The Gate

If we define the 'sense' that it is, as a reaction, a 'feeling', from the senses (via mind), and it IS, as everything, including the 'sense' that it IS. ..or put it another way, What IS may not include a 'sense' that it IS, and still be 'What IS'.

ha ha ha-- this one makes my head hurt... perhaps a new tactic to derail my mind?! ;-)

Rebecca is an expression of Life-ing. How can it be any other way ?

I like this phrasing very much. there is still some mental argument about the organism being subject TO external conditions... but the argument obviously falls into the category of "about." DE says there's just what's here-- all of it, whatever it is, happening right now. that would be life-ing. and the organism Rebecca is certainly an aspect, an expression as you say, of that life-ing.

Yes, why would life-ing need to protect itself from itself ?

the organism is conditioned to protect itself-- i imagine this might get less neurotic but nevertheless does not go away post gate. what must shift post-gate is perspective-- or degree of attachment?

Tell me about this concept called Truth. Have you ever seen one ?

truth is conceptual. but DE is not. i guess a lot of what we're talking about here is still mostly conceptual for me (not DE) and thus I get wrapped up in what's true. fingers typing right now is DE. mind labels the statement "true".

But choice does happen. It happens at a level of the organism, and is the result of lots of dependent conditions that were in place way before any apparent choice occurs.

I feel like you could say this a million times and it would still be a useful reminder.

this one makes my head hurt..

Oh, ok, let's use a metaphor. There is breathing happening. Sometimes there is awareness (a sense of) breathing, but even when there is not, breathing is happening. IS includes breathing with the sense of breathing when it is present or breathing without it when it is not. Does that work ?

what must shift post-gate is perspective-- or degree of attachment?

..which leads to openness and a giving up of habitual protective mode.
The organism will protect itself in the case of danger or perceived danger. In our society is is mostly the latter. Very rarely is there actual danger threatening us. (this is different to the potential for danger to threaten us - which our mother and the media are always pushing at us)

truth is conceptual. but DE is not. i guess a lot of what we're talking about here is still mostly conceptual for me (not DE) and thus I get wrapped up in what's true. fingers typing right now is DE. mind labels the statement "true".

So the habit of the mind labeling, is pretty much wasted energy and often has negative consequences.
Rather than the mind not labeling, do you think it is possible to simply relegate most of the minds activities (including labeling) to something akin to the sound of the refrigerator ?

love

vince

IS includes breathing with the sense of breathing when it is present or breathing without it when it is not. Does that work ?

yes. clear. lots of times i'm not aware of my nose but that doesn't mean it isn't there.

do you think it is possible to simply relegate most of the minds activities (including labeling) to something akin to the sound of the refrigerator ?

golly i hope so... (humming sound...)
today my head has been all over the place-- i've been rushing about (more humming sound)
all anxious and neurotic and disgruntled but jumpy-- actually quite unusual for me-- (hummmmm)
like i want to jump out of my skin (hummmm hummmm hummmm)
kept "trying" to be grateful for noticing but felt like a freaked out caged bird... (HUUUUMMMM)

i can actually hear the actual refrigerator right now... mind feels way too staccato in comparison but i suppose the point is, it just goes blah blah blah and that's just life-ing doing it's thing and as long as it's seen for what it is-- thought vibration as a result of the motor being on-- then perhaps tuning it out would become easy.

not today though. (HUUUUMMMMMMM!)

Then enjoy the sound, focus on it and allow it to be a mantra. There's not much difference between Huumm and Omm.

love

Hi Vince

Once again I find myself unexpectedly off the grid. Will be home mid next week. Will try to post before then if it makes sense. Feel both like little bits sink in as the day goes by and also feel disconnected and way off the map.

If you have a good question for me, go for it.

Peace,
ix

Perhaps each day you could document one actual experience of your 'self', of Rebeccas' I.

vince

Just getting this...

Not sure I get what you mean... Isn't there no DE of Rebecca's "I"-- just all in my head? Or is that precisely what I am to untangle?

just all in my head? Or is that precisely what I am to untangle?

Yes, exactly. For you to not believe that you are all of the way through the gate, some part(s) of you are still believing in parts of the story.
If you can identify them, they will evaporate.
They will (probably) be the last vestiges the delusion, and so will 'employ' any and every ploy to resist the final 'letting go'. Document rationalizations, etc. as they occur.
What you are to do is to find one instance each day where you automatically responded to story and that response had the effect of defending or strengthening the story of Rebecca.

love

vince

OK.

Sounds good (though my assessment (story) is that it's more like 90% of my day is spent identified as self)...

Today it got quite bumpy on the plane as we were coming in for a landing and even though i am WAY WAY WAY better at not freaking out about flying than i used to be, there's still moments when i'm caught off guard and my body gets flushed with fear/adrenaline. i know it would be possible for this physical reaction to still happen and not be identified with it, but in those moments there is just fear, not awareness of fear. i can then talk myself through it-- take a deep breath, remind myself that bumps are normal, like waves on an ocean, feeling the sensations of fear, noticing what's real vs. what's about, more belly breathing, etc. but there seems to be a big "I" in the middle of all of it. like "I" need to manage the situation...

(of course, the funny thing was that after what i perceived to be one of the worst landings ever (came in sideways at a 45 degree tilt, and went bump bump BUMP SCREECH like we were gonna spin out, the guy next to me said, "wow, that was smooth." at first i assumed he was being sarcastic, but he didn't seem to be...)

Sounds good (though my assessment (story)

Ok, but just pick one each day. You might be surprised at how quickly a lot turn out to be a few. (a lot will probably have the same foundation)

there's still moments when i'm caught off guard and my body gets flushed with fear/adrenaline.

Great, you have a terrific benchmark here. One that is outside of mental control. Every plane ride from now will be a discovery.
Have you read Jed McKenna ? In one of his books he describes the 'rush' when facing death, once in a skydiving plane that was out of control and once when a gun was pointed at him. Brilliant.

metta

vince

you have a terrific benchmark here.

Not quite sure what you mean by benchmark... can you elaborate? If its "out of mental control" what does that point to?

I do remember Jed's parachuting experience... yipes! but i do get that that the body's instinct for survival can kick in without the mind being attached to an outcome... at least theoretically!

As for today's attachment:

In a class today I accidentally crossed someone's boundary. Then in an effort to explore the tension between my own freedom and the rules of the exercise I got close to the boundary but in so doing accidentally did it again. Afterwards, I had all this mental storm show up about how to explain to this person what happened so they wouldn't be mad at me, take it personally. It was over fairly quickly (and I did have an opportunity to explain) but this pattern is a strong one...

Strangely enough it sort of happened AGAIN in a different more practical way later in the day with the SAME person! I was a bit more aware of it, but still pretty hooked.

Not quite sure what you mean by benchmark... can you elaborate?

Something to compare future responses to.

If its "out of mental control" what does that point to?

That it's direct experiencing.

Strangely enough it sort of happened AGAIN in a different more practical way later in the day with the SAME person! I was a bit more aware of it, but still pretty hooked.

..sounds like you two have something to share.

love

vince

ok...

today the "i" was wrapped up in work and taking the whole thing very seriously...

the part of me that holds "me" more lightly (and loves it when that's the case) feels like the only way to extricate the "me" from this mess is to stop doing things for and with people who take the whole thing seriously as it seems to suck me right in. except that i know that's just more "about," more pointing to an apparent "not here yet"...

kinda makes this "me" want to growl or roar or something...

is to stop doing things for and with people who take the whole thing seriously as it seems to suck me right in.

This might be fine if you intended to spend the rest of your like in a cave in the Himalayas.
The more you get sucked in the better the opportunity for the de-conditioning. No matter how long after the 'getting sucked in' the SEEing of it happens, Celebrate the Recognition with good humor. Even the 'deepest', most ingrained habit will eventually yield.

more pointing to an apparent "not here yet"...

Yes, apparent..

kinda makes this "me" want to growl or roar or something...

with anger ?, frustration ?, what ?

love

vince

"self" of the day:

was restless last night, caught up with work stuff-- the gist of the mental noise is perfecting past and future classes. sometimes this comes from an inner judge/critic, but at present it's more like excitement, a belief that what i do matters to others... this belief gets compounded when "others" are overtly suffering. of course the "what I do matters" ultimately feeds the story of "i" in obvious as well as shadow ways...

how to disentangle?

this meat sack has certain skills, experience and conditioning. the meat sack's job happens to be to teach other meat sacks some of these skills. mental noise is part of what's here, but it's extra. not needed for the job, and most certainly impedes the job when sleep is lost. (and yet, it happens until it doesn't... the fact that i can't stop it when its futility is seen gives rise to frustration; the belief that it matters must persist underneath...) but what happens when these meat sacks interact, learn, don't learn, suffer, don't suffer doesn't matter-- is just what happens. (this last bit is a thought, not a seeing-- a tough one for me... i guess because of loads conditioning...)

ultimately, the job, the mental noise, the other meat sacks are all an expression of this meat sack's particular experiencing.

at the same time, you're over there supporting me (my story). why? if it doesn't matter to you, why do you do it? i'm quite sure it doesn't keep you up at night. is that the only difference?