Hi Gray,
Going into this for the second time, there’s a bit of low-level mix of discomfort / fear / anxiety / nervousness / frustration at the possibility of not getting it, not looking properly, or not being able to explain my attempts adequately. Basically a fear of being dumb!
Anyway, trying to give my sincere, honest effort with this.
Thank you for your sincerity and honesty, it will benefit you greatly. There is no one here to judge you or to think you are stupid. I have been where you are at, so I have an understanding of what you are saying, thinking and feeling. It is natural to have these fears – the fear of seeing – what that may mean, look like, feel like, along with the fear of not seeing. We continue this investigation until the realisation happens…so don’t fear that. I will continue to point as long as you continue to LOOK.
With that example of LOOKING…that is how I want you to LOOK at what I am pointing to each and every time. Not just now and again..but each and every time. Every time the idea that there is an “I” that comes up that “feels” real, I want you to LOOK…just like you did with the apple, but replacing ‘apple’ with the label “I” and go through each step. Every time an idea comes up which is seemingly believed…I want you to LOOK.
Please exchange the word ‘anxious’ with ‘fearful’ and ‘dumb’ and LOOK at them all individually.
The label ‘anxious’ is AE of thought and not the AE of anxiety
The sensation labelled ‘anxious’ is AE of sensation and not AE of anxiety
The image labelled ‘me/I/person’ is AE of colour and not AE of an anxious person
The thoughts about anxiety, what it is and about a person/I being anxious, are thoughts about (content of thought) thought and are simply AE of thought and not AE of anxiety or an anxious person.
So what is known is label + sensation + colour + thought. However is ‘anxiety’ or an “I” actually known?
Here a deeper method of LOOKING, which is good to use when emotions appear. Using the ‘apple’ example will also suffice.
When ‘anxiety’ appears, close your eyes and do the following:
1) Look at the label/thought ‘anxiety’ itself. See the label/word ‘anxiety’ as a typewritten word in the ‘mind’s eye’ across the forehead
Does the label ‘anxiety’ know anything about anxiety, or is the word just a bunch of letters?
Is the label ‘anxiety’ itself anxious?
Can you find anyone/anything in the word itself that is anxious?
2) Then look at the sensation and ignore everything else but the sensation itself.
Inquire into the sensation and ask if the sensation itself knows anything about ‘anxiety’.
Look and see if the sensation itself is the anxious self. If the words ‘yes’ , or ‘yes, this is the self’ appears, go back to Step 1 and see the words across the forehead and repeat step 1.
And then look to see if there is anyone/anything in the sensation or behind the sensation that can be ‘anxious’.
If other random mental images appear during the noticing of the sensation, check to see if those images are the self who is anxious, or are they images that are simply arising and subsiding? If other ‘loud’ thoughts appear, check to see if they are the self that is anxious as you did in step 1.
3) Look at the mental image/outline labelled body.
Does the image/outline itself know anything about ‘anxiety’.
And then look to see if there is anyone/anything in the colour itself that knows anything about ‘anxiety’ or that can be ‘anxious’.
If other random mental images appear during the noticing of the sensation, check to see if those images are the self who is anxious, or are they images that are simply arising and subsiding? If other ‘loud’ thoughts appear, check to see if they are the self that is anxious, as you did in step 1.
4) With eyes still closed look everywhere and see if you can find anyone or anything that is anxious.
When you have done this and if no one/no thing is found, then just sit with the sensation. Just breathe normally, notice the thoughts and images that appear and let them pass on by unless they seem to hang around, then do the appropriate steps above. Allow the sensation all the room it needs in the body without pushing it aside or judging it. If it becomes too intense just take a couple of deep breaths into the sensation itself, and then notice the floor under your feet, notice your backside on the chair and then notice what is in the room you are sitting in and name them out loud, while being aware of the sensation and remember to breathe normally. If the sensation does not dissipate at all or only dissipates a little, that is okay, just notice it, without doing anything with it and just go about your day.
We are not trying to get rid of the sensation labelled ‘anxiety’ or the arising thoughts or images. We are only LOOKING to see what is actually appearing (ie thought, sensation, colour/image) as opposed to what thought is saying ABOUT what actually IS.
Let me know how you go.
Does the label itself or the thought itself know anything about an ‘apple’? Or are they just simply AE of label/thought?
This question brings up the most discomfort and confusion.
So whenever, discomfort, fear, confusion, anxiety, feeling dumb, doubt or anything appears have a LOOK in that moment. If you are unable to LOOK in that moment…when you have the time...bring the event/story that seemingly created the emotions to ‘mind’ and then LOOK.
Thought itself doesn’t know ‘apple’, it just AE of the label / thought.
Yes, so apple is not known, what is known is colour, sensation, taste, smell, sound and thought.
Love, Kay
Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.