Guess it's time

[noworries]

Look back into the story of your life and find one important decision that you made.
Can be anything, meeting with someone, decision of moving, starting a new job..etc..

Then ask this;
Could you have made a different decision at given circumstances?
Was that the best and only way to proceed?
Was there any free will involved, as in could you choose independently of situation? Was it you that made a choice or situation made you take the only way possible?
Can you choose something that is not "right"?

Since thoughts cannot be controlled, and the idea of ‘will’ and ‘choice’ is based on thoughts - I can see that past life events, like buying the house I live in, could not have been chosen directly by me.

Which is funny. Because I was really anxious during that time to get the house. Trying to control it all. And the idea of control is really strong, since it seems I’m doing the thinking, so it feels I’m having the control.

But basically things just happen. The previous action causes the next action. And ‘deliberate’ action seems to be caused by thoughts. And that might be true. But if there is no thinker, then actually the choice is not made by me. There was no choice, just an unfolding.

And if that is so - that means that there could not be any other way. That doesn't necessarily make it 'right' or 'perfect' or 'according to plan' in human perceptions. But it does make it inevitable. Again, this is coming mostly from reasoning based on my earlier insight. Don’t know if it matters though.

Can anything be different than what it already is? How do you know that?

No. This moment just is, it cannot be changed. Even if I could, it would be experienced in the now. And this ‘new’ now cannot be changed. There is only now, and now just is what it is.

What is that made the choose to be here now?

I’m sitting in a coffee shop right now. And I’m here because this morning thoughts popped up that stated that I would like to go to this particular coffee shop. I don’t go here often, but this morning there were these thoughts/feelings telling me I ‘want’ to go here.

So here I am. The thoughts appeared. It does feel like I made choices along the way. Like what shoes I’m wearing, what route to walk, where to sit, etc. But most of those choices were based on ‘feeling’. So it just ‘felt’ right to walk this particular route to the coffee shop. Other choices were based on thoughts - like: “this corner has too much sun, I’m moving over there in the shade.”

But these thoughts and feelings appeared out of nothingness. There was no effort in making them appear.

This feels strange, but this seems to be what’s happening. No choices are being made.

Does it make a difference if you think that you made the choice to be here or not?

Well, yes. The difference is that realizing this makes life a much more friendly place to be in. No regrets, no FOMO, way less stress, less constricting and trying to control outcomes. There seems to be a feeling of calmness and belonging in this. Accepting and going with the flow.

But in the quality of the choice it doesn’t make any difference. Things happen anyway. So I can be in the illusion that I’m doing everything myself, and stuff still happens. Because life doesn’t need my input.

Pffff. This gets weirder everyday. Thank you. :) 💛

[adilerten]

Thank you for your overall good looking.
Sharp and awake attention is all we need, and you have it.
Thank you :)

I see that you've seen through illusion of free will and doer but i want to clear our path by giving last questions about these issues.
Also lets take a closer look at cause and effect.

Tell me please
What is happening not by itself?
what are you in charge of? what can you turn on and off at will?
Are you the doer of thinking, sensing, experiencing?

Observe some emotions during the day;

Welcome them. All of them. Feel fully. Don't try to reduce or get rid of them, allow all to be as it is. Notice if there is any resistance and feel it too.While feeling,
see if you can find the feeler ?
What are the feelings happening to?
Is there a gap between a feeler, felt and the feeling?
Or there is just feeling plus different labels and stories about what is happening?

and lets take a look at cause and effect;

The previous action causes the next action.

Are you sure that previous action causes the next action ?
What is the actual experience of a "previous action" ?
Where is this so called previous action ?
Look!

[noworries]

Thank you Adil. Ok good, let’s have a look.

What is happening not by itself?

Nothing. Everything happens by itself. Except for getting out of bed. ;)
Ok, joking, even that happens by itself since the thoughts just come, and the following action seems to follow from the thoughts.

At the level of everyday life, it seems like I have control. But when I look very carefully, I see that it’s an illusion.

what are you in charge of? what can you turn on and off at will?

I see that the idea of being in charge is an illusion. If feels like I am, but I know I can’t be. It’s not a super clear knowing though. It’s still a bit fuzzy. Especially with very direct stuff, like moving my body. It seems like I can decide to lift my finger. But on the other hand, I don’t notice any ‘decisions’ being made. The finger just lifts. But it looks like it lifts because I have an intention to lift it.

Are you the doer of thinking, sensing, experiencing?

Thinking just happens. Sensing just happens. Experience just happens. Don’t have to do anything to make these happen.

see if you can find the feeler ?
What are the feelings happening to?

So there was a bit of a headache, so I decided to use it to find out. I focussed on the pain, where it was. And it started moving. And I wondered who was experiencing the pain, and then the pain got less. More like, the pain is still there but it is not actually ‘my’ pain.

So feelings can feel very intense, and they seem to be localised in different parts of the body. I experienced stress, and it was felt in the throat. The sensation is there, but it doesn’t seem to be happening to a feeler.

Is there a gap between a feeler, felt and the feeling?
Or there is just feeling plus different labels and stories about what is happening?

Feelings are sensations. Like thoughts and touch. And the sensations come with labels like: bad feeling, happy feeling, nice, not nice, etc.

Are you sure that previous action causes the next action ?

No, I am not sure. It was my mind trying to make sense of it.

What is the actual experience of a "previous action" ?
Where is this so called previous action ?

There is no direct experience of previous action. There is just ‘isness’ in direct experience. The rest is thought - speculation, memories, reasoning, logic. But not direct experience. But it is one of the things I started wondering about. Like, how is this sense of continuity experienced.

I’ll keep practicing today, looking forward to the next steps!

💛

[adilerten]

Sorry for the late reply.. Life was lifing. :)

What is happening not by itself?

Nothing. Everything happens by itself. Except for getting out of bed. ;)
Ok, joking, even that happens by itself since the thoughts just come, and the following action seems to follow from the thoughts.

At the level of everyday life, it seems like I have control. But when I look very carefully, I see that it’s an illusion.

"seems like" is your keyword here.
Whenever you see a thought saying "seems like" realize that it is just a thought!
Also control is only an idea..a thought!

what are you in charge of? what can you turn on and off at will?

I see that the idea of being in charge is an illusion. If feels like I am, but I know I can’t be. It’s not a super clear knowing though. It’s still a bit fuzzy. Especially with very direct stuff, like moving my body. It seems like I can decide to lift my finger. But on the other hand, I don’t notice any ‘decisions’ being made. The finger just lifts. But it looks like it lifts because I have an intention to lift it.

another "seems like" :) Just look! Don't think!
On the next message i will give you an exercise about "is there an operator moving the body" ;)

Are you the doer of thinking, sensing, experiencing?

Thinking just happens. Sensing just happens. Experience just happens. Don’t have to do anything to make these happen.

Sure.

So there was a bit of a headache, so I decided to use it to find out. I focussed on the pain, where it was. And it started moving. And I wondered who was experiencing the pain, and then the pain got less. More like, the pain is still there but it is not actually ‘my’ pain.

Yes. Sure it's just a sensation which thought labels as "this is pain" - "there is a body" "this pain is here" "this pain is a headache" Sure its not "your" pain. Its not even pain. :) Good looking!

What is the actual experience of a "previous action" ?
Where is this so called previous action ?

There is no direct experience of previous action.

Are you sure about this ?
Look!
Is previous action a smell ? a touch ? a sensation ? color ? Sound ?
or just a thought arising in the now ? :)
There is no previous action. There is only now. All thoughts about a past is imaginary.

But it is one of the things I started wondering about. Like, how is this sense of continuity experienced.

"sense of.." "feels like".. "seems like"..
Just look in your direct experience.
In time you will get use to look from direct experience and you won't need to "wonder" :)

Lets go on..

[adilerten]

1. Hold a hand n front of you; palm turned down. 2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over?
Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately. Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

[noworries]

Sorry for thelate reply.. Life was lifing. :)

No worries. I can relate, my life did a lot of lifing as well. ;)

another "seems like" :) Just look! Don't think!

Yes, thanks for the reminder. I need this, my mind loves thinking so much.

There is no previous action. There is only now. All thoughts about a past is imaginary.

So I was checking your statement with my experience and something clicked. It’s like - YES!! OMG!! Memories are nothing but thoughts. This sense of continuity is just a thought! There really is only now. I thought I knew what ‘now’ meant, but I placed it in a concept of time. But I don’t experience time if I look. Just now - very simple.

Yes, thank you.

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over?
Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately. Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Ok. So I did this for a while. The movement is not controlled by thought. The movement is taking place without any thoughts arising. Sometimes there are thoughts, but it is not the thought that is doing the moving. There can be a thought while the hand is moving - even about the moving hand - but the movement is much faster than the thoughts. And moving also takes place when no thoughts are there.

So no, thought is not controlling nor deciding what is happening with the hand. I can’t find a ‘controller’ of the hand. The hand moves, that’s all that I see.

Life lives, hand moves. 💛

[adilerten]

There is no previous action. There is only now. All thoughts about a past is imaginary.

So I was checking your statement with my experience and something clicked. It’s like - YES!! OMG!! Memories are nothing but thoughts. This sense of continuity is just a thought! There really is only now. I thought I knew what ‘now’ meant, but I placed it in a concept of time. But I don’t experience time if I look. Just now - very simple.

Yes, thank you.💛

I thank you for your brilliant looking!
Yes Sure memory is only a thought. "Memory thought" is not something different.
As you wonderfully put "It is very simple"!
Well done!

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over?
Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately. Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?[

Ok. So I did this for a while. The movement is not controlled by thought. The movement is taking place without any thoughts arising. Sometimes there are thoughts, but it is not the thought that is doing the moving. There can be a thought while the hand is moving - even about the moving hand - but the movement is much faster than the thoughts. And moving also takes place when no thoughts are there.

So no, thought is not controlling nor deciding what is happening with the hand. I can’t find a ‘controller’ of the hand. The hand moves, that’s all that I see.



Life lives, hand moves. 💛

Wonderful, well done!
Thank you 💛

Until here do you have any questions to ask ?
If not lets move to last few steps..

[adilerten]

Enlightenment is nothing more than seeing that self is an illusion. As you said " It is so simple.."
No angels, no magic wand erasing all your troubles, no people around you seeing a halo around your head and respecting you and all that..
It is so simple. When you really look and see that you are not there, just life living of its own accord, it is done!
They call it “the cosmic joke”—like every man should just look honestly behind all the assumptions, simply look at reality, and be able to see the truth.
So one more last time, LOOK!
Who is driving life?
What’s really going on when you say “I”?
Look and tell me!

[noworries]

No angels, no magic wand erasing all your troubles, no people around you seeing a halo around your head and respecting you and all that..

This makes me sad. Was looking forward to this halo you mention. ;)

Ok, let’s have a serious look.

Who is driving life?

Life is driving itself. Nobody is doing the ‘lifing’, just as nobody is doing the ‘clouding’. Things just unfold. Life is an unfolding, in one eternal now.

What’s really going on when yousay “I”?

‘I’ is a label, which is a thought. This label is pointing to other thoughts. Memories, the body, expectations of the future. These are all thoughts, built on top of each other and woven into each other.

All these things are not an experience of truth, they are just sensations that are experienced. There is nothing in the place where the 'I' would go. It's just an idea.

They call it“the cosmic joke”

Yes, I understand that. If this is really what it’s all about - I truly understand this ‘Gateless gate’ analogy. It’s almost too simple to bother! No gates to be seen, nothing changed. But then again, it seemed so hard when I started! How funny! There is no gate, nothing to do - just looking.

no magic wand erasing all your troubles

I kind of hoped/expected this to be the case - that worries and troubles somehow just disappear. On the other hand, I do realize that there’s a lot of time left to truly play with and integrate this seeing. And I see how growing into this awareness more deeply would just evaporate most of my troubles.

It’s about embodiment I guess, and that takes time.

But I’m not sure if we’re there all the way already. That’s for you to decide, so I’m looking forward to the next step! :)

[adilerten]

Thank you for your brilliant answers..

I think you've seen clearly self is just an idea and does not exist any form..
And once you see this and understand it with your whole being, the "fog" might dissolve right away, but most of the time, not all of them disappear in an instant. The difference, however, is that with the understanding, for the first time you can deal with that "dust" in an authentic way. As you continue seeing things in the light of direct experience, no much "noise" will bother any more.

Emotions and feelings pop out, then disappear, and then pop out ... that's it.
The more conditioning falls away, the more everything feels effortless. Now there will be a automatic cleaning-up period.
You will see things from the perspective of direct/actual experience and eleminate everyhing what is not real.
It unfolds by itself. It’s a ride without rider!
It is not you choosing for you, but life living life.

What would you say can you say a big fat yes with your whole being to "You don't exist in any shape or form, never existed and never will be" ?

[noworries]

Thanks for your explanation. This feels about right. The perspective has changed, but it's subtle. I've had some experience with it the last days, and life definitely feels different. More interesting and relaxing.

What would you say can you say a big fat yes with your whole being to "You don't exist in any shape or form, never existed and never will be" ?

Haha, yes. From my direct experience I cannot confirm the existence of an 'I'. It's not there. There's just life living life.

[adilerten]

Thanks for your explanation. This feels about right. The perspective has changed, but it's subtle. I've had some experience with it the last days, and life definitely feels different. More interesting and relaxing.

What would you say can you say a big fat yes with your whole being to "You don't exist in any shape or form, never existed and never will be" ?

Haha, yes. From my direct experience I cannot confirm the existence of an 'I'. It's not there. There's just life living life.

Thank you :)
I see that you are ready for final questions, if there is a question that you have or something not clear please tell me before final questions for us to look deeper.

[noworries]

Thank you so much!

if there is a question that you have or something not clear please tell me before final questions for us to look deeper.

The last two days I’ve been playing with these new insights. And I notice that the area of ‘free will’ is not completely clear yet. I had the insight at some point, but it’s hard to keep it with me. Some moments I really do have the impression that I have control. Especially with thoughts and movement of the body.

On the other hand, I did realize one thing. I’m a writer, and often when I look back at my writing I have this sense that ‘I’ didn’t write it. And when people compliment me on my writing, I feel like this compliment is not meant for me.

But now I understand why - it’s because there’s nobody doing the writing and nobody to receive the compliment! ;)

But still - on a moment to moment basis - it feels like I have control over my thoughts. I can see that thoughts just come, but it does feel like there is also control to just ‘create’ thoughts.

Do you think we can look deeper at this together?

💛

[adilerten]

if there is a question that you have or something not clear please tell me before final questions for us to look deeper.

The last two days I’ve been playing with these new insights. And I notice that the area of ‘free will’ is not completely clear yet. I had the insight at some point, but it’s hard to keep it with me. Some moments I really do have the impression that I have control. Especially with thoughts and movement of the body.

Sure we will look at this on the next post :)

On the other hand, I did realize one thing. I’m a writer, and often when I look back at my writing I have this sense that ‘I’ didn’t write it. And when people compliment me on my writing, I feel like this compliment is not meant for me.

But now I understand why - it’s because there’s nobody doing the writing and nobody to receive the compliment! ;)

Sure. Writing is happening, walking is happening, thinking is happening..For no one.

But still - on a moment to moment basis - it feels like I have control over my thoughts. I can see that thoughts just come, but it does feel like there is also control to just ‘create’ thoughts.

Do you think we can look deeper at this together?

Sure we will.

Sending love

[adilerten]

Sit quietly and pay close attention to your thoughts for 20 minutes.
Observe thought closely. Try to determine what your next thought is going to be before it appears.

Can you do this? Isn’t a thought only known as it appears? In that case, can you possibly clam to be in control of the thinking process, the thoughts, choices or impulses that arise, unless you can somehow investigate them beforehand?

Notice that thoughts seem to pop out of nowhere and have no obvious cause. They are a total surprise and you can find no cause or reason for their appearance. It should be obvious you were not involved in any way in the creation of these thoughts.

Do you have unpleasant thoughts? Do you want to have them? If you had any control over thoughts, don’t you think you would choose not to think such thoughts at all?
Wouldn’t you be able to choose never to have thoughts that seem to make you unhappy?

When we look very closely and precisely we come to see that “me” thoughts only refer to other “me” thoughts, not to an actual abiding “me.” Observe thoughts with precison;
Can you ever find a ‘me’ within the “me” thoughts and feelings, or just a sense of me?


Pay attention to mental activity – to thoughts and images in the mind.
Where are they arising?
Are they inside something?
Are they central to you, or are they peripheral?
Do they leave any trace when they have gone?

Investigate these questions and report please what comes..