Dan, come in :)

[Ilona]

Thank you for answers.
Tell me, what is real? By real I mean, what is here now, that does not disappear once you stop believing in it.
And how does it feel to be free? :)

[Dan]

Thank you for answers.
Tell me, what is real? By real I mean, what is here now, that does not disappear once you stop believing in it.
And how does it feel to be free? :)

Computer, hands, fingers, people, flowers, clocks, emotions, thoughts, world around me

How does it feel? Not much different. Sometimes there is fear again. Insecurity, thoughts that still say "I something..."
But what is different that there is space around the emotions and thoughts.
Is there anything more I can "learn"? I mean experience/see..

because I still do not feel that... yeah I feel.. hah, it's just an emotion :)
is there something, blog or anything like that that would deepen it?

[Ilona]

Sounds that you are though!!
yes, we have a great facebook group for aftercare. :)

so what was that last push that made you look? can you look back and see where that shift happened?

[Dan]

Sounds that you are though!!
yes, we have a great facebook group for aftercare. :)

so what was that last push that made you look? can you look back and see where that shift happened?

Thank you Ilona
last push?
It was what you have said on your blog. There is nobody behind eyes, after that it was easy, just focus on what is real.
Thank you again

[Ilona]

You are very welcome, Dan. Thank you for looking.
Awesome!
Lots of appreciation here.

[Dan]

Here too. Thank you for guiding me
much love to you Ilona :)

[Ilona]

we'll chat some more tomorrow. let it settle for now.

[Ilona]

how is your day going today? is there any doubt or all is pretty clear?

[Dan]

Today is strange day

when I woke up, it wasn't like yesterday, I was full of thoughts "Ughh, it's already 7am? I don't wanna wake up, I'm tired, lets sleep some more" and it's like that for the whole day. Yesterday it was more like

thoughts here
feelings there
seeing things
hearing sounds
pretty space between anything

but anyway, there is no me, although thoughts have this label

sadness, violence, mocking, I do for no apparent reason but somehow I feel it doesn't matter what I do, because there is no I, and it is such A FUCKING JOKE THAT IT COULD BE anywhere
and that it doesn't mean anything about ME, because I know things will be alright because this will pass or play itself out.
Everything is new and still the same somehow

[Dan]

and sometimes when I'm between guys I know and we mock each other as usual, I feel somehow alienated and when resistance comes up I say to myself "come here and open up please", and actually when there is any heavy feeling I have to focus on it to don't get drown in it

[Dan]

so yeah there are doubts

[Dan]

I'm now reading Ciarans posts

http://ruthlesstruth.com/arena/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=1430 these ones, they are really helpful, really.

[Ilona]

thank you for answers, Dan. No mater what doubt comes in, it's just doubt happening. What has been seen, can not and will now be unseen. And the best way to clear your own beliefs is by helping others to see through illusion.
Yes, it takes time to settle and it can be quite intense, everyone is unique. this is not the end, only a beginnig. :) welcome to living free :))

Read this, the latest from Ciaran. - http://ruthlesstruthdotcom.blogspot.com ... eedom.html it kind of sums it all.

[Dan]

It's really different from all that bullshit that society is full of. Fucking beliefs and words you should believe coz others say so. Like nobody can do it, you must be special to be liberated/enlightejxnjcbknd, you must be zenned out zombie.. oh fuck, lol

btw , thank you for the link, Ilona :), I'm really starting enjoying it, however crazy it is,
It's so utterly amazing that people believe that THEY are, it so ! that I don't even know english expression for this level of amazement