The Gate

Hi Warissem

I took some time before answering your questions, because I wanted to be sure about the answers, and do it the best way possible.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

No, there is not. And now I can see that there never was, It has always been a thought, an idea, formed mostly of the beliefs accumulated during the whole life.

2) Give in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?

The illusion of separate self is a construction in the mind, as if it is an entity, almost like a reflection of your external being, but inside the mind. That entity has all the instructions of how life is supposed to be lived, what is right, what is wrong, and that you must protect this entity at all costs, otherwise you´ll bu hurt or die. It is made of beliefs, conditionings, assumptions, that were handed to you from other people starting the day you were born. Most people never even think about questioning it. Most people don´t even know that it is even possible to question these beliefs. Everyday life just reinforces it, because almost everybody believes in their own separatedness, so that´s the normal way to live.
What´s different for me now is that I´ve seen it for what it is – just beliefs, stories, lies, not reality. Now, I feel so much lighter, as if I was carrying a heavy bag that I don´t have to carry anymore.
I think that probably there are lots of hiding beliefs (other bags, but perhaps not as heavy as before) that still need to be addressed – the difference is that now I´m prepared to look at them, and see them for what they are.

3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It feels so liberating, so freeing. Lighter is the best word. I´m much more present than before. But it had some scary moments too. When I finally saw it – it was in a moment – it felt like the floor had vanished from under my feet. The next days I felt waves of fear, and I understood that it was related to it, even though the story the mind was telling was that it waso about something else. Also, I had what some people call “thought storms”, when lots of thoughts about “me”, “my life” just appear one after the other, along with a strong anger and discomfort. They just came up for, apparently, no reason. But I tried just not to engaged with the thoughts, and eventually they went away. That was not the first time it happened, and I don´t expect it to be the last, but now I know how to handle it.

But in the last few days I´ve been feeling calmer, lighter, with even more stillness than before. Yesterday I was worried about some things that are happening in my life, things that would normally make me stressfull, but now I can see that there´s no one here that any of these ordinary events can harm. They ultimately are not about me, and when the time comes I´ll do whaever I have to do about it.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

It definetely was the inquiry I was doing, together with one video by Angelo DiLullo (the channel is Simply Always Awake – he was the one who suggested me to check Liberation Unleashed), and in it he was giving pointers for post-awakening inquiries. He said that we must keep in mind that “There's no way things are”. And I remembering him saying in another video: “Whatever happens in the relative is OK, natural, and not a problem”. Which translated to me as: there is no right or wrong. There is no up or down, no outside or inside. And it seemed to rip out my most fundamental belief: that there are somethings that are right, correct, acceptable, the ways things are supposed to be , and that otheres aren´t. There is no Good and Evil. There just are no way things are. And, for some reason, that was the belief that was supporting the “me”. I could, suddenly, almost “see” the “me”, it was almost “solidified” in my mind. And it was seen as a completely unecessary entity, a constructed though based on mere ideas. A bad idea. And next, I realized that I dont know anything. I just don’t know anything! There´s not a certain way things are supposed do be! And with that, there´s no need, no justification for any separate "me". I am just part of everything, a happening, along with everything else that is also a happening. Just happening, for no reason, for no one.

5)
a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.

I think decisions and intention happen before we are aware that we mad the decision, or have the intention to do anything. They are informed by the knowledge of our minds and our conditioning, our experiences. Therefore, there´s actually no free will, because when we have the thought "we are chosing this or that", the choice has already been made.
I really don´t know what makes things happen. Everything seems to be interconected, my reactions to things depend on my own conditionings, beliefs (yes, I´m pretty sure that are still beliefs operating here), momentary circunstances, and they also depend on the behavior of all other people and things, as in one whole movement.

b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.

That was a tricky question... because although I completely understand what I wrote in the previous answer (It´s not just theory or things that I heard other people saying, I actually feel that way), I can´t help but feeling responsible for some things... For example: I messaged someone last Sunday, and now I wish I didn´t. When I messaged him, I had no idea that other things would happen afterwards, and now that message could be interpreted in the wrong way. I can see that nothing that happened was in my control. Nothing is in my control, but I have to face the consequences of my act. So, I don´t feel guilty, because there is no other way that any of these things could have happened. But the feeling in the body when I think about it is uncomfortable. That´s separation, and it´s very frustrating, because I don´t feel fixated with pretty much anything anymore, but then one little thing comes along and shows me that there´s still work to be done. But at least now I have the hability to see it, and deal with it (I guess!).

6) Anything to add?

I feel that all of this is a work in progress. It´s not like I´m completely liberated once and for all, forever. I don´t even know if that is possible.
I would also like to add that most definetly without your help I would have never been able to do this inquiry. I wouldn´t know how to start. And I wouldn´t believe it was possible. I think that before our talks, I was always looking to the next video, to the next book, the next text, but never looking inside, directly to my own experience. I could watch the same Angelo video that I mentioned before, but it would not have had the same effect, because I wouldn´t know where to look in my own experience.

Thank you so very much for your work. You change everything, for everyone (or no one)! 😊

All the best,
Abigail

Hi Abigail

Glad to read your post. I submit the answers to other guides which will have eventually questions for you.

Best for you

Warissem

Hi Abigail

These are questions from a guide :

About responsibility (answer 5) you said : "and now I wish I didn´t." -
who or what is speaking and to whom?
Who is responsible?
Is there a doer which can be found?

Best for you

Warissem

Hi Warissem

Looking at it, I see that there’s nothing that could have gone different.
When I wrote the message that I said I shouldn’t have written, there was no way it could have been different.
I just wrote it.
I see now that there’s no doer.
But I also see that the feeling of regret appeared. Now it’s gone.
It’s probably going to be like this for a while, right? After so many years (my whole life) of conditioning, it probably takes time, in the everyday life, to adjust to the realization that there is no separate self here, right?

Hi Abigail

Yes for what you said. You will be invited to the LU groups on facebook?

Best for you

Warissem

Hi Warissem

Ok. I’ll wait for the invitation to the LU group on Facebook.

Thank you very much. :)

All the best for you.

Abigail