Ready for a guide

[alexmcca]

Something really shifting... I can tell. I have not had a lot of time to write today. But I have been looking as the day unfolds ..... noticing, experiencing, it all just unfolds..... it just flows....

I will say more later. Thank you so much again for all your time and nudges.

[tryfailtry]

An absolute pleasure. Notice where your words are coming from. Your thoughts and ideas. Is there something back there making it all arise or is it just arising? Your focus is laser focused. Lovely. Keep at it.


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[tryfailtry]

Checking in. How we doing?


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[alexmcca]

hello.

I have been working with clients this week, sorry for the absence on here. I will write more properly tomorrow.

I have been going through all the questions you ask by inquiring throughout the day and noticing direct experience. I have also been going through the inquiry from http://livingrealization.org/ ... I mention this as it is a very very similar approach, but I realise as I mention that, that this means I have been reading other sources, which was something I was asked not to do on here. I hadn't even noticed I was doing that until I say it now!

I feel 'things' starting to fall away. "edges" or separation between things seems blurrier... it feels more like all experience is me.. it is all the same thing. Goes back and forth a little still in how this is experienced though. Seem less involved in "my" thinking....

[tryfailtry]

Where did this realization that you broke the rules come from? :) I'm teasing. It's ok. But try to stick this out with us. You can play later if so inclined. Can't you find anything that separates you and the feelings? Anything back there calling the shots? Everything you are experiencing. Is there an 'I' anywhere to be found? Don't think. Look and tell me what you see when you get the chance. You are staring right at it.


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[alexmcca]

Hello!

Can't you find anything that separates you and the feelings?

No.

Anything back there calling the shots?

No.

Everything you are experiencing. Is there an 'I' anywhere to be found? Don't think.

No. doesn't seem so....

[alexmcca]

Just wanted to share this.

Over the last 3 days, as I have looked at these questions.... I have experienced such strong contractions in my head. Like a vice around my head. Then an intensely strong ball of pressure moving through my body and head. Today, this has been the strongest... waves of heat, like the body is burning up and pressure moving through my body and head.

This was the easiest way to describe it - I've been just noticing the raw sensation. There was "fear" and I dropped the label and welcomed the sensation to come through -- SO intense. Amazing. I wouldn't say it is all enjoyable!! but very intense.

The sensations don't seem separate to a "me", nor are they "me" .. just sensations.

I'm noticing a lot more the succession of pictures, words, sensations that are flowing .... I'm able to notice them occur...

[tryfailtry]

This was the easiest way to describe it - I've been just noticing the raw sensation. There was "fear" and I dropped the label and welcomed the sensation to come through -- SO intense. Amazing. I wouldn't say it is all enjoyable!! but very intense.

The sensations don't seem separate to a "me", nor are they "me" .. just sensations.

:) Great!- now- You say 'seem'- elaborate- look at what is going in. It might not be enjoyable-sure. Is there choice involved. If you had 'free will' - wouldn't you choose to be happy all the time?

Really look this time (as you certainly have been)- and sum up for me what you see is going on as you answer this. What is really going on?

[alexmcca]

You say 'seem'- elaborate- look at what is going in. It might not be enjoyable-sure. Is there choice involved. If you had 'free will' - wouldn't you choose to be happy all the time?

Head feels like a pressure ball about to explode! amazingly intense.

Great question. I suppose there was still a veil of "I'm choosing to bring on this questioning and therefore the sensations".... I wasn't aware of it, until you asked about "choice". Looking more.... no .. no choice.. just part of the flow.

Really look this time (as you certainly have been)- and sum up for me what you see is going on as you answer this. What is really going on?

A flow of images, words, sensations, sounds, colours, movements..... all the same thing..... Then a thought "I'm worried about what I have to do later" ... I see very clearly it is just a thought.... and when I look can't find a "thinker" it is just a thought... but as a sensation arises with it, there is then the next thought "this unpleasant reaction is still here, when will this go away".......

[alexmcca]

actually not so much expecting the reaction to go away... it is the thought "I am still believing there is a problem here, why do I still believe that!".....

[alexmcca]

So I am looking for the "I" that still believes there is a problem.... but I can find it.

[alexmcca]

CAN'T not can ... find it ... lol

[tryfailtry]

excellent!- keep going!- was is the "I" ?!

[tryfailtry]

excuse me for type error- What is the "I"- what does it look like now?

[alexmcca]

keep feeling fear with thought about "later" coming up... can see it is a thought... and I take off label and the sensation moves on its own.... keeps happening again and again.

What is the "I" ---- thought... lots of thoughts have "I" in them... which makes it seem like it is always there, but there is a sense of it only .. and when thoughts come up. "I don't like that"... "I am typing"....