The Gate

As I read your words I'm feeling something is happening for you Hannes. There is a sense here that there is a shifting.
A couple of days ago you said...

A dividing line would be that the image in my head is always more blurred than the image when I open my eyes.

Today you say....

Outside and inside only exist through identification with the body.

It's not only what you say but how it's said the speaks of something changing in your experience.
Could you speak to this a little more please Hannes by responding to the questions below.
In responding to the following questions please describe your direct experience without words like awareness and consciousness - as though you had never heard of them. Use the most simple language possible as though you were describing it to a five year old. I know this is a challenge to describe what can't actually be described. Just do your best
Is there something that is different about the experiencing of the world compared to a few days ago?



Is there such an entity, a thing that you can point to and say "That's me !"'



How would you describe what you truly are, how would you describe your essence that you mention?



With love


Alan

Hello Alan,

Is there something that is different about the experiencing of the world compared to a few days ago?

The past seems to disappear more or be harder to conjure up in our thoughts. So does the identification with it and the feeling of being a victim of the world. What the world perceives is sometimes a deep expression of peace and freedom. However, the experience cannot be reproduced. It arises.

Is there such an entity, a thing that you can point to and say "That's me !"'

The body as something that is subject to permanent change is not a part of me, although I still think of myself as being somewhere behind the eyes. That's where I would point. In DE I am unchanging and constant. In my thoughts I am Hannes.

How would you describe what you truly are, how would you describe your essence that you mention?

There have been few moments when I have perceived myself as something formless and boundless that can expand but still process experiences from an inner point.


Much love,

Hannes

Hello dear Hannes

However, the experience cannot be reproduced. It arises.

Only the present moment is.


In DE I am unchanging and constant. In my thoughts I am Hannes.
So ....so is Hannes is just a thought???

There have been few moments when I have perceived myself as something formless and boundless that can expand but still process experiences from an inner point.

Please describe as best you can that inner point




Remember this statement Hannes when we first started our conversation here on LU?


There is no separate self, never has been and never will be. That there is, is all just a made up story.
What happens in your experience now when you read that statement?



Any particular reaction?



Any doubt?



Anything else to report about what arises in experience




With love


Alan

Hello Alan,

So ....so is Hannes is just a thought???

Hannes is a concept from a collection of thoughts that I often find myself identifying with and have become more aware of.

There have been few moments when I have perceived myself as something formless and boundless that can expand but still process experiences from an inner point.

Please describe as best you can that inner point

How do I describe something that I can neither see, hear nor feel? This inner point is formless and seems to be my source. In its essence it seems to be a peaceful state of being. As I write it down, emotions of fear appear that cannot touch this being.

There is no separate self, never has been and never will be. That there is, is all just a made up story.

What happens in your experience now when you read that statement?

I interpret the separate self as a separation between subject and object, whereby the object is given in its meaning and the subject must act accordingly.
It is the subject that gives meaning to the object by superimposing self-made stories on it. The object itself has no meaning. It is neutral.

Any particular reaction? Any doubt?

I am unsure whether I have correctly understood what the separate self has separated from.

Anything else to report about what arises in experience

In some moments I sense a deeper wisdom. It feels like I'm scratching under the layer of ice, but not quite getting through yet. Maybe it's just a thought.



With love,

Hannes

Hello Hannes,

Hannes is a concept from a collection of thoughts that I often find myself identifying with and have become more aware of.

Beautifully said Hannes. This is what LU is here for. To help people see exactly this. That the "me" is simply a concept that is believed to be real when in fact it is only a thought.

How do I describe something that I can neither see, hear nor feel?

You are right ! We actually can NEVER describe it. That this can't be described is the description that is closest to the truth. What a paradox !!

I am unsure whether I have correctly understood what the separate self has separated from.

I love this ! Because there is no separate self, a separate entity which can be separate in and of itself. It is only that it is BELIEVED to be true that creates illusion. The BELIEF that we are separate that is the root of all suffering. Belief that "I am a separate entity" is where illusion "spins out from".

It feels like I'm scratching under the layer of ice, but not quite getting through yet. Maybe it's just a thought.

Yes ! The surface is only being scratched. And yes, it's only a thought ! This is the first step of the beginning that we never start. What we might call deepening is infinite. It is simply SEEING CLEARLY subtler and subtler mind mechanisms that create subtler and subtler selfing reactions. We actually can find ourselves looking forward to discovering these amazing "mechanisms" And the absolute wonder here is that we don't have to do ANYTHING about them. SEEING CLEARLY is all that is necessary for them to be "resolved"

Now here is a clip that Ilona put together on aspects of what may be experienced as things are integrated.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJQcD588g2w
Please tell me what is FELT as you listen to what she has to say



Is there any particular reaction that seem to color the message?




With love


Alan

Hello Alan,

Please tell me what is FELT as you listen to what she has to say

It was difficult for me to understand because I mainly work with the DeepL translator.

„Freedom is not from a negative situation but within the situations.“ There were some moments when I could feel the depth of this when I was resting in being.

I had so much work to do this week that I felt thrown back in the process. You already have one foot in the new state and the other in the old.

Is there any particular reaction that seem to color the message?

She said it could take months. I felt a lot of impatience coming on.

What is the no-touch zone she mentioned?

Much love,
Hannes

Hello dear Hannes,

It was difficult for me to understand because I mainly work with the DeepL translator

Wow ! I did not realize that you are working through a translator. I thank you for staying with the process in spite of English not being your first language.
Do you speak English to any extent?



May I ask what your first language is?

There were some moments when I could feel the depth of this when I was resting in being.

That is such a wise response. To feel into whatever is in experience helps keep us in direct experience. I am aware that in a strange sort of way that when there is an impediment to conversing in language it can actually be a help. When I came to LU my guide did not speak English as his primary language so it meant I had to FEEL into what he was saying often. I found that in a surprising number of situations this was actually helpful not being able to depend on language as I usually did. It undermined (at least a little bit) the tendency to go to mind and only look there for an answer.

I had so much work to do this week that I felt thrown back in the process. You already have one foot in the new state and the other in the old.

The relative world presses in with its demands and challenges. We seem to oscillate between the relative and the infinite as you so clearly say - "one foot in the new and the other in the old"

The video clip was really saying that same thing in another way. It points out that once we have seen there is no "me" that is just the beginning. There are so many beliefs that are freed to come up once we see there is no "me." When these beliefs are seen we sometimes start to doubt that we have seen clearly. The truth is that is BECAUSE we now clearly see there is no "me" other beliefs that were hidden before are now seen. All we have to do is continue SEEING THESE CLEARLY and they will be dismantled too.

She said it could take months. I felt a lot of impatience coming on.

Seeing clearer and clearer the subtler and subtler ways that selfing occurs and the "mechanisms" of the mind that make up the illusion is a limitless but wondrous journey. It does get to a point where we actually want to see all these mind "tricks" as it all then deepens peace and freedom

What is the no-touch zone she mentioned?

This refers to the phenomenon of beliefs that are
- so hidden, so identified with that we are not even aware that they are there
- so identified with, to the extent that we believe we cannot live without them and fear can often be experienced as we see them being dismantled.


The reason for working together on LU is for one purpose. And that is to see that there is no such thing as a separate entity as "I / me." When we see clearly that the "I/me" we thought to exist is only a thought, a figment of our imagination then we are coming near the end of this investigation.


As I've felt into your last few posts I get the sense that something has shifted for you and that you see the truth that there is no "me." . However you are the only one who really knows if that is so. That being the case I'd like to check in with you by asking you to respond to a few questions. This will help you and I find anything that we might need to explore further.

As always, don't answer off the top of the head, but by describing from direct experience as you LOOK and FEEL:

Have you been able to find, a ‘self’ that is the ‘experiencer’?



Or a self that is the doer, or can control what happens?



Or a self that ‘makes’ decisions?



Or a self who ‘does the thinking’?



Is the "body" real or just another thought label / concept for a particular experiencing of images and sensations ?



Are the five body senses made to arise or experienced by this ‘self’?



Is there a self ‘in here’ which is separate from the world and others ‘out there’?



Is there doubt or unclarity that in all these cases the ‘self’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?



Are there any doubts about seeing through the illusion of separate self?



At the start you said

On the way to No-Self, I feel like I can't see the forest for the trees.

Do you still have any of that feeling?



If the answer is 'yes' to any of these questions, please give more details.


With love


Alan

Hello Alan,

I'm a bit shocked that your last message is already a week old and at the same time fascinated, because the period feels like the blink of an eye. At the same time, thank you for your patience. Part of the experience is due to DE. I was much less involved in stories in my thoughts. For example, when thoughts came up about how my son was doing and what he was doing, there was no resting on thoughts. I called and asked. When I was asked whether my boss was happy with the outcome of my business trip, I didn't get lost in my thoughts but asked. Every answer felt somehow untrue, especially in the examples. Untrue in the sense of contrived.

Do you speak English to any extent?

My English passive English like listening and reading is okay. When accent, unusual voice pitches or low recording quality are added, I find it much harder to listen. I have started reading simple books in English.

Active English such as writing or speaking is more difficult for me. I am therefore grateful for this learning situation.

May I ask what your first language is?

German

Have you been able to find, a ‘self’ that is the ‘experiencer’?

Yes. The question leads me to the spot in my head that seems to be hidden behind my eyes. When the examination begins in this area, I have been experiencing an unpleasant vibrating feeling of tightness in this area for a few days.

Or a self that is the doer, or can control what happens?

Today I decided to count green cars. I reckoned on 2 of them. In fact, there were 37 green cars. Whatever this 'I' is, it has focused on something and noticed more of it. That feels like the maker. On the other hand, I didn't consciously choose to see exactly 37 green cars. That happened and was out of my control.

I picked up some laundry earlier. When I see how many functions are going on, I know that each of these individual functions is happening outside of my conscious control. Nevertheless, I have the feeling that there is at least one impulse generator that sets all these functions in motion.

Or a self that ‘makes’ decisions?

To stay with the example of laundry. It's just after midnight and I've finished the laundry because my son needs sports clothes tomorrow. I didn't decide that he needed them and I did the laundry as if I had no other choice.

Or a self who ‘does the thinking’?

No. Thoughts arise without me being able to consciously choose each thought.
What is it about working on beliefs? Have I done this in the past and at least been able to change the direction of the thought content?

Is the "body" real or just another thought label / concept for a particular experiencing of images and sensations ?

I had terrible back pain one morning this week. The body felt very real. When I feel inside, I perceive a lot of sensations and movements of something unsolid.

Are the five body senses made to arise or experienced by this ‘self’?

The five senses of the body support the process of identification with the body. They are not made by the self.

Is there a self ‘in here’ which is separate from the world and others ‘out there’?

Yes, if the identification with the body is very strong. No, when I look at my brother's body and can feel how it feels.

Is there doubt or unclarity that in all these cases the ‘self’ is nothing other than a mental fabrication?

Is there any doubt or ambiguity about the fact that the 'self' in all these cases is nothing but a mental invention?
The self as Hannes with all its properties and characteristics is an idea that thinks it has rights, for example. If these rights are not fulfilled, frustration arises. If these rights are fulfilled, neutrality is felt. When I let go of the idea of having rights, joy arises for everything that shows up.

Are there any doubts about seeing through the illusion of separate self?

Yes, as I described in the previous questions.

On the way to No-Self, I feel like I can't see the forest for the trees.

Do you still have any of that feeling?

No longer as intense. Rather in a milder form. The thought that accompanies this feeling would now be: "It's as if I'm scratching under a layer of ice and have the feeling of breaking through at any moment. But the ice still seems too thick."

Time to sleep now.

Much love,

Hannes

Hello Hannes

I'm a bit shocked that your last message is already a week old and at the same time fascinated, because the period feels like the blink of an eye. At the same time, thank you for your patience.

I really do feel your earnestness in this endeavour so being longer then you intended in responding is not a concern at all.

I was much less involved in stories in my thoughts.

Wonderful that this is happening AND that you notice it is happening.


Thank you for letting me know about your language situation. How I wish I could speak German to have a conversation some day !!

Have you been able to find, a ‘self’ that is the ‘experiencer’?

Yes. The question leads me to the spot in my head that seems to be hidden behind my eyes. When the examination begins in this area, I have been experiencing an unpleasant vibrating feeling of tightness in this area for a few days.

Let's look closer at this.........
Is the spot behind the eyes an independent entity that is the YOU that makes choices?




Does this spot have the ability to feel other sensations in the body?




If the mind did not suggest that this is a self, what evidence is there that this is actually YOU THE EXPERIENCER?




Because YOU are aware of this spot surely tells you that it is not YOU but something other than YOU?




As best you can, keep feeling into this spot gently WATCHING and FEELING what happens.
Let me know what happens

That happened and was out of my control.

I didn't decide that he needed them and I did the laundry as if I had no other choice.

Thoughts arise without me being able to consciously choose each thought.

If these observations are true what evidence is there that there is a SEPARATE entity that exists INDEPENDENT of everything else?

Yes, if the identification with the body is very strong.

What causes you to identify with the body?

"It's as if I'm scratching under a layer of ice and have the feeling of breaking through at any moment. But the ice still seems too thick."

Yes, the ice has been cracked, so to speak. As you continue to LOOK DIRECTLY at experience truth will reveal itself more and more. The "ice" will continue to melt.



With love




Alan

Hi Alan,

I am serious about LU. However, I have not always succeeded in turning my intentions into action. At least not according to my expectations. That's why I've spent the last few days making more space in my life so that I can devote more time to our studies.

Is the spot behind the eyes an independent entity that is the YOU that makes choices?

The unpleasant, vibrating spot behind my eyes has shifted towards my forehead over the last few days. Just a few days ago, it symbolized self-identification. Now it's just a sensation that responds to words like "I", "me" and "my".

Does this spot have the ability to feel other sensations in the body?

No. I bumped my leg while doing Crossfit yesterday. Feeling the sensation on my leg had nothing to do with the point.

If the mind did not suggest that this is a self, what evidence is there that this is actually YOU THE EXPERIENCER?

There is no evidence, that this point is a self or the experiencer 😅

Because YOU are aware of this spot surely tells you that it is not YOU but something other than YOU?

It is a sensation.

As best you can, keep feeling into this spot gently WATCHING and FEELING what happens.
Let me know what happens

The point feels like condensed energy. This condensed energy can also be felt in other parts of the body. On the arm, for example. The pressure and discomfort is only slightly greater in the head.

That happened and was out of my control.

I didn't decide that he needed them and I did the laundry as if I had no other choice.

Thoughts arise without me being able to consciously choose each thought.

If these observations are true what evidence is there that there is a SEPARATE entity that exists INDEPENDENT of everything else?

There doesn't seem to be any proof. At the moment I feel like I'm following a script and have to make peace with the content. Well, there is still my physical vulnerability, which stands for a separate entity. That means I could die and then be gone.

What causes you to identify with the body?

What makes you identify with your body?

Needs such as hunger, sleep, sex, exercise. I haven't slept well the last few days and my body was overtired. This has had an effect on "me".

I also remember when I used to drink alcohol. Alcohol can affect my body and my perception to the point of complete cluelessness.

Emotions like anxiety also occasionally intrude. I wouldn't be afraid if I didn't perceive myself as a body. These negative feelings result in the desire to react in order to protect "myself".

Then there are my 5 senses and the apparent boundary between my skin and everything outside of it.


With love,
Hannes

Hello Hannes

I am serious about LU.

I sense that Hannes. And I love what you say here because being more regular with your replies will help you.

it symbolized self-identification

Do you see how this is an interpretation of the mind rather than a reporting of what you are actually experiencing ?

Now it's just a sensation that responds to words like "I", "me" and "my".

How do you conclude that this sensation responds to words like "I", "me" and "my"?




In what ways can you control this sensation?



Did you decide to have it?



Can you directly choose when and how to stop it?

There is no evidence, that this point is a self or the experiencer 😅

Indeed ! This is not the experiencer ! (I love the smiley face !)

The point feels like condensed energy. This condensed energy can also be felt in other parts of the body. On the arm, for example. The pressure and discomfort is only slightly greater in the head.

How is this condensed energy actually experienced? Please describe in the most basic terms what the sensation feels like with your EYES CLOSED.
For instance, is it a contraction, is it warm, does it feel raw, does it feel stagnant?



Is there an edge to it? Does it have a definite start and finish?

At the moment I feel like I'm following a script and have to make peace with the content.

If you were to not follow the script would life stop?



If you don't take any notice of the content of the thoughts / the script is peace not just there already?

Well, there is still my physical vulnerability, which stands for a separate entity. That means I could die and then be gone.

Around Christmas time we did the following exercise. I'm going to ask you to do it again because old beliefs about the body can show up again and again. Repeating this exercise is very valuable to show us the truth about the body and beliefs around physicality.

So here it is again.....

Where am I in the Body?

Please do this very attentively because otherwise you will not have the direct experience.

Please look down at your feet right now. Very attentively. And ask yourself the question. Can you find a “me” or an “I” down there in those feet? Do those feet constitute me?. Do it as slowly and as attentively as you can. Do you live there?.


And now travel up. To the knees. Look at yourself from the knees down to the toenail. With the same question. Is there a “me” to be found down there. Is this you?


And now travel. Up to your waist. We travel up to the neck now, but you'll need to be more thorough and examine that body between the neck and the waist front and back. Are you there?


Outside and inside look right down into the inside. And ask yourself. Is this me?


And then from the neck right up to the topmost hair of the head. And be sure to LOOK and FEEL around inside the head and notice the brain. The ears and the throat. Look right down. Through the throat. Can you find yourself there?


Because now you've encompassed the body. Is this body actually you? Can you find yourself anywhere? Anywhere at all? In all that you have examined inside or outside?


Even look behind the eyes, because sometimes we think that we are behind the eyes looking out. Can you find yourself even there?


And eventually if you do this faithfully IS THERE ANY EVIDENCE AT ALL - not because I say so but because if this has been faithfully done, you have actually come to the conclusion yourself – to prove that you are your body or any specific part of it?



If during this experience you have not become fully convinced, if it’s not absolutely clear to you that there is no place at all within your body where you are then please do it again. And if necessary, a third or fourth time. Until you are no longer taking my word for it. Until you yourself can bear witness to the fact that you have searched yourself thoroughly. And that you know that you are not inside of that frame.

So tell me Hannes after all this direct LOOKING can you find a “me” or an “I” in the body in any shape or form whatsoever?



Is there anywhere that you SEEM to be?



Do you have any lingering doubts at all about this experience?




With love


Alan

Hi Alan,

it symbolized self-identification

Do you see how this is an interpretation of the mind rather than a reporting of what you are actually experiencing ?

Yes, thank you for the reminder. 🙏🏼

How do you conclude that this sensation responds to words like "I", "me" and "my"?

When I repeat the words more often, the pulsating, constricting feeling in the forehead area begins.

In what ways can you control this sensation?

I can’t. It happens the way it happens. I couldn‘t decide that the sensation is going to be different.

Did you decide to have it?

No, I didn‘t.

Can you directly choose when and how to stop it?

No, I can’t.

How is this condensed energy actually experienced? Please describe in the most basic terms what the sensation feels like with your EYES CLOSED.
For instance, is it a contraction, is it warm, does it feel raw, does it feel stagnant?

A pulsating contraction with pressure and in fact it get’s warm.

Is there an edge to it? Does it have a definite start and finish?

No, I can’t see or feel this.

At the moment I feel like I'm following a script and have to make peace with the content.

If you were to not follow the script would life stop?

Life is the script. Of all the things I thought I would choose, I now know I don't really have a choice. It was given to me. So my interpretation is that I am following a greater plan or script.

If you don't take any notice of the content of the thoughts / the script is peace not just there already?

Absolutely 😊

So tell me Hannes after all this direct LOOKING can you find a “me” or an “I” in the body in any shape or form whatsoever?

After the last few days of researching for a self in some form, I can now say that I could not find such a form.

Is there anywhere that you SEEM to be?

Good question. Wherever I go, this one body, called Hannes, is always with me. Even if I don't find myself in it, I seem to be there somewhere or the body is like a portal into consciousness.

Do you have any lingering doubts at all about this experience?

Yes, but I can't really formulate the doubts any better than the answer in the previous question. My 5 senses work without me doing anything. The best I can do is try to suppress them, for example by covering my ears. Hearing happens anyway. Then I realize that I can direct my attention in a certain direction and remember at the same time that I am not really making a choice, but that the direction in which I direct my attention is also given to me. At least I know that I no longer know anything 😅 If I am not in my body, is the body the portal to my consciousness?


With love,
Hannes

Some really clear seeing in what you report here Hannes,

Just allow that seeing to show itself more and more. Thoughts can come like a little terrier dog grabbing the end of your trousers near the ankle. !! It seems they don't want to let go - until we realize that it is the "me" that is holding onto them

When I repeat the words more often, the pulsating, constricting feeling in the forehead area begins.

Interesting ! Now tell me .....
Repeat the words "I", "me" and "my" and as you do this again can you see ANY direct connection between the thoughts "I", "me" and "my" and the sensation?



Now please DIRECTLY LOOK at this. Does the pulsating, constricting feeling in the forehead disappear when you don't think about "I", "me" and "my"?



Could it be true that the pulsating, constricting feeling in the forehead is more apparent simply because you are attending to it?



Tell me what is the sensation you feel in your left knee right now?



Stay there for a few moments ......does it become more apparent the longer you stay there or the more you attend to it?




When feeling into the knee sensation is the sensation in the forehead still as apparent?

In what ways can you control this sensation?

I can’t. It happens the way it happens. I couldn‘t decide that the sensation is going to be different.

It happens the way it happens. Yes !!

You confirm this here ...

Of all the things I thought I would choose, I now know I don't really have a choice.

After the last few days of researching for a self in some form, I can now say that I could not find such a form.

Any doubts about this ?




And you say earlier ......

It was given to me.

It is so important to answer from what you SEE in the moment as you LOOK at this next question
Please describe this "me" that it is the receiver of what is given?

If you don't take any notice of the content of the thoughts / the script is peace not just there already?

Absolutely 😊

I love the strength of your response here Hannes !!!

Then I realize that I can direct my attention in a certain direction and remember at the same time that I am not really making a choice, but that the direction in which I direct my attention is also given to me. At least I know that I no longer know anything 😅

Yes, yes and yes 😊

If I am not in my body, is the body the portal to my consciousness?

If your body is in any way a portal to your consciousness, where in the body exactly is that portal?




With love



Alan

Hi Alan,

Repeat the words "I", "me" and "my" and as you do this again can you see ANY direct connection between the thoughts "I", "me" and "my" and the sensation?

Now please DIRECTLY LOOK at this. Does the pulsating, constricting feeling in the forehead disappear when you don't think about "I", "me" and "my"?

It slowly disappears.

Could it be true that the pulsating, constricting feeling in the forehead is more apparent simply because you are attending to it?

Yes, I can see and feel it.

Tell me what is the sensation you feel in your left knee right now?

A slight pulsation.

Stay there for a few moments ......does it become more apparent the longer you stay there or the more you attend to it?

The pulsation remains constant in intensity. However, heat is added until it becomes hot after a few moments.

When feeling into the knee sensation is the sensation in the forehead still as apparent?

Yes, the moment the focus is on the knee, everything else fades into the background and I can't call it up. That reminds me of my toes. If I don't look at them, they don't seem to exist.

After the last few days of researching for a self in some form, I can now say that I could not find such a form.

Any doubts about this ?

Yes, why is this body always with me if I can't find myself in it?

Please describe this "me" that it is the receiver of what is given?

I am a kind of presence that can perceive senses and preferences.

Absolutely 😊

I love the strength of your response here Hannes !!!

I really like how consciously you perceive small reactions and reflect them back to me in a loving way. Thank you 🙏🏼 ☺️

Yes, yes and yes 😊

😃

If your body is in any way a portal to your consciousness, where in the body exactly is that portal?

I cannot find a portal. What remains is the thought "I am" and this thought is so persistent because perception is possible.


Much love,
Hannes

Good morning Alan from Germany,

I would like to tell you about a dream I had tonight. I was at work and my dog named Bob Rooney, who died 15 years ago, was waiting for me downstairs in front of a skyscraper. When I finished work, I went to him and said that I had to go to the next town and would be back immediately afterwards before it was dark. I took the bus and when I got to the city, I went straight back. However, I had completely forgotten both the name of the place I wanted to go to and the route. I asked lots of people and everyone tried to stop me from going in a charming way and was somewhat successful. Then it suddenly got darker and darker and I panicked and started walking in a direction that I didn't know was the right one. A strong feeling of guilt arose in me, which is still present even after waking up. Because to be honest, the story also reflects a part of my past, when Bob Rooney stayed with my parents and I moved out as his caregiver. I don't know if it's significant to know that story. My question is whether we can also use this guilt for LU because it keeps showing itself to me in different facets?

If my day is just starting 09:00 am, is your day just ending?

Much love,
Hannes