at all possible. Regarding question 3: I didn't quite understand what you meant, but I assume you're asking if there's someone responsible. I think not, as who would that responsibility be with? If my answer seemed incorrect to you, please clarify what you meant.

[Elad]

Oh, I sometimes forget to respond or think it's not a serious question, because I thought I had answered it. I apologize if it inconvenienced you 😅. Let me first answer your question about me: Of course, I want to be honest and engaged in every question. I try to respond to everything you write to me. Again, I'm sorry if I seemed detached; I can't paint a vivid picture of my experience because I don't know what to write about. I simply describe what I see as succinctly as possible, if at all possible. Regarding question 3: I didn't quite understand what you meant, but I assume you're asking if there's someone responsible. I think not, as who would that responsibility be with? If my answer seemed incorrect to you, please clarify what you meant.

Thanks Dos, I notice you didn't respond at all to my questions about feelings/intimacy. Awaiting answer to those questions, read them carefully and answer all.

Yes, re 3 I meant if you have any responsiblity. Your response feels intellectual rather then direct experience. It call for more work. First answer about feelings, then I will send you an exercise to work with the responsiblity question.

[Elad]

All my questions to you are serious.

[Dos]

I apologize in advance for responding just now,i had a lot on my plate. So, can I feel the feelings of others and my own in everyday life? I can feel when a person is happy, I can feel when they are sad, I can feel when they are upset, and so on. Can I share feelings? Yes, if there's a need, I will certainly share my feelings. I think you lean towards the idea that my answers are too shallow, but I want to assure you that it's not the case. I simply can't describe my experience in more detail. Do you want me to tell you about my day or what I ate today? I don't know how to make the text longer because I don't have more to say.

[Elad]

"Do you want me to tell you about my day or what I ate today?"

This sounds like sarcasm over here. I could be wrong. If I am right, I wonder what emotions or perceptions might motivate sarcasm.

I asked these questions because I care about your process, and would not wish for you that it lands in a place where there is intellectual seeing masquerading as deep seeing that includes emotion. If that happens, you will not get the best potential benefit.

However, I am happy to take your word for it, that you have answered with full depth of experiencing. In any case the only one who will know and experience your experience directly is you. And the one who will benefit more or less, is you.

I am glad for you if seeing seems to have clarified all ready, I think we might be there or almost there, in terms of the goal of this work in LU.

Okay, as I mentioned in last message, here is an exercise to maybe clarify further if there is any controller or chooser or responsible one. (Coming in next message).

[Elad]

I am sorry if anything I write you is not getting you right in a way that might be frustrating. We all only have limited understanding of each other, even more so in writing. So imprecisions here and there are to be expected, but can sometimes be uncomfortable. Okay, here is the exercise:

Is there a controller?

Think of a number between 1 and 53. Try to notice the exact point when the choice is made.

Did you know what number would be chosen before it appeared? Did you decide the moment of choice?

Do it enough times so its 100% clear to you.

Now do a whole sequence, numbers and words, something like this:

14, 34, 2, 15, bum, funny, 3, happy, sad, love, lucy, 2, 3, 17

Is there a controller or chooser that makes it appear?

Now life your right hand or left hand a few times. Is there anyone or anything controling the choices of which are is lifted? Even if there is a thought which arm to lift, or a thought to change or stop the lifting, is there anyone controling what thoughts actually comes and what actually happens?

Is there a "manager" in charge who chooses and can be responsible for any of the choices that come?

[Dos]

Hello, I didn't expect you to react to my messages like that. It was sarcasm, but not meant to offend you. I apologize if I seemed overly rude. By the way, if you're curious, I had three slices of pizza for breakfast :). And no, I wasn't referring to my intellectual understanding when answering the questions, i was basing my responses solely on what I directly perceive. As for the exercise: no, there isn't someone controlling the movements. You could label it as such, but the fact remains that limbs move in their own sequence regardless of whether you think someone is doing it or not.

[Elad]

Hello, I didn't expect you to react to my messages like that. It was sarcasm, but not meant to offend you. I apologize if I seemed overly rude. By the way, if you're curious, I had three slices of pizza for breakfast :). And no, I wasn't referring to my intellectual understanding when answering the questions, i was basing my responses solely on what I directly perceive. As for the exercise: no, there isn't someone controlling the movements. You could label it as such, but the fact remains that limbs move in their own sequence regardless of whether you think someone is doing it or not.

Hi all right, got it, all good. So seems to me you are ready for final questions. You agree? If yes please answer the questions below. And please cope and paste the questions into a message and make sure to answer all of them in one message, each answer after "ANSWER" so it's easy to read and understand what question is being answered. I will look if there is more to clarify, and three other guides will also look. This is so we aim for maximal clarity for you.