NoLabel requests a guide

[Canfora]

Yes, to be honest I expected that resistance should disappear. Not that everything will be perfect etc, but just the fact that that I know now that there is no separate self there would be no reason to resist. Resist to what?

You're saying that there is no separate self.
You are also saying that you expect resistance to disappear.
What changed that could make resistance disappear?

I start to get tired of this. At least that was the feeling I had today. I don’t feel better, I feel worst, more confused. Because there are all these things we have discuss here, but I don’t feel that any of this is 100% my realization. (even now I am confused and I make steps backwards: how can I realize it if there is no me?)

Have you been looking?

Please explain me something if you can. What is the difference of these two phrases?
1) There is no self
2) There is no separate self (what we mean by separate? Separate from whom? From me or do you mean that all the people we are one in life?)

What is a self to you? What have you been trying to find?

[NoLabel]

Hi Sandra,

My previous post was a little bit confusing. I know. Today that I am reading it, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me neither.

You are also saying that you expect resistance to disappear.
What changed that could make resistance disappear?

Resistance will not disappear???
I was probably expecting that I could be in this “looking” state (to here and now) easier. And I was expecting that while I am looking it would be no resistance.

What changed that could make resistance disappear?

But you are right, nothing has changed. And I realize now that I was expecting something will change. I was expecting that I could be at here and now all the time. Yes, this is my expectation. Isn’t it the purpose of this “looking”? And I can understand now, that I have combined “looking” only with the good times. Not with the hard times.

Have you been looking?

No Sandra, I was not looking. But it’s too hard to really look when I am not relaxed. When I am relaxed “looking” is easier.

What is a self to you? What have you been trying to find?

What I have been trying to find is the actual meaning of “separate”. My question is for the word separate. Not for the word “self”.
Self to me is all these that are identified as “I”. And I can see that this “I” is still here.

[Canfora]

Hi NoLabel!

Resistance will not disappear???
I was probably expecting that I could be in this “looking” state (to here and now) easier. And I was expecting that while I am looking it would be no resistance.

You have experienced resistance before, no? Among other things that you probably would like to change to something more pleasant, fear, anxiety, etc.
If it is true that there isn't a self, there wasn't a self before too. And all kind of things have been happening.
Why would some of these things vanish now?

I was probably expecting that I could be in this “looking” state (to here and now) easier. And I was expecting that while I am looking it would be no resistance.

You can look at this resistance and check if it is happening to a you.

I was expecting that I could be at here and now all the time. Yes, this is my expectation. Isn’t it the purpose of this “looking”?

Can you step outside of the here and now?
The purpose of looking is to see if you are what you think you are.
It's to see the difference between what is being thought and what is not a thought.

No Sandra, I was not looking. But it’s too hard to really look when I am not relaxed. When I am relaxed “looking” is easier.

Yes. Maybe you can try something to relax before you start looking? Some guides suggest taking some deep breaths before a "looking section".

What I have been trying to find is the actual meaning of “separate”. My question is for the word separate. Not for the word “self”.
Self to me is all these that are identified as “I”. And I can see that this “I” is still here.

To me separate means separate from anything else.
How do you know an I is still here?

[NoLabel]

Hi Sandra,
Yesterday I was examining your previous post in depth. I should tell you that you found the right button for me: “Can you step outside of the here and now?”

I didn’t want to reply right away. I wanted to see how things will be the next day.
Below are the answers that I typed yesterday:

Can you step outside of the here and now?

Ha, I was trying to see if I can step out of here and now, and the thing that happened was to be more at here and now. Because the moment you try to be out of here and now, there is a gap, and in this gap it’s here and now … :)

The purpose of looking is to see if you are what you think you are.

Yes, I get this now. I think I am the thoughts. But there are just thoughts. It’s not me. Thoughts it’s not me. I am not even the observer. Observation just happens sometimes, sometimes not. I can’t force things to happen. Can I exercise to keep looking? I can. But who can? Nobody, because looking is all there is. Everything else happens out of here and now. So, everything else is just thoughts.

How do you know an I is still here?

When there is thought there is the “I”. So, I am not this thought. I can understand this. If I am not this thought. What am I? Nothing. I don’t exist. The only thing that exists is here and now. Now there is music. There is a good feeling. The decision came to close the music to see the difference to here and now.

…There is silence. The fingers typing on the keybord. The sound of a car in the distance. This is here and now on this moment. Where am I? Just in thoughts. I can see my fingers, the stereo blinking, the screen I am typing. The chest that is going up and down by breathing. Who is breathing? There is just breathing. I don’t decide it. Now a thought pop up to slow down breathing. I can do this. Who makes the decision? The decision was on my mind for several minutes… but I started to do deep breathing before even realize it. Who couldn’t realize it? The mind. And all this time “I” thought that I was deciding. Even the mind couldn’t realize it the specific moment that a decision was happening. Because decision is a thought. And a thought cannot think another thought. It is just a thought.
What is I? There is no “I”. Life just responds to here and now. The mind follows. And addresses everything as its own. There is analysis in the head. There is searching. This is what life responds to right now. Who is typing? Life responds to this environment using the brain and the fingers.

There is calmness. The mind is calm. Sometimes it wants to go back to its old habits. To do something. To play video games, to watch something on screen, to smoke, to occupy itself with something. In here and now the mind is more calm. It doesn’t need to do anything, it doesn’t look for something. It’s just is.
Here and now is blank. It’s a gap. A beautiful empty gap.

….These was my answers last night. Then I went outside for a walk. I was walking for several blocks and “Looking” was still happening. Everything was the same but at the same time even more real. More alive. I could hear the sounds fading in and fading out while I was walking. When a thought was rising in the mind there was an immediate understanding that this is just a thought.

Today while I was waking up it was really hard to retain this “looking”. But there was the memory that I am not the thoughts.
I had to start over again. To have my time. To relax. I guess it needs practice. Am I right?

Thanks for everything!
NoLabel

[Canfora]

Hi NoLabel,

Yesterday I was examining your previous post in depth. I should tell you that you found the right button for me: “Can you step outside of the here and now?”

Great :)
That's a very nice post, you're doing a great job!

Today while I was waking up it was really hard to retain this “looking”. But there was the memory that I am not the thoughts.
I had to start over again. To have my time. To relax. I guess it needs practice. Am I right?

I suppose you have seen those images that are optical illusions? Like this one: https://brainbashers.com/illusionimages/174.gif

It's easy to see the man's face. But can you find his three daughters?

Once you are able to see from this new perspective - aren't you always able to see what is there, when you look to the image?

With "looking" it's the same. You start thinking "OMG, it seems I'm a separate self, I lost the seeing!" then - if doubts start to pop up - you look to see again and again - as many times as needed - if what you are identifying with is or isn't a self.

Does this make sense to you?

What are you identifying with at the moment?

Do you think you are the body?
Do you think you are thoughts?
Do you think you are mind?
Do you think you are what is looking - a witness, the observer?
Do you think you are awareness, emptiness, Self, energy - a "higher" form of Self?
Or something else?

Have a look and let me know what's going on :)

[NoLabel]

Hi Sandra!

Wow, your post helped me so much! What a perfect example with the drawing. I found the three women in less than one minute. The moment that I noticed the first one under his beard, the other two just popped up. I hope this will happen with looking too after some practice. :)

Do you think you are the body?

No, I am not the body. There are feelings and sensations in the body, like respiration, heartbeat, a light headache, but there is the identification I am not all these.

Do you think you are thoughts?

Not either. That’s the good part. I can see easily now (most of the times) that I am not the thoughts. And it’s much easier to identify them the moment they arise and just let them go. I don’t let them go, they just come and go. I am not attached to them so easily.

Do you think you are mind?

Is there a big difference between the mind and a thought? If you mean mind=brain, no I am not brain either. Brain is just a tool.

Do you think you are what is looking - a witness, the observer?

I know I am not what is looking. When “I” am attached to what is looking there is no actual looking. But yeah, some times when there is looking, this thought arises “What is looking right now?” And sometimes it’s so easy and clear that what is looking it’s surely not me, that there is something looking that I cannot even identify it and I don’t need to. But some other times when this question arise things are not so clear. A little “I” is behind, thinking that is the observer. The good part is that I can see it sooner or later. But it’s still here.

Do you think you are awareness, emptiness, Self, energy - a "higher" form of Self?

Not really. There is the knowledge now, that sometimes there is just awareness and some other times is not. As about emptiness, when I feel there is emptiness, I can see for sure that “I” am not anywhere. For energy, sometimes when there is looking there is the feeling of a big vibration in the whole body. I don’t think I am this either. I can see that when there is looking, everything is here and now. And at this here and now everything is clearer, so even the vibration on the body is more intense. There was always vibration on the body, but most of times with no “looking” at it. About higher form of self… this was never “my” point of view. If you think you are a higher form of self you have just put a higher label on you.

I think the part that gets me back and forth is this: There is still an expectation. It’s like “Why can’t I always be in this “looking” situation. And when there is no looking there is a small disappointment because of this. But I can understand that when there is an expectation, it cannot be looking. (Except if you acknowledge that “there is expectation right now”.

It’s a very simple and tricky thing. Sometimes it’s clear some others it seems confusing. And these times it’s because the mind tries to analyze “looking”.

Thanks again,
A big warm hug!

[Canfora]

Wow, you are sounding clearer and clearer!
Would you say that you are 100% sure the self is an illusion?
Do you need more time to process all this? That would be ok, I'm not in a rush to push you through the gate :)
Do you feel there is still something missing?

Usually, when someone sees what we are pointing to, we ask 6 standard questions to check if anything is missing.
If something is unclear, a little more guiding is needed. If it isn't, the person is invited to join some LU groups, where support is given and further investigation can be done.

[NoLabel]

Hi Sandra,

I would like to give me a couple of days if its not a problem to process all these. Yesh many times I feel that something is missing. I would like to see if it's something that I could find out or is something that is confusing me.

Oh You can't imagine how much I apreciate your effort!!!
Big hug!
NoLabel

[Canfora]

Hi NoLabel!

Processing is a good idea. Let me know if you find something that gets in the way of clear seeing :)

Hug!
Sandra

[NoLabel]

Hi Sandra,

This is not a good post... :(

Looking doesn’t happen. I expect to happen by its own (once you see it, it is easier to see it again) but it’s still very difficult.

If I really decide to sit and “look” there is a big resistance. There is the thought or the feeling to postpone it for later.

AAarrgg!! There is nervousness right now. The thought arises and arises “I want to see it clear, to have no doubt about it, to know that this is the truth for sure. But it’s still too hard.

I can explain to you everything intellectual but in the daily experience it’s hard. I could tell you that it’s even harder from before. Because now there is the knowledge that there is “looking” but I can’t accomplish it easy. And it fades sooo fast!!! Why it fades so fast once you have seen it? Am I missing something? What is missing????

Sometimes I want to quit for a long time because it's hard. It gets me really tired of trying all this time.
But I am determined to see it clear!!

I hope you will be here to help me.

Thanks a lot anyway

[Canfora]

Hi NoLabel!

Looking doesn’t happen.

Hmm... are you sure? Aren't you always looking? Physically looking, I mean?
It seems you think looking is to enter a specific state, do something strange with your eyes, focusing a certain way?
Why?
When you look, can you see a self?
Other than a thought that says there is a self - is it possible to SEE a self?
This is in plain site, so what do you think you are missing?
What are you expecting?

I hope you will be here to help me.

If you need some time off that's ok. I or someone else, will be here for you, if you want to be guided again. There is no reason for you to get upset or feel bad about all this. Give yourself a break :)

Hug,
Sandra

[NoLabel]

Hi Sandra!

I took some time off as we said. When I relaxed and let it go things got easier.

Yes, I was full of expectations all this time. Deep inside I was hoping that I will enter to another state. I had combined here and now with a good feeling, and when there was not I was thinking that “looking” was not happening.

Looking is happening. Especially when I am relaxed. I realized that when I am not relaxed looking is still happening, but I am identified with the self. I think again I am the thoughts. But most of the times it’s easier now to realize that I am not the thoughts. When this happens, everything starts to settle down.

But let me tell you what is the situation these days, so you can might clear some things even more.

When there is “looking” I can understand that I am not the thoughts. There are just thoughts. I am not looking, looking just happens. Same with hearing etc.
Sometimes though, even I can’t find anyone inside in the “control room” there is an image of my face looking. It is like I can see from outside this person looking, as a character. This human being that is looking, hearing, feeling talking. Is this another identification with a self?

Also another thing that is not quite clear yet is this: When there is just looking there is the sense of a presence observing all this. But there is no observer, right? Observation just happens the specific moment? Some other times is not happening? But at the very bottom there is a feeling of an observer behind all this. Is this another identification with the self?

What is this that is trying to answer to your questions? What is this that is starting to realize that there is no self? What is this that realizes that there is observation, and no observer? If we call it “Life” or whatever, isn’t it “Life” that responds to you? And if there is an understanding that this presence responds to you what makes this realization? Life realizes itself? Life realizes that there was an identification with the self all this time?

Ps: I am moving these days to another city so I might not respond to you very soon.

Hug,
NoLabel

[Canfora]

Hi NoLabel!

You're talking about the feeling that you are a witness, an observer?
What happens if you look at this feeling?
Can you find this person that is supposed to be the observer? Is this observer a human being inside the body?

What is this that is trying to answer to your questions? What is this that is starting to realize that there is no self? What is this that realizes that there is observation, and no observer? If we call it “Life” or whatever, isn’t it “Life” that responds to you? And if there is an understanding that this presence responds to you what makes this realization? Life realizes itself? Life realizes that there was an identification with the self all this time?

It seems you are objectifying life, saying that life is a kind of biggest form of Self? In your experience, what does the concept "life" point to?

Ps: I am moving these days to another city so I might not respond to you very soon.

Thank you for letting me know. I hope the move goes smoothly.

Hug,
Sandra

[NoLabel]

Hi Sandra!!

You're talking about the feeling that you are a witness, an observer?

It was more like a sensation of an observer, that something in or out this body is observing.

What happens if you look at this feeling?
Can you find this person that is supposed to be the observer? Is this observer a human being inside the body?

But there is the realization again, that it is just observation happening. And the “I” still tries to address this observation as its own. I guess at this point I have to take a step back and remember that an “I” doesn’t own anything (feelings, thoughts, observations, expectations etc) because there is no actual “I”.

It seems you are objectifying life, saying that life is a kind of biggest form of Self?

Yes, I guess I was objectifying life, very correct. Even there was looking and calmness, the “I” was still searching for a form behind all this. And it did it using the label “Life”. But this is one more concept, one more belief.

In your experience, what does the concept "life" point to?

Life is just an experience. An experience that unfolds every single minute.
Oh Sandra, why am I forgetting so easily? If I really stand and really look, everything gets clearer. But the next day, it’s different again. (Hmmm…. Yes, I can see now, writing this, that there is still an expectation. I don’t accept every single minute as it is, I have an expectation for the future (I want tomorrow to feel the same), or in the past (last night I was feeling better, clearer, more relaxed.. why this is not happening today too?) So… I guess the point is to see what is going on right now ha? That now… “There is an expectation”.
So Sandra, I think I get this now clearer. Whatever is out of here and now it’s a thought. It’s a label.

Thank you for letting me know. I hope the move goes smoothly.

Thank you very much!!! Next time I will write to you from a new home. :)
Hug!
Nolabel

[Canfora]

Hi NoLabel!

Next time I will write to you from a new home. :)

Exciting!

Expectations... glad to know that you are starting to see them when they appear.

And the “I” still tries to address this observation as its own. I guess at this point I have to take a step back and remember that an “I” doesn’t own anything (feelings, thoughts, observations, expectations etc) because there is no actual “I”.

If there is no actual I, could things be any different than what they are?
Do you have control over what is going on?

Hug,
Sandra