Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
In actual, present experience of sight, sound, sensation and thought, there is no "I" in any way shape or form. It is only a thought, an idea, a speculation. There is presently no self, there never was a a self, there never will be a self.
Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.
The belief of a self starts due to conditioning by parents at a young age, when you are taught that there is a "you" inside the body, controlling it, choosing things, acting, moving, preferring, imagining, hoping. It is then reinforced, believed, trusted, accepted and unquestioned throughout most of life. The "I" is a very convenient subject in language for communication, but is not found in actual experience. It is only a thought. And no thought can be "me" just as a sound, sight, or smell is not "I." Thoughts including an "I," such as "I walk," show up in thought, but thought is not viewed by a "me."
How does it feel to see this?
It is like seeing reality for the first time, but, simultaneously, nothing has changed. Sights, sounds, "good" feelings,
"bad" feelings, sensations and thoughts still occur, no difference there. There just is no "I" to be found in experience of a sight, sound, feeling, thought. It is almost looking at things nakedly without a filter before it.
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Prior to this conversation I could reason that there may not be no self, but looking in actual experience and finding ONLY actual experience without an experiencer OF it has changed my perception, in that it is seen to be just perception.
What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It may have been one of the most recent messages, "Is there experience AND awareness, or is experience self-aware without a separate thing which is aware?" There was kind of a "aha!" and a resting in self-aware experience as it is. I feel like one of the final beliefs that I held onto was "I am the awareness of phenomena" as a separate impersonal "being" aware of sights, sounds, sensations, thoughts. However, there is no separate awareness of experience/sensation, only experience/sensation itself.
Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
Deciding, choosing, intending, controlling need time to be real for them to work, and a thing which decides, chooses, intends, controls. In actual present moments of experience, there is no one choosing what phenomena arises, there is only experience of the senses and thoughts. There is no one who decides what sensory object to be aware of, there is only awareness of one sense at a time. There cannot be free will if there is no one who chooses, decides, intends. Free will is only a belief that is dependent upon a being with willpower. There is no separate being with willpower, there is only actual experience without any alternatives.
What makes things happen? How does it work? Give an example from your own recent experiences to how things happens and how things work.
What makes actual experience happen? There is contact of an eye with an object of sight, same with ear and sound, tongue and taste, "mind" and thought. This contact plus awareness is called seeing, hearing, sensing, thinking. How does actual experience work? When a body and sensory objects contact, there is consciousness of it. When an eye sees a sight, there is seeing. There is no body controlling the seeing, there is no sight controlling the seeing, there is no consciousness or awareness controlling the seeing, there is just the seeing. It is mutually co-dependent without any outside agency, such as a God, or personal agent like a soul controlling it. It simply is.
What are you responsible for?
"I" is a thought that cannot be responsible, accountable, presiding over, or controlling of anything. Just as the thought "apple" is not responsible for anything or controlling of anything, it is just a thought. There is no hierarchy of one thought that has control and one that cannot. Responsibility, as in being in charge, cannot apply to something that is only a thought. A thought is not in charge or anything.
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how all this works.
When this head is facing one way, the only object of sight is the one which is present. When the head is looking elsewhere, the only sight is still the one which is seen. The pointer, "If you cannot choose what is presently sensed, what choice do you have at all?" is a great tool.
Anything to add?
Sometimes a feeling, or thought that I am not quite there, not quite sure or totally 100% convinced of the existence of no-self arises. If an estimation were to be given, it'd be around 95% certain that there is no self. But that strong 5% seems to want more, likes it's missing out on something. Id like to talk a little more and remove these final doubts,even though I'm not exactly sure what the doubts themselves are.
