Breaking the first fetter

[Elad]

Hi Yuri,

You’re right at the edge. You see that thoughts are just thoughts, sensations just arise, and there is no separate self anywhere in direct experience. You even see that responsibility and choice are just thoughts—a magician’s trick, nothing real.

Now, let’s look at this last bit:

“Then there’s doubt. Doubt is asking so many questions to make the body DE above a questionable and causing hesitation in the mind about direct body experience.”

What is doubt, exactly?

Can you find a “thing” called doubt?
Or is it just thoughts appearing and a sensation being interpreted as hesitation?
Is doubt pointing to something real, or is it just another passing illusion?
Right now, look: Without the thought “this doubt means something,” what remains?


Here’s your practice for the next period—something you can do many times throughout the day:



Instant Recognition Practice

Each time doubt arises, or a thought about self appears, especially a sticky one like an increase or decrease in self-worth, say as the direct result of praise/recognition or criticism/dismissal, do this:

Pause for one second. Notice: What triggered this doubt or self-thought?

Ask directly:

Is this doubt pointing to anything real, or is it just a thought arising?

Is this “self” (or better selfworth moment or worse selfworth moment) anything more than just a thought being believed?

Check for an actual substance.

Is doubt a real thing? Or just thoughts + sensation?

Is there a separate self anywhere other than an idea?

Drop into direct experience. See what remains without the thought of doubt or self.

Do this over and over, many times when a doubt or self-referencing thought arises. Expose them in real-time, again and again, until they no longer fool you.

Let me know what how it goes, what is seen!

[Yuri4Nothing]

Hello Elad,

I have been doing the inquiry that you’ve suggested such as doubt, thought about self, and self esteem when there’s a praise, recognition, criticism, and dismissal. Oh boy, how to put them in words to make sense of it. I’ll try my best.

There has been sense of hurt, anger, and a will to prove that “I am.” This emotion pattern is clearly felt especially towards my co-workers and bosses when “I” felt that I didn’t belong to my workplace because they chose their favorites while looked down on me. Even the seemingly nice co-workers started to pull away from me and it caused hurt, anger which brought an ill will to snub them how wrong they were.

I remembered to pause, come back to my body, then observe my thoughts and emotions whenever I was at work to find “myself” lost in thoughts and emotions. After sometime of practicing like you’ve suggested, it is so clear that the mind chatters and emotions that are felt was just a repeated old pattern of thoughts. These pattern of thoughts brought the sense of hurt and anger emotions in the body through senses which like you said a sensation being interpreted as “doubt.” Furthermore, I realized that whenever thoughts and senses interpret as a doubt, reactivity or desire comes up to do something about it. Which is also just another thought, empty substance. This old pattern of thoughts and sense is not here right now in my direct experience. It’s just a story that’s been repeated, nothing except empty substance of thoughts. That’s it.

Then I peeled layers off of this pattern of thoughts to see who’s feeling this hurt, anger, and pain. It wasn’t this body. There’s no one to be find except just a thought “I/me” or “ego.”. When this became clear, I wanted to let go of that old pattern of thought, but then I realized that there’s nothing to let go because all thoughts about me and my problems are empty. What is there to let go when there is nothing? So it’s kind of a moot point trying to do something about it.

What is doubt, exactly?

After this long ramble, like you said doubt is just another thought passing by.

Can you find a “thing” called doubt?
Or is it just thoughts appearing and a sensation being interpreted as hesitation?

I tried to find a thing called doubt, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Even the doubt thought itself dissolves as soon as it arises.

Is doubt pointing to something real, or is it just another passing illusion?

Doubt is just a thought that doesn’t point to anything real in my direct experience right now. Like you said it’s another passing illusion.

Right now, look: Without the thought “this doubt means something,” what remains?

Just this present moment felt throughout the five senses flowing seamlessly with reality that’s happening. Nothing is staying the same, everything is flowing away and flowing in.

[Elad]

Yuri,

Thank you for your sincere looking and sharing. Your willingness to investigate these patterns directly and honestly is evident, as is the clarity you’ve reached. Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the depth of what you’ve uncovered: the sense of hurt, anger, and the drive to prove "I am"—all seen as old, repetitive thought patterns with no real substance. The mind’s chatter, the sensations interpreted as doubt, the emotional reactivity—none of it holds any inherent truth beyond the stories that keep playing. That’s a profound seeing.

You’ve also seen that there is no actual “me” at the center of these thoughts, no one truly being hurt, no one needing to let go because there is nothing to grasp in the first place. This is not an abstract realization—it’s direct, lived, and undeniable in your experience.

So.... What remains?

Let’s sharpen this even further.

You wrote about the will to prove yourself, the frustration at being dismissed, the hurt from coworkers pulling away. What would happen if you let yourself feel that hurt fully, without any attempt to control or improve anything within what is actually really happening, what is really sensed NOW, what thoughts actually come and go NOW?

You saw that doubt is nothing but a thought appearing and disappearing. Can the same be said for anger? For the impulse to prove something? And do these phenomena belong to "anyone" or in the control of "anyone"?


Now, you mentioned realizing that there’s nothing to let go of. Beautiful....

Is there still a subtle seeking, a quiet expectation that something should be different?

Even the impulse to “let go” carries within it the assumption that something needs to be done. But what if absolutely nothing needed to happen? Right now, as you sit and read this, is anything truly incomplete?

Look again, right now. No thoughts, no explanations—just this. If there is no one here to be harmed, to doubt, or to let go… What remains?

With appreciation for your clarity and an invitation to see beyond even this...

[Yuri4Nothing]

Is there still a subtle seeking, a quiet expectation that something should be different?


Even the impulse to “let go” carries within it the assumption that something needs to be done. But what if absolutely nothing needed to happen? Right now, as you sit and read this, is anything truly incomplete?

Look again, right now. No thoughts, no explanations—just this. If there is no one here to be harmed, to doubt, or to let go… What remains?













Right NOW, I feel stuck about how to reply and put experience into words. There’s an urge to please you with the most profound clear seeing post. The harder “I” tried to write so eloquently, shittier I feel like there’s something to prove about myself and feels inauthentic trying to sound so profound and clear. When I read our last few posts, I felt the need to do better than the previous ones so you can be impressed. I guess it’s a shame response to my own absence for many weeks creating this feeling of stuck. It is like the bored mischievous mind finally grasped a reason to torment itself shaming and it’s own inadequacy. Sorry, this’s just what I feel right now.

In bigger perspective, Nothing is incomplete even with this stuck feeling though. Everything is just right and that stuck feeling is also just right at this moment. The body senses are neutral, attention flowing seamlessly throughout the body, slight cool feet touching against the warmth of my other calf, seeing the chest and belly gently rise up and down with each breath while the fingers are typing on the device. The heart is feeling so much empathy.

[Elad]

This is great, especially the first part - honesty and sincerity, the unwillingness to be inauthentic, is the most crucial ingredient for awakening... Together with curiosity about what is there.

Look some more at this "I who wants to impress Elad", just be curious what is there, see what comes up....

[Elad]

This is great, especially the first part - honesty and sincerity, the unwillingness to be inauthentic, is the most crucial ingredient for awakening... Together with curiosity about what is there.

Look some more at this "I who wants to impress Elad", just be curious what is there, see what comes up....

In other words:

Can you actually find a separate someone who wants to impress Elad and so forth?

Or can you just let go of the belief that there is any ultimately separate Yuri doing things?
I mean is there any evidence for such a separate controller doer Yuri at all?
Or is it just a fantasy that can create confusion, rumination, shame, arrogance....

I mean of course we are separate in a relational sense, I don't read your mind (what animal in a funny color you are thinking of now) and you don't read mine (pink cat). But isn't it clear to you that there is/was no ultiumately separate self choosing or doing our thoughts, feelings and actions?

You are close.

[Elad]

Dear guidees,

I will be taking a month of vacation, including from guiding, from May 26th to June 27th. You might want to use the time until May 26th to inquire with great wholeheartedness and beginners mind, maybe "the Gateless Gate will be passed". You might also want to update both of us on where you are in the process, and what is experienced as your wishes and needs now, if any - happy to hear from you before I leave. If during my vacation you feel a need to be supported by an LU guide, two of my trusted fellow guides will be available. During that period, contacting them might also be an opportunity to the get a different input - we never know what input, what energy, will suddenly make what is clear clear.

Fellow guides:

Alan: alan.home.mailbox@gmail.com
Becca: becca@supportedawakening.com

🙏