Awakening

[Anastacia42]

I don't know what was going on with my display. Seems ok now.

[Patrickbere]

Hi Stacy,
I've done the drinks one already. 🙂

And can you find any "self" in Direct Experience?

No. I can find awareness but not the self or not what I think of as my self. To "find" what I think of as my self I have to withdraw from direct experience and go into thought. As the content of thought is sort of made up or less real than direct experience then the self is.....

Can you see, hear, feel, taste or smell *anything?"

No. I can only find awareness but I cannot directly experience the self. Not hear or see or feel or taste or smell. But I feel I have to do more looking at this to settle it in so to speak. Stacy I think I am having moments of seeing but they are brief.

Love
Patrick

[Anastacia42]

Okay.

The key is to keep looking. Brief is okay. Relax into it when it happens.

Here is the only pointer I was given here.

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?


There are lots of pointers that can be shared. But it only takes one. Practice this one & report back.

Loving,
Stacy

[Patrickbere]

Hi Stacy,
I am still getting to grips with this and would like a day or two more of doing it before the next exercise but can push on to the next if that is what is advised.

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

At first I thought I could feel where my bottom ends and the chair begins but then after looking closer I could see that all I could really feel was bodily sensation.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

There is only sensation with no clear division. I could only establish the dividing line by going into thought and stopping looking directly. In fact after a while I started to feel as though I could feel like chair and bottom were sort of "one" and maybe my body extended to include the chair. I know that sounds odd and probably it was my mind playing a perceptual trick on me?

Any feedback re this would be great. I'm not fully sure I'm doing the looking as honestly as possible but I am trying to.

Love
Patrick

[Anastacia42]

Hi Patrick,

I know that sounds odd and probably it was my mind playing a perceptual trick on me?

Your doing it perfectly.

The perceptual trick was *thinking* they were separate. They are not.

Sure, spend a few days with this, or more, if you like. I did it for 2 months. :)

Loving
Stacy

[Patrickbere]

Hi Stacy,
I am still working with the bottom and the seat exercise. I'm also still doing a few of the others. I feel as though something has changed for me. I feel less connected to my "stories of me". Sometimes I look right at a thought and can see that every thought is just like another in "form" (not sure thats the right word) or structure.
I've definitely not experienced the major dramatic shift re identity but I would say if my identity is a tooth then it is wobbly and maybe even getting wobblier.
Should I do another exercise or continue with these ones? I'm happy to continue doing what I'm doing if you think that is best? Thank you so much for your help.
Love
Patrick

[Anastacia42]

Good morning, Patrick

I feel less connected to my "stories of me". Sometimes I look right at a thought and can see that every thought is just like another in "form" (not sure thats the right word) or structure.

Very good!

I've definitely not experienced the major dramatic shift re identity but I would say if my identity is a tooth then it is wobbly and maybe even getting wobblier.

Great analogy. Not everyone experiences something dramatic. Sometimes it is gradual & subtle. This could be it.

ButtChair is working for you. Keep going & I'll share some more, too.

How does it FEEL to SEE all of this?
It feels amazing. It made me laugh and cry. I felt so disoriented.

THIS is SEEING no self. THIS is a major shift.

You may have some unrealistic expectations. The shift, after it happens, and it has for you, seems very ordinary.

It comes & goes, as it is for you.

Old ways of thinking will be showing up for a long time, usually. They knock you back into separate thinking & you must question the beliefs & see through them.

I have lots more pointers you can practice, but you are basically through the gate. The funny thing is when we look back, we see there was no gate. It, too, is just a story.

Let's do some more pointers to help you see that you SEE. If you'll send me a PM (top right, here), I'll share a dozen recorded pointers I have in my DropBox.

Meanwhile, let's look at Body, Time, & Memory for fun. One at a time.



Introductory Body Exercise

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes. Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is? Does the body have a weight or volume? In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing? Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly? If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to? What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.

~ Stacy

"Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion."

~ Rumi

[Patrickbere]

Thank you thank you thank you Stacy. I will do these and will send you a pm tomorrow. ❤️
Love
Patrick

[Patrickbere]

Hi Stacy,
Something has shifted for me and I'm just trying to digest/process/integrate it. I'm not able to make sense of it so I've stopped trying, I think trying to make sense of it was mind stuff anyway. Today was unusual, I felt light, I just rolled along with the day, doing a bit of practice but not trying to manage and control things as much as I normally would. I did the body exercises today but would like another day with them before replying. Thank you so much for your help, wherever I'm at right now I know it feels better than where I was and I only got here with your help.
Love
Patrick

[Anastacia42]

Sounds good. There's another body exercise when you're ready.

Then we can look at Time & Memory.

Loving,
Stacy

[Patrickbere]

Hi Stacy,
Here goes:

Can it be known how tall the body is? Does the body have a weight or volume? In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

No. In direct experience you just feel sensation, you don't get an answer to these questions. If you look with eyes you see image, colour but nothing about height or weight etc. You have to go into thought to answer those questions.

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing? Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

In direct experience no..

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly? If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

There is no inside outside. I mainly used feeling to investigate but also with the other senses there is no inside outside to the body, you have to go into thought to answer those.

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to? What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

This one stumped me a bit. I can see my body and smell it and taste it and hear it but mainly I experience it by feeling the sensations of the body. My experience of the body is mostly sensations and some visual looking, image, colour. I'm not sure.... Tricky. I "know" my body exists or at least I believe it does but I guess I go into thought and tell a story with the information I get from the direct looking to construct an idea of body which goes beyond looking and which is as much a story as "apple"??

Not sure I'm on the right track with this Stacy. Feedback welcome.

Love
Patrick

[Anastacia42]

Yes, Patrick. You've got it. "Body" is just as constructed and unreal as "apple."

Remember, there is relative reality where we use words, describe things, name them and call them "body" and "apple" for convenience. Then there is absolute reality where we are SEEING that all of that is just a made up story with no reality in Direct Experience.

Good work!

This exercise will take you th resst of the way:


Deeper Body Investigation

Here is an even deeper investigation of the body. Please follow each step, don't leave out any. Take your time. Don't move to the next step until the previous one is clearly seen.

Repeat the exercise several times.

Stand in front of a bigger mirror.

(1) First, close the eyes and feel the sensations labelled ‘body’.

(2) Then open the eyes and look into the mirror while still paying attention to the sensations. Is there any connection between the felt sensations and the image in the mirror? Or just thoughts (and/or mental images) suggest that there is?

(3) While still paying attention to the sensations move one hand and observe the movement from the mirror. Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labelled ‘hand’) and image of movement in the mirror?

(4) Now do the same movement with the hand, but this time look at the hand directly, not from the mirror. Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labelled ‘hand’) and the image ‘of movement’? Or only thoughts suggest it?

(5) Now, pay attention only to the image in the mirror. Does the image by itself suggest in any way that is ‘you’ or ‘your body’? Does the image itself suggest in any way that it is a ‘body’ at all? Or are there only colours and shapes?

(6) Where the mirror ends, some parts of the body (probably legs) cannot be seen. Just by the image in the mirror, is there any ‘knowledge’ that there must be legs, or only thoughts and mental images suggest so?

(7) Now turn away from the mirror and look forward (don’t look directly to any body parts).

Is there a ‘body’ anywhere when all thoughts and images are ignored, or are there only sensations?

(8) Start to walk slowly.

Is there a ‘body walking’, or are there only sensations?
Is there actual experience of ‘walking’ at all?

Or just THOUGHTS ABOUT ‘walking’?

Can such a thing as ‘body’ be found OR just THOUGHTS ABOUT a ‘body’?

Can such a thing as ‘walking’ be found?

(9) Are the sensations localized in space, like ‘going through the room’; OR is there only an image that is labelled ‘room’ and appearing sensations without any location?

Loving,

~ Stacy

[Anastacia42]

This came up today & might interest you:

https://youtu.be/hkz904NJFU4

Let me know when you're ready for "final" questions.

Loving,
Stacy

[Patrickbere]

Hi Stacy,
I will take a look.
I might need another day or so with the body ones. I've got my answers but want to experience my answers a bit more before sending. What I'm experiencing now, some fairly big changes and then periods of "selfing" is pretty overwhelming. Thank you.
Love
Patrick

[Anastacia42]

Hi Patrick,

Sure, take your time. Just keep checking in daily, so that I know you are still there.

Thanks,
Stacy