Stuck in fear

[nellie]

Hello,

Yes I see it ‘Who wants to know’ thought, followed by more thought.

What is this me for which things happen ?

just another thought fabrication.

When I look I see it, although it’s only brief, how on earth can this be sustained though? Or maybe just knowing is enough.

Many thanks

Nel

[warissem]

Hi Nel

When I look I see it, although it’s only brief, how on earth can this be sustained though? Or maybe just knowing is enough.

I don't know what you have seen, tell me more about it.

thanks

Warissem

[nellie]

Hello,

I can see that there is no me controlling everything. When I wake up, I have no control, when I decide to get put of bed it actually just happens, all the thoughts have come before the action.
When I lie in bed, there is no distinguishing between me and the air and the bed and the pillow so I can see that the body is not mine to own, it’s just part of the whole.

When I eat there is taste, with an overlay of thought but h the raw sensation is taste/smell.
When I breathe, it is happening without me, I have no control. So I have noticed more and more the actions where I thought there was a ‘me behind them are in fact just being done.

Many thanks

Nel

[warissem]

Good evening

There are the final questions. Elaborate on your answers.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

2) Give in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?

3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.

b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.

6) Anything to add?

Best wishes

Warissem

[nellie]

Hello, I’m so sorry that I haven’t replied yet. I am half way through, we all got Covid so I haven’t had the time to complete all the questions.
I will do it asap.

Many thanks

Nel

[warissem]

Hi Nel

I wish you a complete recovery. Take your time for the questions. There is no worry.

Warissem

[nellie]

Hello,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

There is no separate 'self', 'me' or 'I' and there never has been. Conditioned thoughts create a 'me' but this isn't real. When I scan through the body I can only find an I in thought. There is no substance too it just an idea/character that has been created.

2) Give in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now

It’s the idea that there is an entity that is special, unique, that is controlling its own destiny, making decisions, having free will and choice. It’s present in all experience, in the form of labelling, judging, analyzing and putting an overlay of commentary on everything.
What has changed is despite this when I concentrate on direct experience all of this falls away. It’s just raw basic experience. It doesn’t need the story teller.
This thought created 'me' is still there, but now without my constant attention on it, it no longer has the same impact. It still catches me sometimes but then realization of what's happening occurs and anxiety wanes.

How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

At first it’s a little unnerving as I was thinking what the hell have I been doing creating/protecting this me that I have so carefully constructed over the years. What now? But it’s liberating because none of it matters as there’s no me to protect or care about anything.To see this, 'I' feel a relaxation and calmness, if I feel I am in thought I say to myself ‘come back’ and my attention comes back to the direct experience whereas before I would be carried away with the thought processes, sometimes for hours or days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

It was something silly actually, somebody made a derogatory comment about my accent and I could feel myself getting annoyed, as in the physical sensation of heat rising and then a tsunami of thoughts. I took a step back and said ‘who is annoyed ?’ There is a physical sensation but I couldn’t find anything else. Wow there’s no me to be annoyed. It was like a release.

[nellie]

a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.

5)There are no decisions, intention, free will, or control, my thoughts just tell me there is. Life's just happening. I don’t know how it works, I think when I ask too many questions this is when I tie myself in knots but a surrender to the fact life just happens is important. How could I have given my self so much importance to believe that I could do any of those things above.
But when writing this ‘I’ did feel a choice was being made as to whether to believe thoughts or not, then I realized that this was just another thought This creates a real freedom!

b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.

I am not responsible for anything. This stumped me a little as my initial response is well I’m responsible for my children, aren’t I? Then I realized that the actions would be happening/ not happening whether there was a me or not. It’s just labels and ideas that can be very enticing but again just thoughts.

I would like to thank you for helping me along this journey, you have been extremely patient and kind with me throughout. It really is a great thing that you do.

All the best for the future.

nel

[warissem]

Good evening

Thanks for the answers. I present this dialog to my fellow guides for further questions if any.

Kind regards

Warissem