I would like to become a guide

[Xain]

We need to explore a number of areas together . . .
I may go back to our previous dialogue.

To a question - What are you responsible for? - I could say that there is no one to be responsible for anything, but...

You could say that there is no one to be responsible?

Conventionally speaking we are talking about ethics. So, I do feel responsible - to take into account others’ interests, not to cause harm to others, not to think about myself as better, and help others as much as I can.

'Conventionally speaking' is a term I use a lot. Can you tell what you understand by this phrase?

I expected that someone would need to check if ‘my awakening’ is genuine and assess what I need to learn to become a guide.

You seem to have an in-depth knowledge of this area after your study. Could you give me some idea of how a 'genuine awakening' would manifest itself? Perhaps give an example of how a 'false awakening' would show itself, and how the two could be distinguished from each other.

Xain ♥

[Whitedot]

Hi Xain,

You could say that there is no one to be responsible?

I am sure that no one is responsible. There is no self to be responsible for anything. There is no self to ‘live’ or ‘die’. There is no self to do ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

'Conventionally speaking' is a term I use a lot. Can you tell what you understand by this phrase?

It means that it is a common belief. By using the phrase I admit that ‘conventional thinking or speaking’ is an illusion of separate self.

You seem to have an in-depth knowledge of this area after your study. Could you give me some idea of how a 'genuine awakening' would manifest itself? Perhaps give an example of how a 'false awakening' would show itself, and how the two could be distinguished from each other.

There is a difference between ‘thinking’ about ‘awakening’ and direct experience (here and now).

If I believe that I had an awakening experience - it is just an illusion, false assumption, it is an identification with a thought.

‘Genuine awakening’ versus ‘False awakening’ both is only thinking, so there is no difference between ‘genuine’ and ‘false’ awakening.

;)
Kristina

[Whitedot]

Hi Hain,
just wanted to change a little what I said above.

By using the phrase ‘conventionally speaking’ I'm admitting that I am talking about something from the perspective of the illusion of separate self.

:) Kristina

[Xain]

Is there a difference between your realisation 10 years ago and now? If there is, can you explain it?
How do you view the realisation / experience that you had 'now'?

Xain ♥

[Whitedot]

Hi Xain,

Is there a difference between your realisation 10 years ago and now? If there is, can you explain it?

'What happened 10 years ago' is a story and what happened a week or two ago is also a story. So - there is no difference, they are both stories. There is no one who had realization.

How do you view the realisation / experience that you had 'now'?

I am not sure what you mean by this question.
Are you asking about my opinion?

If this is what you meant - I can say that thoughts such as -‘I is empty’ or ‘Each I-belief is an illusion’ - appears quite ‘often’ in very different situations, e.g. This morning I had a thought ‘I have to get some coffee’ and another thought ‘there is no one who needs to get coffee’ and then, there was no disappointment after not getting coffee. Quite opposite - there was a relief.
‘I am checking’, ‘observing’ if there is any identification with a thought and can’t see any. Nothing about ‘I’ or ‘me’ or ‘mine’ seems to be true. I feel pretty present and mindful in a lot of moments during the day.

I am very happy and grateful about this process and I want to continue learning at LU.

with gratitude,
kristina

[Whitedot]

Hi Xain,
one more thought I would add to my last letter.

I realized that before I joined LU ‘no-self’ concept was very familiar for me but the realization was not ‘complete’ I would say.
I knew that I was not ‘my thought’ because thoughts are only stories, not facts. But, I guess, I still somehow believed that ‘I’ have thoughts even though ‘I am not my thoughts’ or ‘I’ have feelings’ even though they are not ‘mine’.
I also knew that I am not ‘small self’, not ‘ego’, not a thought, desire, a needs, an opinion etc. but I thought that some part of ‘my body history’ is ‘mine’, that I was born and will die. So - I would say - the perspective of separate self was quite strong.
Also - I’ve heard the idea that there is no separate entity, that there is no object that exist separately but I could not grasp it. I somehow believed that a tree or a stone - is an intrinsic reality, existence.
Now - it feels like my old walls collapsed and the path is so clear and simple. Now - I see a tree as a part of the experience not as a separate identity.
:)
Kristina

[Xain]

I realized that before I joined LU ‘no-self’ concept was very familiar for me but the realization was not ‘complete’ I would say.

That is a very honest thing to say - Thank you.
From our conversation, I was tending to think the same thing and was trying to probe for the 'key' to what would complete this for 'you'.

The realisation is 'complete' (in my opinion) when it is realised that the entirety of the belief in 'you' existing as a separate item is based on thoughts alone. Thoughts that are automatically believed to be true.
This includes ANY belief you have about yourself, whether it is being an 'I', a body/mind 'person' or whether you believe you are 'non-dual consciousness'. It is just another thought appearing.

The contents of a thought is simply 'the contents of a thought' - How could the contents of a thought ever be 'you' anyway?

I knew that I was not ‘my thought’ because thoughts are only stories, not facts. But, I guess, I still somehow believed that ‘I’ have thoughts even though ‘I am not my thoughts’ or ‘I’ have feelings’ even though they are not ‘mine’.

A thought appears . . . what makes it 'your thought' . . . other than another thought appearing, saying it is?
A thought appears about 'what you are' . . . what makes it true . . . other than another thought appearing, saying that it is?

I also knew that I am not ‘small self’, not ‘ego’, not a thought, desire, a needs, an opinion etc. but I thought that some part of ‘my body history’ is ‘mine’, that I was born and will die. So - I would say - the perspective of separate self was quite strong.

I do not view 'body history' as anything different to 'my history'. It appears like an attempt to distance yourself from thoughts about the past that appear, whilst retaining some-sort of belief (however small) that they pertain to 'you'.

Look at this yourself.
Is there a difference between 'my history' and 'my body history'?
Can you see that 'I went on holiday to Spain' and 'this body went on holiday to Spain' is still an attachment to 'I' being 'the body'. It is still an attachment to the belief that 'you' are a separate entity, a self.

Is any history pertaining to 'you' or 'the body' actually anything more than a thought?

Xain ♥

[Whitedot]

Hi Xain,

The realisation is 'complete' (in my opinion) when it is realised that the entirety of the belief in 'you' existing as a separate item is based on thoughts alone. Thoughts that are automatically believed to be true.
This includes ANY belief you have about yourself, whether it is being an 'I', a body/mind 'person' or whether you believe you are 'non-dual consciousness'. It is just another thought appearing.

The contents of a thought is simply 'the contents of a thought' - How could the contents of a thought ever be 'you' anyway?

I completely agree.
Before I joined LU I realized that ‘my thoughts’,’my feelings’ is actually empty and thoughts are story tales/fairy tales, and all the concepts about personalities are false. And I experienced ‘witnessing thinking’ here and now.

But I had never thought more in-depth about what no-self really means. I assumed that some of THE ‘experiences’ were ‘facts’ - like: ‘Yesterday I had chili for dinner’ or ‘This body was born at this hospital’. I thought that there were ‘real events’, ‘real facts’.

During the process at LU, through your questions, I’ve realized that things and events do not exist independently. And this is ‘a huge’ realization for me.

I realized that there is no such thing as ‘a fact’ or ‘an event’. Something is just ‘happening’ and ‘experiencing’ here and now through senses. There is hearing, seeing, smelling etc. Anything from ‘the past’ is just a thought.

The problem I had with ‘who I am is non-dual awareness’ was a trouble to see/realize that a statement ‘I had an awakening experience 10 years ago’ is just a thought, not a ‘fact’. ‘Event’ can only be ‘experiencing’ here and now. There is no such thing as an ‘independent event’ from the past. It is just a thought about ‘something’ we call ‘experience’ or ‘fact’.

A thought appears about 'what you are' . . . what makes it true . . . other than another thought appearing, saying that it is?

Nothing. No doubts about it.

I do not view 'body history' as anything different to 'my history'. It appears like an attempt to distance yourself from thoughts about the past that appear, whilst retaining some-sort of belief (however small) that they pertain to 'you'.

I completely agree that ‘body history’ is the same as ‘my history’ or ’mind history’, ‘mind stories’ or just ‘stories’, thoughts. All is just thinking and one thought follows another.

During our talks - at one point I realized that I am thinking about 'this body' or 'a body' as 'a body' that belongs to 'no one'. resistance to accept the concept of ‘this body’ that ‘belongs’ to ‘no one’. So I was thinking that ‘this body’ or 'her body' was born, was sick etc. I was thinking about ‘this body’ like an object that lives its own life.

Then, there was a moment, when I realized that it is a thought, just thinking that ‘this body’ or ‘that body’ has a history (of being born, sick etc.). It is an illusion. I realized that nothing and completely nothing is a separate entity including ‘this body’,'that body', ’a stone’ or ‘a mountain’.

wit a bow,
Kristina

[Xain]

Hi Kristina

Thank you for your thorough and well written reply.

The guides have no more questions for you, and neither do I.
I hope you didn't mind the amount of questions at the end, but I though it best to try to be quite thorough with you.
Our conversation is now at an end. Thank you for your patience and persistence :-)

Please send me your Facebook name / page link in a private message (click the red name 'Xain' and then 'Send Private Message') and I will have you added to our Facebook groups.
If you still wish to be a guide (and I haven't put you off! :-) ) I can also get you added to our main and guiding groups. Just let me know.

All the best to you
Xain ♥