Synelg

[Vivien]

Dear Synelg,

Looking found no thinker of thoughts, just sensations and sometimes a feeling.

What is the difference between a sensation and a feeling?
What is a feeling exactly?

I am preparing for a hospital procedure scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, so the increased 'vertigo' stuff being experienced right now may be a little to do with that. There WAS fear around this procedure, but now fear as a thought can't be found, but the sensation of vertigo was beginning to get a little disconcerting. But when doing other chores, the vertigo wasn't there, only around looking.

If the fear comes up again, try to look at with the looking method we did together, try to find the ‘threat’.

Vivien

[Synelg]

Looking found no thinker of thoughts, just sensations and sometimes a feeling.
What is the difference between a sensation and a feeling?
What is a feeling exactly?

Actually, I have had trouble differentiating between a sensation and a feeling. Sometimes it's clear, like when there's the 'it feels like me' thought which is clearly a narrative thought, but sometimes it just 'feels' like something which I've always interpreted as a thought, even though it's not narrative. I think there's always a sensation as well. I will look more closely next time this 'feeling' comes up.

The hospital procedure is over - it was a simple but uncomfortable and risky procedure and although I expected there to be a great deal of fear, it was a quite different experience to how it was expected to be. There WERE sensations, but labels didn't appear. So it was not really possible to do the exercise. I stayed with the sensations sometimes. I also expected there to be a lot more emotion than there was. It all seems a little discombobulating - closest I can come to describing it - different. I'd like to say that it was because the emotions weren't so attached to anyone, but that just seems like the 'right' answer.

The 'vertigo' sensation comes back each time I now begin to 'look'. It's more intense and thoughts say I shouldn't look, that I should distract myself with other things. The sensation is here right now and is quite intense. When it's looked at with eyes closed, I go to sleep. I will keep looking and questioning it. And perhaps it is more intense because I had a lot of drugs yesterday in the hospital. Give it a day or two to see.

Meanwhile - one of the distractions I gave in to was to watch a tv program which was very very sad and which brought up lots of sadness. I used it to practise the exercise separating sensation from thought. :)

[Vivien]

Dear Synelg,

Actually, I have had trouble differentiating between a sensation and a feeling.

But is there any difference?
Aren’t both of them just sensations?
And only thoughts label them this or that?

The hospital procedure is over - it was a simple but uncomfortable and risky procedure and although I expected there to be a great deal of fear, it was a quite different experience to how it was expected to be. There WERE sensations, but labels didn't appear. So it was not really possible to do the exercise. I stayed with the sensations sometimes. I also expected there to be a lot more emotion than there was. It all seems a little discombobulating - closest I can come to describing it - different. I'd like to say that it was because the emotions weren't so attached to anyone, but that just seems like the 'right' answer.

I’m glad to hear this, it’s beautiful :)

The 'vertigo' sensation comes back each time I now begin to 'look'.

You have to investigate this.

What happens if you stop labelling it as ‘vertigo’?
What happens if you only call it as a sensation?
What happens if you don’t give it a name?

Is this sensation a threat?
Is it a problem?

When it's looked at with eyes closed, I go to sleep.

Then look at it with open eyes.

Vivien

[Synelg]

But is there any difference?
Aren’t both of them just sensations?
And only thoughts label them this or that?

Yes, there are only sensations. And then thought labels them whatever.

What happens if you stop labelling it as ‘vertigo’?
What happens if you only call it as a sensation?
What happens if you don’t give it a name?

It's just a sensation

Is this sensation a threat?
Is it a problem?

Normally, it's been just a sensation without a label - I've used the label to describe it to you.
But lately, when it's more intense, thoughts have begun to give it a label of alarming. But when I stand up or do anything else, it's gone. It's only there when looking. When it's more intense and the label is there, I will work on the exercise to separate the sensation from the word.

When it's looked at with eyes closed, I go to sleep.
Then look at it with open eyes.

Yes I have, and was, doing this. When it's intense, there's an overwhelming desire (thoughts) to close the eyes and go to sleep. I'm working on staying with the sensation (and not sleeping lol).

Vivien, for the past few days, and today, there are LOTS of thoughts and sensations. I have the impression that normally, this would be a getting lost in the story event, with lots of 'me' thoughts and 'feelings', but instead, there are just a heap of thoughts and sensations that are having difficulty getting attached to anything. Because of course there isn't anything to get attached to.

Could just be imagination of course, but it's disconcerting. Not a threat. But different. It's much more obvious than normal that all there is are sensations, thoughts, sounds and the seen. That's all that there is. Nothing else. The so-called 'vertigo' is part of the disconcertion.

[Vivien]

Dear Synelg,

You are progressing beautifully :)

Do you want to dig deeper into the notion of time?

Vivien

[Synelg]

Yes please :)

There have been lots of opportunities to work on separating sensations from words today. Blowed if I can remember what they were to tell you though. And there were thoughts of "well if this is all there is it's boring/depressing". So as well as separating any sensations from the words, I used blah blah on 'depression' and bloody hell - instantly life was back to sounds, sensations, the seen - no depression at all lol.

[Synelg]

'Vertigo' is not so pronounced today :)

Vivien, can I use the fear exercise to separate from the word 'synelg'?

[Synelg]

There's an expectation for the present moment to not be 'boring' after realisation!

More thoughts
I've always found the present moment boring, unless I'm completely absorbed in something, some project, some 'doing', some activity, something 'useful'. I always need an obsession. I cannot just 'be' in the present moment – it's boring. If there's just the seen, sound, sensation and that's all there is, then that's boring, that's depressing. I'm just a waste of space. Useless.

Who's the one with this expectation? Who's bored? Who needs to be obsessed? Who is thinking these thoughts?
No-one to be found. Exploring this now Vivien. Any help appreciated.

[Vivien]

Dear Synelg,

Vivien, can I use the fear exercise to separate from the word 'synelg'?

Yes, of course. You can use it with anything you want.

There's an expectation for the present moment to not be 'boring' after realisation!

And how do you know that the present moment is boring?
What makes it boring?
What makes this judgement?
On what bases?

And how does ‘boredom’ is actually felt or experienced?
Please describe me the experience of boredom as precisely as you can.

I always need an obsession.

What needs an obsession?
What is it exactly that is obsessed?

I cannot just 'be' in the present moment – it's boring.

What is it that could be IN or OUT of the present moment?

If there's just the seen, sound, sensation and that's all there is, then that's boring, that's depressing.

How do you know that?

Please describe me in detail how it’s known that the ‘present moment’ is depressing, but without any speculation, theory or analogy, just the pure facts.

And also, please describe me what is the EXPERIENCE of the ‘present moment’.

I'm just a waste of space. Useless.

Who is saying that?
Is there anything here who could be a ‘waste of space’?
Is there anything here who could be useless or useful?
What is it that could be useful or useless?

Vivien

[Synelg]

And how do you know that the present moment is boring?

Oh for goodness sake lol. Thought. Only thought

What makes it boring?

Thought

What makes this judgement?

Nothing. It's just a darn thought.

On what bases?

No basis. It's just a stupid thought.

And how does ‘boredom’ is actually felt or experienced?

It isn't experienced. It's just a thought.

Please describe me the experience of boredom as precisely as you can.

There's no such thing as boredom. It's just a thought. How silly. How stupid.

What needs an obsession?

Nothing. No-one needs an obsession.

What is it exactly that is obsessed?

Nothing nothing nothing

I cannot just 'be' in the present moment – it's boring.
What is it that could be IN or OUT of the present moment?

Nothing nothing nothing

If there's just the seen, sound, sensation and that's all there is, then that's boring, that's depressing.
How do you know that?

I don't know that. It was just thoughts. aaaargh!

Please describe me in detail how it’s known that the ‘present moment’ is depressing, but without any speculation, theory or analogy, just the pure facts.

It's not known at all. It's just stupid thoughts.

And also, please describe me what is the EXPERIENCE of the ‘present moment’.

Sound, sensation, the seen. Sometimes taste and smell. Not depressing. Just is.

I'm just a waste of space. Useless.
Who is saying that?

No-one is saying that - it's just a stupid thought

Is there anything here who could be a ‘waste of space’?

No - nothing

Is there anything here who could be useless or useful?

No - nothing

What is it that could be useful or useless?

Nothing.

THANKYOU VIVIEN :) XXX

[Vivien]

Dear Synelg,
Whenever there is doubt, fear, anger, frustration, depression, boredom, or any form of unpleasant emotion, look into thoughts. Always look into thoughts. All illusion starts with a thought.

It's just a stupid thought.

And what says that certain thoughts are stupid? :)

Now let’s continue to look into the notion of time.

The general assumption that there is a linear time that started somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time or an event that is moving forward on this linear time, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

But what is the experience of the now moving along the line of time?
How fast the present moment is actually moving?
How long does the now last?
Where does it start and where does it end?
When does the now exactly become the past?
What is the past in the actual experience?

How is it known that the now is moving? Or that it lasts?
How is it known exactly that there is such thing as 'now'?
What is the actual experience of 'now' or 'the present moment'?

Let’s investigate another frequently assumed possibility.
Maybe, instead of being 'one single now' moving forward on the line of time, there are infinite number of now-s following each other in a line, like pearls on a necklace.
...now now now now now now now now now now now now now....

Is there a gap between each now-s, like the knots between the pearls?
If yes, how the jump/leap is made from one now to the other?
What is doing the jump?
What is the gap made of? What is in the gap?
How long each now lasts?
Or the now-s are glued tightly together to make the transition between them easier? :)

And what makes the now-s to keep them in place in tidy a line and stop them from spreading to all directions? An invisible (unknown) thread?

Please look carefully with each question.

[Synelg]

And what says that certain thoughts are stupid? :)

Nothing. There's nothing there.

But what is the experience of the now moving along the line of time?

There is no experience of the now moving along the line of time. There is just now.

How fast the present moment is actually moving?

There is no experience of speed, or of the present moment moving at all.

How long does the now last?

Don't know. It's always just now.

Where does it start and where does it end?

No start and no end can be found to now.

When does the now exactly become the past?

No idea. There's only now.

What is the past in the actual experience?

There's no actual experience of the past. The past only exists in thoughts.

How is it known that the now is moving? Or that it lasts?

It is not known that the now is moving. Or that it lasts. There's no experience of anything except now.

How is it known exactly that there is such thing as 'now'?

This question stumped me. I don't know that there IS such a thing as 'now'. There's only sound, sensation, the seen etc and I can't see 'now' or hear 'now' or feel 'now'.

What is the actual experience of 'now' or 'the present moment'?

Only sound, sensation, the seen, taste, smell and thought can be experienced. I can't actually find a 'now'.

Let’s investigate another frequently assumed possibility.
Maybe, instead of being 'one single now' moving forward on the line of time, there are infinite number of now-s following each other in a line, like pearls on a necklace.
...now now now now now now now now now now now now now....

Is there a gap between each now-s, like the knots between the pearls?

No, no gap. No now now now now either. Just now.

If yes, how the jump/leap is made from one now to the other?
What is doing the jump?
What is the gap made of? What is in the gap?
How long each now lasts?

No jump, no leap, no gap. No now lasting any length. Just now.

the now-s are glued tightly together to make the transition between them easier? :)

:) :) :)

And what makes the now-s to keep them in place in tidy a line and stop them from spreading to all directions? An invisible (unknown) thread?

No separate nows, no thread, just now. Always now.

[Vivien]

Dear Synelg,

V: And what says that certain thoughts are stupid? :)

S: Nothing. There's nothing there.

Isn’t a thought ‘saying’ that certain thoughts are stupid?

It's always just now.

The word ‘always’ implies that there are ‘other times’, and those ‘other times’ are also now.
Always means: all the time… all the time there is now.

But is there such thing as ‘all the time’ or ‘always’?

Vivien

[Synelg]

Isn’t a thought ‘saying’ that certain thoughts are stupid?

\
Yes, it's a thought saying that thoughts are stupid. And there's nothing thinking thoughts.

The word ‘always’ implies that there are ‘other times’, and those ‘other times’ are also now.
Always means: all the time… all the time there is now.

But is there such thing as ‘all the time’ or ‘always’?

No. Crikey. There is just what is. What's apparently happening. Bit of a rush.

[Vivien]

Dear Synelg,

Here is another exercise to investigate the notion of time.

Please, take a blank piece of paper and a pen.
For a few minutes sit quietly and just observe the blank paper.

Then take the pen and very slowly start to write a word, like table, but stop at the first letter. So you write only the letter 't'.

When the letter 't' is there, stop, look at the paper and investigate:

How is it known exactly that just a 5 seconds ago this paper was totally blank?
How is it known that the paper was ever blank at all?
How is it known that the letter 't' is written by me, or by this hand?

Now, put the tip of the pen to the paper as if you were starting to write the next letter, but don't write anything yet.

How is it known that just 2 seconds ago the pen didn't touch the paper, but now it does?

Very-very slowly, start to write the next letter 'a'. Watch very carefully.

Is there REALLY an experience of change?
If yes, change compare to what?
When the letter 'a' is on the paper, how is it known that it wasn't there a few seconds ago?

So now, there is 'ta' written on the paper.

Where is that moment when there was only 't' on the paper?

In order to say that change is being observed, comparison is needed.

What is exactly being compared to this moment when there is 'ta' on the paper?

Then go on with each letters and do the investigation in the similar way.
You can fill the paper with words, but very slowly, observing every ‘movement’ and supposed ‘change’.

When the paper is full:

How is it known that this paper has ever been blank?

How is it known that the past has ever happened?

Similarly, you can question every thought that appears as ‘past’, even those that are supposedly happened just a few minutes or seconds ago.

Vivien