Hi Kay!
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No - there has never been any separate self or I anywhere. It is all just an illusion of thought.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of separate self is in actuality the AE of thought. The reality of experience is a single, unified experience. Now it is sensation, now colour, now image. But there are no boundaries between these experiences. It is a single experience. But the content of thought fragments this experience. It chops it up into little pieces and labels and names each experience. Then thought comments on this experience - often with the content expressing like or dislike of each of these artificially fragmented experiences. Along with a thought of liking, there may be a pleasant sensation to accompany this thought, for example. As this happens, another thought can appear that says something like "I am experiencing all this now" or "I am sitting here assessing the situation". But in reality it is just thought arising and passing, like clouds in the sky.
As we look at the sequence and order within which thoughts and sensation arise, we find the illusion is created by the apparent linkage between "external" phenomena and "internal" experiences. At first glance it can seem that there is a logical sequence between events - that one experience influences another. But it is thought that creates the logical sequence after the event - if we watch the flow of experience as it happens, it becomes clear that there is no logical sequence - what comes at any given time is just random. This creates the illusion of time, which is essential to the creation of an illusion of a separate self.
Ultimately, within this flow of experience, there is no separate self or I that can be found anywhere. If we start to look for it, it seems it lies just out of sight - just around the corner behind our current thought is the "I" that is doing the thinking. But in reality, there is a just another thought about the current thought. And if we look behind that there is another thought, and so on and so on. These thoughts are personalised - full of comments about "I like this" or "I think that", and although they are in effect just a fairy tale, the illusion of a separate self is created. Thoughts lie behind thoughts which lie behind thoughts - and this hall of mirrors creates the illusion of a separate self.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
So, interestingly enough as I have reached these conclusions, there has been more experiences and time spent not looking. Or maybe there is more awareness of not looking. In any case, what has emerged is a feeling of a weight lifted from my shoulders, a growing sense of ease and relaxation...being able to sit back and enjoy the ride.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Ian had been looking for a long time. What really helped this time was the realisation that any conclusions, any judgement, any assessment or apparently 'logical' conclusion - is all just fantasy that reinforces the idea of a separate I. Similarly my desire to attain enlightenment - to get somewhere other than here, all reinforces and sustains the illusion. Getting rid of that helped make the leap. All there is the experience of now - ineffable, indivisible and knowable only at the level of direct experience.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
What are you responsible for?
Give examples from experience.
So ultimately there is no such thing as intention, free will, choice and control - since there has to be a separate I for this to be true. After an event, thought post-rationalises experience to create the illusion that "I" chose to do something...but it is a fantasy. An example was the activity you suggested to raise one arm from being on the table. A thought can emerge about which hand to raise - and then either that hand gets raised, or the other one can. But how did that thought arise in the first instance - it is just random? If a thought emerges that says I intended to take a walk and then I end up walking, that correlation does not equate to causation. Besides, if we look at how the original thought emerges - it is a totally random process. There is no logic, no order, no sequence - and therefore no possibility for concepts such as free will, choice or control. In any case, there is no separate I - so therefore there can be no I choosing, free will or control. What happens is what is always going to happen. Our only responsibility is to look, experience - and enjoy the ride!
6) Anything to add?
Just a big, big thank you Kay - for holding my hand and partnering me along this path! Sending much love and affection over the seas to Australia
Ixxx
