The Gate

How is it known exactly that just a 5 seconds ago this paper was totally blank?

It's not known. There's just a thought-picture of A blank piece of paper

How is it known that the paper was ever blank at all?

It's not known. Only thought-pictures of a blank piece of paper.

How is it known that the letter 't' is written by me, or by this hand?

It's not known. There's only thought linking the pen to the paper. And a thought-memory of writing it.

Now, put the tip of the pen to the paper as if you were starting to write the next letter, but don't write anything yet.

How is it known that just 2 seconds ago the pen didn't touch the paper, but now it does?

It isn't known. There is just what is - the pen touching the paper.

Very-very slowly, start to write the next letter 'a'. Watch very carefully.

Is there REALLY an experience of change?

That was harder to see at first. Much easier to see when 'stops' in the movement were made and then it could be seen that it was only a thought that showed change. When movement was slow and continuous, the memory-thoughts 'showing' the 'apparent past' couldn't be detected at first before the next movement occurred. So it did show up as an experience of change at first. After writing lots of 'a's', it was clearer that change was all in thoughts only.

If yes, change compare to what?

Asking this question helped to answer the above question. Change only occurs in thoughts.

When the letter 'a' is on the paper, how is it known that it wasn't there a few seconds ago?

It isn't known. Only thought-pictures 'remember'.

So now, there is 'ta' written on the paper.

Where is that moment when there was only 't' on the paper?

By this time I had 'taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' on the paper lol. The moment when there was only 't' on the paper existed only in a thought-picture.

In order to say that change is being observed, comparison is needed.

What is exactly being compared to this moment when there is 'ta' on the paper?

It's only being compared to a thought-picture of A blank paper.

Then go on with each letters and do the investigation in the similar way.
You can fill the paper with words, but very slowly, observing every ‘movement’ and supposed ‘change’.

When the paper is full:

How is it known that this paper has ever been blank?

It is not known. Only thoughts say anything different.

I will do this exercise again with the word 'synelg'. Which is just a word. :)

Dear Synelg,

You did a great looking.

Is it clear that time is just a thought construct?
Just a thought invention? A concept or idea, nothing more?

Vivien

Is it clear that time is just a thought construct?

Yes, it's clear.

Just a thought invention? A concept or idea, nothing more?

Yes, time cannot be experienced. Something made up by thoughts and/or thought pictures 'seemingly' strung together to create an illusion of time passing, of change happening. A concept.

A little mind-blowing Vivien. Hasn't sunk in yet.

Dear Synelg,

A little mind-blowing Vivien. Hasn't sunk in yet.

Yes, it is mind-blowing :)

Let’s look into cause and effect again.

Is there a causality in experience?
Is there such thing as cause and effect?

How is it known that there is a cause and effect relation?
Can both cause and effect be present at the same time?
If not, how it is known that the cause preceded the effect? That one follows the other?

Vivien

Cause and effect only happen in thoughts. So for instance, I haven't used my car for over 3 weeks, therefore it could be thought that that may cause the battery to go flat. So ...

Not using the car for 3 weeks - cause
Flat battery - effect

But not using the car for 3 weeks only occurred in thought - as a memory of the last time the car was used. So causality here only happened in thoughts, not experience.

Flat battery - how was it ever known that the battery wasn't flat in the first place? Only in thoughts - as a memory. Not experience.

In this case, cause and effect could not be present at the same time. And it cannot be known that there was a cause and effect relationship as it's all in thoughts only.

Is there a causality in experience?

Causality only happens in thoughts - in the case above, the cause - not running the car for 3 weeks - happens only in thoughts, as a memory. Not experience.

Is there such thing as cause and effect?

No - only in thoughts can there be cause and effect.

How is it known that there is a cause and effect relation?

It isn't known. Things happen, and then thoughts create a story.

Can both cause and effect be present at the same time?

This question was a bit mind-blowing. First answer was going to be 'no' - cause and effect cannot be present at the same time. But then time doesn't exist either, so there's just what's happening and then thoughts create a story. So if I went to the car now and found the battery flat, then thoughts would create a whole story about the past and the now - and they all exist only in thoughts. So cause and effect don't exist, there's just what's happening.

If not, how it is known that the cause preceded the effect? That one follows the other?

It's not known that cause preceded the effect. Cause and effect need a belief in time and a belief in thoughts - memories.

But we have to live in a world where time, cause and effect are apparently real. So we have to hold these 'beliefs' as paradoxes. Not 'believing' anything at all. Who knows? But for this inquiry, experience only is paramount.

Dear Synelg,

Is there anything you would like to look at further?

Vivien

Vivien, in the past weeks there have been many many emotions appearing. More and more often, they don't have a label, just a sensation, or a thought which disappears quite quickly leaving just the sensations. I've welcomed and felt the sensations and they pass - some quickly and some hang around for a while when the thoughts pop back again. Many thoughts appear briefly - despondency that there'll never be a realisation, sadness because Xmas is coming and all my family are dead, fear in case these thoughts are taken to be real yet again. But increasingly, these thoughts are being seen as just thoughts - not real and there's no-one to be affected by them.

The days when these thoughts abound 'seemed' tough, but the 'stories' were seen as stories even when in the middle of them. These days have been followed by days of seeing more clearly. Each day, more pieces seem to fall into place. Today there was a clear seeing for some time that This is it, there was just what appears to be happening, and nothing else. Today is a 'good' day, with increasing peace and 'getting lost in thoughts' has been seen within seconds. The questions on Time and Cause and Effect have made quite an impact on seeing that This is it.

I still couldn't wax poetic about any 'shift' or any moment when it was realised that 'I' wasn't the thinker of thoughts. I can't think of anything at the moment that I want to look at further, but I'm still seeking, questioning, looking for the 'I', 'me', 'synelg'. I will keep letting you know what's happening.

Thankyou so much Vivien. Lots of love xxx

Vivien, most days, I've been setting the timer to go off every 15 minutes, to remind me to have a quick look to find an 'I' or a 'me' or a 'synelg'. Lately, this 'looking' has turned into more of a meditation. The 'looking' for an 'I' doesn't happen first, rather there's an awareness of 'everything' - of This is, of sensations and the seen and sounds and thoughts - and more as a whole, not the separate senses so much. And this 'meditation' naturally notices that there's no 'I' or 'me' or 'synelg', there's just what is. When that is noticed, questioning happens to make sure. The 'meditation' often continues until the next timer ring goes off - it's becoming more interesting to stay 'now' (whatever that is).

In the past, it's been difficult to stay 'now' without the desire to 'do' something else or getting lost in thoughts. Now, getting lost in thoughts happens for seconds and it's just part of experience. That desire (thoughts) to 'escape' now seems to have diminished greatly. It's nice.

This morning, there was a 'feeling' of something experiencing, but it's quickly and very obviously seen to be just a sensation. Which is always going to be there.

Dear Synelg,

Thank you for your sharing. It’s beautiful :)

Apart from not remembering of a clear shift, would you say that you can see 100% certainty that there is no separate self and has never been?

Vivien

Vivien it is so clear that there's no 'I' and never has been. So clear. A very deep conviction. And there are often 'whooshes' of something in the head, like adrenaline or whatever, with a missed heartbeat and then a thump of a heartbeat as 'something else' goes deeper. For instance 'responsibility' has been hanging around since we last discussed it and even though it was realised that it was just a concept, a thought, it still kept popping up as a thought. But yesterday, 'responsibility' popped up again as thoughts about the fact that I haven't trimmed my horse's feet for a while popped up, and it was realised that trimming his feet will happen or not, whenever, depending on past conditioning or the big mystery or whatever. Not under 'my' control.

And since then, even though it's been realised that 'synelg' never existed, that thought kept producing a very mild sensation sometimes and a tiny thought of doubt. Which seemed weird. But just a couple of hours ago, as that thought popped up yet again, there was another 'whoosh' and heart-thump moment when it went deeper - that there is no time - a deeper realisation that the past only exists in thoughts and so does synelg. The exercises on time and cause and effect have made quite an impact in the last few days.

Dear Synelg,

So it seems that seeing through the notion of time, cause and effect was some kind of shift. :)

Just as a side note, shifts don’t have to be huge. Actually, most of the time they are subtle and gentle, so it’s often missed or devaluated as not important or insignificant. And I think you have had several small shifts but labelled them as ‘not important’ so they didn’t leave an impression.

Actually, I've made a note every time when I saw a shift in your replies. And so far I have 8 notes. :)

What I suggest to do is to wait for a few days to see if anything is coming up. Are you OK with this?

What I suggest to do is to wait for a few days to see if anything is coming up. Are you OK with this?

Yes :).

Every 15 minutes, the timer goes off and the following takes place. Or versions of the following:-

The question “Is there an “I” or a “me” or a “separate, real self” anywhere? In this body?” Then scanning of the body takes place and only sensations are discovered. Then there will be a thought like “There are only sensations, there is no “I” or “me” or a separate self in this body. Only sensations, and sensations cannot be an “I” or a “me” or a thinker of thoughts."

Sometimes the questions are asked individually, and the body is scanned individually.

Then the same questions are asked - is there an “I”, “me” or ANYthing else that exists inside or outside of the body. And then when nothing is found except sounds, sensations, the seen, thoughts, sometimes smell and taste, the thought arises that there is no 'I' etc.

Then the question “Does synelg exist?” is asked, and the same looking/scanning and answers happen, except there is an uncomfortableness that I haven't been able to identify as either a thought or a sensation arises. The closest I can come is that there's a thought of something like 'doubt' or 'but'. When I try to see what's behind this 'whatever it is that I haven't yet identified', there are thoughts like 'there are sensations that point to an apparent body which people call synelg'. It's not an “I” or a separate self, it's not in control of anything, but it does apparently exist as a body or organism that responds to the name 'synelg'. Major confusion here.

Dear Synelg,

Then the question “Does synelg exist?” is asked, and the same looking/scanning and answers happen, except there is an uncomfortableness that I haven't been able to identify as either a thought or a sensation arises. The closest I can come is that there's a thought of something like 'doubt' or 'but'. When I try to see what's behind this 'whatever it is that I haven't yet identified', there are thoughts like 'there are sensations that point to an apparent body which people call synelg'. It's not an “I” or a separate self, it's not in control of anything, but it does apparently exist as a body or organism that responds to the name 'synelg'. Major confusion here.

So the body is labelled as ‘Synelg’. And then what?

Does that labelling making the body into an actual real entity who is thinking thoughts, making decision, moving the body, feeling sensations?

Do you believe or think that Synelg is something else than the self or me?
Is there any difference between a self, a me, an synelg?

. It's not an “I” or a separate self, it's not in control of anything, but it does apparently exist as a body or organism that responds to the name 'synelg'.

Your problem is purely conceptual. The result of too much thinking, analysing.

That particular body is labelled by thoughts as synelg. Even when others call it synelg, it’s still a thought label, isn’t it?

But what is it exactly that is responding to the name ‘synelg’?
Is the body doing that?
Is a thought doing that?
Is there an ACTUAL synelg inside the body doing that?

If you say the body, does the body has the power to respond, meaning the body has free will and has the ability to make decisions and choices whether to respond or not?

What is the actual experience of the body?

Vivien

So the body is labelled as ‘Synelg’. And then what?
Does that labelling making the body into an actual real entity who is thinking thoughts, making decision, moving the body, feeling sensations?

No

Do you believe or think that Synelg is something else than the self or me?

Yes – synelg is a body

Is there any difference between a self, a me, an synelg?

Yes – the difference is that synelg is a body, but a self or a me is an imagined entity. Synelg is not an “I” or a separate self, it's not in control of anything, but it does apparently exist as a body or organism that responds to the name 'synelg'.

Your problem is purely conceptual. The result of too much thinking, analysing.

Really? I haven't (yet) seen this. This 'doubt' thought/sensation has been there for months whenever the question 'does synelg exist' is asked. When looking, the answer is 'Yes, synelg exists - it's the body, the human exists'. I've dismissed it as a thought in the past. Synelg as a separate entity inside the body does not exist.

I'm missing some very simple, but vital understanding here. It seems as if it should be clear to see and I feel really silly because this should be really simple, but each time I look, the confusion increases.

That particular body is labelled by thoughts as synelg. Even when others call it synelg, it’s still a thought label, isn’t it?

Yes.

But what is it exactly that is responding to the name ‘synelg’?

The sound is heard and a response is made

Is the body doing that?

I don't know

Is a thought doing that?

No

Is there an ACTUAL synelg inside the body doing that?

No

If you say the body, does the body has the power to respond, meaning the body has free will and has the ability to make decisions and choices whether to respond or not?

No

What is the actual experience of the body?

Sensations

I know the answers are gobblegook. I look at them every 15 minutes and nothing makes sense.