The Gate

Dear Pedro,

one moment of obviousness. a deep seeing of "there´s only this". half a second. my God, it´s was so obvious

I'm really happy to read this! Once this is seen, there's no going back. Usually when mind stuff does return ( as you said) the seeing of it just let's it metabolize much more easily.

i´m a little afraid if there´s any self leftovers here somewhere

Could be, but these questions will flush them out :)

So here are the questions - take your time to answer them as thoroughly as you can...

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Sending love,
Jim

Good morning Jim,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

no, there´s not a separated entity, here or anywere, there´s a body yes, but it´s not "my" body. all there´s is this brutal, unseparated reality, we can call it life. it never was a separated entity, all that were was beliefs in a separated entity: something here different from something there. things are different in form yes, but they do not have life on their own. this is all One reality, One dimension, One thing. changing, moving, breathing. Aliveness.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

well, the illusion is caused by the power of thought, the power to create time and space.
when we are children we start to experience separation mostly because of social conditioning (name, gender, race, etc etc...). the I takes form, but because children are still very present the seeking mechanism it´s not well installed.
when we become adults (and compulsive thinkers) the social conditioning that suggests a separated entity + the hability to create time and space creates a full form separated entity. now the entity is not only separated but also struggles to get something that it´s not here and now. it becomes a seeking entity, which reinforces even more the separation.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

well, there´s no lights, no fireworks, no constant smile :D. in my experience the main difference is the search, dead in the water. there´s absolutely no need for things to be different from what they are right now. and it´s perfect the way they are, of course i can change things that it would be good to change, but that is not accompanied by the feeling that they must change in order to produce an effect on me.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

when i looked for the author. before that it was pretty clear that the "I" was a bundle of specific thoughts, but there was still a secret belief that i was doing something, i was responsable for actions, the doer. when i focus on the doer or thoughts of doership, i saw that it was another illusion. after that moment i just let go of all search. i simply gave up. not because there´s was something that i found out that make more sense but because i saw there´s was nothing to find out. it was the mind that trick us to belief that there´s something else we need to attain in order to see "what is". yesterday experience of unity may appeared or may not, it would not make any difference.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

well, it´s kind of hard to discriminate all those concepts since the´re just one thing going on, this.
decision is when you look back and see you made a choice on something. however that is only a story, when decision making happens it just happens, you didn´t make the choice, it just happens. infinite causes all interacting lead to that event. there´s no single cause/effect.
intention is being focus on something, however the motivation it´s still a play of life, what drives you toward something is still caused by a multiplicity of factors impossible to describe throught language. everything is connected to everything. there´s no beginning nor end. Free will is the subtle belief that you are in control, but when you inquiry on that, you´ll see that you´re not in control, things get decided before you speak about it, think about it, make a conscious choice about it. for the word "choice" i´ll give the same description of "decision"

control reports for being a separated entity again, i need to strive, to attain in order to be safe, sucessuful, etc. when i control the circusntances all we´ll be well, all we´ll be over. but except for the suggestions of thought, life is unknowing, life is the unknown. so when we´re dealing with the unknown how can you predict, prevent or control anything?

6) Anything to add?

seeing the I is not there is essencial to drop the search. mindfulness helps a lot, but as long as the I is present, you´ll belief that "i´m present", "i´m aware" and "i must do something to attain final truth".

much love,
Pedro

Dear Pedro,

Thanks for your answers!

There's 1 piece of question 5 I'd like you to expand on...
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Sending love,
Jim

Good afernoon Jim, sorry, didn´t see that.

What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

well, things happen on their own, this is just an infinite interaction of infinite factors we call life. understanding that through language doesn´t seem possible. there´s nothing separated, all is interdependent, in fact all is one thing, aliveness itself. so, nothing is my responsability, each unit is just a pawn in the board of life.
things happen the way they happen because they are happening that way right now. only thought suggest it could be otherwise.

as for examples, i don´t know, everything seems so automatic, per instance, this morning i saw in the email box that you have replied but didn´t feel like opening, much to do, and i thought "well, maybe at night". however after lunch i had a break and i open the email again and decided to open your email. before i think about it, before i had a conscious decision about it, i had already felt a movement towards opening the email. the action has already started.
today i was searching to buy bread, as soon as the image of bakery appeared in my mind, it was already decided that it would be the one to buy bread. why that bakery in particular? without using language (thought) i don´t know, but the body movement was already towards that place. it doesn´t seems i who makes decisions in the moment, it´s the moment that makes decisions and tells what to do. language call it decisions but when i look at "what is" there´s no choices, only a natural flow of the oscilating, ever changing, unpredictable life.

love,
Pedro

Dear Pedro,

Nicely put!

Thanks! Now, I will have other guides read the thread to see if they have any questions. I'll get back to you soon...

Sending love, Jim

Dear Pedro,

A more experienced guide has asked for clarification on question 3 where you said:

i can change things that it would be good to change, but that is not accompanied by the feeling that they must change in order to produce an effect on me

What is it exactly that can cause change?

Sending love,
Jim

Hi Jim,

What is it exactly that can cause change?

well, nothing. once again i don´t think language can explain the causes of things, it´s too fast, infinite in fact. through language it appears that some factor leads to another. in reality it´s all one thing, so nothing is changing, nothing is happening.

you know, lately, i have been delt with a lot of stress work and in some moments there´s a slight urge to escape pain, so in fact maybe the belief in an I is still here somewhere, maybe weakened, maybe in disguiss. i´m a little confused.

love,
Pedro

Hi Pedro,

in some moments there´s a slight urge to escape pain, so in fact maybe the belief in an I is still here somewhere, maybe weakened, maybe in disguise

So when pain is noticed, what is noticing the pain? Is there an owner of the pain?

What's it like if the pain is sensed deeply (the actual experience/AE of pain)?

Sending love,
Jim

Hi Jim,

well, let´s wait the next moment of deep stress, i´ll ask that questions to myself :).

so no doubt now when i´m aware things are much more alive and feel close to me than before. but when pain creeps in there´s still this feeling of wanting to escape, not strong, but subtle feeling, like something´s wrong in the present moment. so i feel there´s still a search here somewhere, soft, but still here. a belief in I perhaps still around.

love,
Pedro

Hi Pedro,

so no doubt now when i´m aware things are much more alive and feel close to me than before. but when pain creeps in there´s still this feeling of wanting to escape, not strong, but subtle feeling

So when the feelings are "good" feeling close is fine, but with pain feeling close is not ok. So another way of stating my question from previous post is to allow "closeness" with any feeling - good, bad, indifferent, or even no feeling...
Also what could move from "close" to "far"?

Sending love,
Jim

Hi Jim,

i did as you asked. well, there´s no owner of pain, just pain. the AE of experience is pretty unconfortable, burning in the stomach, resteless legs, shaky hands... but there´s no entity, just suffering so to speak.

Also what could move from "close" to "far"?

well, nothing. in awareness all is one, so all is at the same distance :D. but talking about "far" like pushing away, well, yeah, when pain appears it´s much more hard to just allow it (not that i technically do something to allow), but let´s say it´s easy to fall into the mental trance, easy to believe that something is wrong and try to find my path out of it. in other words, i still feel separation when suffering is present. what do you suggest?

love,
Pedro

Dear Pedro,

Well done!

i still feel separation when suffering is present. what do you suggest?

Well again what is separated from what? Is there a feeling called "separation"? Attend to this closely. Is separation something different from suffering? What is it that notices "separation"?

Sending love,
Jim

nothing is separated, the burning stomach is not separated from the chair where i´m sitting or the tree if i´m outside. it´s all part of aliveness, the one thing.

Is there a feeling called "separation"?

nop, just a way to express that i resist "what is" when pain appears, consequently the search re-starts.

Is separation something different from suffering?

no, separation is a mental story, a way to describe my trying to get "rid of" present pain. but is pain itself, i mean, believing in separation enhances suffering much more. in fact all those feelings would be less burden if they didn´t trigger the believe "this is happening to me".

What is it that notices "separation"?

there´s no separation. all is one. separation is a story built through language based on non examined assumptions that suggestes that things are independent between themselfs. that is not the case, all is interdependent, in fact all is one.

much love,
Pedro

Dear Pedro,

Good work!

Please review the 6 questions and your answers from a few days ago. If there is any difference in how you would answer them now, please put those in your reply. If your reply to a previous answer to a question still applies, no further response is needed for that question.

Sending love,
Jim

Good morning Jim, every answer to the questions applies as i wrote days before.
on the present moment there´s no search going on and definitly there´s this feeling of being connected with "what is".

but i just don´t know that if all this clarification is solid only in good circunstances or if when suffering reappears i sense repulsion, believe that something´s wrong in the present scene and force my way out of it.

love,
Pedro