Looking for a guide

[fufe]

Nice looking.
How about we look at this choosing process and how you do it?

You can try switching your attention from sound to your breathing sensations, back and forth.

How do you control attention? What makes you think you're controlling it?
Can you examine what happens in terms of direct experience when you control your attention, and what qualities the attention controller (aka "I") has?

It doesn't seem "I" am controlling it, it seems happening and I'm just illusioning myself that I'm controlling it
I don't get it :D

[Armstrong]

Not understanding is not a problem.
Can you please try an experiment? I presume you're at a computer.
Please use a clock or timer to time things below; your phone or computer should make it easy.
You might want to start with a few deep breaths - try to let go of thoughts of the past and future for a bit, focus on what's going on now.

Can you try focusing on the weight of your body on the ground or your chair for a minute?
What happens in terms of thinking and sight/sound/... sensation?
Can you focus on hearing for a minute?
What happens in terms of thinking and sight/sound/... Sensation?
Can you focus on the tops of your shoulders and neck for a minute?
What happens in terms of thinking and sensation?

Ordinarily we'd say "I paid attention to XYZ" - but what is it really like?

[fufe]

Not understanding is not a problem.
Can you please try an experiment? I presume you're at a computer.
Please use a clock or timer to time things below; your phone or computer should make it easy.
You might want to start with a few deep breaths - try to let go of thoughts of the past and future for a bit, focus on what's going on now.

Can you try focusing on the weight of your body on the ground or your chair for a minute?
What happens in terms of thinking and sight/sound/... sensation?
Can you focus on hearing for a minute?
What happens in terms of thinking and sight/sound/... Sensation?
Can you focus on the tops of your shoulders and neck for a minute?
What happens in terms of thinking and sensation?

Ordinarily we'd say "I paid attention to XYZ" - but what is it really like?

I tried focusing on my body weight and the hearing seeing and thinking got in the background but after a while I felt all of them
It feels like they still happen but they are more in the background if not focused on
I'm not good with this kind of excercises.

[Armstrong]

I'm not good with this kind of exercises.

Can you describe this I that isn't good at this kind of exercise?

[fufe]

I'm not good with this kind of exercises.

Can you describe this I that isn't good at this kind of exercise?

No. There is noone to be described that is not good at this excercise :D
Or any excercises
I feel bad everytime I think or say "I" now, because there isn't any lol

[Armstrong]

Ok, so that judgement, "I feel bad everytime I think or say 'I'..." -- what is this "I" that feels bad (or good)?

And why does it feel bad, if it doesn't control what thoughts arise? Does the "I" control the thoughts?

[Armstrong]

Ok, so that judgement, "I feel bad everytime I think or say 'I'..." -- what is this "I" that feels bad (or good)?

And why does it feel bad, if it doesn't control what thoughts arise? Does the "I" control the thoughts?

[fufe]

Ok, so that judgement, "I feel bad everytime I think or say 'I'..." -- what is this "I" that feels bad (or good)?

And why does it feel bad, if it doesn't control what thoughts arise? Does the "I" control the thoughts?

No the I doesn't control thoughts.
But I feel there is something that is not random, because I can intentionally choose what am I going to do and focus on.. I still believe that I am an awareness that sets intentions and those are being followed by sense and thinking. I don't know what or where the awareness sits or is or streams from. Maybe it's beyond my comprehention and I can't comprehend this.
That's how I feel about this

[Armstrong]

Ok. That answer you gave sounds like conceptualizing ("awareness") so I would encourage you to try again - as in, where did that answer come from? How is it that you posed a question, got that answer and answered with it?

Let's switch tacks and examine a different aspect of direct experience.

Can you find the past in direct experience? Is it in sight, sound, thinking?
If you had to bet your life on it, can you show that the past exists? Please look.

[fufe]

Ok. That answer you gave sounds like conceptualizing ("awareness") so I would encourage you to try again - as in, where did that answer come from? How is it that you posed a question, got that answer and answered with it?

Hmm.. It's all in the mind. It seemed that awareness is the mind moment ago. I posed a question, got and answer and answered because of the mind it seems.. Even imagining it involves only the minds, which is leading to...

Let's switch tacks and examine a different aspect of direct experience.

Can you find the past in direct experience? Is it in sight, sound, thinking?
If you had to bet your life on it, can you show that the past exists? Please look.

I cannot prove past. Even when I record it on video it's playing in present which makes it present then. Past is only in memory, in thoughts, mind... And if time travel existed, the past would make itself your own experience's present.. So past "can't exist"

[Armstrong]

So it seemed you were frustrated and hopeless ("beyond comprehension").
Was that because of thoughts of the past? As in, some story about yourself where you can't do it right?
If you treat your thoughts of the past as phenomena (like ambient noise), how does it make sense to say you can't do it? Can you know that?

[fufe]

So it seemed you were frustrated and hopeless ("beyond comprehension").
Was that because of thoughts of the past? As in, some story about yourself where you can't do it right?

Maybe, intuitively I think so. But I don't remember anything in particular - I hardly remember anything about my childhood or past, also hardly anything emotional

If you treat your thoughts of the past as phenomena (like ambient noise), how does it make sense to say you can't do it? Can you know that?

I was rereading previous few posts. And I feel I'm forgeting every last sentence I read. It feels like I'm, learning a subjectin school I just couldn't make myself to remember :D
I'm sorry but I tend to forget things a lot and very quickly and it's hard for me to put some things you are asking together to get what you are asking me. I will take time tomorrow to write everything down and figure out what exactly are you asking me (Or you can reword it, lol)
I feel I'm getting pretty lost a lot in this :D

[Armstrong]

I was rereading previous few posts. And I feel I'm forgeting every last sentence I read. It feels like I'm, learning a subjectin school I just couldn't make myself to remember :D

It might be good for you to listen to this audio: http://liberationunleashed.com/LU_Audio ... n%2003.mp3

And please tell me what you think after you've listened to it.

[fufe]

I was rereading previous few posts. And I feel I'm forgeting every last sentence I read. It feels like I'm, learning a subjectin school I just couldn't make myself to remember :D

It might be good for you to listen to this audio: http://liberationunleashed.com/LU_Audio ... n%2003.mp3

And please tell me what you think after you've listened to it.

I don't think I feel the fear. Or maybe I don't see it or don't allow it to arise.
I often talk to emotions like he describes tho - An insanely big portion of inner anger diminished just by talking to it and telling it something.

I find it hard to get the energy to think about this stuff while I work everyday. I find it hard to connect to this. I was working for 9 and half hours today (I work monday-friday) and I'm really tired. Do you think this may be an obstacle ?

[fufe]

Btw I wanted to say I appreciate your patience.
Especially since this may take a while :D