Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

[Seamist]

Keep going, Alex!
x

[Seeker2019]

I did not see what's behind it. It feels like wanting to have good experience if that makes sense. It's a craving for pleasure. I do not want life/experience to end because I hope there will be more pleasurable/enjoyable experiences to come.

[Seamist]

Hi
Thanks for responding, Alex,
Yes, that makes sense, absolutely!
Let's check your expectations now - is there a view behind this?
xx

[Seeker2019]

Yes, the view is, that there is a me, and that me will die one day and that will be the end of it.

[Seamist]

Is there also a view that seeing there is no self would mean death, in some sort of way?

[Seeker2019]

I don't know ... not consciously I think. But it makes sense. I feel that as long as I do not know for sure there is still the possibility that a part of me "survives" death :)

[Seamist]

So at the moment there is a fear of death? ok.
And is this work triggering that?
Remember that it's only about seeing through something that never existed in the first place. Like Santa Claus.
x

[Seeker2019]

I not sure, but I'm guess this work now triggering the fear.

Ok, so the expectation that this work will dissolve my fear of death is maybe getting in the way

[Seamist]

Ok... Well it may dissolve your great if death, but that happened later for me.

Does the idea of seeing that there is no self feel like a kind of death?

[Seeker2019]

Yes, a little bit it does

[Seamist]

Ok.
What are your expectations of this work now?
x

[Seamist]

Write down all the expectations that you still have, one by one. Especially the hidden ones.
What do you hope for, what do you want to happen?

[Seeker2019]

That is a good question! I do not know what my expectations are anymore. I will think about it now

[Seeker2019]

My expectation - and I leave those in that I think your unreasonable: I found them as an expectation so I need to acknowledge that I have it. If it is unreasonable I may decide to try to drop it, but first lets see what is there

* To clearly see there is no self
* To see how the illusion of self happens, to look behind the curtain
* To be sure that I saw it and not second guess myself
* To be able to know what has changed, to feel something is different now
* To have no doubt anymore that this is true
* To gain a shift in perspective, to be a bit less afraid of death, to be a bit less concerned about little, petty, egoistic things
* To have more patience and understanding for people around me
* To have a feeling of being at rest, to not need to look anymore more, to be able to call off the search

Wow. That's a lot. And probably too much to expect. But like I said I just wrote what I think I expect without filtering it.

[Seamist]

Without filtering is good
Which seem unreasonable to you?