The Gate

Hi Sadhu!

Some nice looking happening! :)

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing?

There are thoughts about it, but ultimately nothing does the choosing.

Is there anything that is making these thoughts about choosing happen, or are they just appearing?
What exactly is it that says thoughts about choosing appear before the arm raising happens?

Okay here is another exercise.

Investigate ‘decision making’ whatever ‘you’ do today.
Describe in detail a decision of a small event.

As an example - getting up out of bed.

Can a decision maker be found making the body leave the bed?
Where does the ‘decision’, the ‘command’ to get up come from?
What makes the body get up, is there a ‘you’, or a decider that commands the body?
When lying there, shout 'GET UP' internally as loudly as you can. Does that affect the outcome?

How does the decision happen?
Does a decider come in and take over, weighing pros and cons, looking at possible consequences?
Or does getting up just happen, or not?

Think of a number between 1 and 100. Got it? Now tell me:
How did the decision happen to choose which number? Or did a number simply come as a thought?
How exactly did that work?

Love Kay

Hey Kay! :)

So, i was standing it the bus today, going to my classes. I don't really have anything to do then, so i started digging around, looking for the self everywhere. I was digging and digging, and there always was this feeling, i dug there and nothing, every time. It felt really weird, how can there be no self? How can there be nothing? I kept asking, how can there be nothing, and kept looking. Then a thought popped up, "remember what Kay said? Only the senses and thought is real, aka the experience. Nothing else is real" and then it all clicked. All that bullshit, suffering/worries/dreams anything, are just that, bullshit. It ain't real. "Sadhu" isn't real. Only experience is. I don't know if this is it, but it seems so. I can see now that there is no "Sadhu". Everything, the habits, social conditioning and everything else is still there, but it's just not real. Anyway, after that little click, the day was smooth and nice. It felt like a subtle shift, and then everything remained the same. Also, i see that all this "seeming" and "knowing" and "doubt", "weirdness", "niceness" are just labels and bullshit, i can clearly see that, just as i am looking at the computer, i'm just explaining the best way possible, haha.

Is this it, Kay, or is there more and i'm missing something? It's pretty much the same, just there is no "Sadhu".

Is there anything that is making these thoughts about choosing happen, or are they just appearing?
What exactly is it that says thoughts about choosing appear before the arm raising happens?

No, nothing.

Can a decision maker be found making the body leave the bed?
Where does the ‘decision’, the ‘command’ to get up come from?
What makes the body get up, is there a ‘you’, or a decider that commands the body?
When lying there, shout 'GET UP' internally as loudly as you can. Does that affect the outcome?

All negatives.

How does the decision happen?
Does a decider come in and take over, weighing pros and cons, looking at possible consequences?
Or does getting up just happen, or not?

There is no decision.
There is no decider.
The sensations just flow.

Think of a number between 1 and 100. Got it? Now tell me:
How did the decision happen to choose which number? Or did a number simply come as a thought?
How exactly did that work?

It simply came as a thought.
It just happened.

Love, "Sadhu"

Hello Sadhuless! :)

So, i was standing it the bus today, going to my classes. I don't really have anything to do then, so i started digging around, looking for the self everywhere. I was digging and digging, and there always was this feeling, i dug there and nothing, every time. It felt really weird, how can there be no self? How can there be nothing? I kept asking, how can there be nothing, and kept looking. Then a thought popped up, "remember what Kay said? Only the senses and thought is real, aka the experience. Nothing else is real" and then it all clicked. All that bullshit, suffering/worries/dreams anything, are just that, bullshit. It ain't real. "Sadhu" isn't real. Only experience is. I don't know if this is it, but it seems so. I can see now that there is no "Sadhu". Everything, the habits, social conditioning and everything else is still there, but it's just not real. Anyway, after that little click, the day was smooth and nice. It felt like a subtle shift, and then everything remained the same. Also, i see that all this "seeming" and "knowing" and "doubt", "weirdness", "niceness" are just labels and bullshit, i can clearly see that, just as i am looking at the computer, i'm just explaining the best way possible, haha.

Is this it, Kay, or is there more and i'm missing something? It's pretty much the same, just there is no "Sadhu".

BEAUTIFUL! :) Yes that is exactly it. No angels with trumpets blaring, no brilliant white light! :) Everything pretty much is the same, just there is no “Sadhu”. YES!

Everything, the habits, social conditioning and everything else is still there, but it's just not real.

Yes, and as you have realised that these habits, social conditioning and everything else are happening to no ‘person/separate individual’, so there is ‘no one’ who is suffering, struggling, doubting, knowing, learning or ANYTHING. And how do you check that....you check it with AE!


Okay some questions to check clarity.

Has it been clearly seen that there has never been a separate individual that could control or own life or anything?

Is there any chooser or decider of any kind?

Is there a separate individual/entity of any kind whatsoever that could be responsible for anything at all?

Is there a separate entity that started this investigation?

Has there ever been a separate self doing anything?

Is there any confusion at all or anything you would like to address?

Love Kayless! :)

Hey Kayless! ^^

BEAUTIFUL! :) Yes that is exactly it. No angels with trumpets blaring, no brilliant white light! :) Everything pretty much is the same, just there is no “Sadhu”. YES!

Yaay :)

Has it been clearly seen that there has never been a separate individual that could control or own life or anything?

Is there any chooser or decider of any kind?

Is there a separate individual/entity of any kind whatsoever that could be responsible for anything at all?

Is there a separate entity that started this investigation?

Has there ever been a separate self doing anything?

.
First yeah, i can see it. The other ones are negatives

Is there any confusion at all or anything you would like to address?

Yeah, i got a few things.

So, even though i can clearly see there is no self when i look, i still seem to get "bothered" or get "engrossed" with feelings and situations, as before. For example there was a situation with the professor today, i didn't know everything i needed, so got some scolding. After that, even though there was no "self", there still were thoughts about it and "feelings" (yeah, which are just sensations/thoughts. Even though i wasn't as much bothered as i would before, since there isnt anyone to get bothered, haha. It's like the thoughts/feelings were flowing anyway, with less engrossment than before, but there still was some). Is this right? Are these things gonna lessen with time?

And one more thing. Sometimes it's like nothing changed, i totally forget that there is no self, i just do stuff and get involved into life. However, if i look, i can clearly see that there is no self, as if i am looking at the screen right now. Is this right? Will there be more "remembering" of this in daily life?

There is a positive effect i would say. It seems like there is more.. freedom? and energy in things that "Sadhu" does. It's a really subtle sensation. There is also a little less worry and bothering about things. Is this right?



It's funny how simple it actually is now that i look at it. No self, just like that. While 2 days ago i was breaking "my" head about it, haha.

Love, Sudhadudha

Hey Sudhadudha! :)

So, even though i can clearly see there is no self when i look, i still seem to get "bothered" or get "engrossed" with feelings and situations, as before. For example there was a situation with the professor today, i didn't know everything i needed, so got some scolding. After that, even though there was no "self", there still were thoughts about it and "feelings" (yeah, which are just sensations/thoughts. Even though i wasn't as much bothered as i would before, since there isnt anyone to get bothered, haha. It's like the thoughts/feelings were flowing anyway, with less engrossment than before, but there still was some). Is this right? Are these things gonna lessen with time?

So, the looking doesn’t stop just because you have ‘seen’ that there is no separate individual. You have to check everything with AE and if it can’t be found in AE then it a story. Intellectually telling yourself that there isn’t anyone to be ‘bothered’ doesn’t cut it. You actually have to ‘look’ because in the ‘looking’ is where it is cemented that all there is IS EXPERIENCE and the rest is just a story. And when the story is seen through the thoughts and sensations are seen for what they are and they are ‘allowed’ to be there (so to speak, because there is no one allowing anything). Sometimes the ‘looking’ seems to happen automatically and sometimes it seems that you have to actually instigate the ‘looking’. This is just what it is.

What exactly is it that is making anything happen?
Did you create all of the above thoughts, or did these thoughts appear?
Did you make/create the sensation (labelled 'bothered') or did the sensation just appear?
What exactly is it that wants “things to lessen with time”?


LOOKING at 'bothered'
What exactly is it that is ‘bothered’?
Does the label ‘bothered’ know anything about being bothered?
Does the sensation labelled ‘bothered’ know anything about being bothered?
Does the image labelled ‘body’ know anything about being bothered?
So what is the AE of ‘bothered’?

There are assumptions/beliefs here that
1) the ‘body’ is what is ‘experiencing’.
2) there is somebody/something that is the ‘doer’.
3) there are ‘others’
4) there is cause and effect which means time

And one more thing. Sometimes it's like nothing changed, i totally forget that there is no self, i just do stuff and get involved into life. However, if i look, i can clearly see that there is no self, as if i am looking at the screen right now. Is this right? Will there be more "remembering" of this in daily life?

You yourself saw that everything is exactly as it is…just that there was no Sudha (go back to your last post and read what you wrote to me)….now there are expectations that things will be different!

What exactly is expecting/wants things to change?
How is it known that things change?
What is the AE of change?
Where exactly can the ‘doer’ who is ‘remembering’ be found?
What is the AE of ‘remembering’?
What is the AE of 'doing/doer'?

There is a positive effect i would say. It seems like there is more.. freedom? and energy in things that "Sadhu" does. It's a really subtle sensation. There is also a little less worry and bothering about things. Is this right?

Yes, this seems to happen. But that is just part of what is ‘happening’ – a part of the story (aka the dream).

What I see is a desire for ‘proof’ that you have seen through the separate self and that the proof will be found through metaphysical experiences or changes either within ‘yourself’ or your external world.

How is it known that there is an ‘inner world’ and an ‘outer world’?
Where is the dividing line between the ‘inner world’ and ‘outer world’?

Isn’t it funny that the separate individual is seen through and then in comes the thought that “I HAVE SEEN THROUGH THE SEPARATE INDIVIDUAL’ and owns the ‘doing’ and then wants more!

We haven’t looked at the body yet, which is something we will be doing. (haha)

Hmmmm and did you forget to highlight each individual question with the quotation function that required an answer? Please answer all the questions in blue.

Love, Kayak! :)

Hey Kayak!

That makes perfect sense.

So, the looking doesn’t stop just because you have ‘seen’ that there is no separate individual. You have to check everything with AE and if it can’t be found in AE then it a story. Intellectually telling yourself that there isn’t anyone to be ‘bothered’ doesn’t cut it. You actually have to ‘look’ because in the ‘looking’ is where it is cemented that all there is IS EXPERIENCE and the rest is just a story. And when the story is seen through the thoughts and sensations are seen for what they are and they are ‘allowed’ to be there (so to speak, because there is no one allowing anything). Sometimes the ‘looking’ seems to happen automatically and sometimes it seems that you have to actually instigate the ‘looking’. This is just what it is.

Exactly this! Right on point. Perfect explanation, just as it is happening right now. Oh, just gonna add something i noticed while typing that last sentence. Since only thoughts/senses are real, that means time isn't real aswell. It's bullshit.

What exactly is it that is making anything happen?

Nothing!

Did you create all of the above thoughts, or did these thoughts appear?

They appeared.

Did you make/create the sensation (labelled 'bothered') or did the sensation just appear?

Appeared.

What exactly is it that wants “things to lessen with time”?

Nothing, that's all bullshit.

So what is the AE of ‘bothered’?

Thought, it is just a label. Since "thought" is a label too, it's experience.

You yourself saw that everything is exactly as it is…just that there was no Sudha (go back to your last post and read what you wrote to me)….now there are expectations that things will be different!

Yeah, haha.

What exactly is expecting/wants things to change?

Nothing.

How is it known that things change?

It isn't.

What is the AE of change?

"Change" is a label/thought. "Thought" is a label on experience. There are only thoughts about changing, but in reality, nothing changes.

Where exactly can the ‘doer’ who is ‘remembering’ be found?

Nowhere, there is no "doer" or "rememberer".

What is the AE of ‘remembering’?

Thought/label -> experience.

What is the AE of 'doing/doer'?

Thought/label -> experience. And also, there is no doer.

What I see is a desire for ‘proof’ that you have seen through the separate self and that the proof will be found through metaphysical experiences or changes either within ‘yourself’ or your external world.

Yeah, i can see that too now.

How is it known that there is an ‘inner world’ and an ‘outer world’?

It isn't. Nothing can know.

Where is the dividing line between the ‘inner world’ and ‘outer world’?

There is no inner/outer world. Everything is just grand experience. Hallelujah.

Isn’t it funny that the separate individual is seen through and then in comes the thought that “I HAVE SEEN THROUGH THE SEPARATE INDIVIDUAL’ and owns the ‘doing’ and then wants more!

Yeah, it is. The tricky part is when there is no awareness of the thoughts at the moment, even though when looked at, it's easily seen and is just stupid, haha. It's hilarious how easy that happened before, getting caught in something so retarded. Now it's becoming easier and easier, even now as typing happens it is seen that nothing can get "easier" or "caught".

We haven’t looked at the body yet, which is something we will be doing. (haha)

Yay! You seem to be having fun, haha. That's good :)

Hmmmm and did you forget to highlight each individual question with the quotation function that required an answer? Please answer all the questions in blue.

Nah, i just thought since the answer is pretty much the same for every question i would just group em and say that the answer is for every one. Won't happen again, haha.

Also, it is easier to keep looking now. It seems to get "clearer" every day. It is really "nice"... or should i say, it is really experience! Hehe.

Love, Sodhohohoho.

Hi Sodhohohoho! :)

It is always such a pleasure to read your posts….thank you! :)

Since only thoughts/senses are real, that means time isn't real as well. It's bullshit.

Spot on! Time isn’t real either and since time isn't real...nor is cause and effect! This will be another thing we will look at. But first the body!

So what is the AE of ‘bothered’?

Thought, it is just a label. Since "thought" is a label too, it's experience.

Just to confirm. The AE of ‘bothered’ is that it doesn’t exist. It is a story – a concept. The label ‘bothered’ is AE of thought and NOT the AE of ‘something/someone being bothered’.

"Change" is a label/thought. "Thought" is a label on experience. There are only thoughts about changing, but in reality, nothing changes.

Yes – beautiful :)

Also, it is easier to keep looking now. It seems to get "clearer" every day. It is really "nice"... or should i say, it is really experience! Hehe.

Haha…nice Sadhu…nice :)


Here is an interesting exercise on the body.

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
Can it be known that the body is solid?

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside, the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc.) before replying.

Love, Yakkay!

Hey Kayarena! :)

I'm gonna report tomorrow, since i didn't have much time today to do the exercise (interruptions, studying etc..) and i want to do it slowly and nicely :)
Sorry about this, it was a really busy day :)

Love, Sudhini

Hey Sudhini!

No problems...thank you for letting me know :) I appreciate the thoughtfulness :)

Love K

Hey Anna Kayenina! :)

Can it be known how tall the body is?

No.

Does the body have a weight or volume?

No.

Can it be known that the body is solid?

No.

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

No. There are only sensations, the "body" can't "have" a shape or a form. There are only sensations of a "leg", but the "leg" cannot "have" a shape or a form.

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?

No. Only sensation.

Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

No. Only sensation.

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - inside of what exactly?

No, no inside or outside. "Body" can't "have" an "inside" or "outside"

If there is an outside, the outside of what exactly?

Nope.

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

The actual experience of image and sensations.

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Nothing. Washing hands, showering, taking a break aren't actually experiences of the body, they are experiences of sensation etc.

Love, S :)

Hi S!

You did some really excellent looking about the body. :)

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

No. There are only sensations, the "body" can't "have" a shape or a form. There are only sensations of a "leg", but the "leg" cannot "have" a shape or a form.

Normally we believe that the sensation is coming from sight – the object seen (leg). But the ‘leg’ is a mental construct of thought + image + sensation but none of those ‘things’ are actually ‘aware’ of something called a ‘leg’.

This is clear?

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Nothing. Washing hands, showering, taking a break aren't actually experiences of the body, they are experiences of sensation etc.

Really really nice looking! Spot on! :)


Here is another little exercise.

With eyes closed, put one hand on the table. Pay attention only to the pure sensation.
Does the pure sensation itself suggest in any way that a ‘hand is doing the touching’?
Does the pure sensation itself suggest in any way that there is a hand (subject) that touching the table (object), or is there only a SINGLE sensation?
When all mental images and thoughts are ignored is there a ‘hand’ or a ‘table’ at all, or is there only a SINGLE sensation?
Does the pure sensation itself suggest in any way that there is even ‘touching’?

Have a real close look. Are there many different sensations or is there just sensation?

Much love Kay

Heya Kay ! :)

I've had another uhh.. "looking realization", haha. It seems the bus is the best spot for looking, haha. Anyway, "i" saw that there is no "destiny" or "free will". Those are just made up concepts. It's kinda "sad", really.. I saw that when i was "digging" a little more.. i was looking a thoughts, seeing that they aren't controlled by anyone. "I" looked at the body, saw that it wasn't controlled by anyone either. And then i "saw" that since there really is no "me", there really is no "free will" or "decision making". I "think" i understood that intellectually, but this time i saw it.
Also, i'm gonna stop using quotation marks, there's just more and more of them, haha.

Normally we believe that the sensation is coming from sight – the object seen (leg). But the ‘leg’ is a mental construct of thought + image + sensation but none of those ‘things’ are actually ‘aware’ of something called a ‘leg’.

This is clear?

Yeah.

Does the pure sensation itself suggest in any way that a ‘hand is doing the touching’?

No, there's only the sensation.

Does the pure sensation itself suggest in any way that there is a hand (subject) that touching the table (object), or is there only a SINGLE sensation?

Sensation can't suggest anything, it's just a sensation.

When all mental images and thoughts are ignored is there a ‘hand’ or a ‘table’ at all, or is there only a SINGLE sensation?

Only sensation.

Does the pure sensation itself suggest in any way that there is even ‘touching’?

No. It can't suggest anything, and "touching" is a label.

Are there many different sensations or is there just sensation?

Just one sensation.

Love, Sadhu :)

Dear Sadhu,

I've had another uhh.. "looking realization", haha. It seems the bus is the best spot for looking, haha. Anyway, "i" saw that there is no "destiny" or "free will". Those are just made up concepts. It's kinda "sad", really.. I saw that when i was "digging" a little more.. i was looking a thoughts, seeing that they aren't controlled by anyone. "I" looked at the body, saw that it wasn't controlled by anyone either. And then i "saw" that since there really is no "me", there really is no "free will" or "decision making". I "think" i understood that intellectually, but this time i saw it. Also, i'm gonna stop using quotation marks, there's just more and more of them, haha.

Brilliant! As Ron Weasley says in Harry Potter….’bloody brilliant’! :)

There is a huge difference to actually ‘realising’ what is, as opposed to just knowing it intellectually. I am so happy that you continually look to get these realisations.

Yes, there is no ‘free will’ or ‘decision making’ (which means there can be no ‘choices’).

What exactly is it that could have free will? The body? Since, as you have seen that the body doesn’t exist, how then can a body have free will or be/do anything!
What exactly is it that could make decisions or choices or be responsible for anything? Nobody, nothing, nada!

What exactly is it that is ‘kinda sad’?
What is the AE of ‘sad’?

Haha…quotation marks are pesky because just about everything goes inbetween them…but they are necessary when ‘looking’ as language is so limited and dualistic. But to quotation mark or not to quotation mark is up to you! :)

Okay, let’s move onto time.

There is a general assumption that there is linear time that started (if started at all) somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time or an event that is moving forward on this linear time, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

But is there an experience that the now is moving along the line of time?

How fast is the present moment actually moving?

How long does the now last?

Where does it start and where does it end?

When does the now exactly become the 'past'?

What is the past in actual experience?

Please look for the answers many-many times (haha) before replying.

Love Kay

Hey Kay!

Brilliant! As Ron Weasley says in Harry Potter….’bloody brilliant’! :)

Haha :D

There is a huge difference to actually ‘realising’ what is, as opposed to just knowing it intellectually. I am so happy that you continually look to get these realisations.

Yeah, i understand what you're saying there, haha. I try to continually look during "daily life", it's kinda "my" "way" of doing stuff, as opposed to "sitting down" and looking. Why sit down, it's just a small portion of the day.. this way it's "every day" of looking :)
It "seems" as we go and dig deeper and deeper, more "social truths" seem to "fall off".

What exactly is it that is ‘kinda sad’?

Nothing.

What is the AE of ‘sad’?

Thought.

But is there an experience that the now is moving along the line of time?

Nope. It's just a concept, a thought.

How fast is the present moment actually moving?

How can "present moment" move? It ain't got no legs! Just a thought..

How long does the now last?

This question.. how can "now" last? It can't. So there is no now. There is no present, no future, no past. Those are all concepts, labels.. There is just experience.

Where does it start and where does it end?

A thought can't start or end.

When does the now exactly become the 'past'?

A thought can't become anything.

What is the past in actual experience?

Thought. The "past" is just a concept, a label on experience.

Jesus, so many things we take as "normal" and "everyday" are all just thoughts, while we take it as something set in stone and that is real. Even the most obvious things are just bullshit, haha. It's "funny" and "sad" at the same time.
Wow.

Love, Sadhu :)

Hi Sadhu!

It "seems" as we go and dig deeper and deeper, more "social truths" seem to "fall off".

Yup! Beliefs begin to fall away and all stories are seen through….yours as well as ‘others’.

This question.. how can "now" last? It can't. So there is no now. There is no present, no future, no past. Those are all concepts, labels.. There is just experience.

Awesome! YES…there is just experience (aka THIS)….just THIS as it IS. Simply THIS.

Jesus, so many things we take as "normal" and "everyday" are all just thoughts, while we take it as something set in stone and that is real. Even the most obvious things are just bullshit, haha. It's "funny" and "sad" at the same time.

And yet freeing as well! :)

By rights, I should now just give you the final 6 questions….but I thought you would like the following exercise which is more or less a continuation on the theme of ‘time’ and the ‘past’.

Almost everybody believes that a memory thought is referring to something that has happened.
That a memory thought is a different thought than a non-memory thought.

What is memory exactly? – please don’t go to thought explanation, but just let a memory be there, and look at it…

What is the memory ‘made of’?
WHEN does the memory appear?

What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘memory’ thought?

How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

Then, look at a thought about the future.
What is the future thought ‘made of’?

WHEN does the future thought appear?

What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?
How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that will happen?

Then let’s compare a thought about past and a thought about the future.
What is the EXACT difference between the thoughts about past and future?
If there is difference, how that difference is known exactly?

Look at what actually going on and not what thoughts say… but what actually is.

Much love
Kay