Dear Esme,
I don't feel that it has been seen clearly. There have been several glimpses, but I don't know that it has been seen clearly.
Of course you don’t feel it!
Because it is not a feeling, seeing through the self cannot be felt!
The liberating SEEing is not a State; it is not a mystical experience; it is not the feelings we had when we SAW it. It is simply the *fact* that there is no separate entity, a self that runs a personal slice of Life, as we had previously believed.
It's just like seeing there is no entity Santa.
We don't have to keep seeing it to know we have seen it. No one "abides" in no-Santa.
Just shift focus to sensation, to the Uninterpreted Moment, prior to thoughts, and check if there is an entity (self) present. That's it.
I can't find a chooser. But I also cannot say with 100% certainty that there isn't a chooser. When I look none. But throughout the day, there often appears to be one.
Of course! It appears to be throughout the day AS IF there were a chooser. But upon investigation it can be seen that the chooser cannot be found!
We cannot say that there is no self, because in order to be able to say it we have to see the self first, in order to be able to negate it.
So we can only say that a self cannot be found, except as a thought.
So, is there an 'I' right here, right now in this moment other than a thought?
I can't answer this from actual experience. I can reason, that since there is no I to be found, then there is no I that could be responsible for anything at all. However, this is not clearly seen, there is still a pretty strong assumption when it comes to responsibility and free will.
OK. Where is responsibility right here, right now?
Where is free will exactly in this moment?
Do the words ‘responsibility’ or ‘free will’ point to anything real?
Or are they just IDEAS ‘hanging in the air’?
Is there a ‘thing’ that could have responsibility?
Can a ‘thing’ be found that could have free will?
This is only clear when I look. I can't find the me that started this investigation, or the me who has ever done anything. But even as I am typing this, I can feel confusion arise.
Of course again! We don’t go around in life with a constant seeing of no-self. Actually, no-self cannot be seen at all! Because nothing cannot be seen.
We cannot say that there is no self, because in order to be able to say it we have to see the self first, in order to be able to negate it.
So we can only say that a self cannot be found, except as a thought.
Yes, lots. I feel as if I still know absolutely nothing.
Of course you don’t know anything! :) Dear Esme, this cannot be known or grasped with the intellect.
I know my expectations have been big and unrealistic from the start of this investigation, and I am probably still full of them. Sometimes it seems so obvious, but often it isn't.
Are you ready for questioning your beliefs about liberation?
Are you ready for the possibility that your beliefs about liberation might be wrong?
Are you ready to give up ALL expectations?
Since last week, there has been a very persistent and pervasive anxiety. And often, a feeling of 'emptiness' (sorry, can't explain any better) which is quite surreal and always followed by even more anxiety.
Anxiety is the result of believing a thought story. Next time when anxiety comes up, ignore all thoughts and go directly to the pure sensation in the body and just feel it, let it be.
You might be surprised, anxiety is not what it seems to be…
Please read my comments several times (twice is not enough). When there are beliefs how things should be than any contradictory ‘information’ or seeing can be missed in order to keep the beliefs intact. So read it carefully several times and let it sink in.
Please reply back to any part of my comments you feel the need to (not just to the questions).
Love, Vivien
