Opening to Truth

[Alless]

Hello Rose,

I see that a thought came up almost simultaneously with a sensation in the body. “ Alan will find me frustrating, I’m taking too long and and have too many doubts”. It is only “in my head” and not a direct experience.

As for "Alan will find me frustrating" Not true at all. Seeing it "in my head" Perfect!

So the raw experience is my sensations, the thought describes an interpretation of the sensation and I get caught up in believing the thought interpretation, bypassing the sensations.

Indeed !

Makes me laugh.

And laughing with you is happening here too !! 😊 😊😊

There’s a belief I have to look harder and longer. But looking is looking, as you have been showing me. If thoughts are believed, they get in the way of looking and no matter how “hard” I try to look, I won’t SEE.

Yes !

Definitely heaviness, contraction, nausea sometimes, fear, head contraction.

These sensations are such fertile ground for investigation. More on that next.

The absoluteness of the red statement makes me want to resist what is written and I don’t know why.......
To be continued I hope…

We’ll do that right now by digging into what you say here.

But first of all many of us have a similar experience as children with Santa Claus. In cultures where Santa is very much front and centre with the Christmas season there comes a moment of truth for children who believe in Santa. This happens in a host of different ways. For instance ......

1) It can first come as an inkling that perhaps he in fact doesn’t exist. And often there is an attempt to put that notion aside.

2) For others it might be their peers tell them that he isn’t real and they might or might not believe what their friends tell them.

3) Others see with their own eyes their when they happen to see Dad or Mum putting presents under the tree late one night which exposes the truth about it all.

4) I know couple of children who recognized their fathers glasses when he was dressed as Santa but weren’t game to say anything at the time. But they could feel the whole Santa thing crumbling right before their eyes !.

5) One little girl after sitting on Santa’s knee said to her grandfather “I know who Santa really is but I’m not telling you !!” She also remembers at the time asking herself “Why doesn’t he own up to it?!?!”

Coming face to face with the truth about Santa evokes a range of reactions in a child from simply “oh..... that’s how it is” where they don't give it a second thought to strong denial that this could be true and with emotional reactions such as anxiety at the time.

Often these sensations, if they arise, are because the child fears that something will be lost. One of the things feared can be “If I believe this I won’t get ANY MORE PRESENTS !!! " They can't bear the thought of that.

But is it true that not believing in Santa means they won't get any more presents?? Typically not at all !!. Presents still come without believing in Santa. The only thing that really changes is the recognition that the whole Santa thing is a made up story.

Does it mean that we can’t enjoy Santa at Christmas? Not at all. All that really has changed is that we know the truth of it.

This can be very real for a child at the time.

So it is with this “me”

You say ….

There’s something like if I agree with this I will lose something because I’m not sure.
What is it that you are going to lose? Will anything actually be lost? Or is it a fear generated by what we THINK we’ll lose brings with it the sensations you point to earlier …. heaviness, contraction, nausea sometimes, fear, head contraction.

This not about agreeing with anything here. That is another ploy of thought. This is about SEEING the proof of it.

These sensations are real. They arise when we are getting close to the lie that is believed but doesn't want to be exposed. Sometimes sensations can be so strong that we feel we are going to die. What is it that will “die?”

Remember the times when you knew SEEING is just happening. Be that SEEING right in this moment. When you are SEEING directly does anything die? If something dies is it not just the narrative that runs like the commentator which you have already seen?

The absoluteness of the red statement makes me want to resist what is written and I don’t know why. It’s so curious that I push the computer away and want to resist this statement. I’m very surprised and perplexed.

So here is the statement again.

Can you find ANYTHING is SEPARATE / OUTSIDE / INDEPENDENT from the flow of life in YOUR EXPERIENCING?

Sit with it as much as you can and watch for the reactions. REACTION IS RESISTANCE. What ever arises just let it be as it is WITHOUT ANY STORY. and SEE what happens. Just be with the perplexity. Where is it arising from? WHAT is behind it? Just LOOK.

LOOK as you now know you can. Is there a "me" that you can find? Or is there just a tangle of thoughts perpetuating the whole myth of a "me" and producing anxiety plus.

Could it be that there is conflict between what is SEEN to be true and what has been BELIEVED to be true up till now.
Is it disbelief, is it that this is so simple and I’m not willing to admit it?

Being unwilling to let go what we’ve held onto for so long creates resistance - the symptoms of which can be many and varied but show up as sensations.

As you LOOK if you find that story takes over again, simply just relax and LOOK again. If sensations are there simply go to the sensation and be with it.

Tell me your experience.

And no problem at all with the extra day. Safe travel.

With love


Alan

[Roselight]

Hello Alan,
Blessings to you and your kind words, and helping with the understanding of what’s here.

All that really has changed is that we know the truth of it.

What is it that you are going to lose? Will anything actually be lost? Or is it a fear generated by what we THINK we’ll lose brings with it the sensations you point to earlier …. heaviness, contraction, nausea sometimes, fear, head contraction.

I appreciate your pointing out the ways/reactions to finding out about Santa. I felt I saw my parents put the presents under the tree among other things I did not want to see about them. So, early disillusionment/lack of trust around parents, Santa, God, and The Wizard of Oz to name a few. So hard to see the lie, didn’t want to know! Maybe that’s what’s here. And as you point out, we/I can know the truth of it now.

Just be with the perplexity. Where is it arising from? WHAT is behind it? Just LOOK.

It feels like I don’t know what the flow of life is so how do I know what is outside of it? And yet I can at times see the flow of life, certainly in nature. Like I don’t want to admit this truth if I absolutely cannot be 100% on-board. The statement is asking for an answer that is yes or no. And that’s where I sense a “stop”, then there is blankness. Then arises, irritation, can’t breathe, stomachache, seems like fear is here.” I don’t know” what I’m being asked to know, or it feels that way. Could this just be I am afraid of the unknown? There may not be content except for “unknown” and I don’t like it! If I “commit” to the unknown, how do I know I will be ok? What if I make a mistake? I’ve finally gotten comfortable with THIS reality, now I enter something I don’t know?
I did not expect to be so resistant to this question. I have always thought of life as a flow and understood everything is included. So this is so surprising.

Behind the fear/perplexity:
I stayed with this for many sessions in silence during the day yesterday.. Today I find stillness and silence as I look. As it is stayed with, calm comes and silence becomes more pronounced.

LOOK as you now know you can. Is there a "me" that you can find? Or is there just a tangle of thoughts perpetuating the whole myth of a "me" and producing anxiety plus.

I cannot find a me. I have seen the tangle of thoughts of psychodynamic reasons I have fear here, you’ve only heard a few (lucky you).

Could it be that there is conflict between what is SEEN to be true and what has been BELIEVED to be true up till now.
Is it disbelief, is it that this is so simple and I’m not willing to admit it?

When I look now, the seeing is including the emptiness here. Just noticing this along with the silence. Almost as if everything (especially nature) is part of the emptiness here. I have believed that we have been separate, but in this seeing, there is a connection.

I’m still contemplating the simplicity question. I’ve had experiences of this simplicity and it was effortless and easy. I never felt at those times that I did not want to see how simple it was.

Tell me your experience.

Yes, as mentioned, I really took time and your words to heart to notice and see the sensations. This has helped greatly, even when I did not want to stay with it and felt like a toddler that hated something. Just allowing the seeing without a goal of something helps. I noticed even 10-15 minutes of silent looking is helping, just the curiosity and noticing. As I look, the no-thing here is included in the seeing/looking. The sensations usually relaxed a bit after a few minutes.

Love,
Rose

[Alless]

Blessings to you and your kind words

You are so very welcome Rose. Thank you.

Yes, as mentioned, I really took time and your words to heart to notice and see the sensations. This has helped greatly, even when I did not want to stay with it and felt like a toddler that hated something. Just allowing the seeing without a goal of something helps. I noticed even 10-15 minutes of silent looking is helping, just the curiosity and noticing. As I look, the no-thing here is included in the seeing/looking. The sensations usually relaxed a bit after a few minutes.

“Just the curiosity and noticing” and "silent looking" that you experienced here is a real key in this investigation Rose.

When sensations arise, as much as you are able, continue with this.

LOOK for what they are protecting? LOOK for what is behind them?

If these sensations remain strong or increase and continue to persist please let me know and we will look at that deeper.

For now we will investigate something else you report.


Earlier in this message you report

Could this just be I am afraid of the unknown? There may not be content except for “unknown” and I don’t like it! If I “commit” to the unknown, how do I know I will be ok? What if I make a mistake? I’ve finally gotten comfortable with THIS reality, now I enter something I don’t know?

What is heard in what you write is a fear of losing control.

Does that resonate?

This fear of losing control often appears as we look. The strange thing is we become so fearful about losing something that we haven’t ever had. “I don’t want to lose control” is just another thought. The truth is we never had or can have control in the way we THINK we have it. IT IS ALL A LIE.

Here's a pointer to look at the AE (Actual Experience) of "control."

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately. Where or what is the decision point?

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

With love


Alan

[Roselight]

Hi Alan,

LOOK for what they are protecting? LOOK for what is behind them?

I have not had that level of fear recently, so I can investigate when this comes up again. When I stayed with it a few days ago, it dissolved and lessened. So there might be some kind of emptiness behind the fear, agitation, vulnerability. As I read “the question in red” now, it’s a softer response, more settled within.

What is heard in what you write is a fear of losing control.

Does that resonate?

Tears come up as I read this. “What’s going to happen to me?” was my main question growing up. Yes, it resonates deeply.

How is the movement controlled?

I’ve always thought I controlled it. Now there’s a sense of just being with it, seeing it and I don’t have any idea right now, how it is controlled.

Does a thought control it?

No, there’s a seeing that it moves prior to thought or with no thought.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

There is no controller that can be located or seen.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

There is a bit of a space or blankness when asked this question. This is not known.

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately. Where or what is the decision point?

If I’m just naturally with this hand turning, without necessarily thinking a thought about it, there doesn’t seem to be a decision point. I’ve read that this is the exercise and it starts to happen naturally.
But if “I”, an inner voice verbalizes(“my” inner talking) and says “turn over”, the hand “can” turn over, or can” follow” the internal command. It seems like the hand movement Is happening after the internal command, which looks like it is obeying the command. But what also is noticed is that there can be the internal command, and no hand will or “has to”turn.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

The organism chose the hand, out of habit perhaps. There is no “me” that made a decision to use my right hand.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No, nothing separate is choosing this.

Thank you again Alan.
Love, Rose

[Alless]

I have not had that level of fear recently, so I can investigate when this comes up again.

That is so good to hear Rose. I don’t how much you have worked with emotions and sensations prior or LU and you may well be aware shadow work does not finish when one sees there is no self. So keep up this good work whenever you can.

Re fear of losing control…..

Tears come up as I read this. “What’s going to happen to me?” was my main question growing up. Yes, it resonates deeply.

Thank you for your honesty here Rose.

Does a thought control it?

No,there’s a seeing that it moves prior to thought or with no thought.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

There is no controller that can be located or seen.

Good work ! These are direct responses which clearly come from your AE (Actual Experience).

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

There is a bit of a space or blankness when asked this question. This is not known.

This is not known.

That is clear as a bell AE.

There is a bit of a space or blankness when asked this question.

Your AE is not clear here. You say "a BIT of space" Is this a a thought, a label you have taken to be true?

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately. Where or what is the decision point?

If I’m just naturally with this hand turning, without necessarily thinking a thought about it, there doesn’t seem to be a decision point. I’ve read that this is the exercise and it starts to happen naturally.
But if “I”, an inner voice verbalizes(“my” inner talking) and says “turn over”, the hand “can” turn over, or can” follow” the internal command. It seems like the hand movement Is happening after the internal command, which looks like it is obeying the command. But what also is noticed is that there can be the internal command, and no hand will or “has to”turn.

I'm not clear about your AE here. There is a story here.

Remember that thought overlay deprives us of crystal clear Actual Experience.

We care ONLY about Actual Experience. Nothing else. And because of this my responses could well appear as pedantic and even somewhat confronting. But let me check with you Rose - are you OK with that?

So please LOOK again and tell me what your AE is here.

When you LOOK do you find a decision point? Yes or no? If so where do you SEE it DIRECTLY.


Do you feel any reaction to what is SEEN here? If so what sensation is your AE?



Here is another exercise to investigate choice and control

Drink Exercise

The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?


With love

Alan

[Roselight]

Hi Alan,

Your AE is not clear here. You say "a BIT of space" Is this a thought, a label you have taken to be true?

It appears to be a label. The experience is that there is nothing there that makes a decision.

But let me check with you Rose - are you OK with that?

Yes, very ok and I appreciate your sensitivity too. When learning to SEE, confrontation is necessary, at least that’s what I am noticing for “me”.

When you LOOK do you find a decision point? Yes or no? If so where do you SEE it DIRECTLY.

No. Looking back at the previous response, I see a way of wanting to have exceptions. But when I did it again, all I needed to do was answer the question that was posed.

Do you feel any reaction to what is SEEN here? If so what sensation is your AE?

Amusement of sorts. The longer I turn the hand and look, the less the hand is “me” or”mine”.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves?

They arose themselves, were made known.

If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

There is a taste preference here, but I did not choose them.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event?

No I did not.

Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

No I did not.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

This happens automatically without a me.

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’?

No.

Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

I saw no chooser.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

Trying to understand the above question can make me dizzy, But I get it, a feeling can’t choose. Taste can’t choose but I see that there is a preference for B over A that seems like it came from taste. But taste is not a faculty doing the choosing. Yes?

It feels like the more these exercises are experienced, there's a "getting the hang" of what you are pointing to. I notice less resistance. I'm sure that's hopefully the idea, but I do notice this right now.

Thank you again, Alan.
Love, Rose

[Alless]

Wonderful AE feedback here Rose !

Amusement of sorts.

Love it! Do let yourself be amused by what you see. Let’s see if the next exercise raises a smile or two!

I notice less resistance. I'm sure that's hopefully the idea, but I do notice this right now.

Let's explore this resistance.

It’s a fascinating phenomenon this resistance thing.

Resistance is simply saying “NO” to what is. When we are resisting we are experiencing a “NO” to life – to what ALREADY is. By resisting we somehow believe that we can change what already is. It’s insane really.

From experience here there was a moment one day when I suddenly saw there was not only resistance but resistance to resistance ! Not only was there the experience of pushing against but there was a pushing against the pushing against. Everything within “me” was saying “I don’t like this resistance thing at all” In simply seeing this pushing against the pushing, something changed. I know that can sound crazy however that was what was happening. Does that make any sense to you Rose?


As you go through your day and notice resistance, turn your attention to it and inquire into it.

Soften your gaze and LOOK in a light, relaxed way while watching like a hawk for any story sneaking in here. Insist on reporting actual experience ONLY.

When resistance is noticed, can you accept that this resistance is there?

What is happening in experience that causes you to experience this which we call resistance? Contraction? Tightness? Blankness? A particular thought? A feeling? Is it a wanting to turn or run from something? Something else?

Can anything called resistance be found? Or is it a label we attach on a happening in experience?

Do you see it as a spontaneous arising?

What is resisting what?

Then look behind it, what is there?

What is resistance hiding / protecting?

Can you find any inherent malintent in the resistance?

Is there resistance to resistance happening in some way? Have a good look for this and see what happens.

See if there is something that wants to escape the situation you find yourself in, whatever the situation. Say yes to that too, and let this be okay. See what is behind it. And deeper, and deeper. Till you are seeing that situation as it is, is perfect for you as it is. Rest in that.

Love

Alan

[Roselight]

Hi Alan,

Everything within “me” was saying “I don’t like this resistance thing at all” In simply seeing this pushing against the pushing, something changed. I know that can sound crazy however that was what was happening. Does that make any sense to you Rose?

It totally does Alan. I have spent a good deal of time looking at this resistance to resistance, but from a perspective of patterning. Rarely have I looked at it the way you suggest. So I “know” a lot about the why of resisting, recognizing and rejecting resistance, but not much about SEEING it.

When resistance is noticed, can you accept that this resistance is there?

There are times I can accept and at times “I WON’T!”.

Right now, there is a small resistance here and there is allowing here with it, as you ask “can you accept that this resistance is there?”.

What is happening in experience that causes you to experience this which we call resistance? Contraction? Tightness? Blankness? A particular thought? A feeling? Is it a wanting to turn or run from something? Something else?

A strong resistance is noticed with solar plexis contractions, difficulty breathing, pressure in head, tightening in body, tension, muscle rigidity and feelings of sadness/shame. A overused thought is "This should be different or I should be somewhere better than this." When these sensations are active I can especially feel the resistance to this resistance, like “I don’t want to feel this pressure in my head, I want it to disappear” or “I hate how this feels”.

Resistance was noticed on the last trip when I was sitting by myself for lunch and felt others around me enjoying the company of friends. I felt this strong urge to run out of the lunch area.

A less obvious resistance to “what is” is thought busyness, analysis of a situation, talking to self etc. Also, a pulling of body energy inside. Or even a big “NO” inside my head.

Can anything called resistance be found?

No.

Or is it a label we attach on a happening in experience?

It's a label on an experience.

Do you see it as a spontaneous arising?

Absolutely.

What is resisting what?

Hmmm..The "something that says no" resists "what's happening". It reminds me of something “putting the brakes on” something. The something is unfindable, and under that, it seems like nothing is there.

Then look behind it, what is there?

I’ve seen resistance take a “shape’, like a “harness” in my solar plexis, squeezing “me”. As I look, it’s an image in my mind or a thought. Behind this thought/image is space or free floating nothing.

What is resistance hiding / protecting?

It almost feels like it is protecting my “inner space” or “inner body”.
“Don’t go there”. It perceives a threat.

Can you find any inherent malintent in the resistance?

Helpful question. No, it feels without malintent, more a fact of putting up a boundary to “keep out” something. More of “just what happens” when what is not liked or wanted, is met.

Is there resistance to resistance happening in some way? Have a good look for this and see what happens.

At this moment there’s little resistance to resistance, but I do notice some. As I look for it, I see how noticing the resistance to resistance allows the “original” resistance to "what is" to “relax” and “spread out”.

The resistance to resistance is important and I'm very glad we are looking at this.
Love, Rose

[Alless]

It totally does Alan. I have spent a good deal of time looking at this resistance to resistance, but from a perspective of patterning. Rarely have I looked at it the way you suggest. So I “know” a lot about the why of resisting, recognizing and rejecting resistance, but not much about SEEING it.

So we’ll attend to just the SEEING of it.

There are times I can accept and at times “I WON’T!”.

The “I WON’T” thought arising with strong emotion is typically such an instantaneous, unconscious reaction isn't it? When it arises next time just notice the “I WON’T” thought. Just SEE and FEEL what is happening as you let it have it's legitimate appearing.

Let me know what your experience is.

And have good deep look for the “me” at the same time.

Is there a “me” controlling any of this at all?

A strong resistance is noticed with solar plexis contractions, difficulty breathing, pressure in head, tightening in body, tension, muscle rigidity and feelings of sadness/shame. A overused thought is "This should be different or I should be somewhere better than this." When these sensations are active I can especially feel the resistance to this resistance, like “I don’t want to feel this pressure in my head, I want it to disappear” or “I hate how this feels”.

SEE how story takes over here?

A less obvious resistance to “what is” is thought busyness, analysis of a situation, talking to self etc. Also, a pulling of body energy inside. Or even a big “NO” inside my head.

Yes ! Less obvious but because it's less obvious it is so covert in overlaying AE. And the antidote? Simply noticing what is happening. And again and again...... looking for the “me.”

Can anything called resistance be found?

No.

Or is it a label we attach on a happening in experience?

It's a label on an experience.

Do you see it as a spontaneous arising?

Absolutely.

Great ! Now ……..

Is what you say here FULLY ACCEPTED AS THE TRUTH?

As you answer what is the sensation, if any, that arises simultaneously?

If this is not the truth, what is true, (that is, what is actually being experienced) that negates the truth which you have seen ?

At this moment there’s little resistance to resistance, but I do notice some. As I look for it, I see how noticing the resistance to resistance allows the “original” resistance to "what is" to “relax” and “spread out”.

Yes ! Just keep noticing and see what happens to the “relaxing and spreading out”

Is there a moment in your AE where it’s clear that, that which we call resistance, in and of itself, is actually impotent?

As you LOOK and FEEL into WHATEVER is happening, is there a "me" that has caused ANY OF THIS AT ALL?

In a light and curious manner spend the next day simply noticing resistance to resistance and let me know what is experienced.

With love


Alan

[Roselight]

Hello Alan,

The “I WON’T” thought arising with strong emotion is typically such an instantaneous, unconscious reaction isn't it? When it arises next time just notice the “I WON’T” thought. Just SEE and FEEL what is happening as you let it have it's legitimate appearing.
Let me know what your experience is.

As a few things came up today that ‘weren’t what “I” wanted’, I experienced pressure in the chest and an” energy push” to tell a story. Sitting back and with a breath, this was just allowed and a story was not told. Staying with this moment in this way. It became more of the” way it is “right now.

And have good deep look for the “me” at the same time.
Is there a “me” controlling any of this at all?

No there isn’t. The more the me is “examined” the more the space opens. Nothing really is controlling this.

Is what you say here FULLY ACCEPTED AS THE TRUTH?

It is. There is nothing there but some strong body sensations that have been named “over time” and now have a story. But there is nothing there to SEE.

As you answer what is the sensation, if any, that arises simultaneously?

Kind of neutral, calm. Quiet.

If this is not the truth, what is true, (that is, what is actually being experienced) that negates the truth which you have seen ?

Is there a moment in your AE where it’s clear that, that which we call resistance, in and of itself, is actually impotent?

When I really look, full attention there, there is like an image of energy or a “dust ball”. That is a thought. There is also a sensation felt with that. As I stay with it, yes, I do have moments where it is seen/felt as empty with no power or agency. It kind of “just is” and that’s it. It’s just there.

As you LOOK and FEEL into WHATEVER is happening, is there a "me" that has caused ANY OF THIS AT ALL?

No me has caused this. It is seen as what happened but not caused by a “me”.

In a light and curious manner spend the next day simply noticing resistance to resistance and let me know what is experienced.

(Just a clarification, when you ask to spend the" next day" noticing, do you mean take a whole day and then respond, so that I would get back to you later than our usual response time? For this exercise, I spent much of this day with this question, but not a full day.)

So far there’s seeing mostly resistance without resisting it. An itchy, pushing in the solar plexis. Simple things I did not “get my way” on, that I normally don’t notice as resistance. The sensations just arise.
When I did feel the resistance to resistance, it felt like a heavier pressure inside than the “normal” resistance and there were thoughts as a judgment about a “me” that “shouldn’t” be resisting. This is the story. I did not see the resistance or the resistance to the resistance at first. As I look back now at the resistance to the resistance, a slight relaxation is noticed in the solar plexis. The head relaxes as well.

Thank you again Alan,
Love, Rose

[Alless]

Kind of neutral, calm. Quiet.

Beautiful Rose ! This is felt not only as the response to that specific question but throughout this message as I read it just now.

No me has caused this. It is seen as what happened but not caused by a “me”.

Your message is so clear!

(Just a clarification, when you ask to spend the" next day" noticing, do you mean take a whole day and then respond, so that I would get back to you later than our usual response time? For this exercise, I spent much of this day with this question, but not a full day.)

I meant the later, just as you have done.

Having said that, once seen, this noticing is not something we “do” from time to time but becomes a way of life. I sense you might know what I mean. Does that resonate?

So far there’s seeing mostly resistance without resisting it. An itchy, pushing in the solar plexis. Simple things I did not “get my way” on, that I normally don’t notice as resistance. The sensations just arise.

Yes, indeed. "The sensations just arise." And subtleties which used to be unnoticed are now felt

This that we call resistance is just a sensation which we label and react to.

Here is something that we can look at to further investigate PURE SENSATION.

Sit with EYES CLOSED for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the PURE SENSATIONS, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is?

Does the body have a weight or volume?

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?

Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside?

If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?

If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?


FEEL AND LOOK very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look/feel several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.

Remember this statement a few days ago?

There is no separate self, never has been, and never will be.

What happens now when you sit with that statement?

Describe any differences now experienced to when you first saw it a few days ago?


With love


Alan

[Roselight]

Hello Alan,

Having said that, once seen, this noticing is not something we “do” from time to time but becomes a way of life. I sense you might know what I mean. Does that resonate?

Yes it does. This is a new orientation to these sensations, to be with them in this way. It is very helpful for me to have worked on A LOT of psychological patterning in the body, because now when I feel that sensation, it can be sensed and allowed. There isn’t the same level needed of processing etc. It can just be sensed.

Can it be known how tall the body is?

Two responses come. One is yes, it can be measured in physical reality. As I go back and close my eyes, there is just sensation that is noticed taking the form or route of an image of the body. I’m not sure that can be measured or known exactly.

Does the body have a weight or volume?

With eyes closed, it is only sensation without weight or volume.

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

The experience is still sensation within an image of the body so there is a shape, but in some “places” there is no shape.

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?

Not much of one. Images of the body and clothing come up and I imagine a boundary, but other times it’s all one sensation; clothing and skin. The longer I sit in silence, the more there are no boundaries.

Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

No, it’s easier to just feel sensation, less or no image.

I

s there an inside or an outside?

No. The more there’s quiet sensation noticing, the more clear this is.

If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

I can “imagine” an inside and outside but with eyes closed, they do not exist.

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

An empty space of sensations.

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Pulsing, energetic sensations in this location.

What happens now when you sit with that statement?

Recognition of more space and silence.


There is no separate self, never has been, and never will be.

What happens now when you sit with that statement?

Describe any differences now experienced to when you first saw it a few days ago?

I took some time with this today, experiencing all kinds of things. There is more fluidity with seeing it/reading it. Meaning, I don’t feel so “resistant” to reading it. There still feels like a sensation here that comes up when I read it, but it’s less “hard” or “less fear” there. So more relaxation, open to it, a softness as it is read.

Thank you kind Alan.
Love, Rose

[Alless]

Thank you for your kind words Rose.

Let's see what we can uncover in this exercise you've just reported on.

It is very helpful for me to have worked on A LOT of psychological patterning in the body, because now when I feel that sensation, it can be sensed and allowed.

Psychological work certainly has it’s place and has it’s benefits. And as we all know it has it’s very real limitations. Psychologically we work ON the patterning and with this investigation we simply notice the patterning then we go BEHIND the patterning.

As I go back and close my eyes, there is just sensation that is noticed taking the form or route of an image of the body. I’m not sure that can be measured or known exactly.

Ah yes. When PURE SENSATION is experienced there is no reference point per say. When an image appears as a thought AND we attend to it rather than just notice it and ignore it, that is when it is then used as a reference point and a proxy for the story to roll out from there.

This is what this exercise helps us do. To experience sensation WITHOUT any reference point
.
Thoughts are either words (the narrative that runs) or images. These are the two forms of thought we experience. The “me” is either an image (as you have experienced the “me” as) or words. It can be either or both. So can you see that the “me” is simply a thought that is referenced by another thought.

It is this phenomena that leaves us believing there is a “me” when it is only a figment of the imagination albeit such a convincing belief until it’s seen for what it truly is.

In pure AE we SEE the thought form WITHOUT ATTENDING TO ITS CONTENT IN ANY WAY.

So in what you reported here can you see how the content of the thought (image of the body) was a reference point that overlayed the experience of PURE SENSATION?

It is the attention to the content of the image (imagination/illusion) that left the uncertainty of whether the body could be measured or not.

Does that make sense?

You need to be very clear on this. Please tell me if that does not ring true as you look again at your experience or if there is any doubt at all.

Does the body have a weight or volume?

With eyes closed, it is only sensation without weight or volume.

Good. You catch the truth of this in this observation ! Experience only is evident here. There is no reference to thought.

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

The experience is still sensation within an image of the body so there is a shape, but in some “places” there is no shape.

Here the image intrudes again. Remember the instruction was "Paying attention only to the PURE SENSATIONS, without relying on thoughts or mental images.

This is a very exacting exercise to help us see how subtly the content of thought intrudes on AE when we are unaware of what is actually happening with thought.

We are not trying to find an ANSWER as we would normally think but simply to report our Actual Experience of PURE SENSATION.

Rose, why don't you go through the exercise again? Take your time and let your focus relax and SEE WHAT DIFFERENCE there is when you are truly paying attention only to the PURE SENSATIONS, without relying on thoughts or mental images.

So again …..sitting with EYES CLOSED for about 15 minutes.

Can it be known how tall the body is?

Does the body have a weight or volume?

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?

Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside?

If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?

If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Was there any significant difference this time through?

Being ONLY with PURE SENSATION can a me, a separate entity be found in any way?

Love

Alan

[Roselight]

Hello Alan,
This exercise for the second time, brought up a lot of the kind of sensations we studied recently (resistance).

So in what you reported here can you see how the content of the thought (image of the body) was a reference point that overlayed the experience of PURE SENSATION?

Yes, I can see how that thought overlayed pure sensation, it seemed almost instantaneous. So the image of the body is a thought that overlayed the experience.

It is the attention to the content of the image (imagination/illusion) that left the uncertainty of whether the body could be measured or not.
AND we attend to it rather than just notice it and ignore it, that is when it is then used as a reference point and a proxy for the story to roll out from there.

This is helpful to see that ignoring and not noticing can happen with this. I will try this out. Usually the “only sensation” experience just begins to “happen” on its own with silence and sitting. There’s a way to “not attend” that can happen as well.

Does that make sense?

You need to be very clear on this. Please tell me if that does not ring true as you look again at your experience or if there is any doubt at all.

It does make sense. I assume to attend only to the sensations would be another way of saying this (therefore ignoring everything else). Attending to the image and its content gets in the way of the true experiencing of this moment…pure sensation.

Rose, why don't you go through the exercise again? Take your time and let your focus relax and SEE WHAT DIFFERENCE there is when you are truly paying attention only to the PURE SENSATIONS, without relying on thoughts or mental images.

So again …..sitting with EYES CLOSED for about 15 minutes.

Can it be known how tall the body is?

Not really. If there’s a sense of looking outward, there is an experience of sensation in space that has no boundaries. If “I’ look downward and sense, I sense the shape of the body. It comes up automatically it seems. I’m focusing on the sensations, and they seem located in a shape. As I write this there is additional sensation/resistance when this is written out. The “shape image” just pops up anyway. Sometimes if I go 45 minutes with closed eyes or have a breath work session, it all goes away.

I did another 15 min session and the hand image kept coming up, so I stayed with the sensation in the “hand” and as I did, the sensations spread out more, not in any particular shape. There is a more free-floating feeling of sensation, almost a vibration without a shape now.

Does the body have a weight or volume?

No.

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Again, if I look outward, there is no shape. The second time I did this, I sense it takes a bit of time, but there is no specific shape. Sometimes there is a sense that the sensations “congregate” around a certain area and then this thins out.

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?

Not that I can tell.

Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

No, they are sensed as the same.

Is there an inside or an outside?

No, they seem the same.

If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

Light sensations.

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Vibratory sensations.

Was there any significant difference this time through?

I could feel much more of the sensations and what I saw as a spread out field of sensations. It got easier to ignore the image the more I practiced.

Being ONLY with PURE SENSATION can a me, a separate entity be found in any way?

Seems like a blanket of sensation and space and no me.

Thank you Alan.
Love, Rose

[Alless]

This exercise for the second time, brought up a lot of the kind of sensations we studied recently (resistance).

That’s really good. Discerning this resistance for the sensation it is, is so helpful

Yes, I can see how that thought overlayed pure sensation, it seemed almost instantaneous. So the image of the body is a thought that overlayed the experience.

Good work Rose.Yes, almost instantaneous and always AFTER the fact !

This is helpful to see that ignoring and not noticing can happen with this.

It is worth clarifying what is meant by "ignoring" in this context. Ignoring can mean we are pretending something is not there. That's not what ignoring means in this context. Ignoring in this investigation is recognizing something is there but not being influenced by its presence. Oh yes, we notice them but give no attention to their content or the distraction that they offer. It's like clouds in the sky - we see them and don't give them a second thought.

Actually another aspect of this ignoring thought is that we can actively look for them and in this way it helps us be aware of them but not attending to their content.

Attending to the image and its content gets in the way of the true experiencing of this moment…pure sensation.

Yea, you're getting to the heart of what is being pointed to here.


I would like to clarify.

a spread out field of sensation

What you mean when you say that? Please describe it a little more.

Here is something that might help accentuate what happens between sensation and the associations of thought that are then believed as true.

Sight-Sensation Correlation

1. Close the eyes and hold up one hand. Pay attention only to the felt sensations ‘of the hand’.

2. Open the eyes, and now observe the hand by looking only.

3. While looking at the hand, pay attention to the felt sensations.

Repeat 1 to 3 as many times as needed and investigate…

Normally we believe that the sensation is coming from the sight, the ‘object’ seen (hand).

But if you look,

Is there any link between the sensation and the sight?

In other words, is the sensation ‘coming from’ the sight (labelled as hand) or only thoughts and mental constructs link them?

Can you see that both the ‘visual sight’ and the sensation appear simultaneously but ‘separately’, meaning that none of them is coming from the other or contained by the other?

So they just appear equally, ‘beside’ each other without any hierarchy or link between them?

You can repeat the exercise with all of body parts. For the head you can use a mirror

Play with this.

Consider this statement again in the context of thought - So they just appear equally, ‘beside’ each other without any hierarchy or link between them?

Can you see how an image (thought) can just appear beside sensation - appearing equally - and before we know it we can be lured away from pure experience by attending to whatever is believed in thought?

Then thought upon thought creates a story which is associated with the sensation by an imagined link. We then see how the story is just a fabricated mental construct.

And once again, can you find any entity in control of any of this which you can label "me"?


With love


Alan