Standing on the edge

[Haileygirl]

: )

[Haileygirl]

Hi Rohit, there is a persistent feeling of resistance that keeps arising. Mostly doubt about the absolute non existence of 'me'.These doubts come in the form of thoughts such as:
I can SEE my body and personality are not real.....but what about this awareness and experience of the Life known as Sheila? The part that is able to let go of this identity and SEE. it's not personal to 'Sheila' yet it is part of this Life experience as Sheila. 
The  mind gets boggled and a headache and frustration ensue. 
There is still a sense the mind is hanging on to something and can't let go. 

[Rohit]

Doubts are fine, sheila. What is having the doubts? Where do the doubts come from?
So, if there is no 'you' having the thoughts... then what difference does it make if there is doubt or fear? It's not your doubt, your resistance It's just a feeling or a thought. It's not a problem, UNLESS you honestly don't see that it comes from nowhere. UNLESS it is clear that it isn't, couldn't, never did, nor will ever come from some actual thing called a self. Otherwise it's just doubt. Just resistance. It's not always there is it? Is it?
Take another look. Is that sensation alone or is there more going on before the sensation starts. Where does it begin? Trace it.

[Haileygirl]

Ah hah! Thoughts, thoughts, more thoughts about thoughts. Just happening. The answer is the same.....when followed, they lead to nothing! By George, I think I've got it! 

So I (this mind) can SEE when I (this mind) gets 'lost' in these thoughts and mistake them for an identity, it's just mind doing its thing. 

What is real? The flow of Life.....which this mind and body experiences as uh.....Love, for lack of a better word. Oneness, movement. It also feels slightly vibrational or electrical. 

As i (body/mind) move through this Life, many thoughts and emotions are arising in the same way, however, there is a separation happening. Not really separation but a Seeing of the identity of Sheila.  And when the mind gets lost in this, the Truth can be seen and even experienced in this mind and body. So challenges arise.....but they don't have the same quality or intensity.

'I' feel like Helen Keller in the movie when it all started to make sense.......w...a...t...e...r, water!  Haha....

There is a part of me that is looking forward to the next challenge, so I can test this again and again. I suspect it will become easier in terms of not identifying with the thoughts and emotions that arise in any given moment. If I get lost, I Know the way back. So bring it on...its all good.

Thank you for your patience and diligence, Rohit. I am grateful for you and this website. It's amazing that everything is free and available to anyone. I feel so much Love and Appreciation for the work being done and the people here. It's amazing. 

[Rohit]

So I (this mind) can SEE when I (this mind) gets 'lost' in these thoughts and mistake them for an identity, it's just mind doing its thing./As i (body/mind) move through this Life, many thoughts and emotions are arising in the same way, however, there is a separation happening. Not really separation but a Seeing of the identity of Sheila. And when the mind gets lost in this, the Truth can be seen and even experienced in this mind and body. So challenges arise.....but they don't have the same quality or intensity.

There's no such thing as a 'mind'. There's just a thought and a thought and a thought... So there is no such thing as expectation. There is a thought that describes something that could happen. But it's ONLY a thought.

Look at the thought and see it as part of reality. Not apart from, but part of. The thought doesn't do anything, or control anything - it's a descriptor only. It describes, it does not prescribe.

You just look and see that whatever is happening is doing so entirely without an orchestrating agent. And that thoughts are just that - part of the scenery, if you will.

IS there a YOU to be anything?

[Rohit]

you are doing good :) Keep looking

[Haileygirl]

Thank you. I will sit with that (what you just wrote) and keep Looking. : ). How exciting!

[Rohit]

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?



2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.



3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.



4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.



5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?

[Haileygirl]

I will post my answers by the end of the weekend in order to respond thoroughly.

[Haileygirl]

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No....it is a concept rooted in thoughts.


2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
the illusion of separate self is a false belief in an identity of 'me' that is separate from 'you'. It probably starts in early childhood as part of human development and is then reinforced by parents, siblings, relatives, friends and culture. This identity operates in fear of annihilation and insecurity. It's existence is constantly threatened.


3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.
It feels sane and wonderful to finally recognize the truth and begin to see the flow of life as it is.  My daily life on the surface is much the same.  Thoughts and emotions still arise. The difference is there is no absolute attachment to them. There is no 'me' in them so consequently, 'I' don't take things that happen personally. This is freedom.


4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it. 
To start with, I would describe it as a way i found an ease with life. I would refer them to the website if they wanted more information.


5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?
I have felt for as long as I can remember that 'I'was living a lie.  The door opened when I stumbled on the book, 'The Power of Now'.......it made so much sense! I was recently led to this website from someone on the Eckhart TolleTV forum.  I was terrified to take this next step....I would say it was gradual in terms of being able to SEE that Sheila doesn't exist, however, it felt true from the moment it was said to 'me'.   I needed to be reassured and guided when confusion came in. Now, old patterns may still arise in daily living, but the seriousness of thoughts is no longer there. Passer bys.   Where there was anger and strife.....is being replaced with kindness and appreciation. Life is being experienced with more flow....less resistance.....less me. 
There is a pull at this time to talk less, experience with awareness. See what happens. 

[Rohit]

so,Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
Is there any change in perception from when this thread started? If so, how so? What's your initial post look like from here?

[Haileygirl]

so,Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? NO

Is there any change in perception from when this thread started? If so, how so? What's your initial post look like from here?

I just re-read our conversation.  I can SEE the identity with the concept of MY initially and throughout the conversation. For example, MY thoughts are not ME. They are not MY thoughts. There are thoughts. There is nothing that is happening that involves a 'me' or 'my'. The sensation of awareness is not 'my' awareness. There is the experience of awareness happening. 
This is a change in perception.  Nothing is personal to 'me' as the concept of 'me' no longer exists. And when established patterns of thoughts or emotions arise, there is an acceptance or objectivity (if you will). Non attachment. Once the truth is seen, everything else just is.  This freedom is expanding. I'm not sure what that means, but a lifetime of patterns and struggle are changing. There is more peace and love being experienced. From here, it looks good.........real good.