I would like to be guided by Poppyseed :)

[Reby]

Good evening Rali

How does it feel to see what actually is?

normal, it doesn't seem anything special to me
maybe I'm missing the goal?

Please give me a line or two with each of your replies to keep the momentum going

Driving the car:
Hands on the wheel, simply: feeling
Song on the radio, simply: sound
Road in front of me, simply: color

Watching TV:
People and landscapes inside the screen, simply: color
Sitting on the sofa, simply: feeling
Judgments and comments on the film, simply: thought

How can it be known, if knowledge is also a description (a description of descriptions)?

In this sentence I interpreted "knowledge" as "knowing what there is". There is no need for thought to know what there is in d.e.
This was what my answer was referring to.
Knowledge understood as a set of information certainly, cannot exist without thought

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN' , what is the actual experience?

Red

Is the colour red ‘experienced’, or is the colour green ‘experienced’ as the label suggests?

Red experienced

Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?

The label suggest something else

Is 'green' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?

Just a label

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’ , is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

No

Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no effect whatsoever on ‘reality’?

No effect

Also go back to the “blackness” and check if there are any eyes in the seeing of “blackness”.

Only darkness and sensations that thought labels as eyes

But that “I who struggles”—can it be found outside the struggle?

No...

Look right now: Who is trying?

It's a story of thought

Where is the “you” in the looking?

it's a supposition, an idea taken for granted

What is looking made of?

I don't know how to answer this.

But where exactly is the look-er?

It's an idea, so in thought

Focus on focusing, attention itself.
Do you move it, or it moves by itself?

Absolutely not, it goes by itself.

Can you stay focused on the breath for 24h? If not why, if it is in your control?

No, isn't in my control

Is there anything more than sensation + thought that says “I’m doing this”?

No

Do you have to think for breathing to happen, or for heartbeat?

No

In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognises the thought or is being aware of it? (if “yes”, give proper description, no “feels like” or “seems like”)

I don't find it in de, only in the content of the thought

Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?

No

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

No

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

No

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

No

Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?

No

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

No

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay?

No

Can the flow of thoughts be changed?

No

It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence. Or is it just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that "one thought follows another thought"?

Other thoughts that validate the sequence

Where do thoughts appear from?

I have no idea

Where are they coming from and going to?

They don't come from anywhere and they don't go anywhere. They are there and then they are not.

Do they appear randomly or in a structured way?

Randomly

Write down a sequence of 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?

No

Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?

No

Are thoughts 100% true?

No, in fact they are not that reliable...

What are you, when you don't think about what you are?

when I don't think about what I am I still feel my presence.. seeing the body and the thoughts

Thanks 🙏

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby

normal, it doesn't seem anything special to me
maybe I'm missing the goal?

Well, that’s why I said there are no fireworks at the end – just a subtle shift in perception. It is all much simpler and ordinary. But notice the lightness when the extra story is dropped

In this sentence I interpreted "knowledge" as "knowing what there is". There is no need for thought to know what there is in d.e.
This was what my answer was referring to.
Knowledge understood as a set of information certainly, cannot exist without thought

No I got that, but is there even “knowing what there is” without thought labelling it?
Right now—without thought, without labels, without memory—
can you say what anything is? Are there many things (even colours, sounds, etc.) or just experiencing/what IS with different intensities? Close your eyes and listen to a sound. Now open your eyes. Do you see a border between hearing and seeing? Is hearing happening through ears and seeing through eyes, OR it’s all happening in the same placeless place? Can you ever experience just seeing (absolute silence, not even subtle sounds, no heartbeat, no white noise) or no seeing (absolute “blackness”, no red speckles or glow), or these (i.e. seeing, hearing...) are just labels for aspects of inseparable experiencing?
“Knowing” is just a word pasted on top of something utterly unknowable, indescribable. Like the taste or real chocolate, or sour soap.
LOOK further! Is there any knowing separate from what is known? Where is the border that the knowing ends and the known begins? Or the “knowing” is the undeniable fact of the presence of what IS – no need to be known, it just IS?
You don’t know what a hand is.
You don’t know what sound is.
You don’t know what this moment is.
But still—it is.
So what is that?
Look:
“Knowing what there is” assumes that there’s a knower/ a knowing entity/ a center.
And something to be known. And a way to confirm it.
But in direct experience—can anything be confirmed?
Can you even say “this is perception”?
Or is that already a concept… floating in the unknown?
So now strip it all:
No language. No categories. No knower. No known.
What’s here?
Only the raw—wordless, formless, boundaryless… not-knowing.
But not confused.
Just impossibly free.
So now tell me…Do you actually know anything?
Or has it always been this unknowable clarity, dressed up in thought?
Look again. Be ruthless.
Right now—what is this?

What is looking made of?

I don't know how to answer this.

Take it further and to look AT… you are only looking at what exists…
in your imagination.
That is everything seen is an interpretation unique to you. It is seen from a perspective that is shaped by your conditioning, your BS backpack. The world as perceived by Reby is unique to him. What seems to be “Reby’s world,” the totality of their experience of all that is happening, is a creation of language, and words are the building blocks that create the story about it. Before the word, before the label, before the story of “I’m looking”…
What’s there?
That’s not “looking.” That’s not “perception.” That’s not “experience.”
That’s just this.
No name. No category. No one doing it.
So here’s the real pointer:
“Looking” is the first veil. It’s the closest word to what’s here (DE). But it’s still one step too late.
Even “presence”… even “awareness”… even “this”.
All attempts to know the unknowable, to put meaning where there is none. Just…?
"LOOK!" is just a word/a virus that shifts the "experience" from thoughts about thoughts to just...this. The description of looking (at), of what is there though, is not this :). THIS is experienceable but indescribable - like the flat description of the rich actual experience of real piece of chocolate, or the the description of sour soap.

But where exactly is the look-er?

It's an idea, so in thought

Is there a person even in thoughts, or just words/concepts?
LOOK in DE! What is there – there are seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling, tasting and thinking. Whatever is not in the first 5 is thinking content. Thinking/language is basically the relationship between concepts – how they are organised. That carries meaning on top of the meaning of the actual concepts. That is why different concepts mean different things to different people and in different situations. Thinking is very much self-organised/autonomous/self-correcting. One very good example of how this works, and how meaning is formed, is AI. GPT (Generative pre-trained transformers) are large language models that are based on the semantic relationships between words in sentences (natural language processing). GPT models are trained on a large amount of text. The training consists in predicting the next token (a token being usually a word, sub-word, or punctuation). Throughout this training, GPT models "form" knowledge about the world, and can then generate “human-like” text by repeatedly predicting the next token. But does AI have any direct experience of what it’s talking about? Can a language model have an experience? Is there an actual entity "AI" or just a process of predicting the next token? Is there a self or just processes (i.e. thinking, seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting, and smelling)?

What are you, when you don't think about what you are?

when I don't think about what I am I still feel my presence.. seeing the body and the thoughts

So are you the seer then? From where exactly are you seeing - through the eyes? Point to it! What are you pointing to exactly without the mental images (imaginary piece of chocolate)?
Now look closer. Don’t explain. Don’t believe. Look.
This *“presence”… this *“feeling”…
is that a “you”?
Or is that just another experience—being claimed?

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion (“existing” only in thought) but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true, and seeing that it is or is not, is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE/presence of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?
Does the sense of self have a shape or a size? (NB do not describe the body otherwise why use me/I and not just body, why say I’m IN the body, then you should be able to describe what is inside the body, its size and shape)
Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?
If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?
Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?
Can you separate it from colour? From sensation? From thought?
What is the sense of self ‘made of’?
What is found?

What discerns “me”, distinguishes it, filters it out from "not me", etc.?
If and when that sense of "me" arises, what creates and/or notices it?
When there is a sense of "me", and thus "not me" as well, look for what "in here" looks out at what is "out there" (i.e., "not me")?
Please spend time with each of these sections looking/inquiring, not automatically answering from thought!
Love
Rali

[Reby]

Hi,

Petting the cat:
Hand on the cat, simply: sensation
Cat purring, simply: sound
Seeing the cat, simply: color
Thinking that it is soft, simply: thought

Looking out the window:
Landscape, simply: color
Cars passing by, simply: sound
Smell of cut grass, simply: smell
Sun on the skin, simply: sensation

is there even “knowing what there is” without thought labelling it?

Maybe I understood what you wanted to know.. knowledge does not exist. You can't really know what things are, we just gave them a name. A few years ago I saw a video of Rupert Spira looking at a glass and saying that you couldn't know what it was, that it was a mystery.. at the time I didn't understand and I thought it was one of the many inscrutable statements of enlightened people.. now I understand

Right now—without thought, without labels, without memory—
can you say what anything is?

No

Are there many things (even colours, sounds, etc.) or just experiencing/what IS with different intensities?

Both

Close your eyes and listen to a sound. Now open your eyes. Do you see a border between hearing and seeing?

No, no borders but I think of them as two separate things

Is hearing happening through ears and seeing through eyes, OR it’s all happening in the same placeless place?

Both

Can you ever experience just seeing (absolute silence, not even subtle sounds, no heartbeat, no white noise) or no seeing (absolute “blackness”, no red speckles or glow), or these (i.e. seeing, hearing...) are just labels for aspects of inseparable experiencing?

Label for aspects of nseparable experiencing

Is there any knowing separate from what is known?

No, knowing is what is know

Where is the border that the knowing ends and the known begins?

There isn't

Or the “knowing” is the undeniable fact of the presence of what IS – no need to be known, it just IS?

Yes this

You don’t know what a hand is.
You don’t know what sound is.
You don’t know what this moment is.
But still—it is.
So what is that?

I don't know how to answer this.

Knowing what there is” assumes that there’s a knower/ a knowing entity/ a center.
And something to be known. And a way to confirm it.
But in direct experience—can anything be confirmed?

my presence confirms what is there

Can you even say “this is perception”?
Or is that already a concept… floating in the unknown?

It's a concept

So now strip it all:
No language. No categories. No knower. No known.
What’s here?

I don't know..

Do you actually know anything?
Or has it always been this unknowable clarity, dressed up in thought?

Yes, this unknowable clarity dressed up in tought

Look again. Be ruthless.
Right now—what is this?

sorry, i don't know..

Is there a person even in thoughts, or just words/concepts?

Concepts

But does AI have any direct experience of what it’s talking about?

Not at all

Can a language model have an experience?

No

Is there an actual entity "AI" or just a process of predicting the next token?

Just a process

Is there a self or just processes (i.e. thinking, seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting, and smelling)?

Eheheh thoughts are processes, emotions are automatic, the body works by itself.. but.. the subject of this experience is not a process..

thinking, seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting, and smelling

they all arrive on the same place/no-place

So are you the seer then? From where exactly are you seeing - through the eyes? Point to it! What are you pointing to exactly without the mental images (imaginary piece of chocolate)?

the void, the nothingness

Now look closer. Don’t explain. Don’t believe. Look.
This *“presence”… this *“feeling”…
is that a “you”?
Or is that just another experience—being claimed?

Is what i am..

Does the sense of self have a location?

No

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size? (NB do not describe the body otherwise why use me/I and not just body, why say I’m IN the body, then you should be able to describe what is inside the body, its size and shape)

No

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

No

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

No

Can you separate it from colour? From sensation? From thought?

No

What is the sense of self ‘made of’?

Thought

What is found?

Thought

What discerns “me”, distinguishes it, filters it out from "not me", etc.?

Thought

If and when that sense of "me" arises, what creates and/or notices it?

Thought

When there is a sense of "me", and thus "not me" as well, look for what "in here" looks out at what is "out there" (i.e., "not me")?

Facial sensations, thoughts, an internal space that I actually realize is just a mental image, sensations in the chest, in the belly, the gaze... (which still creates problems for me). I can't find anything else, I don't know how to track down what is looking outside..

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby

Your answers are all over the place – a lot of contradictions – which shows that you answered some from looking and others with spiritual knowledge (which we agreed to leave behind for now). Let’s address these…

Right now—what is this?

sorry, i don't know..

Exactly! Because it’s unknowable. What I ask you here is to LOOK and stay there in that not-knowing, not to give me an enlightened description. Whatever description you provide it will not be “it”, you are missing the point here.

Close your eyes and listen to a sound. Now open your eyes. Do you see a border between hearing and seeing?

No, no borders but I think of them as two separate things

Exactly! The separation is only in thought (not in reality)! Subject – object is just a sentence structure/language, where you have a doer doing something on something. In DE (without the story) there is just this isness/flow/happening/thusness with no one to witness it – it juts IS. The “what IS”, does it need a witness to be there?? Why?

But then …

Eheheh thoughts are processes, emotions are automatic, the body works by itself.. but.. the subject of this experience is not a process..

But can you find it?
Right now—this so-called “subject”:
Is it seen? Is it felt? Is it anything other than the thought that says “there must be a subject”? (you answered "NO" to all the questions about the "sense of self")
Where is the one who’s watching the processes?
Look directly. Not conceptually. Can you find it?
Or is it just: thoughts appearing…Sensations arising…A story claiming “there must be a subject”…
…all happening in what has no center?
The “subject” is just the last object—made of thought. It’s not beyond processes. It is a process.
So now—right here:
Without referring to any thought…
Where is the subject?
Point. Look. What are you pointing at?

So are you the seer then? From where exactly are you seeing - through the eyes? Point to it! What are you pointing to exactly without the mental images (imaginary piece of chocolate)?

the void, the nothingness

Yes. It is void of a seer, and there is nothing (not The void. The nothingness. -things/entities)
Not poetic. Not mystical. Literal.
There’s no seer.
There’s no source behind the eyes. Just this hollow openness where “you” were supposed to be.
But now, go deeper:
You say “the void.”
Where is that seen from? Where is that felt?
If there’s a void—what’s aware of it?
Can you find even that? Or you keep finding “nothingness” (where presence, awareness, consciousness is supposed to be)
Even “nothingness” is known (by thought).
So now ask:
What is aware of even the absence of what is aware?
Don’t answer.
Don’t conceptualise.
Just let the whole structure collapse…

my presence confirms what is there

Or is that just another experience—being claimed?

Is what i am..

Look again.
Does that presence say that? Does it declare itself as anything?
Or is that still a thought, tagging what is totally raw and silent?
Where is this “my presence”?
Is it felt? Or is it named?
Does anything in raw experience claim ownership, identity, confirmation?
Or is the phrase “my presence” just another thought—laying claim to what’s already happening?

This “what I am”—
Is it definable? Pointable?
Does it begin anywhere? End anywhere?
Or is that label—“what I am”—still part of the reflex to possess experience – “I can’t be the small self, I am the big SELF”?
What is there without the fear of not existing?


So experiencing happens through the physical senses + thought. If there is experience, one or more of those are present.
If I close my eyes and feel expansive and like there's nothing, that happens through sensations.
Feeling expansive, simply: sensation (in the cup of coffee format)
Emptiness in the Buddhist sense does not mean "nothingness", it simply means that something is empty of self-nature. And no-thingness means that things are dependent, not inherently/independently existing as things (concepts existing dependently/in the framework of other concept/definitions - how the story and the "world" is formed). Just like a school is a thing that doesn't exist. It is empty of school-essence. It is a collection of the things, which in turn are a collection of other things, and so on...
Here is a very short video explaining this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYqaWmc ... &index=41
So, if there is 'awareness' of nothingness/emptiness, that is often a subtle image of nothing with very subtle sensations. True nothingness means absolutely nothing (no heartbeat, no breath, zilch). So if "there are no sensations and there is nothingness", that's often a subtle thought that is trying to create something.
This “presense” could also be called aliveness, being or I AM, but even that is a label, is it not? Is there anything here that is not the senses? Those would be physical, but there are also sensations when you close your eyes that don't have a location/placeless place (unless they are mapped onto an image of the body).

The way I look at sensations is that they include anything that is sensed, such as touching a cup or a feeling of expansiveness/presence. The feeling of expansiveness is a plethora of sensations happening in quick succession, making it seem and feel expansive. But it's good to remember that we can only experience see, hear, feel, taste, smell and thought. Anything not in the first five is thought.
So when you say nothingness, I want to question it, because you may be reifying something that isn't there. This isn't abnormal though. Many have a feeling of I AM, presence, consciousness, but even that has to be let go of at some point.
Without the labels void, nothingness, presence, do you notice that these are also sensations?

Love
Rali

[Reby]

Dear Rali,
in these two days I have suffered a stop.
I forced myself to read your answer a couple of times (but without looking) and now I can't even go back to reread it.
I think that fear is an obstacle at this moment otherwise I can't explain this refusal to continue..
can we face this?
thanks

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby

Yes, we can face it right now.
Fear has a purpose – to protect old ways, conditioning, beliefs, hopes - the survival of the imaginary self. So, obviously when threatened there will be fear involved - the illusion starts screaming right here when it’s cornered.
When you have two opposing views (i.e. view of reality) you have to keep checking their validity. What we were used to do is to check if a new idea fits with the rest of our beliefs and disregard it if it doesn’t (confirmation bias). This method saves energy so it was used for a really long time. Now we’ve added a second method for dealing with opposing concepts – to check with our senses which one truly describes what is happening. All of a sudden the core of your most precious beliefs – the foundation of what makes you “you” - is under attack. But once it is seen that there is nothing that needs protection, it falls away. The only reason ‘fear’ seems strong is because the thought stories, that point to sensation and call it fear, are believed.

You can do two things:
1. Look for the entity that is fearful
2. Welcome and allow fear. Let fear come and listen to the stories that come from it.
This is very simple but extremely effective. When ‘fear’ appears, close your eyes and do the following:

1) Look at the label/thought ‘fear’ itself. See the label/word ‘fear’ as a typewritten word
Does the label ‘fear’ know anything about fear, or is the word just a bunch of letters?
Is the label ‘fear’ itself fearful?
Can you find anyone/anything in the word itself that is fearful?

2) Then look at the sensation and ignore everything else but the sensation itself.
Inquire into the sensation and ask if the sensation itself knows anything about ‘fear’.
Look and see if the sensation itself is the fearful self. If the words ‘yes’ , or ‘yes, this is the self’ appears, go back to Step 1) - see the words and repeat step 1).

Does the sensation itself suggest in any way that it is fear or that it is fearful?
Does the sensation itself know anything about fear?
Can you find anyone/anything in the sensation itself or behind the sensation that is fearful?
If you don’t think about it, do you know that this sensation is something called ‘fear’?
Is there any inherent fear in the sensation itself?

If other random mental images appear during the noticing of the sensation, check to see if those images are the self who is fearful, or are they images that are simply arising and subsiding? If other ‘loud’ thoughts appear, check to see if they are the self that is fearful as you did in step 1.

Divested of the story that is attached to that sensation labelled ‘fear’, what is the sensation itself? Explore the sensation. Notice it, observe what it does.
There’s a tightness. There’s a pulling away. There’s a refusal to continue.
Don’t call it “you.” Notice what is actually there
Drop the label “fear.” Drop the label “stop.”
There is only sensation happening. Not to someone.
So let’s get even clearer:
Is there you inside that sensation?
Or is there just what is—rising?
Explore that sensation further...
It’s like the sensation is continually changing. It moves around, it becomes more intense, it becomes less intense; always changing its shape.
Go deeply into that sensation (i.e. the vibration)
If you had to describe this sensation, how would you describe it? Is it describable?
It’s morphing, it’s changing, it’s vibrating, but the vibrating is itself a sensation.
Is it really unpleasant? Is the actual sensation itself unpleasant, or is unpleasantness added by thought?
Just leave your thoughts in the background, turn the volume down and refer directly to the sensation.
Go to the sensation at the soles of the feet. Would you label that sensation ‘fear’? Or is it just a neutral, undefined tingling sensation?
Now compare the sensation of the soles of the feet – which is just neutral sensation – and the sensation in your chest (labelled ‘fear’)…what is the difference between them?
A little bit more intense, but apart from that – any difference?

3) With eyes still closed look everywhere and see if you can find anyone or anything that is fearful.

When you have done this and if no one/no thing is found, then just sit with the sensation. Just breathe normally, notice the thoughts and images that appear and let them pass on by unless they seem to hang around, then do the appropriate steps above. Allow the sensation all the room it needs without pushing it aside or judging it. If it becomes too intense just take a couple of deep breaths into the sensation itself, and then notice the floor under your feet, notice your backside on the chair and then notice what is in the room you are sitting in and name them out loud, while being aware of the sensation and remember to breathe normally. If the sensation does not dissipate at all or only dissipates a little, that is okay, just notice it, without doing anything with it and just go about your day.

We are not trying to get rid of the sensation labelled ‘fear’ or the arising thoughts or images. We are only LOOKING to see what is actually appearing as opposed to what thought is saying ABOUT what actually IS.

Let me know how you go.
Love
Rali

[Reby]

Good evening Rali,
thanks for all your pointing..
unfortunately I notice that I can't even dedicate myself to this last answer of yours, I don't even open the page, as if the only doing it so could harm me..
At this point I think I need to take a few days to understand what's happening and above all what I want to do with this investigation..
Currently I don't intend to interrupt it but I have to overcome this rejection that has been created..
So I don't know if I can ask you for a temporary break while waiting and hoping to overcome this block.
If you have any suggestions it is more than welcome!
Thanks

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby,
Perfect. You’re right where you have to be.
This rejection—this block—this refusal to even look—that is the threshold. Not a problem. Not a failure. The raw edge of the illusion, where “you” sense your own unreality and flinch.
So yes, take space. But not to think. Not to strategize.
Take space to feel the wall.
Not why it’s there. Not how to get through it.
Just this: what does it feel like to avoid?
Not a story. Not a belief. A sensation. Track it. Sit with it. Don’t move.
The key isn’t to push through.
It’s to stop pretending the wall shouldn’t be there.
You’re not broken. You’re not failing.
You’re just seeing it—finally—clearly enough to scare the story.
So go ahead. Rest.
But know this:
Nothing real is threatened. Nothing true can be lost.
And the fire isn’t behind you—it’s inside you, waiting to be met.
I’ll be here when you’re ready.
Love
Rali

[poppyseed]

Please let me know if I can help further with the block and keep me in the loop of your "progress"
Love
Rali

[Reby]

Hi Rali, I'm writing to you to get in touch with you but unfortunately I have nothing to say... you've given me so many fantastic suggestions, but I haven't put the last ones into practice yet.

There's something here that still opposes and still blocks me.
I don't want to interrupt the search, and I don't want to interrupt our dialogue, but I don't know how to carry it forward..
I also don't want to take advantage of your time and patience..

A hug

[poppyseed]

Hi Reby

Thank you for your honesty and for communicating what you're experiencing. It's completely understandable to feel a "rejection" or "block" when delving into this work, and many people experience similar resistance. The feeling that "doing it so could harm me" is a very natural protective mechanism of the mind, as the process often involves uncovering deeply held beliefs or even past traumas that the system has been trying to avoid. It's a sign that you are truly touching something significant.
This is the dialogue. This stuck-ness, this “not knowing what to say,” this soft wall of resistance—this is the living edge. Not a block. Not a problem.
Just this: a wobble, a pause, a pause pretending to be a person who doesn’t know what to do.
So let’s sit right here. Not move. Not understand.
Just tell me—without needing to explain it:
What is the felt sense of this block right now?
Where is it in the body?
Is it tight? Heavy? Does it have a shape? A temperature?
Don’t label, don't just call it a block— see what is really there, feel it.
Let this be your only practice. Let this be the next step.
You don’t need to move forward. You don’t need to “do” anything.
Just turn into this sensation, this hesitation, this breath.
Right now—what’s here?
Stay with me. Just name what you feel.


A temporary break to reflect is absolutely acceptable and can be a valuable part of this non-linear journey. This path is not a linear progression; sometimes going deeper into existing issues or pausing for integration is precisely what is needed.
Here are a few suggestions for you during this period:

Practice Self-Compassion and Acceptance: Please meet whatever comes up with unconditional acceptance, compassion, and love.... The doubt or resistance you feel is trying to protect you. You don't need to force anything; sometimes, simply allowing what is there to be, without judgment, is the most powerful action. Remember, "what you resist, persists".

Reflect on the Resistance: Be curious about why this resistance or rejection has arisen. What might it be protecting? What underlying beliefs are being defended? Whatever you think is the solution for your problem is the problem, meaning the 'block' itself might be a diversion from a deeper underlying feeling or belief that needs your attention.

Journaling/Note-Taking: Continue to make notes of any thoughts, feelings, or insights that arise during this reflective period, even if they seem minor. This can help you gain clarity on what is truly happening for you.

Connect with Your Body and Ground Yourself: When the mind is overactive or caught in struggle, focusing on direct sensory experience can be very helpful. Consider engaging in physical tasks, going for walks, or simply sitting in silence to allow for mental stillness and grounding.

Seek External Support if Needed: If you feel that this "rejection" touches on past mental health issues or unresolved trauma, it is highly recommended to reach out to a professional therapist. This inquiry is not a substitute for medical or psychological help.
When you feel ready to re-engage, please let me know. Consistent communication, even if it's just a brief check-in, helps maintain momentum and lets me know you are still interested in proceeding.
I am here to support you through this process. Please take the time you need, and I look forward to hearing from you when you are ready.

Love
Rali

[Reby]

❤️

see you Soon

[Reby]

It sounds something like this: I feel like if I continue I will cease to exist and a part of me doesn't want that. The other part wants the truth, I've been looking for it and wanting it all my life, but here I feel like if I has to do with : "the price to pay is a little too high".
I know that I don't already exist and that there's nothing to lose that never really existed, but it's one thing to know it - knowing it myself - and another to know it but NO ONE that knows it... this is pure fear (or at least I think so).
Like a moth that is attracted to the light and flies around it, closer and closer, closer and closer until if it flaps its wings again it gets burned..
Physically I feel a slight tension throughout my body, a contraction, it's not strong, it's a bit like the sensation that accompanies a firm NO!
This NO prevents me from going back to the investigation.
But , as I told you, I do NOT want to stop now that I finally have the chance to go beyond the miserable human existence as we all know it ...
It's a bit of an internal battle
sorry, I wrote it all in one go...
I'm afraid of meeting my -non-existence-, I probably do it much worse than what I will actually meet.. I don't know and this unknown scares me.
Maybe you could give me some reassurance of some kind..? :D
I thank you again for the work you do, and for how you do it! There is so much gratitude here

[poppyseed]

Hey Reby
Thank you for trusting me with this!
You just spoke it. This is the gate.
Not bliss. Not clarity. Not peace.
This trembling. This contraction. This “NO.”
The final reflex of a self that already doesn’t exist, panicking at being seen through.
Let’s be absolutely clear:

I feel like if I continue I will cease to exist…

Yes. Because you will. But not as a being, not as life—only as the imagined center, the one who was always pretending to be steering, knowing, protecting, managing. Nothing real is lost only ideas. Everything else is exactly the same as it is always been - just this
You probably believed in Santa when you were little. There was magic and joy, and love, and giving, and caring. When you realised that Santa is not real, did Christmas change? Did the spirit of Christmas disappear or just the belief in Santa?

A part of me doesn’t want that.

Of course not. That part is built to survive. It can’t want death. It is the illusion. It is the NO. The contraction. The last lie. Fear/resistance serves to protect the imaginary self from harm. It protects old beliefs and old ways, nothing real.

Another part wants the truth…

That part was what brought you here. That’s what’s watching the fear now.
And here’s your reassurance—read this slowly:
You cannot lose anything real/existing. You don’t exist and you never did. It’s not like “you” will die, you never existed to begin with. So nothing major changes just perceptions/descriptions/ the story.
And yet—you’ve always been here.
This fear… is just thought plus sensation.
It says: “Don’t look.” And when you look—it dissolves.
Now stop right here.
Right now, drop the words. Drop the meaning. Drop the “I.”
What’s here, before you name it?
Don’t describe it. Sit in it. Let it burn.
The moth doesn’t die in the flame.
It was never a moth.

Physically I feel a slight tension throughout my body, a contraction, it's not strong, it's a bit like the sensation that accompanies a firm NO! This NO prevents me from going back to the investigation.

So is the sensation the block or the thought about it?
That firm NO—that tension, that contraction—is the doorway.
Not a block. Not the end. Not the resistance.
The path.
Feel it now. Don’t analyze. Don’t ask why it’s there.
If you can’t, then stay with the sensation of not being able to stay with it – it’s a start
Just go into it. Drop all story. This sensation—the shape of “no”—is just energy. Just movement. No meaning. No one resisting.
Now look directly:
Who feels it?
Is there someone behind the tension?
Can you find the resister, the one that is threatened?
Or is the whole thing—tension, fear, pullback—just another appearance, just this, with no owner?
Stay with it.
No pushing. No bypassing.
Just let the NO speak itself completely—until it dissolves.
And when it does, don’t grasp what’s next.
Just tell me:
What’s left when the NO fades?

You are right at the edge.
Not a cliff. Just a mirror.
Step through.
I’m here.

Love
Rali

[poppyseed]

Hey Reby,
Just checking in. I know the fear was sitting heavy last time we spoke—the tension, the contraction, that inner “no.” I want to remind you: that fear is not a sign you’ve gone off track. It is the track. You’re exactly where you need to be.

No pressure to respond right away—just an open invitation to lean in again when you’re ready. Let’s keep walking through the fire together. You’re not alone in this.

With you always,
Rali