Time to see through the illusion

[vegansatori]

Ironically, given the subject of the book, after 10 pages I was fairly sure I'd read it already. But by 17 pages I was 90+% certain. Having read 4 chapters now, I've definitely forgotten parts of it, so I'm going to reread it because obviously it's been years since I read it, and it's more relevant now.

Ironically in a different way, I suspect that this book was a brick in the wall of my inability to believe anything, or trust my own perceptions and knowledge.

I'm curious how you feel about the bits describing this type of mystical state and pointing out that "with mystical states, people experience spontaneous mental sensations that feel like knowledge but occur in the absence of any specific knowledge." That's basically at the crux of my issues with extrapolating from felt experience to larger statements about reality. Doesn't this invalidate all of the certainty that comes with any kind of realization?

I'm curious to see if later chapters will do anything to assuage my doubts, and put space between them, or just reinforce them more.

Thanks again!
-Todd

[Anastacia42]

Well, isn't that interesting? I remember being annoyed, but not bothered by that.

It certainly did mot invalidate it for me. I just felt sorry that the author had no personal frame of reference for what I, and many others, have experienced.

[Anastacia42]

By the way, after decades & decades of trustworthy experiences with the truth (open, light, expansive) & lie (closed, heavy & contraction) feelings, there was nothing a book could do to cause any concern about that.

My mother taught me about that when I was very, very young. I'm 62 now & have never had any reason to doubt it. The main thing, at times, is to ask the right questions or to remember what you're thinking when the feeling arises.

The Mind Labeling Experience pointer from about 25 pages ago is based on it, too. One finds the list without "I" feels truer.

Until you trust your gut feeling, you're going to feel skeptical, frustrated & lost. Nothing can come between you & your thinking - even when it is dead wrong, and it is here.

That's what has to shift.

I've given you every opportunity to see this for yourself, but I can't come between you & your wrong thinking.

Loving,

Loving,

[vegansatori]

Hi Stacy,
How have you been?

I'm planning to attend Ilona's Zoom meeting tomorrow. Not sure exactly what to ask, if I get the opportunity. But I'm eager to see how it goes.

Other than that, nothing new on this end.

I hope you're having a nice weekend,
Thanks!
-Todd

[Anastacia42]

Oh dear. That meeting is for guides only, remember?

it was my mistake to share that link.

Can you please not go? It isn't the same before and after seeing.

I'm sorry!

[Anastacia42]

Ilona offers a free 30 minute consultation and then 90 minute sessions are $125.

https://ilonaciunaite.com/sessions/

You can ask if she is still doing these:

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=8208

or you can ask for video guiding with these guides:

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=8412

And I'll still be here.

Loving,

[vegansatori]

I believe this is a different event. On her YouTube videos she talks about doing this monthly event, and says that you can email her for a link to the zoom meeting. Which I did.

I think it's a totally different thing than the one that I went to accidentally.

This is from the email that she sent:

Hi Todd,

Thank you for registering for the Deep Looking event.

Please make sure you can be on your own, undisturbed.

Time: 9th of January, 2022, at 7 pm - 9 pm Mauritius time, (3 pm to 5 pm UK time

)

Thanks again!
Todd

[Anastacia42]

Okay good. If it's on YouTube, it's public.

Thanks!

[vegansatori]

No problem!
Sorry for the confusion. 🙂

[Anastacia42]

Good morning,

It's been a few days. How was the video meeting?

Loving,

[vegansatori]

Good morning!
How've you been?

The video meeting was really great, thanks. I got to ask Ilona a couple of questions, and some of her pointing to others was also relevant. The two hours went very quickly.

I've been working on processing things. Still finishing up "On Being Certain", and there have been some subtle shifts.

Just got approved for the Finding Awakening group. And I saw a very helpful post last night that said:

All fetters or assumptions fall in two steps.
1. It is seen that the me (or any other assumption) is not true, that something like the me, desire or aversion, can’t exist.
2. In the second step, the illusion can no longer be fabricated – a shift happens.

The clarification of step 2 was helpful, though it clearly hasn't happened yet. I don't buy into the illusion of self, but it still appears whether I believe it or not.

I did have a question that arose this morning. I'm not sure of the clearest or most concise way to describe it...

Two questions that Ilona, and other people sometimes give are "are you aware right now?" and then "Is it possible to not be aware?" But it really struck me this morning that the issue I've had with that is that awareness is really "awarenessing", a brain process that is pulling in a variety of sensations and subconsciously highlighting the relevant ones.

And then there's a second brain process that can use attention to zoom in on one or more of these sensations to see them in finer detail. And since that attention often feels more volitional, that becomes a large part of the "I" feeling illusion.

There's no self inherent in any of that. But with the prompt to "rest as that awareness" or things to that effect, are we just supposed to be shutting off the more focused attention? We can't actually merge a self that doesn't exist with a nebulous cloud of brain sensations. LOL

I know the feeling of "falling back" into that more open spacious awareness. But it feels like that's just the same concentrated attention widening its net to be aware of multiple sensations at once. Instead of just focusing on the breath or sensations in my foot, I just become aware of a more panoramic view of everything that I'm feeling that was mostly unconscious a moment before. But that's not really "becoming awareness". I am doing it wrong?  

Thanks very much, and have a great day!
-Todd

[Anastacia42]

Hi Todd,

I honestly have no idea. To me, this is a lot of unnecessary analysis (or content of thought) on something you can see by simply looking. You'll have to find someone else to answer all of that - and I doubt it will help you SEE.

To me initial realizations were like being high on drugs.

Yes, it is "aware-ing."

Yes. A shift happens on its own. It just does.

Loving,

[vegansatori]

Hi again,

I just don't know what else to do other than the same things over and over. (The quote that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result pops to mind...)

To me, this is a lot of unnecessary analysis (or content of thought) on something you can see by simply looking.

Maybe. I'm just trying to clarify the practices because apparently just Looking isn't cutting it.

Thanks,
-Todd

[Anastacia42]

I hear you.

Remember that I had my must profound Awakening with the Dropbox exercises & then again here with only ButtChair.

I did not analyze anything but that is not my nature. I've often quipped that my middle name is, "gullible" which was probably very helpful here. Can you suspend all of this disbelief you're struggling with?

just become aware of a more panoramic view of everything that I'm feeling that was mostly unconscious a moment before. But that's not really "becoming awareness". I am doing it wrong?

That sounds right. but it's hard to say, since I'm not in your head.

Go back to ButtChair. Can you find anything that separates your butt from the chair. Just calmly look. Right there. Whenever you think of it.

Try not to be frustrated & just LOOK.

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

In other news Christiane Michelberger's book, "Finding Awakening" is out now. I've just started it. She was an LU guide & you can trust what she reports as her experience.

Loving,