The Gate

Okay Kelly this all great. keep on reading the heart sutra. I want to explore fear with you before we proceed. because you have raised fear as an issue. and if we need to explore fear otherwise it will rear its debilitating head and get in the way.

I want you to look at fear and be in direct experience. With it. I want you to sit with fear for the rest of your day and tell me what arise? Be really honest with me. As this is all part of seeing through the illusion

tell me where you feel it in the body?
Tell me what thoughts you have??
I want you to look deeper and tell me what is behind the fear?

And anything else you woul like to share with me.

With kindness Detox

Hi Detox, I'm sorry but I will need one more day to focus and answer the questions.

It is my birthday, so more like cake making party mood with the girls singing all day long. So I will get serious tomorrow, ok?

Have a lovely evening
Much love and appreciation
Kelly

Happy birthday.... Hope you had fun.... With kindness Detox

Ok, this is tough.
I need more time. Is that alright?
It is one fear taking me to another, like peeling the onion.
I need to focus on it a bit more.
Will be more clear, hopefully.
This is tough.

Much love and appreciation
Kelly

Please begin to speak with me tomorrow Sunday. Tough can be good. Awakening is often bitter sweet. if we can sit with the bitter the sweetness will arise. Look forward to hearing from you Sunday. With kindness

Wow, this was much bigger than I first imagined.

So to begin with fear of out of control, turn out to be fear of being vulnerable, and I always new that there was no real control, feeling vulnerable is terrifying. And actually it is expressed on evenings when I'm by myself as an adult at home or when it is my night to give the bottle during the night. So going down stairs, this fear of someone in the house, being surprised by a presence in the house. The fear goes on taken the children away from me, wich also happens if I yell at them, the feeling of being a bad mother and my children will be taken from me.
Being vulnerable and get all the things that I treasure the most taken away from me.

I was not brave enough to stay with the fear, so I need a bit more time. It is so painful and fearful.

Let me see if I manage tonight to face it and be with it, and see what's behind it.

By the way, I also find quite difficult to be gentle, and loving towards myself. So not much praise that's for sure.

Will get back to you tomorrow ok?
Have a lovely evening
Kelly

Look at fear and what do you find ?

Look deeply at what you have written. It is on big ?

And who believes all of this?

"Lean into the sharp points and fully experience them. The essence of bravery is being without self-deception. Wisdom is inherent in (understanding) emotions." ~Pema Chodron

How interesting, the fear was actualy about experiencing intense feelings, emotions. Like when walking at the parking lot and that very intense gratitude feeling arose I just couldn't experience it. That makes a lot of sense. It is quite funny actualy. Maybe even a little silly.

Ok and that's happening to no one.

Let me have another night with it.

Much love and appreciation
Kelly

Can you see all the story in all of this

Hi Detox, there is so much going on. A lot of ahas and back to the illusion.

Can you see all the story in all of this

I can see the story behind it, and it feels lighter somehow.

It is easier to see when identifying with thoughts is happening, so it takes less time to let go. The thing is, it is a 24/7 job. I'm exhausted by the end of the day.

have a lovely evening
Much love and appreciation
Kelly

Okay Kelly I need you to relax and not trying so hard.

Allow yourself to relax and you may find the times when you are not trying and still you do not identify with thoughts. And there will be times you will have to try and other times when the imagined self will choose not to try. Emotions arise out of what we think is self preservation. They arise to protect the imagined self.
I want you to see if you can gently notice emotions that arise without a label. When you begin to let go of emotions you will not disappear because it is only the a imagined self that will dissolve. so trust in the process. You have had some strong experiences over the last couple of weeks and do not chase for more. Just pause, go on right now pause. Now Relax by taking a deep breath. Listen deeply and trust what emerges. try this reflection today. need you to pause and find a quiet calm.

I want you tell me if emotions like fear, anger or any other emotion is felt by anyone?

Are emotions happening to anyone?


And now pause, relax, listen deeply and trust what emerges

With kindness
Detox

Yes, thank you Detox for reminding to relax.
the qiet calm came with a deeper feeling/trusting that all is well. there is just a game being played/tasted/experienced.

let me be with the emotions question for a little longer, ok?

have a lovely evening
much love and apreciation
Kelly

Ok, so emotions

I want you tell me if emotions like fear, anger or any other emotion is felt by anyone?

Are emotions happening to anyone?

Emotions arise from nowhere to no one, and back to where they came.

I guess through conditioning they get together with thought and end up mistaken by the I.

Many times they just arose and left just by themselves and a few times on very known type experiences together with thoughts, and mistaken for the I.

There is more laughter going on here. Feels pretty good.

Much love and appreciation
Kelly

Hi Kelly this is all great.

do you have any doubts at all about seeing through the illusion of a separate self?

You write

There is more laughter going on here. Feels pretty good.

When there is sadness ... Does that mean it is pretty bad?

Are you able to begin to stop labeling emotions? can you see why I ask this?
it's like when the suns shines we say oh what a beautiful day. And when the rain ours it is an awful day... But for some people they may label the sun as awful and the rain wonderful. However we label it suffering will occur because we will become attached and grasp after the good feelings... Can we just say the sun is shining or the clouds are raining without judgement?

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

With kindness Detox