Beginner looking for liberation

[Elad]

I‘m happy to move forward. I’m looking for clear seeing and appreciate anything that helps.

Any unclarity you wanna mention or ask about before final questions?

[Jay85]

Well, the mind doesn’t really get it :) I don’t see a valide question which would be helpful at the moment.

[Elad]

Well, the mind doesn’t really get it :) I don’t see a valide question which would be helpful at the moment.

The mind will never get it. Can you find the mind as anything more then a thought? Can a thought wake up? Can a thought pay attention?

Thoughts of getting it or not getting it can be there and be believed or not, all of it without a separate self choosing what is happening or being in control of it. Look to your own direct experience, is it true? Remember don't analyze only look and report what is directly see.

[Jay85]

No, I can't find the mind. It seems that the investigation is interrupted by the mind. But even that sounds crazy, as interruption is also a thought. There is a feeling of tension in the head and it does spread into the feet and fingers. I wouldn't call it pain, but its kind of binding. I try to inquire into it, however there is no self there. Believe & disbelieve are happening, frustation appears, distracion comes up...a weird situation. Since life still happens and this words are still coming from nowhere.

There is no way that the mind/thoughts can wake up.

[Elad]

No, I can't find the mind. It seems that the investigation is interrupted by the mind. But even that sounds crazy, as interruption is also a thought. There is a feeling of tension in the head and it does spread into the feet and fingers. I wouldn't call it pain, but its kind of binding. I try to inquire into it, however there is no self there. Believe & disbelieve are happening, frustation appears, distracion comes up...a weird situation. Since life still happens and this words are still coming from nowhere.

There is no way that the mind/thoughts can wake up.

Good. This is clear. Now just rest into the direct experience that is all ready there, innocently and simply. And be curious about what are the thoughts that (as if) hide it. Write me tomorrow what is seen.

[Jay85]

Hi Elad, today was a strange day. To be honest, I even lost a bit the momery about today. Its a bit fuzzy.
Still dealing with tensions in my head and body and I tried to focus on this me sense. I know that "being disappointed" is not helpful here, but it is felt. Its a rollercoaster ride, between feeling the emtiness of things and dancing with the mind.

One hidden believe which was revealed today is the believe that I have to do something about "my thought". How can a thought resolve another thought?!

[Elad]

Hi Elad, today was a strange day. To be honest, I even lost a bit the momery about today. Its a bit fuzzy.
Still dealing with tensions in my head and body and I tried to focus on this me sense. I know that "being disappointed" is not helpful here, but it is felt. Its a rollercoaster ride, between feeling the emtiness of things and dancing with the mind.

One hidden believe which was revealed today is the believe that I have to do something about "my thought". How can a thought resolve another thought?!

You are right there. One thought cannot and need not resolve another.

The disappointment is normal as expectations are seen to be only thought. Let it be felt as fully as possible, without trying to do anything about it.

Write me soon again what is felt and seen.

[Jay85]

Not a lot of Change. Quite a lot of tension in the body. During work and conversion, it seems to relax. Tension and feeling arise with the self. I’m trying to keep the attention on the I sense. However the mind seems to perform his best magic trick- distraction.

[Elad]

Please don't try to keep attention on the I-sense, whatever that is. Follow my questions and guidelines. If something is not clear ask questions. This is important. If you mix this up with other things, your own ideas or other pracrtices, we don't have a clear channel here.

Now look, is there any "I" at all? Do you find an I anywhere? If yes, what is it? If no, if you see that all you call "I" is beliefs, thoughts, sensations, a label, then just feel how it feels that no I is found. Don't try to label how it feels or make something of it, or try have it be special. Just feel.

Also, please write a sequence of numbers: 1, 46, 3, 22... For each number notice how it comes up, what is in control of the writing of the numbers, the thoughts, etc. Relax and look closely. What is seen?

[Jay85]

Thanks for setting me back on track! Really appreciated.

No I can’t find an I anywhere. I hear a peep ton in my ears. I feel pressure in my jaw and I see colors and shapes. Thoughts are coming up: „I don’t mind/im not bother by that“. Shouldn’t I be bothered by that?

I don’t know where the number are coming from. I even don’t know who is writing this text or is curious about it. Strange. It’s just happening.

Believe & thought appear from nowhere, but who is reacting? Who is suffering?

[Elad]

Great, the seeing is happening, just trust the process, no strain is needed from our side. And when strain happens habitually, nothing needs to be done about it beside seeing, letting it be, and if possible and feels right, letting it go (only if it doesn't call for strain!).

"Believe & thought appear from nowhere, but who is reacting? Who is suffering?"

Do you see here there is an assumption that there must be someone. Is it true? Does the rain need a rainer to rain? Does the wind need a winder to blow? Does reactions and suffering need a reactor/sufferer for it to happen?

Put something tasty in your mouth and savor it. Does it call for a "savourer" for it to be enjoyed? Or does happen by itself as natural functioning?

Put something not tasty (a sppon of salt or something else like that) in your mouth. Does it need a sufferer or a reactor for the tasty to be unconfortable, unsavory?

Also, do this exercise:

[Elad]

Nature Exercise

Go out into nature and spend some time watching the movement of the whole. See how clouds move, trees swing, leaves wiggle, grass moves, insects, birds - all move all the time.

Then move focus to sensations and see how they too are in constant motion, thoughts come and go, sounds, colours, sensations come and go.

Notice that everything is part of one movement.

Then close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself. If yes, where is the boundary?

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance? Is witnessing part of the one movement too?

Is there anything which is not just happening?

Go out, come back and tell me what you found.

[Jay85]

True, there is an assumption to all of this suffering and reactions. Although I can't find a self, suffering and reactions feel personal.

There is no savourer needed that the experience are happening. I really like the rain analogue, there is no rainer. There is no ME needed to do this dialogue. This text come from nowhere...

I will get back to you by tomorrow. I haven't done the nature exercise yet. I'll report as soon as I did it.

[Elad]

True, there is an assumption to all of this suffering and reactions. Although I can't find a self, suffering and reactions feel personal.

There is no savourer needed that the experience are happening. I really like the rain analogue, there is no rainer. There is no ME needed to do this dialogue. This text come from nowhere...

I will get back to you by tomorrow. I haven't done the nature exercise yet. I'll report as soon as I did it.

Look into what it means that reactions "feel" personal. So often this word is used to describe just very habitual thoughts beliefs rather then sensations/feelings.

Don't buy into habit beliefs. Really look what is there. Look forward to read what is seen with nature exercise 🙏

[Jay85]

I had the chance to spend some time alone in a park. I would describe it as interesting and weird at the same time. I did go through the exercises and
I had different experiences with the visual field, it got fuzzy some time and I had problems to really name what was going on. Some fear was bubbling up, but nothing which stop me to further inquiry.

I saw aliveness and a synchronisity of things, sometimes the noises+ visual field felt like being to much. An interesting investigation was my inabilities to differentiate between outside and inside or seeing, hearing, feeling. It seems that everything was happening in the same realm. I really liked this exercise…

How do I look into the sensation instead of falling into the mind trap?