The Gate

Dear Esme,

Has it been seen that there has never been an ‘I’, except as a thought?

Yes, but just briefly.

Thank LOOK again and again and again until the doubting thoughts are seen through.
Doubts are just thoughts appearing in the moment. And thoughts are as important and the humming of the refrigerator.

I suggest spending the next 24 hours or so on looking. Whatever you do, wherever you are, alone or in company there is always an opportunity to look whether there is an ‘I’ that is supposedly do, decide or own anything.

Is there a hearer of sounds, or just hearing?
Is there a see-er of sights, or just seeing?
Is there a smeller of smells, or just smelling?
Is there a taster of tastes, or just tasting?
Is there a feeler of sensation, or just sensation?
Is there a thinker of thoughts or just thinking?
Is there an experiencer of experience (this life)...or just life?

Please go through these questions one-by-one and do these exercises as often as you can wherever you are, whatever you do. Not just think of them, but actually eat some food and taste it; so when about smelling, actually smell something (same with the other senses).

Love, Vivien

Dear Vivien,

I will spend the next 24 hours immersing myself in these exercises. I have a tendency to rush through things but want to take my time with these. Will post again tomorrow.

Love
Esme

Dear Vivien,

Is there a hearer of sounds, or just hearing?

Just hearing.

Is there a see-er of sights, or just seeing?

Just seeing.

Is there a smeller of smells, or just smelling?

Just smelling.

Is there a taster of tastes, or just tasting?

Just tasting.

Is there a feeler of sensation, or just sensation?

Just sensation.

Is there a thinker of thoughts or just thinking?

Just thinking.

Is there an experiencer of experience (this life)...or just life?

There is just life.

I find it a little bit difficult to these exercises - well not difficult as such, but I feel that I 'know' what the answer is supposed to be, and so I am not always sure that it s coming from direct experience. When I look during these exercises, there isn't a really obvious answer popping up, there is just a sort of expansion in the body (can't really find another way of describing it). I take this to be my answer, as I can't find the doer or the owner anywhere.

Love
Esme

Dear Esme,

I find it a little bit difficult to these exercises - well not difficult as such, but I feel that I 'know' what the answer is supposed to be, and so I am not always sure that it s coming from direct experience. When I look during these exercises, there isn't a really obvious answer popping up, there is just a sort of expansion in the body (can't really find another way of describing it). I take this to be my answer, as I can't find the doer or the owner anywhere.

You’re doing very well. This is exactly what we call looking. So no worries :)

Look, it is not about stating that there is no-self. It’s about seeing that the self cannot be found. We cannot say that there is no self, because in order to be able to say it we have to see the self first (which is impossible), in order to be able to negate it.

So we can only say that a self cannot be found, except as a thought.

This is utterly simple.

So, is there an 'I' right here, right now in this moment other than a thought?


Love, Vivien

Dear Vivien,

So, is there an 'I' right here, right now in this moment other than a thought?

No.

Love
Esme

Dear Esme,

Has it been clearly seen that there has never been an ‘I’ that could control or own life or anything?
Is there any chooser or decider of any kind?

Is there an 'I' of any kind whatsoever that could be responsible for anything at all?
Do others have responsibilities?

Is there a 'you' that started this investigation?
Has there ever been a 'you' doing anything?

Any confusion at all or anything you would like to address?

Whet it is seen that there has never been a self, as a next step, there are further six questions to ask as part of this guiding process. The response is then shared with other guides. They may or may not have further questions.

Once it is confirmed by other guides that seeing through the illusion of the self has happened, our conversation in this thread will come to an end, however you won’t be left alone. There is a whole community of others on FB, who have also seen through the ‘self’. Actually, there are several groups to join.

Are you ready for the six questions?

Love, Vivien

Dear Vivien,

Has it been clearly seen that there has never been an ‘I’ that could control or own life or anything?

I don't feel that it has been seen clearly. There have been several glimpses, but I don't know that it has been seen clearly.

Is there any chooser or decider of any kind?

I can't find a chooser. But I also cannot say with 100% certainty that there isn't a chooser. When I look none. But throughout the day, there often appears to be one.

Is there an 'I' of any kind whatsoever that could be responsible for anything at all?

I can't answer this from actual experience. I can reason, that since there is no I to be found, then there is no I that could be responsible for anything at all. However, this is not clearly seen, there is still a pretty strong assumption when it comes to responsibility and free will.

Do others have responsibilities?

I think the above applies to this question too. I wish I could see this more clearly, I really do.

Is there a 'you' that started this investigation?
Has there ever been a 'you' doing anything?

This is only clear when I look. I can't find the me that started this investigation, or the me who has ever done anything. But even as I am typing this, I can feel confusion arise.

Any confusion at all or anything you would like to address?

Yes, lots. I feel as if I still know absolutely nothing. That sometimes, it is clear. Since last week, there has been a very persistent and pervasive anxiety. And often, a feeling of 'emptiness' (sorry, can't explain any better) which is quite surreal and always followed by even more anxiety. I know my expectations have been big and unrealistic from the start of this investigation, and I am probably still full of them. Sometimes it seems so obvious, but often it isn't.

Are you ready for the six questions?

I wish I was - I really do. But I don't think I am.

Love
Esme

Dear Esme,

I don't feel that it has been seen clearly. There have been several glimpses, but I don't know that it has been seen clearly.

Of course you don’t feel it! Because it is not a feeling, seeing through the self cannot be felt!

The liberating SEEing is not a State; it is not a mystical experience; it is not the feelings we had when we SAW it. It is simply the *fact* that there is no separate entity, a self that runs a personal slice of Life, as we had previously believed.

It's just like seeing there is no entity Santa. We don't have to keep seeing it to know we have seen it. No one "abides" in no-Santa.

Just shift focus to sensation, to the Uninterpreted Moment, prior to thoughts, and check if there is an entity (self) present. That's it.

I can't find a chooser. But I also cannot say with 100% certainty that there isn't a chooser. When I look none. But throughout the day, there often appears to be one.

Of course! It appears to be throughout the day AS IF there were a chooser. But upon investigation it can be seen that the chooser cannot be found!

We cannot say that there is no self, because in order to be able to say it we have to see the self first, in order to be able to negate it.

So we can only say that a self cannot be found, except as a thought.

So, is there an 'I' right here, right now in this moment other than a thought?

I can't answer this from actual experience. I can reason, that since there is no I to be found, then there is no I that could be responsible for anything at all. However, this is not clearly seen, there is still a pretty strong assumption when it comes to responsibility and free will.

OK. Where is responsibility right here, right now?
Where is free will exactly in this moment?
Do the words ‘responsibility’ or ‘free will’ point to anything real?
Or are they just IDEAS ‘hanging in the air’?

Is there a ‘thing’ that could have responsibility?
Can a ‘thing’ be found that could have free will?

This is only clear when I look. I can't find the me that started this investigation, or the me who has ever done anything. But even as I am typing this, I can feel confusion arise.

Of course again! We don’t go around in life with a constant seeing of no-self. Actually, no-self cannot be seen at all! Because nothing cannot be seen.

We cannot say that there is no self, because in order to be able to say it we have to see the self first, in order to be able to negate it.

So we can only say that a self cannot be found, except as a thought.

Yes, lots. I feel as if I still know absolutely nothing.

Of course you don’t know anything! :) Dear Esme, this cannot be known or grasped with the intellect.
I know my expectations have been big and unrealistic from the start of this investigation, and I am probably still full of them. Sometimes it seems so obvious, but often it isn't.

Are you ready for questioning your beliefs about liberation?
Are you ready for the possibility that your beliefs about liberation might be wrong?
Are you ready to give up ALL expectations?

Since last week, there has been a very persistent and pervasive anxiety. And often, a feeling of 'emptiness' (sorry, can't explain any better) which is quite surreal and always followed by even more anxiety.

Anxiety is the result of believing a thought story. Next time when anxiety comes up, ignore all thoughts and go directly to the pure sensation in the body and just feel it, let it be.

You might be surprised, anxiety is not what it seems to be…

Please read my comments several times (twice is not enough). When there are beliefs how things should be than any contradictory ‘information’ or seeing can be missed in order to keep the beliefs intact. So read it carefully several times and let it sink in.

Please reply back to any part of my comments you feel the need to (not just to the questions).

Love, Vivien

Dear Vivien,

Firstly, thank you so much. I really appreciate you guiding me.

Of course you don’t feel it! Because it is not a feeling, seeing through the self cannot be felt!
The liberating SEEing is not a State; it is not a mystical experience; it is not the feelings we had when we SAW it. It is simply the *fact* that there is no separate entity, a self that runs a personal slice of Life, as we had previously believed.

Thank you for clarifying this. I have definitely been entertaining the expectation that this shift would be felt or known very clearly; the veil being lifted from my eyes and all that.

So, is there an 'I' right here, right now in this moment other than a thought?

No.

OK. Where is responsibility right here, right now?

I can't find it.

Where is free will exactly in this moment?

I can't find that either.

Do the words ‘responsibility’ or ‘free will’ point to anything real?

No.

Or are they just IDEAS ‘hanging in the air’?

Yes.

Is there a ‘thing’ that could have responsibility?
Can a ‘thing’ be found that could have free will?

No and no.

Are you ready for questioning your beliefs about liberation?

Yes, definitely.

Are you ready for the possibility that your beliefs about liberation might be wrong?

Yes I am.

Are you ready to give up ALL expectations?

I am ready, I am really ready.

Anxiety is the result of believing a thought story. Next time when anxiety comes up, ignore all thoughts and go directly to the pure sensation in the body and just feel it, let it be.
You might be surprised, anxiety is not what it seems to be…

I did this once last week and the pure sensation, beyond labels was akin to euphoria. Mostly though, the thoughts are too hard to ignore. But I will try to just let it be.

Love
Esme

Dear Esme,

Vivien: Are you ready to give up ALL expectations?

Esme: I am ready, I am really ready.

Every expectation is in the way of seeing what is here, right now. Every single expectation is a ‘hindrance’ in realizing what IS. Expectations are about the future. But liberation cannot be found in the future.

An expectation is nothing more than a mental concept. In order to compare it with the current experience, the current experience needs to be conceptualized. As a result, there ‘are’ two mentally fabricated constructs that can be matched up, with a ‘result’ of putting a label of either “this is liberation” or “this is not” onto the experience.

But you don’t have to do anything with these expectations. Don’t try to push them away, change them, manipulate them. Don’t do anything with them, don’t touch them, just observe them. These are nothing more than the content of arising thoughts, here and now. That’s all; nothing more, nothing serious, nothing ‘real’.

(About anxiety): I did this once last week and the pure sensation, beyond labels was akin to euphoria. Mostly though, the thoughts are too hard to ignore. But I will try to just let it be.

I wrote a blog post about running away from ‘negative’ emotions, you may like it:
http://fadingveiling.com/2014/10/28/run ... -emotions/

Is there anything in this moment that is missing?
Is there anything 'outside' of this moment?


Love, Vivien

Dear Vivien,

I wrote a blog post about running away from ‘negative’ emotions, you may like it:
http://fadingveiling.com/2014/10/28/run ... -emotions/

Thank you, I liked it very much.

Is there anything in this moment that is missing?

No.

Is there anything 'outside' of this moment?

No, nothing.

Love
Esme

Dear Esme,

So has it been seen that there has never been a ‘me’, except as a thought?

Are you ready for the final six questions?

Love, Vivien

Dear Vivien,

So has it been seen that there has never been a ‘me’, except as a thought?

It has been seen that upon looking, I can't find the 'me'. So in that sense, yes.

Are you ready for the final six questions?

I don't think so. I can't imagine that I am through the gate - surely I would know if I was through?

Love
Esme

Dear Esme,

I can't imagine that I am through the gate - surely I would know if I was through?

Of course, it can’t be imagined! Imagination is a thought, a story. Imagination has nothing to do with reality.

What is missing?
How would it be recognised?

Is there anything missing in this moment?
Is there anything outside of this moment?


Every expectation is in the way of seeing what is here, right now. Every single expectation is a ‘hindrance’ in realizing what IS. Expectations are about the future. But liberation cannot be found in the future.

An expectation is nothing more than a mental concept. In order to compare it with the current experience, the current experience needs to be conceptualized. As a result, there ‘are’ two mentally fabricated constructs that can be matched up, with a ‘result’ of putting a label of either “this is liberation” or “this is not” onto the experience.

Love, Vivien

Dear Vivien,

What is missing?

Clear seeing. Sometimes, I'm not sure whether I am actually seeing this for what it is, or if I am just parroting what I have read. It's like I 'understand' that thoughts are real, content is not, but can I actually *see* this? I don't know.

How would it be recognised?

I would know somehow that I have seen through the illusion? Ok, I have had moments of seeing - any time I have done the exercises or even just looked throughout the day, the I can't be found and it has also been seen (sometimes) that things happen without a doer. And maybe there are still lots of expectations in the way of seeing it - I have read so many posts on this forum (and in the GG book too) where people really *see*; they know they are through and they start laughing because they can see that this was always the way. I think I am waiting for that laugh, for a moment of just *knowing* that this is it, this is really it.

Is there anything missing in this moment?

That is the funny thing, because despite everything I wrote above, no - nothing is missing in this moment

Is there anything outside of this moment?

No, there is only this moment.