And again for Ilona

[Alexey Manukhov]

Yes, It's time.

[Ilona]

Nice to hear. Let's crack on.


1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? how about self, is there anything that is separate from everything else?
 
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
 
3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.
 
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.  
 
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?
 
6) add anything that you feel that you need to add.

Looking forward to your answers.

[Alexey Manukhov]

1) There is no me and it hasn't ever existed. There was only a belief in it. It has come and then has gone, without any effort. And there is nothing external in this moment. It's happening by itself.

2) It's an association with something - thought, object, feeling. Then a track of thoughts comes and... Oh, there is no understanding, how it can work. How it could catch and who could be caught?..

3) The picture is still usual, but there are no expectations about special picture or state. There is no attaching value to thoughts about soul evolution, about opinions of other people and about wishes and fears, which were strong some time ago, and to other thoughts. They come and go. There is no stand-by or axiome. There are no wishes about changing of this moment.

4) It depends on his intention - is it a real aspiration to find the reality or just a mental curiosity. If it's the first variant, the process should be started, but how - it can't be said abstractedly, it depends on many factors. When it would start, the answer will come itself. And if it's the second variant, the work is useless.

5) At first, the work gave a gradual effect. Different illusions have gone away one by one. And then the question about incompleteness of this moment has come and seeing of its nature has appeared and all efforts to keep some state and to avoid some thoughts have gone.

6) Today was a conversation with Alexander Nasokin. He asked some questions, like "who am I" in different variations and said that the progress is seen, but it's not it yet. Some answers go from the mind and some moments, like the absence of me aren't seen fully. I don't know, is it so or not. And there are no emotions about it.

[Ilona]

Very intersting answer to number 6.
Ok, so would you confirm that seeing happened?
Regardless of what I say or somebody else it is only your own ecperiencd that can be trusted. How does it feel, is there any doubt that I/ me/ self are imagined?
Is there a centre to experience?
Is life happening to you?

:)

[Alexey Manukhov]

I think that it's happened. I don't know about some gradations of it. Maybe some more changes will come. Let them come. And it's not important which colour would be used for words "Alexey Manukhov". They don't point at anything.
About experience - yes, that's so. But I don't know, whose is this experience. It just exists.
And as for anyone's words... They just come, like thoughts. There are no authorities or guarantees about any information. And as for other people... There are no freestanding personalities, just speaking corpses.
There is no centre. Experience can't be caught. It's in thoughts, which are ephemeral.
Life just happens.

[Ilona]

hey, looks like you got it intellectuality. very good.

life just happens, it just exists, seeing all this, how does it change the feeling inside?
and what do you mean by corpses? can you not see that everything is alive? please write more on that.

[Alexey Manukhov]

Yes, that's it. There is a big tension and wish to pass the gate. I compare myself with other seekers and try to use these "achievements" to enhance my pride. There is much mind in seeking "me" and I don't know how to evade it. I felt it wery strongly during the conversation wind Alexander Nasokin. But inspite all this, watch of the body as an usual object often takes place. Some feelings of emptyness and disequilibrium come and I try to keep them.

As for corpes, I meant that in my vision in reality only speaking bodies are seen, and some ideas about their personalities come after.

[Ilona]

let me give you a little help here..

close your eyes and feel that imense desire to pass throuh the gate, feel that tension. then stop labelling it, stop putting names on what is experienced and focus on feeling that energy as raw, pure sesnsations in the body. feel it fully as never before and be still just watching it moving. see how without names, it has a different, raw, feel to it, as if you do not know what it is. with curiocity let it all pass, keep the space for it open and it will move.

after this, answer, is there a gate to cross?
is there a you to cross anything?

sending love.

[Alexey Manukhov]

It was an important moment - when the tension was uttered, it has almost gone. I tried to find the passion about gate, but it wasn't there. I saw that the only wat is "yes to everything".Patterns of character, which are usually called negative, could come, different thoughts could come, wishes about some states could come. Let it be. As for wishes, I saw that the wish of clothes and wish of enlightenment are the same. They look different, but methods to get them are equal. It's the intension. And in this work such method is useless. So, let it engage any period of time. It doesn't matter. And it seems that there is no gate to pass through, because it's not the object and, so long as there is the subject, he can't do it.

[Ilona]

Intension plays the majour part in this. If there is right intension, there is the way. And intension to see the truth no matter of consequences is what is needed to cross that line. You say seems that there is no gate. That is intellectual. When you see it clearly, there is no room for word seems, it's ahaaa, yes, or no. This gate we are talking about is not an object, but a metaphore. Some event that ends the one chapter and the new one begins.
What is still not really clear? What else needs to be seen? What is it that sees?

Can you answer these questions not from the head, but from what is seen, please include description of how it feels to see this. Is there an opening of the heart?

Sending love.

[Alexey Manukhov]

The freedom from the body is not really felt. Only in several flashes of insight. The seer is not seen and the unity of all that exist, the love is not seen too. Some toughts come and seem important, so the implication takes place from time to time. There is a tension in the chest, because there are many attempts to go through my limitation. Mind hasn't been tired yet...

[Ilona]

hmm. that freedom from the body is another expectation that needs to be looked at. do you imagine, that you just fly away? nice, i can do that in the dream. but body is here and it's not going away till it goes to feed worms. so freedom is not from the body, freedom is seeing that body is doing it's own thing and there is nothing that manages it, you can retire from the general manager of the body post..

the seer can not be seen as it does not exist.. so here is another expectation, belief, that you are bying into. there is no seer at at all. what is seen is all there is. seeing (with eyes) does not require a seer behing those eyes.
when you look at what is seen, that is what is. can you take a peak at what is behind this seeing? what is there?

is there anything that is owning limitation? what is the limitation that you want to go through? reaally look there, as there is another expectation that is in the way of seeing clearly. whrite what comes up.

sending love.

[Alexey Manukhov]

I see it. Body is a way to perceive the reality. And it is an undivided part of the reality. Nobody can fly away - who could it be?

There are a lot of thoughts, some of them are connected with emotions - these thoughts seem important. I don't know, why is is so, concentration on these thoughts just happens. And then deconcentration comes. As for something behind seeing, it is only one more thought. There is nothing real there. Only seeing itself exists.

There are no limitations in seeing, which are behind the world of objects. Only physical barreers, like walls and trees. Other limitations are just thoughts and concepts. They have no real power.

[Ilona]

Very well. So has shift alredy happen or is it still happening? What do you notice here? Do you exist?

[Alexey Manukhov]

It's happening. Strong desires, discontents and anxieties are melting, calmness comes. Different ideas, including "me", are loosing their power. The same is about associations with body and results of some activities. There is only a process, but no doer in it.