The Gate

Hi dear Valli,

Infinity feels very uncomfortable for the mind! Nothing to hold onto.

Yes, mind sayс that you are something - this and that image is made by fear, shame, guilt...

Yes, it seems it is identification with emotions and trying to hold onto them or push them away that creates problems.

Notice what exactly identification whit what? With sensations? or with the image of someone which is guilt, ashamed and scary?

The mind seems to expect a dangerous tomorrow or hopes for a better tomorrow but of course there is infinite potential. Infinity feels very uncomfortable for the mind! Nothing to hold onto.

Ok. Wonderful that you can see this. Now notice does the mind has eyes?
Does the mind see that there is no tiger in the room and no separate entity?
What is going on when you look and cannot find a self/entity but only infinite potential? do you need to believe mind what is true?

I still experience an ego/person/self here, but I can see that it is an illusion.

How can be experience something imagined?
:) Let's experience Santa, then wall, then entity, then screen on the computer, then unicorn?

This Thursday we have an open free meeting via zoom at 5 pm GMT, if you want to take part drop me a line

Love,
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

Notice what exactly identification whit what? With sensations? or with the image of someone which is guilt, ashamed and scary?

The identification is more like the self is taking ownership of the emotion. The emotion is arising, and so it must belong to me and since it belongs to me, I must be the one creating and feeling the emotion.

Today I saw that just because something is happening, doesn’t mean it is happening to someone. For example, the sunset just happens without a self sunsetting, and so fear can arise without there being a self who is fearful. I always thought that because there is fear, there must be a self creating and feeling the fear. Now I see there is just fear arising and falling away. Just life happening, but not to anyone. I don’t know how to explain this very well.

Now notice does the mind has eyes?
Does the mind see that there is no tiger in the room and no separate entity?

No, the mind doesn’t have eyes but it does create images and its own distorted reality that it believes. I don’t know if the mind can see that there is no separate entity. It only tells a story of a separate and special self.

What is going on when you look and cannot find a self/entity but only infinite potential? do you need to believe mind what is true?

What is going on when I look feels like freedom, silence and peace. No, I don’t need to believe the mind. Is this the problem? Do I just keep forgetting and believing the mind?

How can be experience something imagined?

I know, this is driving me crazy! How can I believe and experience something that is imagined? The mind seems to create nothing out of nothing.

:) Let's experience Santa, then wall, then entity, then screen on the computer, then unicorn?

Ok, this exercise was very helpful. I see that the belief in a self is similar to Santa. But, I didn’t have to spend years trying to see through the illusion of Santa. :)

With love,
Valli

Hi dear Valli,
Nice, I like your sense of humour :)

The identification is more like the self is taking ownership of the emotion. The emotion is arising, and so it must belong to me and since it belongs to me, I must be the one creating and feeling the emotion.

yes, exactly, the emotions are coming with a story about you which is guilty and shame is coming to punished you, BUT :)
When you look inside the body and behind the eyes and where the thoughts are coming, what is there? can the entity be found?

Today I saw that just because something is happening, doesn’t mean it is happening to someone. For example, the sunset just happens without a self sunsetting, and so fear can arise without there being a self who is fearful.

Yes, there is no entity which is Sun :) Now notice again is there a self which produces thoughts with efforts?
Entity which knows what thought will come before it appears?
All these are old programs, mental constructions. Stay for 1 min and look what thoughts, what believes will come?
This is Santa story teller. Find what is going on without paying attention to the thoughts about a poor entity.

What is going on when I look feels like freedom, silence and peace. No, I don’t need to believe the mind. Is this the problem? Do I just keep forgetting and believing the mind?

Yes, exactly. Where the thoughts are coming from?
Look around - are you this which appears here?
How far is you from here?

I always thought that because there is fear, there must be a self creating and feeling the fear. Now I see there is just fear arising and falling away

Fear is coming from childhood, this old pattern for protection. Now is time to find what is under protection? What is there, behind the fear?

Love
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

When you look inside the body and behind the eyes and where the thoughts are coming, what is there? can the entity be found?

Nothing can be found. No entity. Just thoughts and sensations.

Now notice again is there a self which produces thoughts with efforts? Entity which knows what thought will come before it appears?

I can’t find a self that produces thoughts. The thoughts just happen - there is no self that seems to plan or control them. There is no entity which can predict what thought will arise next. It just seems spontaneous.

Yes, exactly. Where the thoughts are coming from?
Look around - are you this which appears here?

When I look at thoughts, I can see that they are not me and they are not coming from me and the story they tell is not true. Then I wonder if I am the self that is looking and noticing the thoughts. All is see are thoughts, sensations, and looking.

Now is time to find what is under protection? What is there, behind the fear?

I can’t find behind the fear yet. There is fear and then no fear. Silence then fear. On and on. I will keep looking.

With thanks,
Valli

Hi dear Valli,

Wonderful investigation.
Please notice this one - We are looking for something very simple.
I'll give you a hind, catch it ;)
Here it is:

I can’t find a self that produces thoughts. The thoughts just happen - there is no self that seems to plan or control them. There is no entity which can predict what thought will arise next. It just seems spontaneous.

Thoughts are coming by themselves! Yes.
Now notice the movements of the body and everything else.
Is it posible everything to move by itself and only thoughts to tell a story about someone which is here as this and that?
Say loudly:
"There is a reading and speaking right now and thoughts wich make a story about someone which makes effort to read and speak"

What is coming? :)

Much love
Lubo

Hi Lubo,

Now notice the movements of the body and everything else.
Is it posible everything to move by itself and only thoughts to tell a story about someone which is here as this and that?
Say loudly:
"There is a reading and speaking right now and thoughts wich make a story about someone which makes effort to read and speak"

What is coming? :)

It is thought creating a self, it is thought telling a story, and it is also thought believing the story. The feeling of a separate self is simply a thought reflecting on more thoughts plus sensations and a contraction in the body and more stories about what the sensations mean.

This exercise was very interesting and so helpful. I can see that every time anything happens (sensations, perceptions, memory, thoughts, images), the mind first instantly creates a self and then tells a story about what this means for the self. For example, a sensation in the head quickly becomes “Oh no, I have a headache, I feel terrible, I can’t go to the party now and my friends will be disappointed.” It becomes a huge story that is all about the self, instead of just noticing and taking care of the sensation in the head.

Now there is writing this post happening and the mind automatically creates a self and says, “I think I am getting this, I feel so close, I hope I will awaken soon …” More stories from the mind about what will happen to the self in the future. So funny!

Sincerely,
Valli

Hi dear Valli,
Yes! LoL :)
You describe it so precisely how the illusion happens :)

It is thought creating a self, it is thought telling a story, and it is also thought believing the story. The feeling of a separate self is simply a thought reflecting on more thoughts plus sensations and a contraction in the body and more stories about what the sensations mean.

Yes :)

This exercise was very interesting and so helpful. I can see that every time anything happens (sensations, perceptions, memory, thoughts, images), the mind first instantly creates a self and then tells a story about what this means for the self. For example, a sensation in the head quickly becomes “Oh no, I have a headache, I feel terrible, I can’t go to the party now and my friends will be disappointed.” It becomes a huge story that is all about the self, instead of just noticing and taking care of the sensation in the head.

Yes. Excellent :)
Let's check - notice is there someone which knows the story about poor me, the image of a self which is guilty, unworthy etc?
Notice reality around - is it known what image-story mind creates?
During speaking with somebody or making coffee...is this image of a me speaking or making a coffee?
or there is speaking and coffee making only?

Now there is writing this post happening and the mind automatically creates a self and says, “I think I am getting this, I feel so close, I hope I will awaken soon …”

Yes, wonderful. Now notice the image of somebody which is not awake and should become awake - is it known this one from others and reality around or is mind fabricated? Does it exist at all? Was there ever?

More stories from the mind about what will happen to the self in the future. So funny!

:) What happens with Santa? Is Santa Claus dead or there is freedom from this childish story?

Love
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

Let's check - notice is there someone which knows the story about poor me, the image of a self which is guilty, unworthy etc?

No, there is no self that knows the story. There seems to be an open space that is not touched at all by thoughts of being guilty, unworthy, scared, broken or hurt. Beyond the thoughts is just a peaceful awareness that is not affected by anything the mind says.

Notice reality around - is it known what image-story mind creates?

The only thing that seems to respond to the story of the mind is the body - it creates sensations that make the story seem more real.

During speaking with somebody or making coffee...is this image of a me speaking or making a coffee?
or there is speaking and coffee making only?

When I am busy with life it still feels like there is a familiar me speaking and doing. When I look, I can’t find the me, but there is still a sense or feeling of a me.

What happens with Santa? Is Santa Claus dead or there is freedom from this childish story?

It feels like I am a vast empty space (like the whole universe is looking through my eyes) and I can’t find a self in direct experience, but the thoughts constantly refer back to me/I/mine and the body still feels like me.

With thanks,
Valli

Hi dear Valli,

Thanks for the reply.

Let's check - notice is there someone which knows the story about poor me, the image of a self which is guilty, unworthy etc?

No, there is no self that knows the story.

English is not my native and I am not very clear :) I will try in this way:
Look around - is there something or someone else in the world which knows the story about me?
Don't think. What can you find at Direct Experience?

Notice reality around - is it known what image-story mind creates?

The only thing that seems to respond to the story of the mind is the body - it creates sensations that make the story seem more real.

Is there someone else in the world which knows this?
Does the body even knows what the story of a me is going on?

During speaking with somebody or making coffee...is this image of a me speaking or making a coffee?
or there is speaking and coffee making only?

When I am busy with life it still feels like there is a familiar me speaking and doing. When I look, I can’t find the me, but there is still a sense or feeling of a me

.

Notice again when you re busy and "there is familiar "me" speaking and doing" - is there someone else in the world which knows that there is such "me"?

Check? look the truth with your own eyes? :)

Love
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

Something shifted yesterday. For months (actually years) I have felt intense seeking, restlessness, intensity, fear, and a burning desire to see the truth. Yesterday it was so strong that I spent the entire day looking. I looked into the seeking, the fear, the resistance, my direct experience. I looked everywhere I didn’t want to look. I looked everywhere for a self. I didn’t avoid anything. I let everything come.

And then something let go, something shifted. Everything stopped and my body and mind completely and deeply relaxed. The seeking is gone, the fear is gone, the resistance is gone. It feels like a huge relief and that I have let go of a very heavy weight. My mind just wants to relax and be. It feels silly to even look for a separate self. There is nowhere to look and nothing to look for! I can see more clearly. Like everything is more bright and beautiful. Like there is no inside or outside of myself. Like a filter has been removed. Everything is direct and immediate. Thoughts still come but they don’t hold any power - they are just a story and there isn’t anyone to believe them, so they just float past.

How do I know if this is a true shift or just a temporary experience or glimpse? I have had experiences before that didn’t last. I’m committed to fully seeing this and I don’t want to fool myself.

With thanks and love,
Valli

Hi Lubo,

Just checking in to see if you saw my message. I would love your feedback and input.

With thanks,
Valli

Oo, Valli,
Thanks for the email, I didn't saw the first one .

Wow, wonderful.

Tell me more.
Is there self in others?
Are you responsible for something, give example?
Do you have free will, choices - give me example?
What changes in everyday life and what is the same?
Are you guilty? Do you have sins?
Is there a shame from any experience?

Love
lubo

Dear Lubo,

I feel confused about my experience the past few days. For three days the sense of a separate self completely fell away and all seeking stopped. Today doubt came in and the contraction of a self and fear and seeking came back. I can easily see through it, but it is there. It is strange - like two different realities are happening at the same time and I am going in and out of each one. It’s like I’m awake but keep falling asleep, and then waking up and falling asleep. This should be a permanent shift with no doubt, right?

Also, when the sense of self fell away, I noticed some disappointment. It felt peaceful and free but also simple and ordinary. My thoughts said this can't be it and wanted to keep searching for something better. I now realise I have some expectations about awakening.

I don’t know how to answer your questions because my perspective keeps shifting. I will sit with them one more day.

With thanks,
Valli

Hi dear Valli,
I am here.
Ok. Let's see simplicity of the illusion
Notice thoughts-narrative - " I, me, this is nog good enough, that is so unfair..." + sensations
And then notice is this narrative makes a real self? or just a recorded program for dealing and fighting ?
And then lOOk what is here without this narrative-fog?

Is this help ?
What is coming?

Love
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

Thank you for being here with me!

Looking for something that doesn’t exist is frustrating and exhausting because I feel the search could go on forever. How do I end a search when I am looking for something that can never be found?

Ok. Let's see simplicity of the illusion

Yes, thank you for always reminding me that this is simple. The mind makes this seem so dramatic and complicated. :)

Notice thoughts-narrative - " I, me, this is nog good enough, that is so unfair..." + sensations
And then notice is this narrative makes a real self? or just a recorded program for dealing and fighting ?

The thoughts that are coming up now are very familiar and do feel like a recorded program. This does not make a real self. Thoughts are yelling, sensations are happening, it feels very uncomfortable, but I can’t find a self.

And then lOOk what is here without this narrative-fog?

Without the narrative fog, there is life happening and flowing. There is colour and sound and sensation and thoughts and silence and wide open awareness.

Is this help ?

Yes! Thank you.

What is coming?

I can’t find a self but why is there no peace? It feels like the mind is fighting this and just won’t stop. I see this is also just a thought. I want peace. I want the mind to stop.

With love,
Valli