Hello Amrita
Yes, Please add me to the FB group. I'm on FB and if you search I'm the Brad Driessen with a beard and three kids. Here's the answers to the confirmation questions.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
1. No, there is no I-me-mine and there never was. I'm still amazed at how simple and apparent this truth is.
2. The illusion of self starts when we are babies. It must be as early as when the child first declares her toys and things as "MINE." The illusion disallows remembering a time when we were not self. Once the idea of self occurs it is constantly reinforced by self talk until we actually believe ourselves to be these separate entities. We mistake the words we practice in our minds to be self. We mistake the sensations/memory/emotion to be self. 100% of thinking is memory. This gives the illusion that the memory is our past - our lives. When we feel emotions like fear we avoid what we believe will be unpleasant. This also reinforces the belief in the idea of self. We become the persons that attempt avoiding unpleasantness. This IS our suffering. The belief in self allows belief that we are suffering instead of just feeling sensation. If there is no self there is no one to suffer. Without self there is no avoiding Life and Living. Living without self just happens. Driving, eating, working, and breathing happen. Living happens and there is no unpleasantness to avoid. Hiding and hesitation are nonsensical. Deciding how to react dependent on the past(memories) is no way to live. It is not
I that pulls my hand out of the fire and then remembers not to do it again. It is not
I that sees a poisonous snake and runs away. I can begin the process of collapsing self so that I can live now without the belief that the past will help me make better decisions. In the end the ridiculous belief that I am me is so strong that it becomes inconceivable that it could be otherwise. The belief in self becomes so dominant that thinking there is no self is the ridiculous belief.
3. The most important revelations for me had to do with "thinking." I discovered that the voices in my head were not me. How insane is this? I believed that the conversation occurring in mind was I. Crazy. Then the whopper! I figured out that thinking itself was what I thought was me. Double crazy. I was OK thinking that I was not vision, taste, smell, feeling, hearing. It made me think that I was like a living computer with inputs into my brain. But when I figured out that I could in fact LIVE without thinking (and obsessing) about my day to day life I was amazed. When I did the exercises where I was asked to notice direct experience I was thoroughly convinced that thinking was not necessary. Thinking is the thing that reinforced my belief in self. Thinking that thinking was ME was the illusion that kept me from seeing Truth. Knowing that I Lived from moment to moment without thinking to hinder me allowed me to see transparently that self does not exist. After this I saw, for example, that brushing my teeth happens. It does not require a self to perform the function. The only thing that self does for me was allow me to suffer. Human beings have evolved with big brains/memory/belief in self as a means to survive. I-me-mine doesn't need to survive. There are 5 grocery stores within walking distance of my house. I have enough clothes already to last the rest of my life. I don't need to survive and the belief in self keeps me from actually Living a Life.
Thanks again for your time and patience
Brad
