Hi Metta,
The reason for the questions I asked were to point to how automatic we do things, no thinking. When awareness is really there, they are done NOW, in capital letters. This can be very apparent sometimes when driving down the same street for months, then one day walk instead. It is like a whole new neighborhood. :-)
Understood.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there is no self, me or I, anywhere, in any shape or form. There never was. There was only the illusion of a self.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of self is the belief in the thought that we are separate entities as opposed to just Awareness.
It starts when a child is 18-22 months old when it has had enough direct experience for a sense of self to develop and the metal labeling of things occurs.
It works by seeing itself as the doer of deeds, the thinker of thoughts, the senser of sensations etc. It survives by
the memory of and adding to the story of "me" a separate entity that exist apart from the whole that is awareness.
Because of this sense of separation it goes through life seeking love peace and happiness, and avoiding things the mind deems unpleasant.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Things feel more relaxed - at peace; No need to worry about stuff because there is the trust that things are unfolding as they should and we are just along for the ride. Things aren't taken as personally - if someone reacts to me in a way that would have in the past been judged to be "bad" it doesn't seem to provoke the old way of reacting.
There is less of a tendency to blame and it's seen more clearly that it's just Life living.
There is the feeling that many insights regarding the illusory self were had before but this dialogue has made things clearer.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Not sure. It just kinda sank in eventually after some confusion was seen through.
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
No I don't decide, intend, control events or make things happen. All arises out of awareness. Thoughts arise in the mind but there is no self that controls which thoughts arise and therefore no self who decides or makes things happen.
6) Anything to add?
Nothing is coming up right now.
Much Love, Light & Gratitude,
Peter.