Thanks bananafish, will do!OK, Harry. Please answer all the questions as honest as possible (just like
you've done so far), and please don't try to find the "right" answers by thinking
about it ... remember, always LOOK when questions is asked; don't conceptualise it,
no logic, no teaching from the past, including what I said in this forum.
Tell me anytime you don't SEE ... then I can help you.
All above said, lets start!
Question1: Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there
ever?
No, there has never been a separate entity called a 'self,' 'me,' 'I' etc.
The illusion of separate self is the identification with the content of thought. The concept of "I" is a thought, and nothing more.Question2: Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from
your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Consciousness and experience are the same, and thoughts are just another experience. Their content has no solidity, and can't be 'found' sitting somewhere when looked for. Thoughts continually come unbidden, and change constantly, just as experience as a whole changes constantly. The sound of the car driving by outside just now came and went in a second, as did a thought about the car, but there is no "I" that experiences the thought here, just as there is no "I" in the sound of the car. It is just experience.
Typing right now, another aspect of identification with self seems clear. How can there ever be a self HERE and NOW? A conception of self relies on a thought about the future or the past. HERE and NOW there is only experience: everything else is thought.
To reiterate, the illusion of separate self is the identification with the content of thought, rather than with the HERE and NOW. There is just typing. There is just seeing. Any inkling that this might not be the case, is a thought.
It feels nice. Before I started this dialogue I was aware of the idea of "I" being an illusion, and had seen this on several occasions. However, this dialogue has made something much clearer for me. What I thought had been experiences of no-self, were actually still an identification with "me" and "mine," because my tendency was to perceive "my" consciousness looking out at the world and at experience. I think the clearest thing this dialogue has taught me is that consciousness is experience/life. Since consciousness is experience/life, there is only HERE and NOW, because all thoughts, including a conception of self, draw on past and future. HERE and NOW there is only experience, including the experience of thoughts themselves :)Question3: How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
In the past few days there have been moments where I feel like I've been able to just 'settle into experience,' so to speak, if that makes sense. One that comes to mind is whilst teaching a few days ago (one-on one teaching in a small room). Often when teaching I feel quite nervous, but I felt I could settle into this, and I had an experience where whilst facing my student and teaching them, my whole field of vision WAS my experience/consciousness. Does that make sense?
Ok I'll have a go, they all seem quite intertwined :)Question4: Describe decision, intention , free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How
does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision
Decisions just happen, and thoughts comment on whats happening. If I move my leg just now, there is no thought moving the leg, but thoughts about a leg moving chime in around the action. The idea of even moving my leg, and not my arm, for instance. As I type now, if I watch my fingers, I have thoughts about hitting particular keys on the keyboard, and the posture of my hands, but the thoughts aren't typing. The thoughts aren't even deciding what i'm typing, the thoughts are just narrating experience here. I am responsible for my actions (even though there is no I), but not for thoughts.
intention
Intention describes the thoughts that come after or before something happens. "My intention was this" etc. But the intention is never actually part of what is happening. As I type these words, the intention is respond to your question, but the individual actions of hitting each key are just happening.
free will
Thoughts happen spontaneously and always will. The notion of free will is intertwined with the notion of "I." There is no choice to experience the thoughts that pop in to my head as I'm writing this, there is only the experience of those thoughts, and the touch of the keys, and the hum of the computer. Even coming up with answers to questions, the only words I write are the ones that occur to me to write!
choice
Choice is similar to decision. There 'seems' to be a choice to type this or that, but really there is only what is happening, and what is happening is just happening, there is no 'choice.' Choice is the mind narrating experience, highlighting different 'variables,' that were never variables, they just are...Choice is the thoughts that pop into my head now that I could have just written something quite different...but I could only have written what has been written.
Control
There is no control over thoughts. There is no control over experience. There is just experience.
Stuff just happens. I have no control over the sound of the bird just now just as I have no control over my own thoughts, they are both just experience happening. The illusion brought about by thought is that "I" am experiencing this or that. This is very hard to step back from hehe, but when seen, there is only experience. Experience happens, and thoughts comment...experience continues to happen, and thoughts comment. I type this sentence, and "my" thoughts suggest that perhaps I should change it. Do I have the choice to change it? Well, I don't know...the grass is always greener as far as thoughts are concerned....What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
My responses to this question might indicate I am not fully there yet, I'm not sure. I feel that I can see that self is an illusion, but my tendency to intellectualize has always been pretty dominant, and continues to be. I can see that HERE and NOW I can see that there is just experience, and that experience is everything.
What pushed me over was the idea of consciousness being synonymous with experience. For me, this notion puts a magnifying glass on the illusion of self, since it highlights that experience/consciousness is just HERE and NOW, and the notion of "I" relies on thoughts about past present and future combined (ie polishing the conception of oneself in ones mind). HERE and NOW there is no conception of oneself, or if there is, there oneself is ones experience.Question5: What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
I am continuing to harbor the notion that I need to "hold on to" this realization of no self, but perhaps it is best to treat our dialogue as more an educational experience for the subconscious :) Whilst I can intend to live with this realization in mind, the nature of thought and free will might 'decide' otherwise for me. Perhaps just letting go is the best answer, a dialogue such as this is no doubt liberating whether the realization is reaffirmed again and again or not :) Thoughts?Question6: Anything to add?