Halfway There;-)

[Lennie]

Yes. Everything that you "know", you learned. Everything you "figure out" is a new concept for you to learn. So then, what are you trying to do?

Yes, you've said that before, but somehow I didn't really got me.. I see al the previous messages I've sent and the only things I was busy with, was learning this new concept and figuring out where I am on the path.

Why? Why is there a screen separate from what appears? Do you see any screen appearing?

It's not really seperated. It's like availableness. (is that even a word haha). Available where anything can be manifested in? Something like that..

[ty0]

It's not really seperated. It's like availableness. (is that even a word haha). Available where anything can be manifested in? Something like that..

I'll just use your word hahah. Is there any availableness? Is there anything that appearances appear ON or IN? If a sound is appearing, is it possible for it to NOT be appearing? Even to say anything is "appearing" is a bit strange, because it is already there. It does not appear, it is already there. Look at experience now. There is nothing about appearing or availableness or manifesting on or in anything, there is only what is here already, always.

What is there to try to do or change?

[Lennie]

Even to say anything is "appearing" is a bit strange, because it is already there. It does not appear, it is already there. Look at experience now. There is nothing about appearing or availableness or manifesting on or in anything, there is only what is here already, always.

Yes, I still tend you use something to understand it, but it's impossible haha. It's just a thought, a feeling here in the now.

I know it's already here and is being experienced in here and now, or not. Doesn't really matter right? It happens, or not. So all the thoughts about it are also in the now and being seen. Than the next thing/situation is happening and probably thoughts are gone. But it all belonged/happened in that other moment.

What is there to try to do or change?

Haha pff...nothing anymore.

[Lennie]

Even to say anything is "appearing" is a bit strange, because it is already there. It does not appear, it is already there.

What about sound? It's not already here when there isn't any right? Only be heard without a hear-er when it's arising. Same with thoughts and sensation? Being felt in every specific moment.

It's so obvious, but I also feel like language and talking about is kinda messin around now haha.

[ty0]

What about sound? It's not already here when there isn't any right?

It's always there already, now.

It's so obvious, but I also feel like language and talking about is kinda messin around now haha.

Haha pff...nothing anymore.

Hahah. So anything else you wanna explore or discuss?

[Lennie]

Hahah. So anything else you wanna explore or discuss?

Well, you changed my seeing again with the 'You don't know anything' part. But this one

It's always there already, now.

is getting my head cracked again.

[Lennie]

Is there even an existence of anything without 'my' consciousness? Only then do I somewhat understand; 'It's always there already, now.' Cause when I’m thinking about it, I can see my mind drifting off and noticing these are just thoughts about it, wanting it to understand..

[ty0]

"Existence" itself is a concept. People seem to believe in some reality where the things they perceive actually exist and are there. But people can go the opposite way and believe that everything they perceive is made-up, not-actual, and non-existent. Both "exist" and "not exist" are just concepts.

"There is something here" and "there is nothing here" are both concepts. Your consciousness is a concept. There is nothing called consciousness. There is sight, sound, sensation, taste, smell, and thought, and this does not mean that anything exists or does not exist. "With consciousness" and "without consciousness" are just thoughts. There is only this, what you perceive, now.

[Lennie]

There is only this, what you perceive, now.

Haha fucking hell..

So this is what you meant by

" Trace concepts all the way back.

Nothing and everything at the same time..

Haha I feel my whole body is a bit shaky since I've read you're last post.

[Lennie]

Hey Tyler,
I’ll try to describe what has happened over the past few days, with my chat got English , haha.
Here and there, there had already been some glimpses, but something kept holding me back, and I apparently still regarded it more as a concept or belief. Not realizing it was the last layer of thoughts with which I identified myself.
Something shifted with your last messages, and it hit me incredibly hard. I saw it and immediately felt afraid.
I tried to hide between myself and the fear, but of course, that didn’t work, haha. I could only observe that the fear wasn’t MINE.
I’ve deliberately taken a few quiet days to see whether this was just another glimpse or if it’s truly been seen now. But there’s no more denying it. Over the past few days, I’ve felt increasingly anxious and sometimes had a sense of emptiness. As if there’s no person left anymore. (I know, it doesn’t exist, but seeing it now feels very different than before, when it was just a thought.)
Some old beliefs also started to resurface. It doesn’t really relate to the separate-self anymore, but it might still be interesting for me to explore this further.

[Lennie]

Hey Tyler,
I’ll try to describe what has happened over the past few days, with my chat gpt English , haha.
Here and there, there had already been some glimpses, but something kept holding me back, and I apparently still regarded it more as a concept or belief. Not realizing it was the last layer of thoughts with which I identified myself.
Something shifted with your last messages, and it hit me incredibly hard. I saw it and immediately felt afraid.
I tried to hide between myself and the fear, but of course, that didn’t work, haha. I could only observe that the fear wasn’t MINE.
I’ve deliberately taken a few quiet days to see whether this was just another glimpse or if it’s truly been seen now. But there’s no more denying it. Over the past few days, I’ve felt increasingly anxious and sometimes had a sense of emptiness. As if there’s no person left anymore. (I know, it doesn’t exist, but seeing it now feels very different than before, when it was just a thought.)
Some old beliefs also started to resurface. It doesn’t really relate to the separate-self anymore, but it might still be interesting for me to explore this further.

[ty0]

For now, just don't fill up your free time with activities. When you have free time, don't occupy yourself, even with something like meditation. Spend some time gazing at the sky, even if it's grey.

[Lennie]

Merry Christmas, Tyler!

The fear has mostly gone and made some space for confusion. It feels like everything is being pulled out from under me, and nothing seems to hold (at least in my mind). Every concept in my head is being dismissed and no longer seems important. At the same time, it also feels like a phase that needs to happen. Because when I truly LOOK, nothing is actually wrong or changed. Just different feelings and thoughts.
The freedom I once felt is currently hard to find, no handles to hold on to, just this.
I’m trying to use my free time as much as possible for nothing at all, but with these Christmas days and a tour ahead, it can be a bit challenging. I’m already noticing how quickly we get distracted all day by everything and anything. Luckily, I have a dog, and I get to enjoy some peaceful walks in the forest a few times a day.

[ty0]

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Yep, and being distracted all day by everything and anything is still just experience. There's no need to try and maintain peace and clarity. It's not that one kind of experience is better than another.

[Lennie]

It's not that one kind of experience is better than another.

Thanks for mentioning this! This is what I also meant in my last post about old beliefs. I’m always judging everything: this is good, this is not good for me… Back then, I didn’t realize it was just my thoughts about the experience and the feelings that came with it. It was very confusing and actually just self-rejection when I judged something as ‘not good.’ Funny how I can see that clearly now.

I’ve calmed down a bit, and the differences are more subtle now. While touring last week, I noticed this clearly. I felt very tired, and there were moments when I wanted things to move faster. Different feelings than when I’m comfortably at home. But because of that, I was able to accept it all a bit more.
The thought-train gets interrupted faster, still by other thoughts, of course, but it helps not resist them and see for what it is..

Usually, we set goals for 2025. It feels a bit strange to do that now. Would you like to share some thoughts about goals with me?