It’s already present

[Elad]

Rega,

The expectation that something will hit you is just that, an expectation, distracting from direct experience and focused inquiry. I get a good feeling about your moments with the sun and waves.

As for dying, living, birthing - is there a self separate from any of it? Or it is just what it is? Even closer then that: exactly THIS before concepts - is there a self inside of it or outside of it? As sincerely as you want this, keep looking until whatever is keeping doubt alive is seen clearly for what it is.

[Elad]

An exercise for today: Mind labelling experience


Here is an exercise which examines the way in which the mind labels experience - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper. This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation ie is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.
For example: I am sitting on a chair, I am hearing a clock ticking, I am looking at a computer screen, I am feeling hungry. Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.


Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs. For example: sitting on a chair, typing, breathing, blinking, hearing the clock. (Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. What is the difference experientially between describing one way and the other?

2. What is here without labels?

3. What is the relationship between labeling and experience?

4. What was experienced in the body during the two periods and what were the differences?

[Rega]

Hey, sorry for the long time it took me to answer. I find it hard to do these exercises not in the end of the day if I have a busy day, and that also makes it hard for me to completely focus on them. I’m saying this also for myself to remind me that’s it’s important to me, and to be aware of this.

I wasn’t sure whether to write down thoughts or not (even hearing of thought).

1. Experientially, the first one felt more to be an auto pilot. If I didn’t inquire specifically, I didn’t question the nature of “I’m sitting, writing..”. It felt like it’s coming from my mind, my looking, and felt pretty familiar. The second one felt more like I was looking at action that are being made on the world - for some reason it sometimes get to be more accurate (especially regarding my hands for some reason - a hand writing, a hand feeling..) reading this now again feels like documenting something more natural maybe.

2. What is here without labels? That one is interesting. I’ve noticed the difference between image and notebook, sound and sound of a car passing. Without labels, I can imagine it is just image, sound, sensation, but for now I can’t seem to fully experience it, or I experience more closely how labels are ever present. But without labels I can’t really say anything - just, THIS.

3. I feel like maybe this is the part where experience is becoming more heady. When labeling, experience just becomes part of the thought stream in some way. When labeling less, experience alone is more present, I can focus on sound as a sound for a glimpse.

4. I felt more of a contraction during the first round, when dealing with thoughts also. On the second round I had a small fear coming (which was also present on the first round). The fear was not necessarily contracted. Sometimes I felt an expansion in both when feeling something (touching in true experience for a brief moment and not immediately experiencing it through labels). Fear could be an expansion as well. I was also much more tired on the second round, which is a feeling I know when coming to do these kind of things - the body gets really tired, when not operating from head so much

Thank you, Layla Tov

[Elad]

"But without labels I can’t really say anything - just, THIS."

Yes.

So this life and death thing you brought up. Does anything need to be understood or fixed about that? What happens if even for short moments everything is as it is, no trying to fix, understand or improve?

[Elad]

Another thought came up in relation to your recent post about birth/death: It is very important to give good space to all the normal human feelings and insecurities, including feelings and insecurities about birth/death. The way I spoke in the last posts could easily be experienced as dismissing of that, and that is not healthy, and not what I wish for you. Our aim here is to give full care and respect to those feelings and all human feelings. And when we feel available and ready, we can again return to inquiry. In the end its the loving heart and genuine attention and sincerity that drives "all the good stuff".

[Rega]

For some reason, this topic doesn’t seem like another topic that “needs to be fixed”. It felt more like another kind of inquiry.

Usually, we try to experience life first hand. But there are also the concepts, right? No self, no time. This birth and death thing seems more similar to those. Like I can’t truly know them until I experience them, but inquiring into these concepts (heady as they are at the moment) also opens up another portal.

So looking at my birth and death, is similar. I could see how this is probably the most certain thing in my life, even though it is too, only imaginary. But also how this beginning and end are part of the way I’m dividing my beingness. The wave felt like a good metaphor.

So I feel like it’s more on the philosophical aspect, which we usually don’t take it there (because it is still another thought), but then again, I feel like some things in this process are supposed to be held conceptually for a while, until they open up experientially. And unlike no-self no-time, which were given to me again and again, this one came from my looking, and felt more natural.

Anyway, it doesn’t feel like a thought that says - something needs to be understood, and doesn’t feel like some sort of a psychological fear I look at outside of inquiry. This is the inquiry. And it felt pretty potent at that moment.

It’s maybe the first time I tried to “solve” the mystery, which as you probably think can’t be unsolved. But I need to experience this too. It felt good to also use my head for this part, as a servant, like you say. I know it’s not the way you or Angelo usually recommend, but I’m trying it out, too :)

Thank you for listening and bringing that up again, it was important for me and after a tiring week it feels good to re-look at it.

[Rega]

Also, interestingly I want to share:

I talked to a third friend that was with me and that friend who had the experience. He was saying that I looked desperate when asking her questions.

I want to look into that desperation. I feel like this is where my true motivation lies. Usually I just live life forgetting about it and feeling like my life is good and why do I bother with all this crazy ideas. And then this.

[Elad]

Yes, what do you see when you look and feel into that desperation?

[Rega]

It’s hard to get in there, I’m constantly moving from it to something else.

But I let it have more and more space now, and it was just pain. Very raw. In the chest/heart area. I’m here with it now. The desperation to feel life. To know I’m part of it.

I’m here with the mystery too, not knowing, nothing is missing truly and yet desperation is here (and a thought that says that something has to be missing with this despair).

It’s a good pain to know, because it was clearer now that it is very much present, I’m just used to hide it.

My last answer about the birth/death was honest, but also feels a little like resistance. I’ll look into it more openly.

I’m going to Clil again for the weekend to meditate - if you have an exercise to look for there. I’m not sure if I’ll answer tomorrow too. Thank you, SHABAT SHALOM.

[Elad]

This is very beautiful and clear. Sending love, heart to heart.

Exercise/inquiry recommendations in following message:

[Elad]

Sitting with the feeling you described, or whatever it transforms to, meditate on: how is this love and non-stop separation?

If you feel like variating it, practice periods of:

1) just sitting/laying/walking, noticing how everything else just happens by itself.

2) practice labeling experience just into:

Thinking, feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting.

Alternate with

I think, I feel, I see, I hear, etc.. .

And just notice what happens.

Wish you a beautiful weekend in Kill. Write if you want and can.

[Elad]

Typo, it should have been:

Sitting with the feeling you described, or whatever it transforms to, meditate on: how is this love and non-separation?

[Rega]

Hi, first of all you had a perfect timing - I opened my phone for a minute after alarms went off and you sent the exercises in that minute exactly :)

Actually something changed. I was looking at life and I felt that the certainty dropped… I felt, I feel like I’m immersed in the not knowing, and every moment seemed to be fresh. Seems to be. I mean, I had an hour now studying and doing stuff on my phone, and now I tried to go back there, and I’m here. So it’s not like every moment is changed, but for now, I know my way back here.

I’m trying to look at my self, where am I in all of this, but for some reason it feels not to be the issue? Like if I’m in it, everything goes so fast, life is just moving, that “there is no time for this”. Don’t know why, still willing to look at it all of course.

Actually after a few hours working with this perhaps fresh way to see things, it suddenly hit me that I know this feeling from childhood. That it was exactly like that as a child - that feeling that every moment is new, the not knowing. I didn’t even need to put effort so to feel this way. It was just life. This was surprising for me because even though you’ve been talking to me about childlike characteristics, I didn’t feel much connected to it, and suddenly I know it. I cried a lot after that. With joy, but a lot a lot of pain too.

I’m seeing now that this pain is love and non separation, really. Not understanding it but feeling it.

For some reason it feels like there are two fresh ways to see reality - as non stop movement and not knowing, and as complete stillness and ever knowing. I know they are not two (with mind), but Im loving between them for now.

Where is the self in all of that? Not sure. Maybe thiner in a way.

[Rega]

I want to talk to you about meditation and techniques too - I feel like a lot is going on in the way that life just feels, but It’s really hard to concentrate, like my self talk is always chattering, getting me out of these moments. It’s fine, really, but it feels like it’s time to also work on samadhi…

When meditating, I feel like I have so many techniques, I’m
Just moving through them without even noticing (body, breathing, sound, labeling, emotions, seeing life passing, watching thoughts). So I would love to hear what you think about that. And how to integrate something more steady in that matter, if needed.

[Elad]

A big smile on my face reading this!

More later but for and most importantly: just let things keep happening as they are, enjoy, feel 🤍

And feel free to share if more comes that wants to be shared.