Hello Lubo,
Here are the responses to the Final Questions. Looking forward to finding any "blind spots"
Final questions:
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The experience here is that the sense of a separate self is a belief that is assumed to be true but not based on what is true. The separate self is an assumption, a mental construct. When truly looked for it cannot be found. This assumption/illusion is formed at an early age in life on this planet. A glimpse of this is when, for instance, we see babies being fascinated with their hands and coming to realize that the hand they are seeing is actually part of the body which they are told is “them”. The belief that we are a separate entity is reinforced throughout childhood through the many ways we typically refer to all sorts of “objects” in life. We are taught the names of “things” and these labels significantly shape the way we relate to the “things” the labels point to. We are told other “things” are out there and “you” are the body. This body seems to be so close to “here” and so integral to experiencing that it is assumed to be “me.” Sensations are experienced in the body and this constant of the body experiencing sensations seems to reinforce the notion that there is a “me” here that everything is happening to. When one truly looks at direct experience what is found is seeing, hearing, sensing, smelling and tasting and also thinking (these too are labels for what can never be explained) And there is that in which these aspects of experience arise which cannot be described but cannot be denied – “knowingness” is the word that resonates most here. The body is a such a constant in experiencing that it we can find ourselves believing “I am the body” and overlooking the knowingness that we truly are. When it is realized we are this “knowingness” (there are other labels used here too such as presence, beingness, light, awareness etc ) and not the body what then becomes obvious and realized directly is that the “me” is a thought or assumption which even though it is believed to be true, cannot be found anywhere in any shape or form no matter how we look!
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
The best way to describe this is what was described in an earlier post. Freedom is the word that first arises. Freedom from the limits of the “me self” Not that the bars of this "me self" prison have totally disappeared for "ever" - when they do appear, once they are recognized for what they are they disappear revealing the freedom of experiencing life fully once more. Sometimes instantly, sometimes longer if the old beliefs which are holding them in place are not yet fully seen. But once truly seen, its like a cloud disappearing. Limitlessness is revealed again – it is always there, just covered up by beliefs.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Realizing that no form /appearance arises because of, and with, a will / volition of its own that controls how things happen. A wave in the ocean, a branch on a tree, a small animal being born and the appearance of this body That any form appears because of its own volition was seen to be a lie. It was seen to be an ASSUMPTION that was instilled over time. And when it was seen that this assumption was all that was creating this feeling of a separate “me” there was a felt shift. There was a strong tingling in the body in this ah ah moment. The truth of what was seen was very much felt. How could it ever have been believed with such conviction in the first place? That is truly a wonder and mystery in itself.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
First of all the idea of decision, intention, free will, choice and control as seen "here" are concepts used to describe aspects of the fictional separate self. They can be difficult to distinguish in many ways. So will see what comes for each of them.
Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Decision can be seen as very similar to choice. Selecting a part in the whole. Why this and not another? Preferences developed since birth, cultural and family conditioning, learned habits and so much more all contribute to a selection of this instead of another. Decisions happen. A specific entity / mechanism called a decision maker cannot be identified or found.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Intention can point to the thinking about / anticipating a future that does not exist. Expectation and planning are aspects of intention that come to mind here in this context. It’s fine to plan and it’s a necessary function in this world but being attached to / invested in plans and expectations can bring pain. For instance, we all have to plan in making a trip. Book fares etc However, how that all truly unfolds cannot be known until the moment it happens. When experiencing of the present moment happens through the lens of expectation / the story in our mind, then pain is likely.
There is something subtle about intention here too in present moment experience. Let’s say the "urge" to plan a trip arises, for example, or simple urges like make a phone call or speak with someone arises. And this arising could be called an intention. Should it arise with a “resonance”, with a knowing and its unfolding happens without engaging the mind and thinking about it, we can be amazed at how perfectly it unfolds. However if it arises without a resonance, without a deeper knowing and it is pursued then it is likely to not truly satisfy no matter how much effort is exerted. Life has amazingly simple ways of showing what is true.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Free will can be described as a belief that the “me” entity can control and make things exactly as it wants them to be, independent of any “other” / the whole. Fully seeing that there is no way to control the next thought that will arise was the start of seeing the fallacy of free will "here." As described earlier, realizing that there is no real entity with a free will / volition of its own that controls how things happen, dismantled the belief that there is a “me” that has free will. There is no thing separate from reality that has some thing that could be called an independent/isolated free will of its own.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
Choice might be described as picking between possibilities or alternatives in a given situation. For instance going to the bathroom or not. When I truly look at this situation there is a sensation, then a response to that sensation (getting up and moving towards the bathroom) And somewhere AFTER the response there is the thought “I need to go to the bathroom.” However if this happens when in the company of others, the timing of responding to go to the bathroom will likely be influenced by other beliefs. For example what one has been taught about manners (conditioning) If this conditioning is strong the going to the bathroom could well be delayed. So there is no entity making a choice persay, but a response / reaction to prevailing sensations and beliefs.
Here is something else about choice. As I write this there is choice about the words used to describe what is arising in the heart. Words arise and the words chosen are the words that have the deepest resonance. The words are chosen in some mysterious way. Often they happen without a consciousness of the resonance. They just flow. There is no chooser which can claim “The choice was made here.”
Describe control & give examples from experience.
Control requires a controller. A controller cannot be found. Seeing, hearing, feeling, sensing smelling and thinking cannot be stopped or started. They just are. I open my eyes and seeing is there. I close my eyes and seeing continues. Same for the other senses. They cannot be subjected to any control.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
It just does ! Everything happens. How happening unfolds in life is such a mystery !
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Any claim that I/me am responsible or can / should be responsible is part of the illusion of a so called separate self. The “me” cannot be responsible for anything.
6) Anything to add?
Having to respond directly to questions from Lubo evoked a deeper looking than reading questions and answers in other dialogues recorded on the forum. LU provides a portal to taste and see reality in a way that has not been found elsewhere. There were moments when frustration with Lubo’s questions started to take hold. That frustration disappeared when there was a willingness to truly look again and respond from the heart. For all who make this forum what it is and for this opportunity to work with Lubo through the forum I am truly grateful. Love to you all.
Thank you so much again Lubo.
With love
Alan