The Gate

Keep going, Alex!
x

I did not see what's behind it. It feels like wanting to have good experience if that makes sense. It's a craving for pleasure. I do not want life/experience to end because I hope there will be more pleasurable/enjoyable experiences to come.

Hi
Thanks for responding, Alex,
Yes, that makes sense, absolutely!
Let's check your expectations now - is there a view behind this?
xx

Yes, the view is, that there is a me, and that me will die one day and that will be the end of it.

Is there also a view that seeing there is no self would mean death, in some sort of way?

I don't know ... not consciously I think. But it makes sense. I feel that as long as I do not know for sure there is still the possibility that a part of me "survives" death :)

So at the moment there is a fear of death? ok.
And is this work triggering that?
Remember that it's only about seeing through something that never existed in the first place. Like Santa Claus.
x

I not sure, but I'm guess this work now triggering the fear.

Ok, so the expectation that this work will dissolve my fear of death is maybe getting in the way

Ok... Well it may dissolve your great if death, but that happened later for me.

Does the idea of seeing that there is no self feel like a kind of death?

Yes, a little bit it does

Ok.
What are your expectations of this work now?
x

That is a good question! I do not know what my expectations are anymore. I will think about it now

My expectation - and I leave those in that I think your unreasonable: I found them as an expectation so I need to acknowledge that I have it. If it is unreasonable I may decide to try to drop it, but first lets see what is there

* To clearly see there is no self
* To see how the illusion of self happens, to look behind the curtain
* To be sure that I saw it and not second guess myself
* To be able to know what has changed, to feel something is different now
* To have no doubt anymore that this is true
* To gain a shift in perspective, to be a bit less afraid of death, to be a bit less concerned about little, petty, egoistic things
* To have more patience and understanding for people around me
* To have a feeling of being at rest, to not need to look anymore more, to be able to call off the search

Wow. That's a lot. And probably too much to expect. But like I said I just wrote what I think I expect without filtering it.

Without filtering is good
Which seem unreasonable to you?