The Gate

Bonjour,
Yes I definitely recognise wanting to claim GOOD ideas as my own, I will continue to notice those during today. Sharing the navigation with another brings up that competitiveness, wanting to claim it when it turns out well. Also when it is just up to me, to make a quick decision, there is a bit of fear of 'me' getting it wrong, NOT wanting to own the bad ideas! Having to say 'I don't know where we are' feels like I have failed. Not massively so, it's quite subtle, I am fine with being wrong or not knowing, I am just noticing the accompanying feelings.

Now here is my response to the previous exercise,

Looking in to the place where others see your face, do you find colour or shape here.

No, I don't find colour or shape, I don't find anything. A strange emptiness

Then..Take it further: Point with one index finger outwards at the world, and with your other index finger point inwards towards where you used to think your face was. Describe as fully as you can what the experience is like.

Well it's the same thing, I don't particularly find it takes it any further so not sure what to describe. There is a feeling of dislocation, in a way a slight surprise ! It feels a bit disturbing, even though of course I don't expect to see anything, pointing at my face. There is a dark hole!
HB

Lovely observation there with the pointing.
So too with the navigation 'loss' and 'gain' dynamics, your noticing of the tendency to want to appropriate the GOOD ideas etc, all very natural of course.

The French D roads are going to be a minefield for this! They are actually 'only for locals' so they are 'only signposted for locals' ie not very! (my parenthesis).
So you are guaranteed to get puzzled and wrong footed sometimes, even if the OTHER party were navigating!!!

More from me later

Hi, we're actually doing really well and enjoying the incredible countryside! These roads are great, and mostly empty. We are already a day from Perpignan but taking it slower now through gorges and medieval villages!

All day a sense of lightness as I try to notice and stop appropriating things that just happen all by themselves!

A bientot
HB x

I try to notice and stop appropriating things that just happen all by themselves!

Mmm, looking good but I now want to ban trying (Or rather I need to ask you to not do trying or leave it aside).
I will be asking you to move more and more towards relaxation but without pushing it though! Just a letting go into relaxation, or a letting go into letting go.

My emphasis on relaxation is a reminder that letting go in the body is a useful way into letting go in the mind (ie softening things up for a letting go or a lessening of clinging) Do not work hard at this. Just a provisional and relative orientation towards letting go into calm is all you need here. Just go for say a 15% upgrade in that department.

'Trying' is one of those words that I often feel has, perhaps neurologically, got a tiny echo of the possibility of 'failure' built into it.

I mean, you don't 'try' to open the fridge door do you?

No, you just effing open it right?! And without any bother at all either!

So our orientation can be really significant with this kind of territory

Also don't stop the appropriation either! The job of this work here is just to notice that appropriation justhappens

You are going to get far more out of the French countyside by NOT working at it, by just allowing it to do you! Just let go into it.

I want to know when you stop and will be more or less stationary in situ for a period of time? Give me a sense say if there will be a three day stoppover four days from now or if in say five days there will be a ten day stop. That kind of thing really. Not for travelogue purposes but just for me to get a sense of planning bite sizes.

Blimey! I clean forgot to ask you to kindly sit with your six or seven nice breaths before reading that.
Hey! Why not do your breaths now then just read it again?
Mb

'Trying' is one of those words that I often feel has, perhaps neurologically, got a tiny echo of the possibility of 'failure' built into it.

Fair point and to be honest I have not really been trying, just noticing.

Also don't stop the appropriation either! The job of this work here is just to notice that appropriation justhappens

Ok!

I will be stationary from next Wednesday to Saturday, then flying back to uk on Sunday 5th.
Thanks for your patience.
HB x

Fair point and to be honest I have not really been trying, just noticing.

Cool!

I will be stationary from next Wednesday to Saturday, then flying back to uk on Sunday 5th.

Even cooler!

Mb

I am curious though, as I know those roads down to Spain well! Where are you now and where is that big final stop?

We have been pottering through Limousin, then the Ayeyron and Cevennes now near Millau and going onto the A75 for Beziers then Perpignan. Headed for Akashavana where I will be going to live from early May. We have wifi there so should be cool but then sat/sun will be travelling again.

I am realising how much notice I have tended to take of the content of my mind! Unnecessarily! Brilliant x

Have you done your half dozen or so, let's-be-nice-to-Hannah-breaths yet? Never miss these out. Especially with what is coming below as we start to close in on more vipassana elements OK?

I am realising how much notice I have tended to take of the content of my mind! Unnecessarily! Brilliant

Yep! Thoughts just come and go like the weather.

Mmm!

Does that way of seeing things make a difference to guilt for example?

(Do you remember that you said you sometimes felt elements of guilt about some thoughts?) Does that seem different now? (BTW I am not asking for content details here about the guilt per se)

'What' is the thing or entity which feels guilt?

In Direct Experience, is guilt actually anything more than sensation and thought?

I am not saying that the thoughts don't arise as outcomes from samskaras, karma, pratityasamutpada etc.

All I am asking you to do is; just notice that they DO in fact just come and go like the weather.

What we call 'the self' is actually nothing more than a mere thought, OK? It is the thought of; 'the self'

Answer each question.
Mb x

Hi there,
En Espagna a hora!

Does that way of seeing things make a difference to guilt for example?

Yes it does make a difference, it is feelings of guilt, and stuff like not feeling good enough that disappear when I take less notice of the content of my thoughts, I can see that those negative feelings reinforce the illusion of a self, and it is also the illusion of a self that gives rise to those feelings.

'

What' is the thing or entity which feels guilt?

It is just an idea of having a self that causes those feelings to arise, (it still feels like a thing though, although I know it to be a bundle of psycho-physical processes or whatever) I can definitely see there is no need for the self critical thoughts, but am still just noticing them when they arise, not all the time, but catching them quicker.

In Direct Experience, is guilt actually anything more than sensation and thought?

No it is no more than that, but habit of course seems to give it more substance

I am not saying that the thoughts don't arise as outcomes from samskaras, karma, pratityasamutpada etc.

Yes I understand that.

All I am asking you to do is; just notice that they DO in fact just come and go like the weather.

Yup, I keep noticing that

What we call 'the self' is actually nothing more than a mere thought, OK? It is the thought of; 'the self'

Ok, yes I have kept coming back to that all day.

You can take it as read that I do always do the six kind breaths before I read your post, and usually a bit of a body scan and run through the senses, just to help tune into DE. I am not meditating much at the moment, not at all on this trip.

With thanks,
HB x

That is just fine you do not need meditation for this enquiry we are doing here. (and I always ask for six breaths gambling that Buddhists will stick in an extra few plus a bit of body awareness which is great of course!)

What we call 'the self' is actually nothing more than a mere thought, OK? It is the thought of; 'the self'



Ok, yes I have kept coming back to that all day.

Right so this is where we are up to now: that, what we call a 'self' is actually just a thought.(!)

Cough! (clears his throat) Well this is quite a major realisation Hannah(!) Has there been any noticable collateral shifts in perception along with that?

And I want to ask you to do this exercise now too please:

Write what you are experiencing right now using the words 'I' and 'me'. Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just plain description of here now. Like this: I am lying in bed. I am hearing rain. I am typing these words. Do this for 10 minutes. Watch the body; what physical sensations are happening?

Then for the next 10 minutes write what you are experiencing WITHOUT the words 'I' and 'me'. Just describe the experience as it is happening in the moment, using verbs: Waiting for next thought, typing, breathing, blinking, hearing rain. Again watch what is happening in the body. Now compare these two ways to label experience. What do you notice?
Mb

Cough! (clears his throat) Well this is quite a major realisation Hannah(!) Has there been any noticable collateral shifts in perception along with that?

Not really, I sort of keep expecting to feel different but habits are strong, the understanding has not fully penetrated to my being, it still feels sort of cerebral although there is increased awareness of how much the 'I' wants to be in control, and do it all,. I read in another post that when you fully see through it's like knowing there is no Santa, I feel like there is a lot still to fall into place around this knowledge that self is just a thought.

Write what you are experiencing right now using the words 'I' and 'me'. Get right to the point

I am sitting up in bed, typing these words. I can hear the birds in the woods. I can also hear traffic on the road nearby. I am drinking a cup of tea, I can feel the warmth of it going down and taste it in my mouth. One of my legs is beginning to feel uncomfortable where it is bent to support the iPad. My ears are cold. My head is very slightly aching, and now my ear is itching a little from the scarf I have wrapped around to keep warm. I can see the sun breaking through the trees, and I am thinking of the sunny day to come. I am having another drink from my tea, enjoying the taste and warm feeling. I move my leg to ease the discomfort. I am beginning to feel hunger for breakfast.

Second version:

Scratching face, sitting, sitting bones aching. Blinking, hands are poised to type. Swallowing. birds are singing. Cars driving past. Waiting for next thought.blinking. Hands are a little cold. Drinking last swig of tea. Tummy rumbling. Waiting. peaceful feeling. Warmth in tummy. Closing eyes.distant hum, curiosity, what is hum? Dogs barking. Tingling in nose. Rubbing eyes, face all screwed up.breathing deeply

Well, that's very interesting, in the second version I felt less driven, more peaceful, like it really did not make a difference what I wrote. In the first one it felt more willed, like I had to do something right. Make effort and keep going.

I had a strong dream this morning, an adventure but losing everything, including my boots! No home, could not get to a platform so missed last train, sobbing, frustration, wanting to get home to my kids, but then all fine, kids ok, still no boots, and the station, town, houses,rooms all completely unrecognisable but feeling lighter by end. I know that all just content, but still seems significant somehow. I am experiencing a lot of anticipation of some deeper letting go.

Sending this now but might add more later.
HB x

What we call 'the self' is actually nothing more than a mere thought, OK? It is the thought of; 'the self'



Ok, yes I have kept coming back to that all day.

No problemo! I had simply been investigating what you had intended by the above response, not seriously thinking we were there yet hence the polite cough etc!

But I do want to ask you to keep going back to that above statement of mine. (It is really giving the whole bloody game away actually. Remember how I already told you this thing was really ordinary?!)

the understanding has not fully penetrated to my being, it still feels sort of cerebral although there is increased awareness of how much the 'I' wants to be in control, and do it all,. I read in another post that when you fully see through it's like knowing there is no Santa, I feel like there is a lot still to fall into place around this knowledge that self is just a thought.

Fine just notice that 'the I' does this, make no attempt to make 'it' stop. Just notice this in direct experience. That this dynamic takes place OK?

What you are calling 'the I' is just a thought is it not? Where is this 'the I' in Direct Experience?

Is it really anything more than sensation and thought?

'wants to be in control' is that not just a thought? Is that not just sensation and thought?

Where is; 'I want to be in control' in direct experience?

Well, that's very interesting, in the second version I felt less driven, more peaceful, like it really did not make a difference what I wrote. In the first one it felt more willed, like I had to do something right. Make effort and keep going.

I had a strong dream this morning, an adventure but losing everything, including my boots! No home, could not get to a platform so missed last train, sobbing, frustration, wanting to get home to my kids, but then all fine, kids ok, still no boots, and the station, town, houses,rooms all completely unrecognisable but feeling lighter by end. I know that all just content, but still seems significant somehow. I am experiencing a lot of anticipation of some deeper letting go.

YES! Great! Look at that difference between the first and second again. Just look at what you wrote and drink it in.

And this dream is looking so, so very good! You are very definitely going to get this!

Can I ask you to recite the Heart Sutra before going to bed tonight please?
Mb x