The Gate

Ok, Jen. When you're ready.

x

M

Aloha Mark,

Still here :). I'll send my reply tomorrow.

Much love,
Jen

Aloha Mark,

My answers to your questions:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No there is not, and no there never was.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now (not just from was may be presumed).

The illusion of a separate self is naming a set of experiences and characteristics as a whole, a separate abstract entity. The feel to me is that the naming and the creation of the object--whether it is a house or a jen--stops the seeing that that naming is a linguistic convenience. What I keep getting is that when I start believing the narrative in my head about "I" and what "I" think, and simultaneously identify that "I" as responsible for the movement and the flow taking place--"I'm" thinking this as "I'm" doing that--that the illusion becomes fully engaged.

As I see it now, there is the aliveness "lifing" and that is never ending. The moving, thinking, eating, talking, buying plants and watering them--happening. I see the action arising, and a split second later I see the commentary arising about the action that already happened, the commentary going to own and explain the action.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Spacious, and little jumpy inside. I relax my eyes and look around and feel the space in my head connecting to the space in front of my eyes and feel a sense of empty alertness. Also a sense of deep relaxation, and the humor that relaxing is the only thing to do. Things feel less connected in a linear way and more connected in a all-one-thing way. I can feel something sinking in deeper, a surrendering to the fact the movement is moving and a humor and interest about what might arise next.

The difference between when I started this dialogue and now is a sense of something seen that can't be unseen. A sense of wonder that the aliveness is impersonal and relaxing internally. I don't feel like I'm taking so "personally" whatever is arising. It's just more of the arising, and it will change...no need to get in a fuss. Just wait, and the next minute will come, with the next flow of aliveness.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Somewhere back in this thread, there was a moment when asked if there was a jen who had ever been responsible for anything, I acknowledged and really saw the only thing I could say honestly was that the experience of aliveness was arising and that was all--no jen. A gap appeared in believing the narrative of my thoughts, and there was stillness and alertness. It also seemed extremely hilarious to be trying to take responsibility for all this moving and turning and churning as if "I" had set it in motion. I saw that trying to make a "jen" meant creating ownership and doership where there simply wasn't any. And even right now, typing this consideration, it's hilarious. HILARIOUS, maybe the best joke ever.

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? What are you responsible for? Please try to describe the process as best you can, even if gropingly. Don't forget to give some practical examples from your everyday experience (even if there is no real 'you'!) and give as much detail as you can in answering all parts of this question.

As best I can, there is what is happening and there is either the acceptance of it or the resistance to it in all aspects--mental/emotional/physiological. Do "I" decide, intend, choose, control events in life? How could "I" possibly when the "I" is a mental fiction? There does appear to be a consideration of a response--let's say someone says something rude, and I pause for a second to calm down and let it move through me, my energetic response of jaw tightening, belly tightening. There does appear to be a "choice" in the sense that "I" "could have done something else", but that's just a fiction too--because it is all one thing. The stimulus, the response, the apparent choosing of relaxing and letting go vs. striking out in anger--all life lifing. Life chose which response to make, if you want to put it that way.

And it does seem that the more awareness arises of this experience, the more what arises in conscious awareness changes. That feeling of lightening, of seeing things differently, of watching the beautiful wild ride playing out--it does seem to transform and become more clear, sharp, fresh, lively. wow, but even that is not a person.

6) Anything to add?

I've noticed a tendency mentally to want to label this experience "scary" or "Cold" or "alienating". But when I look at my experience, I do not see that there. I experience a quickening sensation, a looking-at-ness that is much deeper than my mind skimming over things and labeling them with words and proliferating with concepts about the words. It feels so much richer, I feel soft and open and eager to let in more of that awareness. It does appear to me here that life is drawn to the conscious experience of life, beautifully so.

I'll look forward to your follow up questions! And many thanks Mark, for all your time and care here in this inquiry.

Love
JEn

HI Jen,

Thanks for that. I have no other questions and actually found your responses pretty moving to read.

I will now have some other guides have a look and see whether there is anything else they would like to ask.

A privilege,

Mark

Hi (Life pretending to be) Jen

That was quick! Absolutely no questions or reservations from other guides.

I will send you a private message.

love

(Life pretending to be) Mark x x