The Gate

Thank you my friend. I too feel great joy in being able to serve you on this journey, much appreciation.
I also red jed and after his books went into depression as I was questioning all that I knew was true and saw that none of it was.

Which brings us to the next piecee of the puzzle.

Meaning. Specialness. Uniqueness.

Tell me, please, does a tree mean anything? How about a bug, a bird, a flower? Does life need a meaning to carry on life- ing? Do you see how human is seeking for a meaning and puting it where it isn't? Just so he can feel special.

What is specialness? What if you are not special at all?

And uniqueness is at the core of everything- there are no two same leaves on a tree, no two same flowers, no two same humans. Is uniqueness special? Do you need to be special to be unique? Do you need to seek meaning in order to be unique?

Ponder on this. Let me know what you find.

Oh, and don't worry, that mind labels everything. It's it's job. It's an automatic mechanism. But you don't need to see the labels as true- they are only labels.

Sending love.

Yes, my friend, doubt is to be expected. And it's not an enemy, it only points to unresolved stuff. Once seeing happens, the whole structure of belief starts to fall like dominoes. Don't fear it, welcome it. There is no one to control it, just trust the process and let it be ok.

We still got some work to do here, but I see you are coming through nicely :)

Yes, it's the belief in separate I that is the root, the core of feeling separate.

I gave an assignment for you.
Watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RcjATFc ... ata_player
Then get outside, somewhere where you can sit in nature and simply observe the whole mess, the totality of what is.
See if the body of imperium is any way outside the whole. Notice the story that is being narrated by the mind and check if that is separate from what is too.

Please report when you get back. What was noticed?

Sending love.

Ilona
I am being mindful of welcoming the doubt & fear. Thank you for these words.. they are very encouraging:
“…. doubt is to be expected. And it's not an enemy, it only points to unresolved stuff. Once seeing happens, the whole structure of belief starts to fall like dominoes. Don't fear it, welcome it. There is no one to control it, just trust the process and let it be ok. “
~~~~~~~
All these years I've been under a false assumption about liberation. My expectations have been blinding me and now I'm beginning to see what you're pointing at. It's just about beliefs. Primarily, the belief in a separate "I". I can see that the “I” is a thought, as are everything it represents, and cannot be found. Yet presently there’s still a reaction as if there is one. So I still have that belief running.

My assignment: I watched the Alan Watts video. His words are very clear… the “I” is a fraud and is the basis for the suffering in the word. What’s needed is to ‘stop’ acting from this “I”ness and allow the natural process of Life.
I notice how my mind wants to label & create dramas in order to give definition to itself. Watching this video triggered fear. The fear of the meaninglessness of ‘my’ life and the addiction to being somebody, someplace.. even being special in some way. I can see that all my relationships supported my being special.. even the relationship with my son. Being somebody, someplace. I am noticing that the suffering I experience now is the result of my partner leaving me 8 months ago for someone else, and my son going to live with his mom abroad. It’s left me with the experience of being alone, terrified and not special. I’m noticing this is because of the belief in a separate “I” and its need for definition.

No the body of Imperium is not outside the whole, and the stories are not either. They all appear in awareness. I keep noticing this point and also notice that there’s a idea that I have to do something to “get” this.

Ilona, I want to also report that I re-read “Releasing the Sufferer” on your Marked Eternal blog (http://markedeternal.blogspot.com/2011/ ... ferer.html)
and can related with “D” so well. I'm reading it again. I've also read the Jed books and became very depressed. I’m very grateful that I have you to connect with everyday and to guide me to the root.
Love,
Imperium

PS: Please remind me of this as often as is possible:
There is no one to control it, just trust the process and let it be ok.

Yes, my friend, doubt is to be expected. And it's not an enemy, it only points to unresolved stuff. Once seeing happens, the whole structure of belief starts to fall like dominoes. Don't fear it, welcome it. There is no one to control it, just trust the process and let it be ok.

We still got some work to do here, but I see you are coming through nicely :)

Yes, it's the belief in separate I that is the root, the core of feeling separate.

I gave an assignment for you.
Watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RcjATFc ... ata_player
Then get outside, somewhere where you can sit in nature and simply observe the whole mess, the totality of what is.
See if the body of imperium is any way outside the whole. Notice the story that is being narrated by the mind and check if that is separate from what is too.

Please report when you get back. What was noticed?

Sending love.

Ilona
I am being mindful of welcoming the doubt & fear. Thank you for these words.. they are very encouraging:
“…. doubt is to be expected. And it's not an enemy, it only points to unresolved stuff. Once seeing happens, the whole structure of belief starts to fall like dominoes. Don't fear it, welcome it. There is no one to control it, just trust the process and let it be ok. “
~~~~~~~
All these years I've been under a false assumption about liberation. My expectations have been blinding me and now I'm beginning to see what you're pointing at. It's just about beliefs. Primarily, the belief in a separate "I". I can see that the “I” is a thought, as are everything it represents, and cannot be found. Yet presently there’s still a reaction as if there is one. So I still have that belief running.

My assignment: I watched the Alan Watts video. His words are very clear… the “I” is a fraud and is the basis for the suffering in the word. What’s needed is to ‘stop’ acting from this “I”ness and allow the natural process of Life.
I notice how my mind wants to label & create dramas in order to give definition to itself. Watching this video triggered fear. The fear of the meaninglessness of ‘my’ life and the addiction to being somebody, someplace.. even being special in some way. I can see that all my relationships supported my being special.. even the relationship with my son. Being somebody, someplace. I am noticing that the suffering I experience now is the result of my partner leaving me 8 months ago for someone else, and my son going to live with his mom abroad. It’s left me with the experience of being alone, terrified and not special. I’m noticing this is because of the belief in a separate “I” and its need for definition.

No the body of Imperium is not outside the whole, and the stories are not either. They all appear in awareness. I keep noticing this point and also notice that there’s a idea that I have to do something to “get” this.

Ilona, I want to also report that I re-read “Releasing the Sufferer” on your Marked Eternal blog (http://markedeternal.blogspot.com/2011/ ... ferer.html)
and can related with “D” so well. I'm reading it again. I've also read the Jed books and became very depressed. I’m very grateful that I have you to connect with everyday and to guide me to the root.
Love,
Imperium

PS: Please remind me of this as often as is possible:
There is no one to control it, just trust the process and let it be ok.

Ilona,
Meaning: No. Tree, bug, bird, flower, house, nose, keyboard, cat mean nothing. Life doesn’t need “meaning” to do life-ing. Yes, I notice how “I” make assignments/meanings where none are necessary for life-ing to go on. “I” do this to give definition and assign value. Then I measure myself against that value.. which I established in the first place. Now that’s interesting. I didn’t notice that before.

Specialness: I’m noticing specialness to be a sense of separateness. At first glance letting go specialness there’s a ‘pinch’ .. until I notice that I’m special means someone else isn’t. Behind specialness I feel the fear of not being special. It’s an ‘exclusive’ that I have and others don’t.

Uniqueness: No uniqueness is not special and you don’t need to be special to be unique. Unique is not exclusive and it’s not at the expense of another. It’s equal yet different.
“Do you need to seek meaning in order to be unique? “ Wow, this is a challenge. A snowflake is unique but requires no meaning to be what it is and for life to continue life-ing… so no, meaning is not needed to be unique.

Today was an emotional rollercoaster as was yesterday. I keep recalling your pointer of, “There is no one to control it, just trust the process and let it be ok.”
Love,
Imperium

PS: Meaning and specialness seem to be part of the protection mechanism you mentioned earlier in our dialogue.

Thank you my friend. I too feel great joy in being able to serve you on this journey, much appreciation.
I also red jed and after his books went into depression as I was questioning all that I knew was true and saw that none of it was.

Which brings us to the next piecee of the puzzle.

Meaning. Specialness. Uniqueness.

Tell me, please, does a tree mean anything? How about a bug, a bird, a flower? Does life need a meaning to carry on life- ing? Do you see how human is seeking for a meaning and puting it where it isn't? Just so he can feel special.

What is specialness? What if you are not special at all?

And uniqueness is at the core of everything- there are no two same leaves on a tree, no two same flowers, no two same humans. Is uniqueness special? Do you need to be special to be unique? Do you need to seek meaning in order to be unique?

Ponder on this. Let me know what you find.

Oh, and don't worry, that mind labels everything. It's it's job. It's an automatic mechanism. But you don't need to see the labels as true- they are only labels.

Sending love.

(Sorry, I attached this response to a former post. Read this one.)
Ilona,
Meaning: No. Tree, bug, bird, flower, house, nose, keyboard, cat mean nothing. Life doesn’t need “meaning” to do life-ing. Yes, I notice how “I” make assignments/meanings where none are necessary for life-ing to go on. “I” do this to give definition and assign value. Then I measure myself against that value.. which I established in the first place. Now that’s interesting. I didn’t notice that before.

Specialness: I’m noticing specialness to be a sense of separateness. At first glance letting go specialness there’s a ‘pinch’ .. until I notice that I’m special means someone else isn’t. Behind specialness I feel the fear of not being special. It’s an ‘exclusive’ that I have and others don’t.

Meaning and specialness seem to be part of the protection mechanism you mentioned earlier in our dialogue.

Uniqueness: No uniqueness is not special and you don’t need to be special to be unique. Unique is not exclusive and it’s not at the expense of another. It’s equal yet different.
“Do you need to seek meaning in order to be unique? “ Wow, this is a challenge. A snowflake is unique but requires no meaning to be what it is and for life to continue life-ing… so no, meaning is not needed to be unique.

Today was an emotional rollercoaster as was yesterday. I keep recalling your pointer of, “There is no one to control it, just trust the process and let it be ok.”
Love,
Imperium

Dear imperium. Welcome the emotional rollocoster with open hear. It's one of signs that there is really something happening as you are entering new teritory. It's to be expected. See if you can relax into it, surrendering to whatever is happening without trying to escape.

Let's go back to the beginning now. There is no separate entity 'me' at all in real life. Is it true?
Yes, or no?

Look at real life, how all is just happening + story about what is happening. Notice that story is not experience. It's just an eco of what is happening as its happening. Look behind the story, focusing on what IS real.

Sending lots of love.

Dear imperium. Welcome the emotional rollocoster with open hear. It's one of signs that there is really something happening as you are entering new teritory. It's to be expected. See if you can relax into it, surrendering to whatever is happening without trying to escape.

Let's go back to the beginning now. There is no separate entity 'me' at all in real life. Is it true?
Yes, or no?

Look at real life, how all is just happening + story about what is happening. Notice that story is not experience. It's just an eco of what is happening as its happening. Look behind the story, focusing on what IS real.

Sending lots of love.

Ilona
I am keeping attention on relaxing into and surrendering to whatever is happening without trying to escape. I really need your encouragement with this. I’m noticing this is my challenge because I’m efforting so much to do so. Noticing this today seems to be the doorway into something different.
During my daily focusing while laying down this morning I remembered your words of life life-ing itself with no need for meaning or specialness. I allowed the feeling of those words to wash over me. I could get a sense of the life-ing and that life has its own momentum and no “me” is necessary and in fact “me” doesn’t exist. It’s a neurotic phantom. A control freak.
As I tuned into my body I could feel the anxiety that’s continually running in my solar plexus and I welcomed it to come forward and show me what I need to know. This welcoming helped me to “allow” it. It was shaky and difficult at first but I just kept welcoming the anxiety. Many thoughts & worries came but I kept coming back to the welcoming feeling and the request to show me what it has for me.
As I began to relax into this sensation understandings began to pop up and I was able to notice them. It was revealed that this anxiety is a tension in the center of my body that causes the sense of a “me” that needs to be responsible for, to control, manipulate, strategize, plan, worry about and figure out everything. The fear is that if that “me” fails it will be punished… or die.
I noticed that as I kept my attention on ‘allowing” everything to be as it is, relaxing the ‘me’, life-ing could happen without suffering. I touched a moment of experiencing trust, and that nothing need be done. This feeling was like a dream come true for me.
This feels very fragile right now and as I type these words there’s some doubt. I’m doing my best to remember your words to not fear doubt but to welcome it and that there’s no one to control it, just trust the process and let it be ok.
I’m noticing how the ‘me’ needs to stay in control, the accompanying tension in the body and the resulting suffering.
Ilona, all this being said, there’s fear coming up in the body and I’m allowing it as best possible. Since yesterday I began doing the ETF exercises…. which seem to help.

No, there’s doesn’t seem to be a separate ‘me’. It seems to be a collection of meanings, assignments, fears & worries that needs to be in constant control to justify its existence.

I keep entertaining your words of life-ing is what’s happening and am having glimpses of it. I can see how the ‘me’ assigns meaning… which are just thoughts and not the experience of life-ing. I’m keeping my focus as best possible on the life-ing.

I also realized that all the things that have been and are important in my life are really just neurotic reactions of the ‘me’ attempting to be in control and not trusting the life-ing. This is no doubt why over these past months so many of the things that were important to me now have little to no value (world politics, global financial collapse, wars, etc.). This morning I could see that they have no value and are just attempts to control and are what causes suffering.

I feel exhausted and very vulnerable.
So much Love & Gratitude for your patience and guidance,
Imperium

dear imperium. i'm with you all the way. but, i can only show you the door, you have to walk through it.. you have been doing very well so far. we have covered many angles and you have been working perfectly though the points i wanted you to look at.

now, you are standing right at the gate, still not so sure to go forward or not. i'm afraid you are on your own here. i will meet you on the other side and we will keep talking for a bit. do not worry, nothing is going to disappear. and don't expect anything to happen.

so here is the door:

No, there’s doesn’t seem to be a separate ‘me’

word seems says to me, that you are still thinking about it, but haven't looked for yourself. i can not do that for you. you have to.

so focus right here. right this moment, is there a separate self in any form or shape in reality? get to the bottom of this question. it is either yes, or no. nothing in between, no seems, no maybe, no perhaps and no i think. look, don't think about it. the truth is obvious. it's right in front of your eyes. :) now take that step forwards.

much love. :)

dear imperium. i'm with you all the way. but, i can only show you the door, you have to walk through it.. you have been doing very well so far. we have covered many angles and you have been working perfectly though the points i wanted you to look at.

now, you are standing right at the gate, still not so sure to go forward or not. i'm afraid you are on your own here. i will meet you on the other side and we will keep talking for a bit. do not worry, nothing is going to disappear. and don't expect anything to happen.

so here is the door:

No, there’s doesn’t seem to be a separate ‘me’

word seems says to me, that you are still thinking about it, but haven't looked for yourself. i can not do that for you. you have to.

so focus right here. right this moment, is there a separate self in any form or shape in reality? get to the bottom of this question. it is either yes, or no. nothing in between, no seems, no maybe, no perhaps and no i think. look, don't think about it. the truth is obvious. it's right in front of your eyes. :) now take that step forwards.

much love. :)

Ilona
NO.. there is no separate self in any form or shape in reality. It's only a thought. This monitor is real, this keyboard is real. There is no separate self.
Love
Imperium
Thank you for your persuasion.

dear imperium. i'm with you all the way. but, i can only show you the door, you have to walk through it.. you have been doing very well so far. we have covered many angles and you have been working perfectly though the points i wanted you to look at.

now, you are standing right at the gate, still not so sure to go forward or not. i'm afraid you are on your own here. i will meet you on the other side and we will keep talking for a bit. do not worry, nothing is going to disappear. and don't expect anything to happen.

so here is the door:

No, there’s doesn’t seem to be a separate ‘me’

word seems says to me, that you are still thinking about it, but haven't looked for yourself. i can not do that for you. you have to.

so focus right here. right this moment, is there a separate self in any form or shape in reality? get to the bottom of this question. it is either yes, or no. nothing in between, no seems, no maybe, no perhaps and no i think. look, don't think about it. the truth is obvious. it's right in front of your eyes. :) now take that step forwards.

much love. :)

Ilona
NO.. there is no separate self in any form or shape in reality. It's only a thought. This monitor is real, this keyboard is real. There is no separate self.
Love
Imperium
Thank you for your persuasion.

I'm so surprised at how much of an influence my expectations from the decades in the alternative camp have had on me. These expectations are so unrealistic and have been like an anchor around my neck. Your encouragement to accept the simplicity of it is what caused me to just acknowledge what's obvious.
Love You!

Gorgeous! Yes, it sooo simple, that mind can not take it for an answer, as it's used to complicating things hehe.

Was there ever a self/ I? How about other people?

How does it feel to be liberated?
Looking forward to you answers to that.

Love you.

Gorgeous! Yes, it sooo simple, that mind can not take it for an answer, as it's used to complicating things hehe.

Was there ever a self/ I? How about other people?

How does it feel to be liberated?
Looking forward to you answers to that.

Love you.

Ilona

Was there ever a self/ I? How about other people?

No there never was and never will be a separate self... and there are no other people.

How does it feel to be liberated?
Looking forward to you answers to that.

It feels both familiar and unfamiliar, fragile, some apprehension, a delicate yet perceivable sense of peace & relaxation in the body, and some wonder where this will go and if it will digress.

I recall from your blog dialogues that you compared this period with a hangover. Please advise.
Lots of Love
Imperium

This is great!
Woo hoo!

Yes, there is a hangover period. All unfolds in a unique way for you. Trust is your best friend.
We have LU aftercare group that helps to deal with all kinds of issues that may arise. But before getting there, I still have a few questions for you.

Please answer in full :)

1. When you say I, what does it refer to?

2. What is this illusion of separate self, how does it work, when does it start, what is holding it all together?

3. How would you explain it to a friend who never heard of it before?

4. What was that last push, that really made you look. What exactly happened when you looked?


Lots of love!
Ps. Do you have a fb account?

This is great!
Woo hoo!

Yes, there is a hangover period. All unfolds in a unique way for you. Trust is your best friend.
We have LU aftercare group that helps to deal with all kinds of issues that may arise. But before getting there, I still have a few questions for you.

Please answer in full :)

1. When you say I, what does it refer to?

2. What is this illusion of separate self, how does it work, when does it start, what is holding it all together?

3. How would you explain it to a friend who never heard of it before?

4. What was that last push, that really made you look. What exactly happened when you looked?


Lots of love!
Ps. Do you have a fb account?

Ilona
Thank goodness there’s an LU Aftercare Group. I’m feeling a little wobbly in the knees with this and would love to have support until I can give support.

1. It refers to a fictitious overlay onto that which is experiencing… which in truth turns out to be a thought used as a reference point.
2. The illusion of the separate self is a collection of assigned meanings & definitions that this self then uses to make judgments & determinations about the world. This process attempts to overthrow Life’s “life-ing” by replacing real experience with presumed experience. Because it sees itself as a separate entity, it constantly seeks to control & take responsibility of Life’s details due to the fraudulent meanings it’s imposed on Life. The result is what’s known as suffering.
It started when we were very young and taught that we were “somebody-somewhere”, (a name, a gender, a body, etc.)
It’s held together by belief. The belief’s that we are the thoughts, body, name, gender, social status, boy/girl, etc.
3. I would suggest that the self is not real and that they look for themselves whether the self is a thought or if it’s something tangible. I would also use the description #2 above.
4. The ground was made fertile for the last push by my examination with you about the terms “meaning, specialness & uniqueness”. As I looked into these terms and their relationship & differences I could see the mechanics of my holding on, and how real experience was being overlaid with stories. I was able to see the self/stories.
And, by welcoming the fear & anxiety in my solar plexus and asking it to tell me what I needed to know about them. As I relaxed into and welcomed the anxiety & fear I finally understood the words, “allow everything to be as it is”. What followed were clear understandings of the self trying to overthrow and interfere with Life’s life-ing. As mentioned, when I saw this I had a moment of experiencing trust for the first time in my life. It was delightful. I felt something relax in me. The final push was seeing that life doesn’t need help or guidance and to attempt to do so causes suffering… and your demanding me to make a commitment.. “yes or no”! ;-)
Yes I have a FB account and we are already friends. I just sent you a message.
Much Love.. and hope we can stay in contact along the way,
Imperium

That is truly beautiful. Thank you! Your answers are clear and I see that you through.
Welcome to the new beginning. :)

Experiencing trust for the first time in life- wow. There will be more and more of it coming. You can totaly trust that.

Hm, I did not get your message, fb has been playing up lately. Could you send one more?
Lots of love. :)))))