The Gate

Hello Deanna,

A softening in the chest and around the eyes. Then thoughts of needing to “escape” from HERE into fantasy. Back to the body after the thought “no escape” and there’s some tightening and a little heaviness in the stomach. Eventually it loosens and there’s a feeling of neutrality.

The need to escape into thought is a survival mechanism. So be gentle to yourself.
That is great to go back into sensation when this happen.
One question you can ask when you see this mechanism can be :
What is here that I don’t want to feel?

The screaming in my ear isn’t being done to “me”, it’s just sound that’s here and now like everything else

Exactly.

Lots of sticky thoughts!

Tell me more about that. You can see the nature of thoughts. You not only see but understand their essence. It seems to me that you judge them as wrong or as some kind of enemy.
Am I wrong?

I’ll suffer less and therefore cause less suffering for others (I see those are thoughts).

Those are indeed thoughts. But they point toward an experience.
Tell me more about that.

Are you experiencing suffering?

How are you causing suffering to other?

Tell me more about that. You can see the nature of thoughts. You not only see but understand their essence. It seems to me that you judge them as wrong or as some kind of enemy.
Am I wrong?

You are not wrong! It’s an old belief that sometimes operates undetected. It says, “you should not be having these same thoughts over and over again, they should not be so insistent that you can’t let them go. THEY ARE BAD”. I try so hard to “let go” of thoughts that I’m actually trying to push them away. There’s identification and judgement still. I know intellectually that I can’t control or manage thoughts. Thank you for seeing that and pointing it out.

Are you experiencing suffering?
How are you causing suffering to other?

“I” am experiencing suffering because there is identification with the thought, “I am suffering “. When I first read these questions I thought, “Of course lm suffering! Wait…am I suffering? Who is suffering?” I looked at the thought, “I am suffering” then looked at direct experience: body sensations labeled “uncomfortable”, thoughts about suffering, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting. Trying not to push the thoughts away, lol. Accepting the thoughts as they are because there’s no one “choosing” them, no one to “manage “ them.

Do I cause others to suffer? It seems like my actions affect the environment and other people. But if there’s no one suffering, no one “causing” others to suffer. No “others” to suffer. Just conditioning operating?

Hello Deanna,

You are not wrong! It’s an old belief that sometimes operates undetected. It says, “you should not be having these same thoughts over and over again, they should not be so insistent that you can’t let them go. THEY ARE BAD”. I try so hard to “let go” of thoughts that I’m actually trying to push them away. There’s identification and judgement still. I know intellectually that I can’t control or manage thoughts. Thank you for seeing that and pointing it out.

Great, keep reminding yourself that thoughts are not enemies.

Don't try to let go of thought. Is like trying to run away from space, it's impossible. You can change rooms, step outside, and go to Mars but never you will run away from space.

Thought is everywhere there is no running away.

I looked at the thought, “I am suffering” then looked at direct experience: body sensations labeled “uncomfortable”, thoughts about suffering, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting. Trying not to push the thoughts away, lol. Accepting the thoughts as they are because there’s no one “choosing” them, no one to “manage “ them.

Yes, that is a great understanding.
Be sensitive that there are a "lot of thoughts" or "thoughts are sticky" because there are uncomfortable sensations and emotions bellow them. That is where you want to look in you body, look at your emotions and sensations.

Do I cause others to suffer? It seems like my actions affect the environment and other people. But if there’s no one suffering, no one “causing” others to suffer. No “others” to suffer. Just conditioning operating?

Find out who you are, what is suffering made of, and what is reality.

Let others and their suffering be on the side at the moment. They both will be there later so don't worry about that much.




Actual/Direct Experience - Apple

Have a look at an apple. If you have a ‘real’ apple, you can use it for this exercise.

http://www.maryshomestead.com/sitebuild ... /fruit.gif

When looking at an apple, there's colour; a thought saying ‘apple’; and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple."
What is known for sure? Colour is known and thoughts are known.

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?
Actual experience does not refer to thoughts ABOUT something…because that is only just more thought. Actual experience is sound, thought, colour, smell, taste, sensation.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only colour and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?]
Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT can't be found in actual experience.

This is what is meant by ‘looking in actual experience ‘. What you know for sure, and, is always here.

Taste labelled ‘apple’ is known
Colour labelled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labelled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labelled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known

However, is an apple actually known?

The link to the apple gif just took me to the homepage. I have a real apple though!

However, is an apple actually known?

I don’t think an “apple” can be truly known without language and context. “apple” is the label we give to the concept we think of to describe what the body sees, smells, tastes and the mind imbues the apple concept with meaning through shared culture. Apple is thought content.

Hello Deanna,

Ok, try this one:

Mind labelling experience

Mind Labeling Experience

Here is an exercise which examines the way in which the mind labels experience - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper.

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation i.e. is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example:

I am sitting on a chair,
I am hearing a clock ticking,
I am looking at a computer screen,
I am feeling hungry.

Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs.

For example:

Sitting on a chair,
typing,
breathing,
blinking,
hearing the clock.

(Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

2. What is here without labels?

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

4. Did you notice any differences in the body? There are some. Check your Sensations, particularly in your gut/ solar plexus.

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

The statements without “l am” feel more true because there’s no “l”

2. What is here without labels?

Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, thinking. I almost wrote, “objects” but then asked, ”what are objects before labels”? Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, thinking.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

I don’t know. Labels seem to make everything about me.

4. Did you notice any differences in the body? There are some. Check your Sensations, particularly in your gut/ solar plexus

.
Without the “I am” body feels more open and less resistant to experience. Writing the “l am” statements felt different, tension, a little contraction. More “in the head” less embodied.

Hello Deanna,

Do this exercise before reading my feed back:
Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.


We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

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Feedback

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

The statements without “l am” feel more true because there’s no “l”

Does it feel truer or this is a mental conclusion?

2. What is here without labels?

Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, thinking. I almost wrote, “objects” but then asked, ”what are objects before labels”? Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, thinking.

Yes, you are right. ^^ Nice
All words and concepts are misleading but they can be useful. To me, it is perfectly fine to call everything that arises in your awareness as "object" as long as we are clear that those "objects" are not physical, solid things in a material world.
Which you seem to be clear about.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

I don’t know. Labels seem to make everything about me.

Try to share more about how it feel at the level of sensation.
The question is more oriented toward how do labels affect your body sensation.
Can you answer from that perspective?

4. Did you notice any differences in the body? There are some. Check your Sensations, particularly in your gut/ solar plexus

.
Without the “I am” body feels more open and less resistant to experience. Writing the “l am” statements felt different, tension, a little contraction. More “in the head” less embodied.

Great, follow this openness!

Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.

While reading your description I had the realization that, in some instances, there is a story about how I shouldn’t trust my feelings and physical sensations because there is a belief that I am incapable of interpreting and trusting those feelings and sensations. Just something for me to be aware of as I do these embodied exercises. Except for the feeling of anxiety, I’ve had years of practice being very intimate with those body sensations as a way to cope with panic disorder.

What is found?

There is a goldmine of politicians , pundits, and experts on YouTube to watch and observe my experience. This is the easiest because my reactions can be very strong and easy to observe. When I hear someone say something I don’t believe is true my eyes get tense, jaw clenches, heart beats faster, there’s burning in the chest, breathing is shallow, constriction in whole upper body, body moves restlessly in the chair.

When I hear someone speak truth = eyes relax and soften, jaw relaxes, shoulders relax, chest and solar plexus feels open.

1+1 = 14 = chest and solar plexus constricts.

“I love to eat worms” = stomach constricts/tenses.

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

The statements without “l am” feel more true because there’s no “l”

Does it feel truer or this is a mental conclusion?

That must be a mental conclusion because I didn’t say what I felt. That’s because I couldn’t zero in on the body sense and I didn’t go any further with it. Just had a “vague feeling “.

Try to share more about how it feel at the level of sensation.
The question is more oriented toward how do labels affect your body sensation.
Can you answer from that perspective?

I want to practice this more. I thought I was doing a great job being embodied but now with that false belief of being unable to trust body sensations has been realized I see that I wasn’t really looking and feeling “deep enough “.

When I look at labels the body feels “neutral “, nothing stands out.
When I feel into “Labels seem to make everything about me.”, I feel the contraction in the chest.

Hello Deanna,

While reading your description I had the realization that, in some instances, there is a story about how I shouldn’t trust my feelings and physical sensations because there is a belief that I am incapable of interpreting and trusting those feelings and sensations.

Beauty full, it is only a belief. I can clearly see that you can feel the difference between truth and lies in a somatic way.
Explorer this belief deeply! Because a lot of life happens in sensation. And a lot of answer are there too!

That must be a mental conclusion because I didn’t say what I felt. That’s because I couldn’t zero in on the body sense and I didn’t go any further with it. Just had a “vague feeling “.

This is gold. The way you get more sensitive and how you develop trust in your inner somatic answer is diving and exploring those "vague feeling". Behind what some little and almost nothing there is a univers to be discover.

I want to practice this more. I thought I was doing a great job being embodied but now with that false belief of being unable to trust body sensations has been realized I see that I wasn’t really looking and feeling “deep enough “.

YES!
Keep diving as deep as you can!
What you seek is there. Nothing I say or articulate can match or even come close to the what you will find there, inside you, in your own direct experience!
Nice!


Let's keep exploring with this one:
Label-Reality Correlation

There is a belief that labels have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’. But there isn’t. Just like it is a generally accepted belief that labels like ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are inherent characteristics of ‘things’. But actually, they are not.

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN’, what is the actual experience?

Is the colour red ‘experienced’, or is the colour green ‘experienced’ as the label suggests?

Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?

Is 'green' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no affect whatsoever on ‘reality’?

When you look at the word label ‘GREEN’, what is the actual experience?

The experience is seeing color, the brain labels the experience “word is GREEN, color is red”.

Is the colour red ‘experienced’, or is the colour green ‘experienced’ as the label suggests?
“Color” is experienced. “Red” color and the word, green, are both labels.

Does the label ‘GREEN’ have a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’? Or does the label suggest something else other than what is here now (red colour)?

The label, green, does not have one-to-one correspondence with reality. The label, green, in this case corresponds to a memory of color.

Is 'green' associated in any way with the experience of the colour red; or is green just a label that overlays the actual experience of red?

It’s one of many overlays of actual experience.

If the label ‘GREEN’ is replaced with the label ‘GOOD’ or ‘BAD’, is the redness affected in any way as the labels suggests?

Labels do not affect reality.

Does redness become ‘good’ or ‘bad’, or do the labels have no affect whatsoever on ‘reality’?

Labels do not affect reality.

Hello Deanna,

Try this one:
Simple individual thought exercises

1. Can you find an inherent self anywhere, outside of thought?

2. Can thought experience thought? Can thought experience anything? (Thought is so very overrated - by thought).

3. Does thought make any contact with other kinds of sense experience, such as sounds or sensations – or are they totally separate from each other?

4. For a moment take note of exactly what is being experienced in this moment: 
Notice all sound, all sensation, all smell, all taste, all colour.
Notice how you're making absolutely no effort to be aware of them.
And notice that you're not making them happen.
You're not conducting the orchestra of experience that you're aware of.
And notice that thought is exactly the same as the rest of experience.
You're effortlessly aware of it, but you're not orchestrating it. You're not even orchestrating the thoughts which say that you're able to orchestrate thoughts.

5. The story of "me’ can seem to have continuity. Is it really continuous? Or are there simply isolated thoughts that never can truly touch each other, some of them claiming that there's one continuous story?

6. Observe thought closely. Try to determine what your next thought is going to be before it appears. Can you do this? Isn’t a thought only known as it appears? In that case, can you possibly claim to be in control of the thinking process, the thoughts, choices or impulses that arise, unless you can somehow instigate them beforehand?

7. Sit quietly and pay close attention to your thoughts for 20 minutes. Notice that thoughts seem to pop out of nowhere and have no obvious cause. They are a total surprise and you can find no cause or reason for their appearance. It should be obvious you were not involved in any way in the creation of these thoughts.

8. Do you have unpleasant thoughts? Do you want to have them? If you had any control over thoughts, don’t you think you would choose not to think such thoughts at all? Wouldn’t you be able to choose never to have thoughts that seem to make you unhappy?

9. When we look very closely and precisely we come to see that “me” thoughts only refer to other “me” thoughts, not to an actual abiding “me.” Observe thoughts with precision; can you ever find a ‘me’ within the “me” thoughts and feelings, or just a sense of me?
10. Pay attention to mental activity – to thoughts and images in the mind. Where are they arising? Are they inside something? Are they central to you, or are they peripheral? Do they leave any trace when they have gone?

1. Can you find an inherent self anywhere, outside of thought?

No

2. Can thought experience thought? Can thought experience anything? (Thought is so very overrated - by thought).

No, thought cannot experience anything.

3. Does thought make any contact with other kinds of sense experience, such as sounds or sensations – or are they totally separate from each other?

I don’t know if thought makes contact with sense experience or if it’s totally separate. There seems to be a “system” where thought and sense experience are associated with each other in a two-way feedback loop. Thoughts somehow become associated with sense experience via conditioning. Maybe.

5. The story of "me’ can seem to have continuity. Is it really continuous? Or are there simply isolated thoughts that never can truly touch each other, some of them claiming that there's one continuous story?

Continuity is a thought story. It’s make-believe.

6. Observe thought closely. Try to determine what your next thought is going to be before it appears. Can you do this? Isn’t a thought only known as it appears? In that case, can you possibly claim to be in control of the thinking process, the thoughts, choices or impulses that arise, unless you can somehow instigate them beforehand?

I can’t determine what my next thought will be because “determining “ is also a thought. It’s thoughts all the way down. Until the silence but as soon as I notice the silence the noticing is a thought.

8. Do you have unpleasant thoughts? Do you want to have them? If you had any control over thoughts, don’t you think you would choose not to think such thoughts at all? Wouldn’t you be able to choose never to have thoughts that seem to make you unhappy?

The belief in having control over thoughts is very strong, even though I’ve seen no evidence that it’s true! I think it’s breaking down though.

9. When we look very closely and precisely we come to see that “me” thoughts only refer to other “me” thoughts, not to an actual abiding “me.” Observe thoughts with precision; can you ever find a ‘me’ within the “me” thoughts and feelings, or just a sense of me?

I can’t find a me in thoughts and feelings. There is something beneath it all - is that a ‘me’ sense? Feels like a mystery.

10. Pay attention to mental activity – to thoughts and images in the mind. Where are they arising? Are they inside something? Are they central to you, or are they peripheral? Do they leave any trace when they have gone?

It feels like there is no access to the cause or basis of thoughts. Are they central or peripheral to me? No access. “Does not compute” (said in robot voice). I would categorize a trace of thought left behind as a memory thought. Still a thought.

Hello Deanna,

The belief in having control over thoughts is very strong, even though I’ve seen no evidence that it’s true! I think it’s breaking down though.

We will investigate that!

I can’t find a me in thoughts and feelings. There is something beneath it all - is that a ‘me’ sense? Feels like a mystery.

Ultimately is a WHAT IS is mystery.
But tell me more about this sense of me.

“Does not compute” (said in robot voice)

^^ love this one !!!!



Let's explore controle:
Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

But tell me more about this sense of me

I don’t think I can. Every time I try to type something there’s thought. But there’s a split second before thought or between thoughts.

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

How is the movement controlled?

I can’t access the starting point.

Does a thought control it?

If a thought does control it I don’t seem to be aware of it.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located

I am unable to locate a controller. There’s no controller!

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

I don’t know. I can’t track a decision point.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise

I can’t see or find anyone or anything.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No.

I know intellectually that neuroscience has shown that parts of the brain fire up a few seconds before we become aware of a decision being made. Seems like we have a system or algorithm operating below awareness. I don’t have access to that system to actually see it working. Still doesn’t answer any of the above questions because it’s not directly experienced. It might be that every moment from the Big Bang up until the hand flipping led to the hand flipping, totally deterministic (not fate). Or not.

Hello Deanna,

Let's take a moment to feel those realizations in the body. Take time to feel and answer separately to every question.

I am unable to locate a controller. There’s no controller!

How does it feel to don't find a controller?
What happens to you when you see that fact?

I know intellectually that neuroscience has shown that parts of the brain fire up a few seconds before we become aware of a decision being made. Seems like we have a system or algorithm operating below awareness. I don’t have access to that system to see it working. Still doesn’t answer any of the above questions because it’s not directly experienced. It might be that every moment from the Big Bang up until the hand flipping led to the hand flipping, totally deterministic (not fate). Or not.

How does it feel to see that?

how does it feel to see that all you have is direct experience?

How does it feel to see that every moment has its roots in the Big Bang?