The Gate

This feels very fragile. I had an experience - very blissful, very awake when I was seventeen. That went away. This feels similar. I don't want this to be just a passing experience.
I feel like I have lots more work to do on the deconstruction of self.

What were you expecting?

I feel like I am going back and forth between states of clarity and the old. Being alone in a park feels clear but in the presence of other people, I seem to revert back to the old. I wasn't expecting that, I suppose.

Look back to your replies on April 5th.

Is any of that beginning?

No.. Not caring about others opinion still takes an effort of will.

Okay. Back & forth is completely normal. Watch these. please.

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

This is just a beginning.

Does that help?

It is not exactly fragile, but each time you believe the lie of "self" or any other untruth, it will fade.

Th Work of Byron Katie & other methods will help you clear up worrying about other people's opinions. www.thework.com

But let's finish here first.

Loving,

Does that help?

It does. I watched the videos.

I will check Byron Katie's work. Thank you.

It sounds like you have experienced a shift in perception that is doing the coming and going that we expect.

Are you ready to answer some checkpoint questions?

Loving,

Are you ready to answer some checkpoint questions?

Ok.

Hi Stacy, here are my answers to the first 4 questions.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

I am not sure. I only see the flow of different sense experiences (sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, thoughts) all the time. Does that imply an experiencer? Then I am the experiencer.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

I think it starts from social conditioning. We associate the image in the mirror with I because adults around us seem to do so and then accumulate random bits and pieces (ideas about self) as we grow older. From what people say about us -"you are pretty", "you are smart", "you are good at math" and so on. From conclusions drawn from things that happen e.g. I am awkward socially because I have no friends and so on.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days?

It feels clearer, truer.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

I found the exercise about classifying activities into
Different sense experiences especially helpful.

Does that imply an experiencer? Then I am the experiencer.

Implications are not direct experience.

Can you find any self in direct experience?

Have you experienced any shift in perception? (clearer, truer, etc)

Are you still seeking?


Loving,

Hi Stacy,

Can you find any self in direct experience?

I find only sense experiences and thoughts in direct experience. But I exist, right? So, there is self. I am now confused.

Have you experienced any shift in perception? (clearer, truer, etc)

No, I guess since I cannot say that I have seen through the "lie of self". I have felt without a head at times which has felt clearer. That might be just a passing experience.

Are you still seeking?

Yes.

Okay Please take a look at the Apple pointer again. "Self" is like "apple."

But I exist, right?

No.

https://youtu.be/uAXtO5dMqEI

Loving,

I think what you are saying is that the "I" exists only in thoughts and not in direct experience. But I don't see this fully.

Correct. I know you don't yet see this.

Keep LOOKING

Mostly do ButtChair but these may also be helpful.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ksba3zhi9uuz ... hsk1a?dl=0

Loving,