Charlie Looking for a Guide +

[The-Song-Of-Me]

Hi Charlie,

I'm curious to know why instead of looking at an object like I asked, you went back to the mirror exercise?
Is it because you were trying to go back to something that "worked" in the past?

Why couldn't you simply pick up a random object? What would you do if there is no mirror near you? Does that mean you won't be able to look? I'm just asking, not chastising.

Then, it passes. While the just seeing is occurring, there's no "me here" and an "object over there." BUT, there's no grand merging - no sense of "there's no here nor there, and Oh my gawd, ït's all one!" Just the experience of seeing that isn't even recognized until the thought arises, "Oh yeah, there WAS seeing going on just then with no entangling meaningfulnesses., Cool!

Good! :-)Yes, seeing is that simple! It doesn't have to come as a huge insight or fireworks. Just look and there this is. Just as it always has been.

Then, Silvia, then, the frustration and striving are dropped. Seen as just thoughts arising.

Excellent!
Do you drop the frustration and striving? Or do they just fall away effortlessly once they are seen as just thoughts?

Do you still feel like there is separate self, doing the looking, the focusing the "putting the nose to the grindstone" or are these too happening effortlessly, all on their own?

So, now the expectation: So what? Now what?"

So what remains to be seen clearly Charlie? Is the I illusion still lingering? and if so where does it linger?

By Charlie thoughts I meant thoughts of I am this or that or I am doing this or thinking this. So basically "I" thoughts.

Can you find a separate you thinking those thoughts? Can you find the thinker? Is there a gap between the thingking and the thoughts?

They seem to be conditioned responses to circumstances. More often, they are seen as just thoughts.
Silvia, sorry to drag this out. This question has an aspect that is causing a perplexing question that keeps coming up. You use the term "Charlie thoughts." Please help. This is all in the mind - none of it actually happens. An example is best: On morning walk - early - just getting light - in residential neighborhood - stop to admire landscaping. First an "envisioning" suddenly arises - an irate homeowner appears interrogating me as to "what the hell do YOU want - what are you doing here?" then, just as suddenly - a defending, explanation of me/I - why "I'm" OK to be admiring your nice landscaping. 3rd - envisioning how it all works out - or doesn't. ALL of this seems to be a recurring pattern of creating mental situations in which "I" get to defend "me" and so be OK. The actual thought of "charlie" never comes up. It seems that charlie/I/me is all beneath the narrative. Is this kind of ?subconscious? unacknowledged "thought" a "charlie thought?"

I'm getting a bit lost with this answer. I'm not sure what you are trying to say. What is an "envisioning suddenly arising"?

ALL of this seems to be a recurring pattern of creating mental situations in which "I" get to defend "me" and so be OK.

So there is a recurring patter, but is there anyone creating the mental situation?

1. Can you find this "you" the thoughts are trying to protect
and
2. Can you find this you that creates the pattern of thought?

You're doing well Charlie. Good answers. Just keep going. Relax into direct experience and just trust that all the truth is there already.

Love xx

[charlieaa]

Hi Silvia,

I'm curious to know why instead of looking at an object like I asked, you went back to the mirror exercise?
Is it because you were trying to go back to something that "worked" in the past?Why couldn't you simply pick up a random object?

Yes, the mirror worked in the past and it seemed like a fertile subject. But, at the beach yesterday I gazed at a large rock in the ocean and totally forgot what it was and then other objects. Then at home, I am now looking around my house and seeing things like the ceiling fixture and after a moment, again, don't think of it as being anything except just a thing being. Earlier you had me do that exercise and I now gaze/stare around my bedroom and "see stuff" without any thinking of what it is.

However, I've been doing this for years. At times, I've thought I'm a bit "batty." More and more the names of things don't occur unless I need to name them in order to "use" them - to navigate thru this world. I've often thought "Jeez, charlie, you're getting senile." BUT, I'm now noticing that there's a certain "hard-to-name" seeing things, colors, reflections, textures, etc WITHOUT putting names to any of it like I just did now. This kind of noticing has moments of unsolicited "pleasantness". IF I were to put words to it: "wow! look at that! isn't that [shape/texture] amazing!"

Do you drop the frustration and striving? Or do they just fall away effortlessly once they are seen as just thoughts?

Oh-Oh. The frustration is felt and personalized (say, godmmt, I'm pissed . . .) THEN it's "remembered" that it's just an uncomfortable sensation resulting in these habitual thoughts. There seems to be a learned reaction to "change the subject" drop it - and that seems to be by replacing it with xxxstrike that No NO No - "I" don't replace or drop anything - a new thought seems to be arising in this situation (frustration) that "it's just a thought." Then, the frustration just "diffuses."

BUT, the frustration thought/sensation/remembrance keeps arising as a result of latent expectations. Remembrances of testimonies for years from those awakened keep arising. And with them , so far, is the attendant powerful thought "I'm not there!" Frustration. Poor Me. Then back to: It's OK, it's just that thought again."

Do you still feel like there is separate self, doing the looking, the focusing the "putting the nose to the grindstone" or are these too happening effortlessly, all on their own?

As just above, no - - kind of. i.e., when I write of the process to you or think about it, there IS a sense of "I'm doing" it. Upon just a moment's reflection, like right now as I just paused. there occurs a short but deepening series of AHAs - ending in the realization that all this is on auto-pilot - there's nobody home to "do" any of it. But, as I've mentioned before, that realization is only momentary. "I'm" back in "control" again. BUT, more and more often, the AHAs are recurring. They're really nice. Laugh!!

So what remains to be seen clearly Charlie? Is the I illusion still lingering? and if so where does it linger?By Charlie thoughts I meant thoughts of I am this or that or I am doing this or thinking this. So basically "I" thoughts.
Can you find a separate you thinking those thoughts? Can you find the thinker?

But, as I've mentioned before, that realization is only momentary. That is to say, it doesn't so much "linger" as to hang around a lot: "I'm driving my car with these inconsiderate idiots; I'm having to make this unwanted phone call; I have to go get new tires (If I don't who will?;)" and on and on throughout the day. The thought arising right now is "seeing this happening is part of a process - keep looking and this body/mind - or whatever - will ?send? more seeing. Trust the process and get out of the way." Then, there's no one to get out of the way, is there?
No, can't find a thinker.

Is there a gap between the thingking and the thoughts?

OH! NOW (finally) I see what you mean! (I WAS going to write "I don't know.") YES!! there IS a gap. It's the same as seeing the big rock in the ocean and THEN the label, "Oh, it's a rock." OK. So, ". . . inconsiderate idiots" thought arises after raw experience of arising frustration/sensations of what we call "driving."

"envisioning suddenly arising"? Doesn't matter anymore - you answered the question perfectly! LOOOOng story of charlie's very painful infancy and resultant thought patterns. Now irrelevant. No-One creating the mental situation. Just habitual, recurring, vaporous thought/sensations arising in many situations.

1. Can you find this "you" the thoughts are trying to protect
and
2. Can you find this you that creates the pattern of thought?

The answers are No and No. But, this "finding" the "you" just now is as a result of you asking for the finding. It happened spontaneously as a result of a suggestion. "My" resolve that came up just now is to remember to "do the finding" on "my own" during the day (more often.) But, "I" don't "do" anything. A feeling of confusion arising again here. It's looking like Silvia asks probing questions - the charlie thing looks deeply and honestly - setting up a new thought/looking that now is able to arise in usual situations but with new "seeing."

Am relaxing into "just this"/beingness/aliveness more often.

Embarassment arising at these long answers - not wanting to burden Silvia. Damn!!

Thank you again, still!

charlie

[The-Song-Of-Me]

Hi Charlie,

Again, good answers.

But, as I've mentioned before, that realization is only momentary. "I'm" back in "control" again. BUT, more and more often, the AHAs are recurring. They're really nice. Laugh!!

What does being back in control feel like? Is it real?

When you look at this feeling, can you find anything more than, just that; a feeling?

But, as I've mentioned before, that realization is only momentary. That is to say, it doesn't so much "linger" as to hang around a lot: ...
No, can't find a thinker.

The "I" thoughts won't disappear Charlie. And even after awakening it's still possible to get caught in stories.

The point is, in your experience, when you look, is it seen clearly and without doubt (even if 10 mins later you're lost in the story again) that there is no thinker of the thoughts?

Is there a gap between the thingking and the thoughts?

OH! NOW (finally) I see what you mean! (I WAS going to write "I don't know.") YES!! there IS a gap. It's the same as seeing the big rock in the ocean and THEN the label, "Oh, it's a rock." OK. So, ". . . inconsiderate idiots" thought arises after raw experience of arising frustration/sensations of what we call "driving."

Ok.. I think you are getting confused here Charlie. I mean, you are right! An emotion can trigger thoughts and they happen automatically. So good seeing that!

But that's not what I'm asking.
Is thinking separate from thought? Is thought separate from thinking? Can you find a gap between thinking and thought?

The answers are No and No. But, this "finding" the "you" just now is as a result of you asking for the finding. It happened spontaneously as a result of a suggestion. "My" resolve that came up just now is to remember to "do the finding" on "my own" during the day (more often.) But, "I" don't "do" anything. A feeling of confusion arising again here. It's looking like Silvia asks probing questions - the charlie thing looks deeply and honestly - setting up a new thought/looking that now is able to arise in usual situations but with new "seeing."

Ok, so all these things arise, the looking, the seeing, the probing, the resolving, the confusion. Are you in control of any of it? Or does it just happen effortlessly and on it's own? Like the sea, now it's calm and clear, a bit later is choppy and full of strong currents. Is the sea in control of any of it? One wave rises, then disappears and that gives rise to another wave, which then disappears, and on and on and on...

What is this Charlie thing that looks deeply and sets up new patterns of thought?
Can you describe it? How does it do all that?

Love x

[The-Song-Of-Me]

Hi Charlie, how's it going?

I think at this point it's really important to keep writing daily.
If there's resistance or doubt, then write about it.

If busy, then best to write a short post every day than a very long one 2 days later.

Write about whatever is happening, but keep writing.

Silvia x

[charlieaa]

Happy Saturday,

What does being back in control feel like? Is it real?When you look at this feeling, can you find anything more than, just that; a feeling?

It feels almost normal - what has always been - safe. But with LOTS of dissatisfactions - a lot of the time, things don't work out whether I feel I'm in control or not. So, no, it's not real - and yes, it's just a feeling. This is very helpful to have come up.

The "I" thoughts won't disappear Charlie. And even after awakening it's still possible to get caught in stories. The point is, in your experience, when you look, is it seen clearly and without doubt (even if 10 mins later you're lost in the story again) that there is no thinker of the thoughts?

Yes, OK. Again! And, there is no thinker. The immediate thought comes up: "I've GOT to remember this." Oh my. Feel like gong around in circles. Just a feeling, tho.

Is thinking separate from thought? Is thought separate from thinking? Can you find a gap between thinking and thought?

Upon reading this question over and over, what came up was to just sit with it for a while - observe. It seems that "thinking" is a process that goes on a lot of the time. Just spontaneously. It seems that that is one of the things this organism does automatically as part of being in this environment. "Thoughts are things" comes to mind. Yes. Intangible yet seemingly real. i.e., they're felt - or rather they elicit sensations that are felt. Thoughts and thinking appear to come together. I don't sense a "gap." The ensuing thinking/thought is "why does Silvia ask this? This SEEMS to be helpful - insightful. But how?" Something new?

Ok, so all these things arise, the looking, the seeing, the probing, the resolving, the confusion. Are you in control of any of it? Or does it just happen effortlessly and on it's own? Like the sea,

It's looking like Silvia asks probing questions - the charlie thing looks deeply and honestly - setting up a new thought/looking that now is able to arise in usual situations but with new "seeing."

"It's looking like . . ." is just that observation: that it all just happens. There STILL is a sense of "I'm" doing it, BUT, just an ever fading sense. Like you said, "The I thought won't disappear."

What is this Charlie thing that looks deeply and sets up new patterns of thought?
Can you describe it? How does it do all that?

I don't know actually what the charlie thing is - after certain things happen, they get named; say, it looked deeply, saw patterns. The things that happen and the subsequent naming of them happen spontaneously. When seen, it appears as if it's all just conditioning - like, as you say, waves coming and going in the sea.

Now, to answer your post that just came in while this one was being written:

charlie

[charlieaa]

Hi Silvia,

I think at this point it's really important to keep writing daily.

OK.

If there's resistance or doubt, then write about it.

BIG resistance yesterday. The label is "HORRIBLE DAY!!" Not just because of the series of events but because there arose no presence of how things were being perceived. The overriding worry was "How am I going to write Silvia about this?" So, the old standby for me has always been "let it settle for a day - get some perspective - which lately is becoming to mean "automatically, new perspectives are arising, so just be with it all." You said to relax. I slept for 14 hours.

If busy, then best to write a short post every day than a very long one 2 days later.
Write about whatever is happening, but keep writing.

Should I write whether you post or not? i.e., just short observations/questions?

thank you still,

charlie

[charlieaa]

Happy Saturday,

[I thought I posted this a while ago while your latest was coming in. Now, I can't find it on the board. So, it's out of order. I have to go down and re-write the last questions, tho. 6:40 PDT)

What does being back in control feel like? Is it real?When you look at this feeling, can you find anything more than, just that; a feeling?

It feels almost normal - what has always been - safe. But with LOTS of dissatisfactions - a lot of the time, things don't work out whether I feel I'm in control or not. So, no, it's not real - and yes, it's just a feeling. This is very helpful to have come up.

The "I" thoughts won't disappear Charlie. And even after awakening it's still possible to get caught in stories. The point is, in your experience, when you look, is it seen clearly and without doubt (even if 10 mins later you're lost in the story again) that there is no thinker of the thoughts?

Yes, OK. Again! And, there is no thinker. The immediate thought comes up: "I've GOT to remember this." Oh my. Feel like gong around in circles. Just a feeling, tho.

Is thinking separate from thought? Is thought separate from thinking? Can you find a gap between thinking and thought?

Upon reading this question over and over, what came up was to just sit with it for a while - observe. It seems that "thinking" is a process that goes on a lot of the time. Just spontaneously. It seems that that is one of the things this organism does automatically as part of being in this environment. "Thoughts are things" comes to mind. Yes. Intangible yet seemingly real. i.e., they're felt - or rather they elicit sensations that are felt. Thoughts and thinking appear to come together. I don't sense a "gap." The ensuing thinking/thought is "why does Silvia ask this? This SEEMS to be helpful - insightful. But how?" Something new?

Ok, so all these things arise, the looking, the seeing, the probing, the resolving, the confusion. Are you in control of any of it? Or does it just happen effortlessly and on it's own? Like the sea,

It's looking like Silvia asks probing questions - the charlie thing looks deeply and honestly - setting up a new thought/looking that now is able to arise in usual situations but with new "seeing."

"It's looking like . . ." is just that observation: that it all just happens. There STILL is a sense of "I'm" doing it, BUT, just an ever fading sense. Like you said, "The I thought won't disappear."

What is this Charlie thing that looks deeply and sets up new patterns of thought?
Can you describe it? How does it do all that?

I don't know what this charlie thing is. What was meant by those previous words was that these lookings/settings-up, etc were just being observed and they all happened spontaneously. Right now, the only description that comes up is it's just a process set up by conditions that charlie has nothing to do with. "How does it do that?" The "doing that" is just a thought that comes along after the fact. As above.

be well,

charlie

[The-Song-Of-Me]

Yes, OK. Again! And, there is no thinker. The immediate thought comes up: "I've GOT to remember this." Oh my. Feel like gong around in circles. Just a feeling, tho.

So where did the I've got to remember this thought come from? Did you think this thought?

"It's looking like . . ." is just that observation: that it all just happens. There STILL is a sense of "I'm" doing it, BUT, just an ever fading sense."

Can you describe this sense of I'm doing it? Is it a feeling? Is it a thought? Is it a physical sensation?

Like you said, "The I thought won't disappear

Maybe.. What if it's not true? In any case you do stop believing them.

Yes, keep writing even if I haven't had a chance to reply. This is your process Charlie.

Love x

[charlieaa]

Hello Silvia,

So where did the I've got to remember this thought come from? Did you think this thought?

It's habitual, I think. The habitual thought is "I've gotta get this right." This comes up a lot in this mind. But, there's no "you" (I) to think the thought even tho ensuing thoughts urge for "control." But, usually now are seen as just more impersonal stuff coming up on its own.

The early morning walk experiences were looking at thoughts as they came up - and often seeing them as impersonal - sometimes seen as "shells" - containers having contents that were seen as just the same old stuff - fleeting imaginings. Then there were times when the contents were 'bought into." (See below.)

Can you describe this sense of I'm doing it? Is it a feeling? Is it a thought? Is it a physical sensation?

It's a feeling of energy - a sense of accomplishment - almost surely with sensations but, they're not nameable right now. It's pleasant. It comes up a lot. I see that I have the thoughts after I "do" something that I did it. We've talked about it before. It's seen as just more thoughts.

Here's where things are this morning: after breakfast, shopping trip. Lots of anger, impatience, and judgementalism. Sensations of tightness, heat, and ?pounding. Often these were seen as just emotions and thoughts coming up in the usual situations. The tendency is to dismiss them as "just thoughts. Spiritual Bypassing came to mind. Then, your guidance on "you're distraught? be distraught;" so the anger and judging was just sat with-experienced. No goals. Just being there with it all. This is happening more often - with many of the above experiences/thoughts today.

I am still in ill health. I hope this is intelligible.

Thank You,
charlie

[charlieaa]

Monday 8-5 0900 PDT
Hello Silvia,

Today's morning experiences:

Woke up at 4 AM to get ready for swim. The usual deep depression/fear/anxiety. It's just upon awakening many days. LOOKED. "What is fear trying to say?" Look behind the fear. Newer thoughts/habits coming: "This is all just happening on its own - it's impersonal. There's no me having fear. Just the experience of fear/discomfort." It all DID ease - but that was not the point of the looking. Just observing. Got to pool. The words are: "foul mood!!" Felt extreme irritation/anger at everyone and everything. (Music blaring - outside at 5 AM, "splashy/noisy" swimmer next to me, etc. For an hour of non-stop laps, ongoing self-conversations/self-talk of criticizing, telling off others. All the while were interspersed thoughts of "just be with it." And, "who is this outraged, pissy guy finding fault?" After, got into a nice conversation with a fellow swimmer. All the bad stuff vanished. An old reflection came up: "Man, I just needed to get out of myself."

A recurring thought was "This is a LOOONG way from waking up!" Then "I can't even control my temper in this benign environment." Then, THAT thought was seen as just another "I" thought.

Lurking is still the expectation that a learning is possible that being totally absorbed in a series of (ugly/toxic) unpleasant sensations can be seen for what it is during the episodes - arbitrary impersonal conditioned.

You have counseled that this stuff is just life-ing. OK. But sometimes there is the wish that - I don't know - ...

I don't know how to start a new post without cc and deleting an old post. I trust this will get to you OK. Let me know if there's a better way.

charlie

[The-Song-Of-Me]

Hi Charlie,

If you mean, how to send a new reply, then all you need to do is press the usual Post Reply button.

What do you think looking into direct experience means?

A lot of what you have written in your lasts 2 posts are stories. I'm not interested in your stories. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's just pointless, and probably tiring for you, to constantly describe your thought stream. I want to save you the time and effort. I'm not ineterested in the contents of your thoughts.

Are you the thinker of your thoughts Charlie?
Can you find a thinker of thoughts, or are they just thoughts?
Are you in control, in any way, of the constant thought-stream that you describe?
Do you choose what thoughts to have, and what thoughts not to have, and when?
Are you able to stop thoughts from happening?

We keep going round and round this, and you sort of answer, and it feels like you see, but then you back away.

Just look. Close your eyes if it helps, and watch how thoughts happen. And use the questions I've given you as pointers. Then answer.

And please once again leave your expectations behind. I don't want to hear, yes I sort of think there is no thinker, but I still feel angry and grumpy with the world at large, therefore I'm not awakened yet, I don't like it please make it go away. ;-)

We are investigating experience step by step, bit by bit. So just focus on this for now, then we can move on to explore other things.

Don't think it. Don't try to work it out intellectually, just LOOK.

Love x

[The-Song-Of-Me]

I forgot to add,

This is what looking looks like.

The early morning walk experiences were looking at thoughts as they came up - and often seeing them as impersonal - sometimes seen as "shells" - containers having contents that were seen as just the same old stuff - fleeting imaginings. Then there were times when the contents were 'bought into."

This is the kind of answer I'm looking for. Just dig a bit deeper.

Silvia x

[charlieaa]

Silvia,

I'm here! Wanted to post. Spending the day:

"Just look. Close your eyes if it helps, and watch how thoughts happen. And use the questions I've given you as pointers. Then answer."

Don't think it. Don't try to work it out intellectually, just LOOK.

"Then answer" will be later today.

charlie

[charlieaa]

0900 PDT
Hi Silvia,

Yes, harshness is called for, I feel.

Lots of looking since your last post. Will answer your questions as honestly as I can.

Are you able to stop thoughts from happening?

Absolutely not. Clearly seen.

Are you in control, in any way, of the constant thought-stream that you describe?
Do you choose what thoughts to have, and what thoughts not to have, and when?

Cannot choose what thoughts NOT to have and most thoughts to have. "In any way":Along with the next two questions, even tho we've been over this, it still seems that when planning an event (say grocery shopping), reminders are set in motion that govern the arising of certain thoughts at certain prearranged times to get the job done. OK- there IS a sense that the mind takes credit for it after the fact - but this is just another thought and is NOT honestly felt right NOW. I feel like I'm talking myself into something I believe but not deeply feel. What IS felt is a strong impetus to look at his more deeply and honestly - write about it. Last week it was clearly seen.

There STILL is a sense of "I'm" doing it, BUT, just an ever fading sense."

Can you describe this sense of I'm doing it? Is it a feeling? Is it a thought? Is it a physical sensation?

It's a feeling of energy - a sense of accomplishment - almost surely with sensations but, they're not nameable right now. It's pleasant. It comes up a lot. I see that I have the thoughts after I "do" something that I did it. We've talked about it before. It's seen as just more thoughts.

Can you find a thinker of thoughts, or are they just thoughts?

They seem to be mostly unbidden thoughts that keep coming up. I can't find a thinker. See next:

Are you the thinker of your thoughts Charlie?

First problem I have with this question is: who is this "you" that looks for the thinker? If there is no charlie (mirror experience) WHO is looking for the thinker? And that leads into my second stumbling block: The thoughts are emanating/experienced by this entity sitting HERE at the computer experiencing the world thru perceptions - it happens to call itself charlie - but the thoughts do NOT emanate from my neighbors. So charlie is not the thinker but SOMETHING is the thinker, it seems. They're real, experienced.

This whole area of looking is being met with many thoughts/stories/fear/resistance. One such is that more honest looking will reveal something and I don't even have to know what it is. It's out of "my" hands. The stuff seems to coming up so fast that writing is indicated - get it down, tangible. WITHOUT THINKING - just spontaneously looking.

Am experiencing very unpleasant sensations (embarrassment/discouragement) at my apparent backsliding and your extra effort with me. I see nothing to do here except look deeper and more and keep writing here and to you. Maybe you can pinpoint specific responses for me to focus on, as in the past.

Thank You,
charlie

[The-Song-Of-Me]

Hi Charlie,

Yes, harshness is called for, I feel.

Why would you think that?

I really wasn't being harsh. I think it's kind to not let you waste your own time, don't you think? :-)

Do you really believe I can shake you awake? If only I could! But it doesn't work that way. I can only point in the right direction. You have to do all the work and above all you have to want to see.

Cannot choose what thoughts NOT to have and most thoughts to have

So what thoughts do you choose to have and how do you do that?

it still seems that when planning an event (say grocery shopping), reminders are set in motion that govern the arising of certain thoughts at certain prearranged times to get the job done. OK- there IS a sense that the mind takes credit for it after the fact

Well, of course the mind takes credit for it. Because the mind does it!! The question is, have you mistaken yourself for the mind? are you the mind Charlie?

Do you control over the mind? The mind is constantly absorbing and filing information, then it comes up with useful reminders so the shopping gets done. Do you have any part in any of this process? The mind is there like purring like an over active computer, Do you have anything to do the workings of the mind. Did you teach the mind to remember? Did you programm it? Can you control your mind in any way?

Look, ask the questions, then report on what you see.

but this is just another thought and is NOT honestly felt right NOW

Ok, just want to make sure you understand we are not here to "feel" things. We are here to see. It's the SAME as when you look inside your wallet to see if you have any money. You don't wait to "feel" deeply and honestly that you have money in your wallet. You don't ponder and philosophize about it.
You open the wallet.
You LOOK into the wallet.
Then you SEE if you have money or not.
It's the same we are doing here but with direct experience. Instead of your wallet we are looking at thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. We are opening them up, so to speak, and looking if there is a "you" involved in any of it. Are you with me on this?

First problem I have with this question is: who is this "you" that looks for the thinker?

Ok, the first "problem" you have with this question, is that you are diverting from the question. And avoiding to answer it in the process.

who is this "you" that looks for the thinker? If there is no charlie (mirror experience) WHO is looking for the thinker? And that leads into my second stumbling block: The thoughts are emanating/experienced by this entity sitting HERE at the computer experiencing the world thru perceptions - it happens to call itself charlie - but the thoughts do NOT emanate from my neighbors. So charlie is not the thinker but SOMETHING is the thinker, it seems. They're real, experienced.

This whole area of looking is being met with many thoughts/stories/fear/resistance. One such is that more honest looking will reveal something and I don't even have to know what it is. It's out of "my" hands. The stuff seems to coming up so fast that writing is indicated - get it down, tangible. WITHOUT THINKING - just spontaneously looking.

Am experiencing very unpleasant sensations (embarrassment/discouragement) at my apparent backsliding and your extra effort with me. I see nothing to do here except look deeper and more and keep writing here and to you. Maybe you can pinpoint specific responses for me to focus on, as in the past.

S-T-O-R-Y. Speculation. Philosophy. Boooriiiing. Not interested.

Let's try again. Are you the thinker of the thoughts? Close your eyes. That happening right there. That feeling of being alive, or energy and whatever is arising in that moment. That's you. Now, is that the thinker of the thoughts?

You need to stop dallying about the shore and start swimming. You are not going to drown! The you that you think you are is not going to disappear because it doesn't exist and never has. And what you really are will remain just as it is. But a bit more free.

Love x