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[Kuka]

Hi kay,

Hello Kuka,

Now that you have looked at thought and watched the sports video….I would like you to look at this again. I want you to notice throughout your day, how choices/decisions are made and let me know how you go

They are made so, that I think about the options, and then the decision just comes by itself. If it is difficult choice, it may take longer to mature and I'm aware of the situation. But most of the decisions such as a decision to put a shirt on, is so automatic, that it sounds almost an exaggeration to even call it a 'decision'. But regardless how big or small a decision is, I cannot really know how it is made in the end and at the very moment. It just happens.

And do you choose to think those options, or do those options just also happen? In other words, do you author or choose those thoughts that are labelled as ‘options’?

No, I don't choose or author them.

Think of a 2-digit number. Why did you choose that number? Why not the previous number, or the next one? Do you know? If not, why don’t you know? If you are the thinker of thoughts and the chooser of choices, then you must know how you create them. Repeat the experiment as necessary.

17. I don't know why.

So is it clearly seen that you are not the chooser or thinker of thought? If you cannot choose your thoughts, is there a ‘you’ who is responsible for what actions happen or don’t happen? Is there a ‘you’ who is responsible for anything?

Hmm, it is not clearly seen that I am not the chooser. Instead it is clearly seen, that 'I' is just a thought, and as such incapable to actually do anything.

Yes exactly! So when you look at those pictures I posted on the thread…are there any borders between the colours or is there just simply colour, which thought then divides into many different colours by labelling them with different labels and objects?

Yes, in this way it is just colour and divided only by thought.

So, it is clear that there is only seamless, undivided experience which thought labels as ‘colour’?

Well, it is clearly seen that there is only seamless, undivided experience, but it is not clearly seen that thought would label it as 'colour'. Because honestly, my thoughts very rarely divides and labels the experience as 'colour(s)'. It goes straight to 'objects' etc.

On what level exactly? Is there here and there? Is there another place other than here, now? You did the choice-awareness exercise. Were you able to choose what you were aware of? Can you choose what sound appears, what thought appears, what sensation appears, what taste appears, what smell appears, what colour appears or when or where they appear?

Just like this:

- Did you hear that?
- What?
- I think it was a blackbird.
- I didn't hear anything.
- Listen, now it is singing again!
- Oh yeah!

And what exactly are those…are they not thoughts? If thought said that fairies were real, does that make it so?
Where is the dividing line between the awareness of the sound (ie hearer) and the sound itself? If there is no dividing line, then how can a sound be experienced?

Yes, they are thoughts presented by other people. And other people do exist and they can know things that I don't.

Did I understand it right, that you see other people as thoughts?

If thoughts said that fairies are unreal, does that make it so? I don't think that fairies exist but that is just a thought. I really don't know for sure if they exist or not. How could anything be known to not exist? Only existing things can be known.

Same thing with self. I cannot know for sure that self does not exist. All I know is that self does not exist as a material tangible entity, like I intuitively thought before (and still do sometimes), but it exist only as a thought, story, fiction... Like Santa. Santa didn't cease to exist after I lost belief in the character. It just changed in a way that the character was seen existing as a play, instead of existing as a real person like other people. Like if I used to be grateful for the Santa about the presents, now I'm grateful for the people who actually made them. Still Santa continues to be the mediator of the presents and MC of the Christmas night. It's a show to be enjoyed, and it matters how the Santa performs, even though he is not real in the sense I used to think before.

Exactly. It is only a thought that says, I was too focussed on thought to hear anything.
If there is no awareness of sound…would sound actually be happening?

Well, not if I think strictly from my own point of view, but there can be other people who say that it did happen.

What other people? If there is no separate self called Kuka…then why would there be other separate selves?

Well, that is just the way I see it. There are other people who hear, know, sense... things that I don't. This is so even if there is no separate self called Kuka, or even if these others don't have inherent, separate selves.

Sit quietly somewhere and let the dust settle for a moment and then listen to the sounds in the room where you are, or sounds from outside.
Whatever it is, I'll just refer to it as sound.

Yesterday evening I was in an event where was lots of people in small gallery talking loudly. In hearing, just the heard, no me here or there. Same thing sometimes when just walking in the city.
When focusing on a sound, it is easy for me to not find a border between sound and hearer. But still the pull to experience it in terms of self is very strong.

I don't understand what you mean? Are you waiting for this ‘sense of separation’ to disappear? Are you waiting to become the sound without any reference to an “I” that is hearing the sound? When listening to a lovely piece of music and you are taken ‘away’ with that music, as you said, there is no ‘hearer’, there is only sound. It is a thought that comes in after the music has finished and says “I just listened to a beautiful piece of music”. Where is this "I" that just listened to a beautiful piece of music?

Yes, I was waiting for the sense of separation to disappear.

The "I" that just listened to music is just in the thought 'I just listened to music'.

I want you to think of your favourite song/tune right now.
You can hear the melody right now, right?
Now my question: Do you hear this melody with your ears now?

I can hear it. Not with my ears.

What I would like you to do now is:-
1. Read and answer the questions to this post first, then

2. go back and reread your entire thread from the beginning to now and redo all the exercises please. Then report back to me what you found when you reread your entire thread. Take your time and really take on board (connect the dots) to what we have looked at so far.

To be honest I am not going redo all the exercises. It feels too burdensome and not helpful.

When I was asking for a guide I was waiting to have dialogue and refinement on what I had just realized. I now understand that this approach 'to begin from the start with the usual set of questions' didn't meet that need. I have read your guidance with others, and I see that you have guided successfully many people. That's very nice. But this approach does not feel helpful in my situation.

I think I'm more in a need for 'aftercare', or something like that. But then again it seems that we disagree if I'm through 'the gate' or not. But that doesn't matter for now. Even though I'm uncertain about what the realization I had lasts, and if there is more to see, I am content with the way it is unfolding. It's not very straightforward and easy all the time, but I think I can find my way forward in some other way, and your time is better used with someone else. I thank you for all the effort you have had with me. I'm quitting the process here. I wish you all the best!

Sincerely,


Kuka

[forgetmenot]

Hello Kuka...thank you for your willingness to look. I wish you the best.

With love, Kay